good speech is like a mini skirt

Quote Investigator®

Tracing Quotations

Long Enough to Cover the Subject and Short Enough to Create Interest

Winston Churchill? Ronald Knox? Gerald K. Rudulph? C. H. McNider? Richard N. Elliott? Louis Sobol? Frances Langford? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: The famous statesman and orator Winston Churchill was asked about the length of an ideal address, and he supposedly said:

A speech should be like a woman’s skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.

Yet, a similar remark about sermons is often attributed to the theologian Ronald Knox. Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: This quip is difficult to trace because it has many variants, and the phrasing is highly variable. The earliest strong match located by QI appeared in May 1920 in “The Buffalo Enquirer” of Buffalo, New York. The columnist Gerald K. Rudulph employed quotation marks to signal that the joke was already in circulation. This version used a simile comparing the length of a newspaper column and a woman’s skirt. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI : [1] 1920 May 21, The Buffalo Enquirer, The Port Side Column by Gerald K. Rudulph, Quote Page 1, Column 1, Buffalo, New York. (Newspapers_com)

. . . we will do our best and try to make this column like a woman’s skirt, “short enough to be attractive, but long enough to cover the subject.”

An instance was attributed to Churchill by 1942. He probably used it after it had been coined. Pertinent citations are presented further below. QI has been unable to find substantive evidence that Ronald Knox used the expression.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Statements about fine-tuning the length of speeches have a long history. In 1833 a newspaper in London printed a statement about the pressure to make speeches long versus short: [2] 1833 August 5, The Morning Post, (Short untitled item), Quote Page 3, Column 1, London, England. (Newspapers_com)

A Correspondent reminds us of a very just remark of a shrewd and experienced proprietor of a Newspaper— “I never can make the speeches long enough for the speakers nor short enough for the public.”

The citation above and the next few citations suggest an evolutionary path for the formulation of the gag.

In 1881 a newspaper in Atchison, Kansas printed a remark of praise that was somewhat similar to the saying under examination, but skirts were not mentioned: [3] 1881 February 3, The Atchison Daily Champion, (Short untitled item), Quote Page 2, Column 1, Atchison, Kansas. (Newspapers_com)

The letters from Washington, furnished by Mr. Ward Burlingame, are well written, being short enough to be interesting, and long enough to give all that is of importance . . .

In 1884 a newspaper in Natchez, Mississippi printed a similar contrastive statement: [4] 1884 August 27, Natchez Weekly Democrat, Fashion Fancies: Choice Tidbits for our Lady Readers, Quote Page 1, Column 8, Natchez, Mississippi. (Newspapers_com)

He recalls in this the statesmen and presidents of old, and writes a letter that all will read— short enough to be interesting, but long enough to fully cover all the important questions before the American people in the present presidential campaign.

In 1908 a newspaper in Green Bay, Wisconsin reprinted a precursor joke from the humor magazine “Puck”: [5] 1908 May 18, The Green Bay Gazette, The Ideal Sermon, Quote Page 4, Column 4, Green Bay, Wisconsin. (Newspapers_com)

The New Minister—What is your idea of the proper length of a sermon , Miss Deerlng? The Choir Singer—Why, I think it should be long enough to get people interested and short enough to keep them so. —Puck.

In March 1920 a Kansas newspaper printed a piece titled “New Parisian Knee-Length Skirt” with a New York dateline. The joke here does not mention speeches, sermons, or letters. Yet, this joke about skirts could be combined with one of the citations above to yield the currently circulating quip: [6] 1920 March 14, The Salina Daily Union, New Parisian Knee-Length Skirt, Quote Page 13, Column 2, Salina, Kansas. (Newspapers_com)

NEW YORK.—The newest thing in skirts from Paris is here and created quite a sensation on its first appearance on Broadway. It is described as being “long enough to cover the object and short enough to be interesting.”

In May 1920 the quip emerged in a Buffalo, New York newspaper as noted previously: [7] 1920 May 21, The Buffalo Enquirer, The Port Side Column by Gerald K. Rudulph, Quote Page 1, Column 1, Buffalo, New York. (Newspapers_com)

In June 1920 C. H. McNider, President of the First National Bank of Mason City, Iowa, addressed fellow bankers at a convention and employed an instance of the simile based on the lengths of a talk and a woman’s skirt: [8] 1920, Report of the Twenty-Ninth Annual Convention of the South Dakota Bankers Association, Held at Watertown, South Dakota, June 24th and 25th, 1920, (Address by Mr. C. H. McNider, President of the … Continue reading

I would make this talk as appropriate as a modern woman’s skirt—short enough to be interesting, long enough to cover the subject. (Laughter and applause.)

In July 1920 a New Jersey newspaper printed an instance of the simile based on the lengths of a manuscript and a bathing suit: [9] 1920 July 30, Asbury Park Evening Press, Beach and Boardwalk by R. E. Porter, Quote Page 2, Column 7, Asbury Park, New Jersey. (Newspapers_com)

Gerald tells us that an ideal manuscript is like an up-to-date lady’s bathing suit—short enough to be interesting and long enough to cover the subject.

In October 1920 Indiana Congressman Richard N. Elliott employed an instance based the on lengths of a speech and a woman’s skirt: [10] 1920 October 26, The Daily Republican, Republican Doctrine Spread to All Parts of Rush County, Quote Page 1, Column 1, Rushville, Indiana. (Newspapers_com)

“It is difficult to make a speech in this campaign in such a short space of time,” the congressman said. “A speech should be very much like a woman’s skirt—long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting.”

In 1942 New York columnist Louis Sobol credited Winston Churchill with an instance: [11] 1942 July 10, The Press Democrat, From the Great White Way: New York Broadway Cavalcade by Louis Sobol, Quote Page 12, Column 8, Santa Rosa, California. (Newspapers_com)

Someone once asked Churchill whether he had any rules for speechmaking, inasmuch as he was admittedly one of the greatest living orators. “A speech should be like a lady’s dress,” he replied, “long enough to cover the subject—but short enough to be interesting.”

In 1943 a syndicated gossip column reported that the popular singer Frances Langford heard the quip delivered by Winston Churchill: [12] 1943 August 23, The Indianapolis News, Jimmie Fidler in Hollywood (McNaught Syndicate), Quote Page 14, Column 3, Indianapolis, Indiana. (Newspapers_com)

Speaking of dresses, Frances Langford met Winston Churchill in London and congratulated him on his oratory. “A speech,” said he, “should be like a lady’s dress—colorful enough to catch the attention, long enough to cover the subject and short enough to be interesting.”

In conclusion, QI believes that this jest evolved over time from partially matching statements. The earliest strong match in May 1920 used quotation marks to signal that the creator was anonymous. Future researchers may clarify the provenance by finding earlier strong matches. The 1942 and 1943 citations indicate that Winston Churchill employed the quip, but the late date means he was not the creator.

(Great thanks to Kevin Barkan and Steven Schwartzman whose inquiries led QI to formulate this question and perform this exploration. Barkan mentioned the ascription to Winston Churchill. Schwartzman helpfully provided numerous citations beginning in June 1920. Special thanks to researcher Barry Popik for his pioneering research . He located matching citations beginning in October 1920.)

'A good speech is like a miniskirt. Long enough to cover up but short enough to be interesting'

Public-speaking trainer Barbara Moynihan delivers a masterclass in making presentations.

IF YOU’RE WORRIED about speaking at an event, remind yourself that this isn’t your core skill.

For example, if you’re a marketer, you’re brilliant at marketing. You don’t have to be the Steve Jobs of public speaking. You just need to be good enough to get your message across.

Addressing a room full of your peers is a great way to raise your profile, so if you’re invited to speak at a conference or event, you should go for it.

With that in mind, here are some tips to help people in business properly prepare for a speech.

Do your homework

The first thing you should do is find out if the event has a theme. This will help you tailor your content so it fits in with other topics on the day.

You should also check how the event is structured. Will there be a Q&A afterwards? How much time will you have? Will there be a panel discussion as well?

But the most important thing you need to do is find out who exactly is going to be there.

I’d ask the organisers for a rundown of the attendees list. If it’s a regular event – like a weekly or monthly gathering – contact people who have been before and ask them what it’s like.

When you have a good understanding of the audience – their interests, their problems, their pain points – you’ll know what’s expected of you when you’re delivering your speech.

You always want to give your audience a few tangible takeaways that they can actually use in their working life, so make a list of five to seven key learning points and shape your speech around that.

Feel free to mention your business if it’s relevant, but don’t just plug yourself – your content will do that for you.

Slides come second

Once you have an understanding of the audience, you should start putting together your main talking points. Base them off the five to seven key takeaways I mentioned before.

If you’re using slides, put them together after you’ve finalised your content. A lot of the time people put their slides together first, but that really is putting the cart before the horse.

If you do your slides after you have finalised the content, they are more likely to be more relevant and add to rather than detract or distract from your message.

Less is more when it comes to the visual part of your speech. The more slides you have, the fewer people will grasp what you’re saying.

I’ve seen people delivering presentations with the guts of 10 slides per minute, which is an awful lot.

You want no more than two slides per minute. I know that’s sometimes hard for business people because they need charts and other details, but you should try your best to keep it to a minimum.

Your slides shouldn’t be too text heavy either. There’s a brilliant book called Presentation Zen by Garr Reynolds. He recommends that the maximum number of words per slide is seven.

Remember, a good presentation should be like a miniskirt. Long enough to cover the essentials, but short enough to keep it interesting.

Practice out loud

With your content and slides in place, it’s time to start practicing your speech – out loud. People think preparing a speech is looking at their slides and rehearsing it in their head. It isn’t.

I’d never suggest writing a full speech and trying to memorise it. That’s way too much pressure, because if you lose a sentence, you’re gone.

You just need to know your opening and closing, almost verbatim. The first 20 seconds and maybe the last 20 seconds. That’s it. For the rest, you’ll have your main talking points to refer back to.

When you’ve got the speech right, record yourself and listen back to it in the weeks leading up to the event.

I gave a TEDx talk last October. It was only six minutes long, but I made sure I recorded it and listened back as often as I could - when I was driving the car, in between meetings, or even when out walking.

On the day of the event, you’ll probably leave out bits, but you won’t miss your main talking points if you’ve practiced them.

Leaving out a bit of detail is not that important. Nobody knows your script, only you. If it’s that critical, it will likely come up in the Q&A.

Don’t sweat about stumbling. When I gave my TEDx talk, on my first line – my first line - I fluffed it. But it kind of relaxed me.

In an ideal world, you’ll present without notes because we’ve got to just trust ourselves that we’re going to get the main bits across.

Having said that, if you’re new to speaking and you’re not as confident as you’d like to be, it’s perfectly fine to have cursory notes at the podium to help you along. Whatever it takes to help make a success of your speech.

What to do with your hands

If you don’t know what to do with your hands when you’re speaking, just use them as if you’re talking normally. It’s as simple as that.

When you’re comfortable with your content, you’ll be less aware of what you’re doing with your hands and they’ll just flow as normal.

I sometimes find people in my public speaking workshops clutching their hands in the’ fig leaf’ position.

That can often be because they were told before that they use their hands too much, but if you use your hands a lot naturally – why then would you stop using them in a presentation?

The last thing you want to do is like go up to the podium and turn into the ‘speaking’ version of yourself.

Make eye contact

Never, ever, stare at the back of the room. A wall is an object, which isn’t going to give you any reflection back. We feed off each other, so when you’re speaking make eye contact with people in the audience.

The beauty of looking at people is that you’ll go into ‘conversation mode’ and feel like you’re just talking to one person. Your tone and engagement level will change. It’s much more personal.

If you find eye contact quite scary, look at people’s eyebrows in a smaller room. In a bigger room, you’ll get away with looking at their forehead. Either way, you’re looking at a person not the wall, which is just horrendous.

You should always think of your speech as  a conversation, not a presentation. It’s just you standing up there.

You’re not Martin Luther King. You’re not a politician. You’re not ‘delivering’ a speech. You’re just sharing information.

Barbara Moynihan is founder of On Your Feet , a company that provides public speaking training. This article was written in conversation with Conor McMahon as part of a series of masterclasses with some of Ireland’s most influential business people.

If you want to share your opinion, advice or story, email [email protected].

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• Humour , Quotes for Public Speakers

Quotes for Public Speakers (No. 159) – Unknown

Mannerofspeaking.

• February 28, 2013

“A good speech is like a beautiful dress: long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep it interesting.”

Unknown; often attributed to winston churchill, photo courtesy of  tamara bellis  on  unsplash, like this article.

Nice quote … we need to find out where this one originated. Context suggests something in the 20th century.

Thanks, John. The quote exists in different forms but I was unable to find a single source. But I don’t think that I’ll look too hard because it would mean that I would have to substitute the photo of Halle for the speaker. 😉 John

Winston Churchill is the source.

Thanks very much. In the quote below, Rich Austin said the same thing. Please see my response to him. Regards, John

Actually, this is quote from Winston Church. “A speech should be like a women’s skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to maintain interest.”

Thanks, Rich. I have seen the quote attributed to Churchill, and it is certainly something that he could have said, knowing his clever wit. But when looking, I found so many unattributed variations. For example, this one: “A paragraph should be like a lady’s skirt: long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to keep it interesting.” I’ve also seen it attributed to Mark Twain or Ronald Knox, the latter of whom supposedly said, “A good sermon should be like a woman’s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.” Perhaps the compromise would be to say “Frequently attributed to Winston Churchill”. But I have enough pictures of Churchill on the blog already, so I am not changing this one! 😉 Cheers! John

Dear John (and other readers), First of all, I love your blog and visit it almost everyday looking for new updates. 🙂 I’m a Dutch speechwriter and one could always learn more about the art of public speaking. Even more considering the fact public speaking holds higher regard in America than in the Netherlands. I saw your interesting discussion about the origins of the quote. I agree with John that, knowing Churchill’s wit, he is a likely candidate. However, as a (continental) European, I might have another source for this quote: the French king-of-protocol Jacques Gandouin (1920-2003). In 1972, he wrote the “Guide du protocole et des usage” (Guide to protocol and custom) and the “Guide des bonnes manières et du protocole en Europe” (Guide to good manners and protocol in Europe) in 1989. In those books, it reads : “Un discours doit être comme une minijupe, suffisamment long pour couvrir le sujet, mais suffisamment court pour retenir l’attention.” Thank you for reading. Christian

Dear Christian, Thanks very much for the kind words about the blog. And thanks also for the great addition to the discussion of the source of this quote. For those readers who do not speak French, the quote at the end of Christians’s comment can be translated as: “A speech should be like a miniskirt, long enough to cover the subject but short enough to hold [the audience’s] attention.” I had not heard of Gandouin before but will be sure to look him up. And, this helpful information is one more reason not to substitute Halle Berry’s photo with one of Churchill! 😉 Thanks again for the comment. John

Meaningful words, spectacular picture. Well done!

Thank you, David. Agreed on all counts. John

Short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the subject

It has been said a variety of ways. I still prefer the one attributed to Churchill, mainly because I can imagine him saying it that way.

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John delivered a keynote address about the importance of public speaking to 80 senior members of Gore’s Medical Device Europe team at an important sales event. He was informative, engaging and inspirational. Everyone was motivated to improve their public speaking skills. Following his keynote, John has led public speaking workshops for Gore in Barcelona and Munich. He is an outstanding speaker who thinks carefully about the needs of his audience well before he steps on stage.

Karsta Goetze

TA Leader, Gore and Associates

I first got in touch with John while preparing to speak at TED Global about my work on ProtonMail. John helped me to sharpen the presentation and get on point faster, making the talk more focused and impactful. My speech was very well received, has since reached almost 1.8 million people and was successful in explaining a complex subject (email encryption) to a general audience.

CEO, Proton Technologies

John gave the opening keynote on the second day of our unit’s recent offsite in Geneva, addressing an audience of 100+ attendees with a wealth of tips and techniques to deliver powerful, memorable presentations. I applied some of these techniques the very next week in an internal presentation, and I’ve been asked to give that presentation again to senior management, which has NEVER happened before. John is one of the greatest speakers I know and I can recommend his services without reservation.

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After a morning of team building activities using improvisation as the conduit, John came on stage to close the staff event which was organised in Chamonix, France. His energy and presence were immediately felt by all the members of staff. The work put into the preparation of his speech was evident and by sharing some his own stories, he was able to conduct a closing inspirational speech which was relevant, powerful and impactful for all at IRU. The whole team left feeling engaged and motivated to tackle the 2019 objectives ahead. Thank you, John.

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I was expecting a few speaking tips and tricks and a few fun exercises, but you went above and beyond – and sideways. You taught me to stand tall. You taught me to anchor myself. You taught me to breathe. You taught me to open up. You taught me to look people in the eye. You taught me to tell the truth. You taught me to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. I got more than I bargained for in the best possible way.

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John gave a brilliant presentation on public speaking during the UN EMERGE programme in Geneva (a two days workshop on leadership development for a group of female staff members working in the UN organizations in Geneva). His talk was inspirational and practical, thanks to the many techniques and tips he shared with the audience. His teaching can dramatically change our public speaking performance and enable us as presenters to have a real and powerful impact. Thank you, John, for your great contribution!

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John is a genuine communication innovator. His seminars on gamification of public speaking learning and his interactive Rhetoric game at our conference set the tone for change and improvement in our organisation. The quality of his input, the impact he made with his audience and his effortlessly engaging style made it easy to get on board with his core messages and won over some delegates who were extremely skeptical as to the efficacy of games for learning. I simply cannot recommend him highly enough.

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National Education Director, Association of Speakers Clubs UK

John joined our Global Sales Meeting in Segovia, Spain and we all participated in his "Improv(e) your Work!" session. I say “all” because it really was all interactive, participatory, learning and enjoyable. The session surprised everybody and was a fresh-air activity that brought a lot of self-reflection and insights to improve trust and confidence in each other inside our team. It´s all about communication and a good manner of speaking!"

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Thank you very much for the excellent presentation skills session. The feedback I received was very positive. Everyone enjoyed the good mix of listening to your speech, co-developing a concrete take-away and the personal learning experience. We all feel more devoted to the task ahead, more able to succeed and an elevated team spirit. Delivering this in a short time, both in session and in preparation, is outstanding!

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Thanks to John’s excellent workshop, I have learned many important tips and techniques to become an effective public speaker. John is a fantastic speaker and teacher, with extensive knowledge of the field. His workshop was a great experience and has proven extremely useful for me in my professional and personal life.

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John’s presentation skills training was a terrific investment of my time. I increased my skills in this important area and feel more comfortable when speaking to an audience. John provided the right mix between theory and practice.

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Be BOLD. Those two words got stuck in my head and in the heads of all those ADP leaders and associates that had the privilege to see John on stage. He was our keynote speaker at our annual convention in Barcelona, and his message still remains! John puts his heart in every word. Few speakers are so credible, humble and yet super strong with large audiences!

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Sally says . . . eat, sleep, work, read, play, draw, bark . . .

• About Sally

‘A good speech should be like a woman’s skirt; long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.’ Winston S. Churchill.

Anyway, assuming the Queen  does have a speechwriter I have to say I am a tad jealous.  I could really have used someone like that these last few days to help me with my words.   I have had real problems stringing a coherent sentence together all week.  And not just a sentence in the  Queen’s English  either — a sentence in any intelligible form whatsoever.  On more than one occasion I have had to stop, take a breath, and remind myself — ‘Use your words Sally . . . use your words . . . ‘

(Well, I like most words.  I don’t like acronyms —and I am not even sure they count as real words anyway, even though they are pronounced as such.  And I don’t like   initialisms  either, as it turns out.  Did you know there was a difference between an acronym and an initialism?  I didn’t, and I am not really sure I needed to know that either, but there you go . . . )

Happily, the words  beer o’clock  and  wine o’clock  also made the grade. 🙂

New words are good  (the first 2016 updates are starting to appear in the dictionaries now) but what about the old words?  What about words we never see or hear used any more?  What happens to them?

Wondering what other weird and wonderful words I could find I did a bit of research and discovered that there are a huge number of archaeic or obsolete words that have now gone out of fashion .  I have noted  down some of the more colourful ones for you (and this is only a tiny selection . . . ) 

bibble:  to drink often; to eat and/or drink noisily (so Saturday night at the pub, then)

brabble:  to argue loudly about something inconsequential (probably at the same time you are bibbling)

slubberdegullion:  a slovenly, slobbering person (someone you know leaving the pub in complete ‘cattywampus’ (see next entry))

cattywampus: in disarray

crapulous:  to feel ill because of excessive eating/drinking (as in ‘I’m feeling totally crapulous today.’  It seems some words haven’t changed so very much at all.)

callipygian:  Having beautifully shaped buttocks (Okay nothing to do with the pub . . . unless the barmaid or barman is thus endowed.)

doodlesack: old English word for bagpipe (Not at all what I thought of I when I first saw this word.)

tittynope:  a small quantity of something left over (Again, not my first guess.)

borborygmus: sound of intestinal gas (and we’re back to eating and drinking at the pub again . . . )

Mogigraphia:  Writer’s Cramp (A signal to wrap this post up? ) 

‘Members of Parliament have been meeting regularly this year, bibbling and brabbling in constant cattywampus, while one lone piper has valiantly piped forlornly on his doodlesack trying to cover the constant borborygmus . . . .’

Perhaps I shouldn’t hold out too much hope for an interview for the next speechwriter’s job opening . . .

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Posted by sallyinthehaven on June 17, 2016 in Uncategorized

Tags: acronym , archaic , dogs , obsolete , Queen Elizabeth , Queen's English , speechwriting , words

20 responses to “ ‘A good speech should be like a woman’s skirt; long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.’ Winston S. Churchill. ”

August 2, 2017 at 2:48 pm

Thanks for one’s marvelous posting! I quite enjoyed reading it, you are a great author. I will always bookmark your blog and will often come back sometime soon. I want to encourage that you continue your great job, have a nice day!

sallyinthehaven

August 3, 2017 at 7:24 am

[email protected]

July 26, 2017 at 2:02 pm

I laughed out loud to #11. Thanks for making my morning. boucles d’oreilles alhambra van cleef arpels or blanc faux http://www.lemeilleurbijoux.cn/fr/van-cleef-arpels-replica-vintage-alhambra-white-gold-earclips-turquoise-p214/

July 27, 2017 at 7:48 am

You are very welcome! 🙂

July 20, 2017 at 1:21 pm

Saved as a favorite, I actually like your site!

July 21, 2017 at 7:22 am

Thank you Bonny! 🙂

June 15, 2017 at 3:50 am

Hi , I do consider this is a superb blog. I stumbled upon it on Yahoo , I ‘ll return once again.

June 16, 2017 at 10:50 am

Thank you. 🙂

June 20, 2016 at 9:52 am

Love new words too. Borborygmus a new one for me and most appealing! Great piece. David Astle would approve I’m sure.

Like Liked by 1 person

June 20, 2016 at 11:13 am

Is he into fart jokes too?

June 18, 2016 at 10:21 am

Sally I believe you suffer from floccinaucinihilipilification & you shouldn’t, as this blog absolutely ensorcelled me! (Source: Oxford Dictionary) 😆

June 18, 2016 at 11:12 am

OMG I seem to have started something! Yay for floccinaucinihilipilification and ensorcellment . . . may there be lots more of it. 🙂

June 18, 2016 at 11:21 am

It reminds me of Column 8 in the SMH Sal, where the editor eventually says enough already on this topic! However, just have to share my starting piece when I’m training to show them how easy it is to break down medical terms to understand and pronounce them. I write Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis on the whiteboard … then take a bow..once a ham always a ham! Hope you and the girls have a lovely weekend.

Like Liked by 2 people

stevetalbot51

June 17, 2016 at 3:44 pm

Very very good Sal !! I try and learn at least one or two new words each day, but today with your help I have over achieved. Will celebrate at beer o’clock (soon) 🙂

June 18, 2016 at 7:51 am

Beer o’clock for you . . . wine o’clock for me. All’s right with the world. 🙂

June 17, 2016 at 10:31 am

Had to take a screen shot of your list of ye olde words so I can learn them!

June 18, 2016 at 7:49 am

I have the website address where I got all these words on my office computer. I’ll send it to you next week so you can learn some more. 🙂

June 17, 2016 at 10:28 am

Brilliant Sally…you have certainly found your bailiwick!

June 18, 2016 at 7:48 am

Glad you enjoyed it. Got to use my new ‘groak’ word twice last night and once this morning already . . . Is Paddington Bear a groaker too?

June 18, 2016 at 10:37 am

Total groaker Sal. I love that FB post of the black lab looking longingly at his dad with the think bubble “I see you have cheese sanmich and I have no cheese sanmich”! Looking forward to looking at that website. What about Pam’s doozies …. on my way to look them up now……

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Boring! 5 Groom Speech Clichés That Make You Seem Dull and Unoriginal

When it comes to planning a wedding, it’s not unusual for the Bride to do more than her fair share of the work.

That’s not to say you haven’t helped – of course you have. But there’s a good chance she’s running the show.

However, there’s one crucial task that’s entirely down to you. And she probably won’t even remind you to do it.

Preparing your Groom Speech .

The good news is that there will be so much goodwill towards you and your Bride on the day that even the simplest Groom speech will be well-received.

The bad news is that far too many Grooms resort to well-worn clichés that can seem lazy – and even insincere – when they come to prepare their speech.

So here’s my list of  5 Groom Speech Clichés  that you should avoid “like the plague”.

”A good speech is like a miniskirt…”

This is a popular opener and in its full form goes something like this:

I’ve been told that the Groom speech should be like a miniskirt – short enough to be interesting but long enough to cover the essentials.

The intent of this line is twofold: to reassure your audience that yours will not be a long speech and hopefully to get a laugh from the delivery of a clever line.

Unfortunately the line won’t seem nearly so clever to those guests who’ve heard it before. Which many of them will because it’s a very common choice among Grooms.

If you’re still keen on the “miniskirt” idea, there is a way to (almost) have your cake and eat it: acknowledge that the line is a cliché – but use it anyway!

It’s often said at weddings that the Groom speech should be like a miniskirt…

Even better would be to build on this old line with a more original line:

But since Kate is hardly ever seen in a skirt, my speech will be more like a pair of trousers – tight enough to make sure all eyes are on me, but with enough ‘give’ to allow for a bit of expansion!

”Best money I ever spent”

The Father of the Bride usually speaks first, and it’s usual for him to say some nice words about his new son-in-law – in this case, you.

So it’s only polite that you should thank him for his kind words in your own speech.

All good so far. But a popular Groom speech joke is to imply that his father-in-law was paid to say flattering things:

I’d like to thank my new father-in-law David for that wonderful speech and for his kind words about me. Best £20 I ever spent!

Of course the aim is to “modestly” brush off the earlier compliments, but it’s done in a very flippant – and almost dismissive – manner. It also opens your speech with a massive cliché.

Much better to use your thank you as an opportunity to reciprocate and say some nice things about your father-in-law and your other new relatives.

”This date in history”

This is where you research the wedding date in history and try to find events that you can link back to your big day.

The basic idea is fine because it’s a genuine attempt to tailor your speech to the occasion, rather than just trotting out some bon mots that could apply to anyone’s wedding.

However, it’s rarely done well and history is not as fertile a source of material as you might hope. Good luck, for instance, with trying to link neatly to your wedding from the date marking the official end of the Franco-Prussian War!

But if you really want to dig into the past for inspiration, why not look at No. 1 songs for that week in history? You’d be unlucky not to find a few song titles you could meaningfully link to you and your new wife.

”I can’t read your handwriting darling”

The idea with this one is that you say some very nice things about your wife – then pull the rug away by “letting it slip” that these are her words, not yours.

It’s most commonly used when giving a speech from notes:

My new wife Laura has so many great qualities that it’s impossible to list them all, but here a just a few. She’s generous, caring, funny, … [Pauses – looks confused.] Sorry Laura, what does that say? I can’t read your handwriting.

Here’s a less elaborate version that works without notes:

My wife has so many great qualities, but I’m not going to embarrass her by reading out a long list… that she wrote for me.

It’s an old joke that manages to achieve the dubious double whammy of both negating compliments people initially thought were genuine – then suggesting your wife is a controlling character who has a rather high opinion of herself. Smooth.

”The Best Man has a strange condition…”

Since it’s usual for the Groom to speak immediately before the Best Man, you’ll probably want to say a few words about your friend by way of introduction.

Of course, at this stage you don’t know what he is going to say about you!

Best man speeches have a reputation of being embarrassing for the Groom – sometimes even brutal – so it’s natural to want to try (even jokingly) to limit any damage upfront.

However, this can lead to one of the most over-used devices in the history of Groom speeches – telling the audience that the Best Man has a kind strange condition that causes him to invent stories. Which of course means people should ignore anything he happens to say about you.

It’s lame. It’s not particularly funny. And it’s been done to death. So please don’t do it.

Here’s a simpler alternative you can actually tailor to your friendship:

I’m looking forward to hearing what my Best Man is going to say about me in his speech. All I would say David is that if you ever want your lawnmower back, you’d better go easy on me.

(Obviously replace the lawnmower reference with something that works for your Best Man!)

So, are you ready to give a cliché-free Groom Speech?

Now you know what to avoid, there’s really no reason to fall back on old clichés for your Groom speech.

If you find yourself struggling with what to say, just follow this simple advice:

• Be yourself
• Be sure to thank all the right people
• And don’t forget to say some heart-melting things about your new wife

You’ll absolutely storm it on the day.

Read More Like This

Groom Speech: Common Questions

Funny Groom Speech Example

How to Write a Groom Speech

More From Forbes

8 public speaking lessons from 57 inaugural speeches: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

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To date, there have been 44 United States presidents and on  January 21, 2013 , Barack Obama will deliver the 57th Inaurgural Address.  And while each speech holds tremendous historical value, very few can be considered rhetorical masterpieces. So what makes a great inaugural speech? What do they say about the president and our country? And what constitutes a success or a failure?

Curious, I decided to read each of the  inaugural speeches delivered over the past 228 years, and it was not a walk in the park. James Garfield attempted the same feat prior to his own inaugural address, but quickly delegated it to an assistant. He only had 19 to read. Getting through them is a bit like eating a head of raw broccoli … very substantive, but tough to get through.

That said, between trips to the barista, I was indeed captivated. To read the inaugural speeches back-to-back is to get an abridged and narrated history of our nation. The content of each exposes the character and nature of the president and the nation at a very specific time, highlighting the priorities, principles, anxieties, and dreams. Inaugural speeches set a tone, and create context for a presidency.  They mark a transition, from one era to the next … it is a reset, a nod to the past, a portal to the future ... continuity captured.

As I read the  inaugural speeches, I realized early on that some were more effective than others.  The deliveries range from clear to convoluted, pragmatic to pugnacious, inspired to insipid. So, when you become president, whether it is of the United States, your company, or the Lions Club, and need to give an epic address, here are eight lessons I learned from the best and worst of the inaugural addresses.

Lessons From Some Losers:

Keep it Concise.

William Henry Harrison, our 9 th president, has the inauspicious and dual distinction of delivering the longest inaugural speech as well as holding the shortest presidency. The 68-year-old delivered a two-hour speech, outside, in a snowstorm, without an overcoat. It was Thursday, March 4, 1891, and after concluding his 8,000-word speech, he remained in the cold for hours greeting well wishers before attending late-night celebrations. Unfortunately, “Old Tippecanoe” as he was affectionately nicknamed for his exploits in the Indian War, caught Pneumonia and died within a month.

Harrison’s speech is a cautionary tale that exposes a sacred rule that could mean the life or death of your performance:  keep it concise. No one wants to hear a two-hour speech—especially in this day and age. No one has time. And, frankly no one has anything important enough to say that could possibly take that long … even you.  My sixth grade history teacher used to say, “a speech should be like a mini-skirt, long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep it interesting.” He’d probably be fired for using that analogy today, but it has always stuck with me. (More on memorable quotes later.)

Be Self-Effacing, Not Self-Loathing.

Everyone likes a speech that is reflective and honest, and one way to set the stage is by using tactful self-effacement. Sharing vulnerability can personalize a presentation, engage an audience, and paradoxically convey confidence. That said there is a fine line between self-effacement and self-loathing, and unfortunately for Franklin Pierce, our 14 th president, he stumbled over that line.

On Friday, March 4, 1853, Pierce began his speech:

“It is a relief to feel that no heart but my own can know the personal regret and bitter sorrow over which I have been borne to a position so suitable for others rather than desirable for myself.”

This confessional takes humility to a new level and is problematic given that it is being delivered to a country that just elected him because of their confidence in his leadership.  Perhaps it is better suited for a journal entry than an inaugural address, one purpose of which is to reinforce the confidence bestowed upon a newly elected president.

In Pierce’s defense, he was following a long-standing inaugural tradition of bowing oneself to the tasks ahead, but did so to an uncomfortable level. Almost every president prior to Pierce had expressed concern and anxiety about his new gig, starting with the first line of the first inaugural address by George Washington on April 30, 1789:

“Among the vicissitudes incident to life no event could have filled me with greater anxieties than that which the notification was transmitted by your order…”

  And James Monroe stated in his first inaugural address in 1827:

“Conscious of my own deficiency, I cannot enter on these duties without great anxiety for the result.”

  However, no one until Pierce stepped quite so far over the line from humility to humiliating. Be willing to expose yourself, but be mindful of the degree to which you do so.

Keep It Real.

Many historians agree that James Buchanan, our 15 th president, was one of the worst in American history, and when you read his speech there are hints as to why he became labeled “clueless.” Buchanan’s term ran from 1857 to 1861, when the issues of slavery and secession were reaching a boiling point. While Buchanan rejected slavery as an indefensible evil, he refused to challenge the constitutional establishment, even supporting the Dred Scott decision during his speech. More damaging to his legacy was his unwillingness to challenge the states that were threatening secession. What is striking about his inauguration speech is how he tries to deny and diminish the severity of the impending conflicts by peppering it with words like “simple” or “happy.”

“May we not, then, hope that the long agitation on this subject (of slavery in the Territories) is approaching its end….. Most happy will it be for the country when the public mind shall be diverted from this question to others of more pressing and practical importance.”

I am not sure what could have been “more pressing” than human rights and the looming Civil War, but words won’t wish away an issue, and Americans don’t need pixie dust from politicians.  Use the speech to create context, meaning and value … address the issues, own them, and then have the courage to do something about them.

Don’t Get Caught in the Weeds.

Another tradition among early Presidential inauguration addresses was to list the principles by which one intended to   govern. In today’s terms, the “principles” can read more like priorities than philosophical treatise, making some of the speeches read more like to-do lists than galvanizing speeches for the people. Take for example James Monroe’s second inaugural speech, delivered on March 4, 1817. He started off well enough discussing the humility with which he accepted the honor and his successes during his previous tenure, before pivoting to a power-to-the-people type talk regarding the success of the nation:

   “The Government has been in the hands of the people. To the people therefore, and to the faithful and able depositories of their trust is the credit due.”

  The speech to this point would have sufficed and he should have known to stop there. Instead he chose to lay out his “principles,” which included his thoughts on infrastructure, manufacturing, the treasury and legislature. What could have been a solid speech instead became one bogged down with administrative detail. The art of great speeches means knowing when to quit when  ahead, so stay away from the weeds.

Know Your Audience, Understand Your Outcome.

Abraham Lincoln ’s second inaugural address was delivered to a war-torn and weary nation. During his tenure, 600,000 Americans had died in the Civil War, the Union troops were marching toward victory, the 13 th Amendment had passed, and it was time for the healing to begin. With the stage set, thousands of onlookers stood in thick mud at the Capitol grounds to hear Lincoln’s brief 600-word address, which has become recognized as one of the most powerful in U.S. history. In Lincoln’s wisdom, he spurned triumphalism, instead choosing a tone and message of magnanimity: “ both sides read the same Bible and pray to the same God, and each invoked His aid against the other.” 

Lincoln’s closing statement summarized his sentiment most poignantly:

“With malice towards none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.”

Lincoln knew different times required different approaches. A speaker must always be sensitive to the needs of the audience. A speaker must deliver a speech with a greater purpose in mind. In Lincoln’s case, the purpose was the reconciliation and re-unification of America.      

  “We” not  “I.”

Almost every inaugural address centers around the word “I”—“I am so humbled,” “I did this,” “I will do that.” So imagine my surprise when I read Theodore Roosevelt’s 1905 inaugural speech, which did not use the first person once.  The power of Teddy’s speech, in addition to its brevity and zeal, came for the very deliberate omission of I, in favor of we. There is no question his decision was deliberate, and in  doing so, brought the American people into his huddle and empowered us as team members … to work with him and each other and take responsibility for the greater good of the country.

While this tactic may not always be appropriate, I found it refreshing and effective at capturing the true spirit of democracy and cultivating communal pride:

“We know that self-government is difficult. We know that no people needs such high traits of character as that people which seeks to govern its affairs aright through the freely expressed will of the freemen who compose it. But we have faith that we shall not prove false to the memories of the men of the mighty past.”

I want to play for Team Teddy!

As an aside, Roosevelt’s inaugural celebration was the largest and most diverse the nation had seen, comprised of cowboys, Indians, coal miners, soldiers, and students, among others…a healthy cross section of “we.”

Have a Theme.

Not recognized for his brevity, Bill Clinton delivered a surprising first inaugural address which I found to be one of the most tightly constructed and inspiring in history. Delivered on January 20, 1993, the speech began with a clearly articulated theme from which Clinton never strayed: renewal.

“Today we celebrate the mystery of American renewal.”

Clinton’s speech can be characterized as one of precision, poignancy and grace … with reverence to the past (saluting his predecessor), a grasp of current conditions, and a vision for the future, this speech is one to which every public speaker should aspire.  And what unified it was Clinton’s commitment to his theme.

Themes provide continuity and context, to which grand ideas can adhere.

“Our democracy must not only be the envy of the world but the engine of our own renewal. There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America. So today we pledge an end to an era of deadlock and drift—a new season of renewal has begun.”

Using the basics from Sales 101, Clinton said it, said it again, and then closed with it.

“To renew America, we must revitalize democracy.”

Employing a unified and repeated theme can guide both the speaker and the audience to favorable outcomes.

Be Quotable.

I would be remiss not to mention what many consider some of the greatest speeches in our history, and more specifically what helped make them great … memorable quotes. The quotes below hold permanent spots in the DNA of American history.

 "This great nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

 Franklin D. Roosevelt, March 4, 1933.

"My fellow Americans: Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: Ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man."

– John F. Kennedy, Jan. 20, 1961.

"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.”

–     Ronald Reagan, Jan. 20, 1981.

Of course, these are only three of countless jewels in the  inaugural speeches to date, but they are arguably the most memorable. Many Americans, without knowing the context, are familiar with them and the speaker, which goes to show … if done right, a great quote in a good  speech can move a nation and make a lasting impact for generations.

Please share your feedback  by commenting below or contacting me at [email protected]

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Winston Churchill Quote

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.

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“ A good speech should be like a woman’s skirt; long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest. ”

“A good speech should be like a woman’s skirt; long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.”

— Winston Churchill

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Pakistan top judge sorry over ‘sexist’ comment on woman’s skirt

The chief justice, during a speech in Karachi, quoted former British prime minister Winston Churchill as saying that “a good speech should be like a woman’s skirt; long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest”.

Pakistan’s top judge Saqib Nisar on Wednesday apologised for his ‘sexist’ recent remark in which he had compared the length of a good speech to a woman’s skirt.

Nisar’s remark drew criticism on social media, as well as from the Women Lawyers’ Association (WLA) and the Women Action Forum (WAF).

During the hearing of a case on taxation, he said: “I am apologetic if I hurt anyone’s sentiments. That was not my intention. My ‘skirt’ remark was only referencing a quote by British politician Winston Churchill.”

Explaining that hurting anyone was not his intention, Nisar said “women comprise half our population”, adding that social media users were “trying to create an issue” out of his statement when there was none.

The WLA had called the remark by the chief justice “a setback for women lawyers who practice in a male-dominated profession”, adding that such statements cause “the alienation and marginalisation of women in the legal field”.

“Given the global conversation today about the impact of discrimination on women’s lives, ranging from casual sexism in the workplace to sexual assault, the statement is particularly tone-deaf, tasteless, and unbecoming of the chief justice of any country,” the WLA statement said.

WAF in its statement had criticised him, noting that the quote “reveals deep-rooted sexism and double standards women are held to which discourage women from joining the legal profession.”

“Statements that dehumanise and objectify women are not only derogatory and demeaning towards women but also contribute to the victim-blaming culture which is the biggest impediment in fighting crimes committed against women,” the WAF statement said.

The WLA had also asked the chief justice to choose his words more carefully, while the WAF called on the Chief Justice of Pakistan to issue a public apology.

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