can you write about sports in a college essay

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5 Great Examples On How to Start A College Application Essay on Sports

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Where do you even start when you’re brainstorming possible essay topics for your college application essays ? Some go for a walk to get inspired, and others look back on their own experiences. Here are 5 college students who decided to talk about their athletic achievements, or used sports as a metaphor:

Amherst College ‘20

The lessons I have learned in tennis can apply to everybody’s life. When someone begins learning tennis, the main focus is to keep the ball in play. Keep the ball going back and forth until you win the point. I honestly struggled keeping up my motivation in high school. However once I finally found a very steady source, it made life much easier and it kept me going much longer. Keep reading.

University of Pennsylvania ‘18

Numerous times I felt like giving up on my basketball dreams yet I didn’t want to be labeled a quitter. Instead, I wanted to one day tell a story just like Michael Jordan’s and how he was initially cut from the varsity team only to end up becoming the best player in the world; this became the driving force of my basketball obsession after I didn’t make the varsity team during my freshman year. View full profile .

Green Water

Dartmouth college ‘18.

Gliding above the liquid glass, I take deep breathes, setting a rhythm for my crew to act together with one mind. Putrid green bubbles can be seen, rising to the water’s surface to gently greet the most crimson-colored sunset found in the Sacramento Valley, only to be crushed by the blade found at the end of my Yao Ming-sized sweeping oar. Each stroke, I pull harder than I did on the one that came before it; each stroke I tear skin from the blisters found on the joints of my fingers that grasp my oar; each stroke I carry my weapon of bubble destruction with more and more confidence. In the long haul of a two-thousand meter race I remember that the pain I feel is temporary and that I am fully capable of pulling my way past the finish line. Read more .

Harvard University ‘17

It all happened within a split second.  I held the orange leather ball firmly between my hands as steaming droplets of sweat ran from my forehead to the tips of my fingers. My lungs desperately begged for oxygen as I stood right before the maroon line fifteen feet away from the basket, crouched into my shooting stance that had been perfected through the hours of repetition spent on this very spot.  Despite the meticulous preparation, my knees trembled out of fear and anxiety.  All eyes within the gymnasium were placed on me—the shortest of the ten in uniform on the hardwood floor.  Tightly shutting my eyes and stiffening my lips, I deeply meditated on the foul shot that was about to be taken.  As the cheers filled my ears, I recalled the days in the past when all of this was a brand new experience; slowly, the roar of the crowd faded to a low murmur then to an utter silence. Continue reading .

Whartonschool19

University of pennsylvania ‘19.

“The 50m freestyle is next. Swimmers, take your positions.” I stepped onto the diving platform as the announcer’s voice echoed through the natatorium and tightened my goggles, not too tight, but just right, like Goldilocks’ porridge. This was my debut since my hiatus from the U10 YMCA Sharks. Standing on the diving board, I could feel the power of the room engulf my being; energy filled my body while my fingers began to tingle. “Chariots of Fire” by Vangelis began to play in my ears. View full profile .

Have you started brainstorming what you should write for your college application essay? If you’re interested in writing about it on sports , unlock the one of the above profiles for free to read the full essay for inspiration! 

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About The Author

Frances was born in Hong Kong and received her bachelor’s degree from Georgetown University. She loves super sad drama television, cooking, and reading. Her favorite person on Earth isn’t actually a member of the AdmitSee team - it’s her dog Cooper.

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How to Write About Sports for Your College Application Essay

Yes – you can write about sports, choosing a topic, preventing the “groan” – let them get to know you, finding nemo and finding your story, personal development is key, what makes your story stand out, let’s recap: writing your college application essay.

______________________________________________ Cara Kalf is a writer, editor and teacher who coaches high-schoolers to write their best college application essays and get ready for the top-tier schools they plan to attend. For more advice on writing, admissions, and academic success, check out carakalf.com.

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How to Write a Sports-Related Admissions Essay

So you want to write about sports in your college essay? The bad news: you’re one of many student athletes that feel sports have had a huge impact on their lives. The good news: we’re giving you insider tips on how to write a unique admissions essay about sports. Watch below!

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Category: Admissions , advice , College Admissions , Essay Tips , Essay Writing , From The Founder , Quick Tips , Tips , Uncategorized

Tags: 2017-18 college applications , Admissions , admissions essay , admissions help , brainstorming , college admissions , college admissions essay , college application , college application help , college applications , college essay , college essay advice , college essay advisors , college essay help , college essay tips , college essay topic , college essay tutor , college essay writing , common app , common application , essay , essay help , essay tips , essay writing , high school athletes , personal statement , sports essay , student athletes , tips , writing , writing about sports , writing tips

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How and When to Talk About a Sports Injury in Your College Essay

You’ve come up with the perfect essay topic: that sports injury that changed your life. Not only is it a compelling story, but it can also serve as a great metaphor for a larger life experience.

Unfortunately, many other students have the same idea. Sports injuries—and sports in general—are hugely popular topics for college essays. Students often feel compelled to discuss a single moment or event that changed or influenced their lives in these essays, and because so many high schoolers participate in athletics, quite a few have had similar experiences that fit this bill. As young people, college applicants generally have less life experience, so they may not have experienced many other events that affected them on a grand scale.

A sports injury can evoke a lot of emotions—pain and disappointment, to name a few. Recovering from your injury, and describing that recovery, can demonstrate determination, hard work, bravery, perseverance in the face of obstacles, and many other admirable qualities. It’s a natural topic to choose.

But because so many applicants have the same idea, you may not stand out to the admissions committee if you choose to write about a sports injury—and standing out in a large pool of applicants is essential.

Why Should You Generally Avoid Sports Injuries in Essays?

It may seem counterintuitive, but your essay isn’t just a space to talk about yourself. It’s also a tool you use to present yourself to admissions committees, so you need to think strategically. You’re competing against a vast pool of candidates for admission, and many of them have stellar grades and test scores. You need to find a way to stand out . While some other parts of your application are dedicated to your stats, your essay is a place to let your personality shine.

Clichés are not going to help your case. If you use one in your essay, it puts a damper on the whole work. It’s not going to be compelling or engaging if admissions officers have read similar stories many times before.

Creativity and originality are essential for admissions committees; they want to attract students who think innovatively and will develop new ideas, not students who just dutifully follow directions. Think about it: colleges want students who will be leaders in society and ultimately make them look good. Check out Ten Skills to Highlight in Your College Applications to learn more about characteristics colleges are looking for in applicants.

Realistically, most high school athletes won’t go on to play professionally . That’s why you need to hone some skills outside of sports. ( Extracurricular Activities for Student Athletes has some ideas to help you.) It’s also why you should try to discuss topics that are more relevant to your future career or intended major.

That doesn’t mean you must avoid discussing your injury altogether. It’s fine to mention it in your essay or other parts of your application—in fact, you may need to do so to provide context or explain a change of direction—but generally, you shouldn’t use it as your main essay topic.

What if You Really, Really Want to Use this Topic?

If you feel like it’s imperative to highlight your sports injury in your essay, you MUST be creative! Using a topic that’s a bit of a cliché is a huge risk, so you’d better make sure you have something unique to say about it. You also need to be specific. An essay about a general-sounding situation filled with platitudes about life lessons you’ve learned won’t be compelling.

You’re more likely to stand out if your situation is unusual in some way. For instance, if you play a lesser-known or less popular sport such as fencing, you have a better chance of standing out. You may also have a unique spin if you were truly a world-class competitor—we’re talking national teams or Olympic-level here.

Make sure your personality really comes through, and make your essay as personal as possible. Incorporate other topics that are important to you and show who you truly are. For instance, you might discuss how the sport you played is a significant part of your family or cultural history, or how a person you met while playing that sport is important to you.

Your essay must be thoughtful, and you’ll need to demonstrate a deeper interpretation of what this injury meant to you and your life. Don’t just make it a play-by-play account of what happened.

You should also avoid topics that are too controversial. For example, don’t use your injury to wax poetic on your political position , and leave out excessively graphic or gory descriptions of your injury. In other words, don’t make the admissions committee cringe. (That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be descriptive, though!) Also avoid playing the blame game. If you think your injury was someone else’s fault, such as a player on the opposing team, your essay is not a place to point fingers. If you do, you’ll risk coming off as immature and unwilling to accept responsibility for yourself.

Your essay should fit in with the overall picture you paint with your application; colleges want to see a cohesive representation of you and your passions, rather than a disparate jumble of facts. As always, you should demonstrate strong skills in written communication. Proofread, check for typos, ask others to read your essay , and otherwise take time to perfect it well before you hit submit.

For More Information

Your essay is an important piece of your college application. It’s a place where you can really convey your personality and passions to admissions committees. Make at as unique as possible, so you can really stand out. Even if you’re not a natural writer, there are still ways to craft a stellar essay. For more help, check out the posts below.

How to Develop a Personalized Metaphor for Your Applications

How to Come Up With an Idea for a Personal Statement

Where to Begin? 3 Personal Essay Brainstorming Exercises

What If I Don’t Have Anything Interesting To Write About In My College Essay?

How to Get the Perfect Hook for Your College Essay

Want help with your college essays to improve your admissions chances? Sign up for your free CollegeVine account and get access to our essay guides and courses. You can also get your essay peer-reviewed and improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.

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August 28, 2012

Sports in College Admissions Essays

We generally discourage our students from writing about sports in college admissions essays . Is that a rule we always stick to? No. Every once in a while, we read a great sports essay. But, on the whole, they generally tend to be terrible college admissions essays. Why’s that? They’re trite. They’re predictable. They’re the same thing over and over and over again. College admissions counselors read tons and tons of sports essays every day during reading season. Do you think most really want to read another one? Not really.

Sports admissions essays are typically entirely predictable. You worked hard, you improved, and you accomplished your goal. You worked really hard to achieve a goal but ultimately came up short. You did your very best in spite of not being very good and you walked away proud. You are an excellent athlete and you use your college admissions essay to let college admissions counselors know it (oy vey!). Does this sound about right? In what other direction could you possibly take your essay?

Are there exceptions? Yes. Sports can quite often be exciting. They are full of human emotion. They are full of adrenaline and rivalry. As long as you avoid at all cost trite drivel, it doesn’t have to be avoided like the plague. But it generally should be because too few college applicants are capable of avoiding trite content in sports essays. Maybe if you can tie in history or politics (i.e., The Miracle on Ice) or anything that showcases your intellectual side, you have a fighting shot of avoiding cliche drivel. And that’s exactly what it is when you fail to avoid the cliches — it’s drivel. We urge you to avoid sports college admissions essays, but if you choose to write one — take our advice.

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Essay Samples on Sports

When college athletes have to start with an academic writing task, they often feel lost and do not know how to start. It’s exactly the same with other academic subjects because one should take time and find inspiring information that can be used unless you already have a prompt. You can focus on the importance of sports or talk about the pros of recreational sports and spending time outside. See our sport essay example as a starting point and learn how to structure your writing correctly. Your introduction part should start with a brief introduction or statistical information that explains your writing objectives or the peculiarities of the problem that you plan to address. The majority of college essays about sports that you see below will provide you with inspiring ideas and teach you how to implement various quotes without falling into the plagiarism trap. If you want to use some source, remember that you must introduce it first and explain why it is there. When you’re talking about the use of medication in college sports, turn to some stats and explain why these are important or biased as you research. It will help you to add an author’s voice. 

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Home > Resources > Study > Skills > Sports Essay Writing

Tips for Writing an Essay on Sports: A Student's Guide

Sport is a topic of great interest to all generations. For college students, professors like to assign sports topics to students. You may find you may have to write about topics like the role of sports in teaching life skills or the adverse effects of doping on sports. Here are some tips for writing an essay on sports.

Do research

You will need to start with some research into your topic. You must concentrate on your research of a specific topic lest it is easy to get sidetracked. Materials you may need to use will include articles, books, interviews etc. There are also websites to help with your preparation, such as PrepAway.com .

Study the materials and make notes of relevant sources you want to use. You will have to cite these sources and use the right citation methods. Today, you can use software to help you do this. 

Create an outline

Writing an essay on sports is like any other essay. You need to create an outline before you start writing. Creating an outline forces you to think clearly, plan and decide how to structure your essay. What are the main points you need to cover?

Once you have your main points, you can start structuring them by using headings, subheadings and paragraphs. Your paragraphs should each cover a specific point and should flow logically from one to another. 

Essay writing help

When writing a sports essay, you may need help from an essay writing service. A writer for hire can help you to write any type of essay for you. For example, you may have to write about the influence of sports on mental health. If you feel out of your depth, essay writers on EduBirdie provide professional online help for students. You will receive a quality essay within your deadline. You can learn from it how to write your own essay in the future.

Write a first draft

With your outline as a guide, you can write your first draft. Start with the body, as it is hard to write a good introduction before you know what you will write in your draft. 

When writing the body, each paragraph should start with a topic sentence stating the key idea. After this, you can introduce evidence from your research to support it. Take your research and see how you can put it across to the reader in a way that’s easy to understand. Use any facts, graphs, or statistics that support your standpoint.  

Always use simple words where you can instead of complex ones, and write with the reader in mind. You can use an app like Hemingway to check whether your writing is easy to read. 

Craft your introduction and conclusion

When you finish your first draft, it will be easier to write your introduction and conclusion. In your introduction, you will give the reader insight into what the essay is about in a brief and engaging way.  

You may decide to introduce your topic with an intriguing quote that makes the reader want to find out more. It can set the tone of your essay. You should also introduce the key points you will discuss. Your thesis statement comes at the end of your introduction and gives the main idea of your essay. 

Your conclusion shouldn’t just be a repetition of your introduction. It should tie up all the different points you make and explain how each one proves your thesis. It should leave the reader with a clear impression of the purpose and intent of your essay. 

Proofread and edit

You should never submit an essay without proofreading and editing it first. Proofreading for grammar and spelling mistakes is easy today due to the use of software that does it for you. You still need to check it yourself because proofreading software can’t pick up issues like repetition or a lack of flow in your paragraphs. 

It helps to have someone read your essay for you as you may be blind to certain errors. Reading your essay aloud can also help you to figure out where you could improve the flow. 

A last word

Writing about sports can be interesting, especially if you are a sports enthusiast. Just remember that you will need to support your opinions with evidence from reliable sources. Spending time writing a strong outline is really worthwhile, as you can use it as a guide. Remember that your draft is only your first attempt. You will need to work on it and refine it until you are happy with the results.  

Author’s Bio: Cory Shilling writes confidently and follows the latest trends and best practices in writing. He knows that it takes more than a normal effort to succeed as an academic writer, and this is why he does his best while also using modern tools that can make the writing process easier. He is comfortable with every type of writing but loves essays the most.

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How to Write a Killer College Essay About Soccer

By Eric Eng

Ah, soccer essays. The subject of much debate in the world of college admissions. We know what you’re thinking. “How could something as seemingly insignificant as a college essay about soccer be the subject of controversy?”

Well, with over a decade of experience in this field, AdmissionSight can confidently say that this is a heated topic. To be fair, soccer essays aren’t really the direct focus of this disagreement, but rather an unfortunate recipient. The real issue revolves around sports essays in general and whether or not they’re a suitable subject for a college essay.

There’s one camp that is adamant about advising students against sports-related college essays because they’re too cliche and generic. Instead of even bothering with the issue and running the risk of turning in a below-average essay, these people recommend applicants to avoid the topic altogether.

On the other side of the fence, there are some people who – while still admitting that the topic is often trite – say that it can be done properly. As a result, this second camp doesn’t swear off it but simply tells applicants to be careful about the potential trap that this subject so often sets.

So, who’s right? Is a college essay about soccer or any other sport doomed to fail? Or is there a potential that this essay can work in your favor when applying to a prestigious school? Well, they’re both correct in their own way. They both acknowledge the potential for a sports-related topic to come across as banal.

The primary difference is that one group of people don’t recommend it to students out of principle while others say that it can be done but should be approached with caution. This latter approach is where we find ourselves. For the right students, a college essay about soccer can be an excellent topic with a strong impact.

How To Write a College Application Essay About Sports

Here, we’ll provide a few tips for writing an effective essay about soccer or any other sport you want.

Avoid the cliche.

The general isn’t going to favor you in this essay prompt. There are likely thousands or even tens of thousands of students applying to the same university as you who have had similar experiences on the soccer field. Assuming at least a small percentage decide to write about the same topic, you’re going to have a tough time standing out from the crowd with a more generic response. A great way to filter out these unusable topics is to run each idea through a filter as you’re brainstorming. You can ask yourself:

• Is there a chance that other people have had this same experience?
• Did many people react the same way I did to the situation?
• Is it a predictable topic on a college essay about soccer?

Make sure you’re honest in your responses as they’re crucial for determining whether or not the topic is usable. If you find out it’s too generic, move on to the next without getting too attached.

Make it unexpected.

As an incredibly common topic, sports essays are generally recommended against. One of the main reasons for this advice is because it’s hard to stand out from other applicants when your essay is expected. What do we mean? Well, thousands and maybe even tens of thousands (depending on where you’re applying) of applicants are sending in essays. If you choose a generic topic such as sports, one of the first things that will undoubtedly pop into an admissions officer’s head when reading your essay is “Oh, I know what’s coming…”

Now, this setup can either work in your favor or against you. If your college essay about soccer ends up being what was expected, your application is going to suffer a major blow. It’s never a good sign when your essays are predictable since that means similar essays have been seen by the college countless times before. However, if your essay is totally unexpected and doesn’t meet the reader’s previously held expectations, you’re setting yourself up for success. Surprise is always a good reaction to have on your essay.

As a result, you should try to write a response that’s not predictable or expected. Obviously, that’s easier said than done. It’s smart to avoid the first idea that pops into your head. And maybe the second, third, and fourth. Make sure to write them down as you can always come back to them. But waiting to see what other ideas pop up can make it more likely that you’ll stumble upon something truly exceptional that no admissions officer will see coming no matter how experienced they are.

Be personal in your essay.

Another great rule of thumb to use when writing a college essay about soccer is to determine if another applicant could put their name at the top of your piece. Would anything change? Is there anything within your piece that makes it undeniably unique to you? Or is it so general that anyone could pass it off as their own without anyone knowing? This is like a litmus test for the uniqueness of your essay. Ideally, your topic is so personal and one-of-a-kind that you are the only applicant who could possibly write it. This ensures your story will successfully stand out amongst the crowd of applicants and increase your chances of getting noticed.

Think about ancillary events.

What happens on the soccer field during a game is more or less the same every time. Although each game takes on a life of its own, there are only a few variables that can change in order to create a different outcome than the rest. What’s the purpose of pointing this out? Well, since the experiences players have on the field are more or less limited, this is difficult territory for finding a unique angle on a college essay about soccer. Although one of the highlights of any player’s experience is playing on the field during a game, you don’t want to end up getting bogged down in topic ideas that are too common to work.

A great way to come up with some topic ideas that are more unique is to think about what’s happened off the field. If you think about it, the vast majority of your time spent “playing soccer” hasn’t really taken place on the field during a game. Between drills, practices, watching the film, working out, and other everyday activities, you’ve actually had more soccer-related experience take place off the field. Thinking about these events is a great way to start coming up with more unique ideas. Not only will fewer applicants writing a college essay about soccer consider these seemingly ancillary events, but you’ll also have a better chance of avoiding cliche topics.

Create a unique title.

As we’ve mentioned before, writing a college essay about soccer or any sport for that matter is like wandering through a minefield of cliche. It’s more than possible to write a compelling, unique, and effective soccer-themed essay, but you have to work extra hard to maintain the attention of admissions officers. However, before you can even worry about holding their attention, you have to capture it in the first place. That’s where a great title comes into play. If you want to hook the reader right away – as you’ve heard time and time again in English class – you need to have a catchy, unique, and unexpected title.

Here are some more general title examples that you’ll want to avoid along with similar variations:

• How Soccer Changed My Life
• Why I Love Soccer
• What I Learned Playing Soccer
• Why Soccer Is My Favorite Sport

As you can see, none of these titles are particularly captivating. None pulled you in as a reader and had you demanding more. And that’s exactly what you want to avoid when writing a college essay about soccer. Even though admissions staff will read your essay, either way, having a fascinating title will prime them for an equally amazing essay which you should also deliver!

Real College Soccer Essay Examples

“Simply put, I love soccer. I love being part of a team of girls who go out there and give their all, heart and soul, in every game. We truly are a family in our team. I love being a part of that family and taking a leadership role, both on and off the field. Soccer has also helped me be a better leader in student organizations and classwork, where I take a proactive role. Whether it is a good defensive block or scoring the winning goal, soccer is an empowering part of my life, and I would not be the person I am today without it.”

What’s bad about this essay:

Overall, this college essay about soccer falls short of where it would need to be in order to be competitive in an Ivy League setting. Here are some of the problems we were able to identify:

• The writer used repetitive language. For example, the essay uses “I love” three different times. Furthermore, the concepts of leadership and family are mentioned twice. Not only is this too much repetition given the essay’s relatively short length, but the writer also didn’t write for the target audience: well-educated admissions officers.
• The piece is too nebulous. Instead of simply mentioning a “leadership role” or “proactive role”, the writer should have provided a description of what these phrases mean in this specific case. This leaves the essay too vague and generic to stand out.
• It feels unfinished. Despite being a short essay, there should still be a complete thought fleshed out within the piece. Unfortunately, this writer wrote as though there would be another hundred words of further explanation. When she says that soccer ended up making her the person she is today, the reader has no idea what that means. It’s a good attempt at being personal but ends up being too vague.
• The language is too cliche. You’re probably tired of hearing this, but we want to drive the point home. In order to succeed when writing a college essay about soccer, you have to avoid coming off as cliche or too general. With phrases like “the winning goal” and “heart and soul”, this writer is falling right into the trap. These ideas are found in way too many sports essays that do not count against her.
• The response is too short. Yes, it’s true that the word-limit was considerably short at just 150 words. However, you’ll want to make use of every single word on these shorter essays. This writer only used 108 words of the total, and it shows in the writing. Even without counting the words, the reader is able to feel that something is missing.

“Soccer has been my passion ever since I was a little kid. I grew up with a soccer ball in my bed. Soccer has in many ways been my outlet, my escape from the stresses of school. Soccer has taught me so many wonderful, powerful lessons like never giving up and always believing in myself. I recall a time when I missed in a shootout. I had let my team down. I was so upset. And yet I picked myself back up and practiced my shot for the next three weeks. The next time I had to participate in an OT shootout, I didn’t miss.”

• The sentence structure isn’t varied. The writer uses the simple “I + verb” structure in nearly every sentence. This makes the piece very boring and unexciting.
• The language is too simple. The nouns, adjectives, adverbs, and verbs used in this essay were too basic for an Ivy League application. In order to really catch the attention of admissions officers, the writer would have to write at a collegiate level at least.
• The topic is too cliche. Similar to the essay above, the subject of this piece is too generic. The theme of sports isn’t the problem. Rather, it’s the sub-topic. Too many students have experienced the same in sports for it to be considered unique.
• It’s too short. Again, this essay doesn’t make use of the full word count. While you might be able to get away with not making use of all the space allotted on longer essays, ones with a few hundred words are another story. You’ll want to make the most of these.

How we would recommend improving these essays:

• The sentences would be much more interesting and engaging with varied sentence structures.
• Instead of simply listing out ideas, the writer could weave together an interesting short narrative.
• The topics discussed should be a bit more unique. As we mentioned before, if someone else can put their name on the essay without it changing a thing, you should change the topic. Neither passed this test.
• The writers should make use of every word available when the essay has such a short word count. Leaving empty space is losing out on opportunities you have to flesh out your ideas. Don’t waste it!

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Ultimate Guide to Writing Your College Essay

Tips for writing an effective college essay.

College admissions essays are an important part of your college application and gives you the chance to show colleges and universities your character and experiences. This guide will give you tips to write an effective college essay.

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Student story: admissions essay about a past mistake, how to write a college application essay, tips for writing an effective application essay, sample college essay 1 with feedback, sample college essay 2 with feedback.

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• College Essay Examples | What Works and What Doesn’t

College Essay Examples | What Works and What Doesn't

Published on November 8, 2021 by Kirsten Courault . Revised on August 14, 2023.

One effective method for improving your college essay is to read example essays . Here are three sample essays, each with a bad and good version to help you improve your own essay.

Table of contents

Essay 1: sharing an identity or background through a montage, essay 2: overcoming a challenge, a sports injury narrative, essay 3: showing the influence of an important person or thing, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

This essay uses a montage structure to show snapshots of a student’s identity and background. The writer builds her essay around the theme of the five senses, sharing memories she associates with sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste.

In the weak rough draft, there is little connection between the individual anecdotes, and they do not robustly demonstrate the student’s qualities.

In the final version, the student uses an extended metaphor of a museum to create a strong connection among her stories, each showcasing a different part of her identity. She draws a specific personal insight from each memory and uses the stories to demonstrate her qualities and values.

How My Five Senses Record My Life

Throughout my life, I have kept a record of my life’s journey with my five senses. This collection of memories matters a great deal because I experience life every day through the lens of my identity.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

My classmate pulls one eye up and the other down.

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention to my discomfort, anger, and shame. How could he say such a mean thing about me? What did I do to him? Joseph’s words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Soaking in overflowing bubble baths with Andrew Lloyd Webber belting from the boombox.

Listening to “Cell Block Tango” with my grandparents while eating filet mignon at a dine-in show in Ashland.

Singing “The Worst Pies in London” at a Korean karaoke club while laughing hysterically with my brother, who can do an eerily spot-on rendition of Sweeney Todd.

Taking car rides with Mom in the Toyota Sequoia as we compete to hit the high note in “Think of Me” from The Phantom of the Opera . Neither of us stands a chance!

The sweet scent of vegetables, Chinese noodles, and sushi wafts through the room as we sit around the table. My grandma presents a good-smelling mixture of international cuisine for our Thanksgiving feast. My favorite is the Chinese food that she cooks. Only the family prayer stands between me and the chance to indulge in these delicious morsels, comforting me with their familiar savory scents.

I rinse a faded plastic plate decorated by my younger sister at the Waterworks Art Center. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. I actually don’t mind this daily chore.

I taste sweat on my upper lip as I fight to continue pedaling on a stationary bike. Ava’s next to me and tells me to go up a level. We’re biking buddies, dieting buddies, and Saturday morning carbo-load buddies. After the bike display hits 30 minutes, we do a five-minute cool down, drink Gatorade, and put our legs up to rest.

My five senses are always gathering new memories of my identity. I’m excited to expand my collection.

Word count: 455

College essay checklist

Topic and structure

• I’ve selected a topic that’s meaningful to me.
• My essay reveals something different from the rest of my application.
• I have a clear and well-structured narrative.
• I’ve concluded with an insight or a creative ending.

Writing style and tone

• I’ve crafted an introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.
• I’ve written my essay in a way that shows instead of tells.
• I’ve used appropriate style and tone for a college essay.
• I’ve used specific, vivid personal stories that would be hard to replicate.
• I’ve demonstrated my positive traits and values in my essay.
• My essay is focused on me, not another person or thing.
• I’ve included self-reflection and insight in my essay.
• I’ve respected the word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

Making Sense of My Identity

Welcome to The Rose Arimoto Museum. You are about to enter the “Making Sense of My Identity” collection. Allow me to guide you through select exhibits, carefully curated memories from Rose’s sensory experiences.

First, the Sight Exhibit.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention as my lip trembles and palms sweat. Joseph couldn’t have known how his words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Ten years later, these same eyes now fixate on an InDesign layout sheet, searching for grammar errors while my friend Selena proofreads our feature piece on racial discrimination in our hometown. As we’re the school newspaper editors, our journalism teacher Ms. Riley allows us to stay until midnight to meet tomorrow’s deadline. She commends our work ethic, which for me is fueled by writing一my new weapon of choice.

Next, you’ll encounter the Sound Exhibit.

Still, the world is my Broadway as I find my voice on stage.

Just below, enter the Smell Exhibit.

While I help my Pau Pau prepare dinner, she divulges her recipe for cha siu bau, with its soft, pillowy white exterior hiding the fragrant filling of braised barbecue pork inside. The sweet scent of candied yams, fun see , and Spam musubi wafts through the room as we gather around our Thankgsiving feast. After our family prayer, we indulge in these delicious morsels until our bellies say stop. These savory scents of my family’s cultural heritage linger long after I’ve finished the last bite.

Next up, the Touch Exhibit.

I rinse a handmade mug that I had painstakingly molded and painted in ceramics class. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. For a few fleeting moments, as I continue my nightly chore, the pressure of my weekend job, tomorrow’s calculus exam, and next week’s track meet are washed away.

Finally, we end with the Taste Exhibit.

My legs fight to keep pace with the stationary bike as the salty taste of sweat seeps into corners of my mouth. Ava challenges me to take it up a level. We always train together一even keeping each other accountable on our strict protein diet of chicken breasts, broccoli, and Muscle Milk. We occasionally splurge on Saturday mornings after interval training, relishing the decadence of everything bagels smeared with raspberry walnut cream cheese. But this is Wednesday, so I push myself. I know that once the digital display hits 30:00, we’ll allow our legs to relax into a five-minute cool down, followed by the fiery tang of Fruit Punch Gatorade to rehydrate.

Thank you for your attention. This completes our tour. I invite you to rejoin us for next fall’s College Experience collection, which will exhibit Rose’s continual search for identity and learning.

Word count: 649

• I’ve crafted an essay introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.

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This essay uses a narrative structure to recount how a student overcame a challenge, specifically a sports injury. Since this topic is often overused, the essay requires vivid description, a memorable introduction and conclusion , and interesting insight.

The weak rough draft contains an interesting narrative, insight, and vivid imagery, but it has an overly formal tone that distracts the reader from the story. The student’s use of elaborate vocabulary in every sentence makes the essay sound inauthentic and stilted.

The final essay uses a more natural, conversational tone and chooses words that are vivid and specific without being pretentious. This allows the reader to focus on the narrative and appreciate the student’s unique insight.

One fateful evening some months ago, a defensive linebacker mauled me, his 212 pounds indisputably alighting upon my ankle. Ergo, an abhorrent cracking of calcified tissue. At first light the next day, I awoke cognizant of a new paradigm—one sans football—promulgated by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

It’s been an exceedingly taxing semester not being able to engage in football, but I am nonetheless excelling in school. That twist of fate never would have come to pass if I hadn’t broken my ankle. I still limp down the halls at school, but I’m feeling less maudlin these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, emboldened by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

Five months ago, right after my ill-fated injury, my friends’ demeanor became icy and remote, although I couldn’t fathom why. My teachers, in contrast, beckoned me close and invited me on a new learning journey. But despite their indubitably kind advances, even they recoiled when I drew near.

A few weeks later, I started to change my attitude vis-à-vis my newfound situation and determined to put my energy toward productive ends (i.e., homework). I wasn’t enamored with school. I never had been. Nevertheless, I didn’t abhor it either. I just preferred football.

My true turn of fate came when I started studying more and participating in class. I started to enjoy history class, and I grew interested in reading more. I discovered a volume of poems written by a fellow adventurer on the road of life, and I loved it. I ravenously devoured everything in the writer’s oeuvre .

As the weeks flitted past, I found myself spending my time with a group of people who were quite different from me. They participated in theater and played instruments in marching band. They raised their hands in class when the teacher posed a question. Because of their auspicious influence, I started raising my hand too. I am no longer vapid, and I now have something to say.

I am certain that your school would benefit from my miraculous academic transformation, and I entreat you to consider my application to your fine institution. Accepting me to your university would be an unequivocally righteous decision.

Word count: 408

• I’ve chosen a college essay topic that’s meaningful to me.
• I’ve respected the essay word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

As I step out of bed, the pain shoots through my foot and up my leg like it has every morning since “the game.” That night, a defensive linebacker tackled me, his 212 pounds landing decidedly on my ankle. I heard the sound before I felt it. The next morning, I awoke to a new reality—one without football—announced by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

My broken ankle broke my spirit.

My friends steered clear of me as I hobbled down the halls at school. My teachers tried to find the delicate balance between giving me space and offering me help. I was as unsure how to deal with myself as they were.

In time, I figured out how to redirect some of my frustration, anger, and pent-up energy toward my studies. I had never not liked school, but I had never really liked it either. In my mind, football practice was my real-life classroom, where I could learn all I ever needed to know.

Then there was that day in Mrs. Brady’s history class. We sang a ridiculous-sounding mnemonic song to memorize all the Chinese dynasties from Shang to Qing. I mumbled the words at first, but I got caught up in the middle of the laughter and began singing along. Starting that day, I began browsing YouTube videos about history, curious to learn more. I had started learning something new, and, to my surprise, I liked it.

With my afternoons free from burpees and scrimmages, I dared to crack open a few more of my books to see what was in them. That’s when my English poetry book, Paint Me Like I Am , caught my attention. It was full of poems written by students my age from WritersCorps. I couldn’t get enough.

I wasn’t the only one who was taken with the poems. Previously, I’d only been vaguely aware of Christina as one of the weird kids I avoided. Crammed in the margins of her high-top Chuck Taylors were scribbled lines of her own poetry and infinite doodles. Beyond her punk rock persona was a sensitive artist, puppy-lover, and environmental activist that a wide receiver like me would have never noticed before.

With Christina, I started making friends with people who once would have been invisible to me: drama geeks, teachers’ pets, band nerds. Most were college bound but not to play a sport. They were smart and talented, and they cared about people and politics and all sorts of issues that I hadn’t considered before. Strangely, they also seemed to care about me.

I still limp down the halls at school, but I don’t seem to mind as much these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, excited by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

My broken ankle broke my spirit. Then, it broke my ignorance.

Word count: 512

This essay uses a narrative structure to show how a pet positively influenced the student’s values and character.

In the weak draft, the student doesn’t focus on himself, instead delving into too much detail about his dog’s positive traits and his grandma’s illness. The essay’s structure is meandering, with tangents and details that don’t communicate any specific insight.

In the improved version, the student keeps the focus on himself, not his pet. He chooses the most relevant stories to demonstrate specific qualities, and the structure more clearly builds up to an insightful conclusion.

Man’s Best Friend

I desperately wanted a cat. I begged my parents for one, but once again, my sisters overruled me, so we drove up the Thompson Valley Canyon from Loveland to Estes Park to meet our newest family member. My sisters had already hatched their master plan, complete with a Finding Nemo blanket to entice the pups. The blanket was a hit with all of them, except for one—the one who walked over and sat in my lap. That was the day that Francisco became a Villanova.

Maybe I should say he was mine because I got stuck with all the chores. As expected, my dog-loving sisters were nowhere to be found! My mom was “extra” with all the doggy gear. Cisco even had to wear these silly little puppy shoes outside so that when he came back in, he wouldn’t get the carpets dirty. If it was raining, my mother insisted I dress Cisco in a ridiculous yellow raincoat, but, in my opinion, it was an unnecessary source of humiliation for poor Cisco. It didn’t take long for Cisco to decide that his outerwear could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I took off one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his ensemble more when we had to walk through snowdrifts to get his job done.

When my abuela was dying from cancer, we went in the middle of the night to see her before she passed. I was sad and scared. But, my dad let me take Cisco in the car, so Cisco cuddled with me and made me feel much better. It’s like he could read my mind. Once we arrived at the hospital, the fluorescent lighting made the entire scene seem unreal, as if I was watching the scene unfold through someone else’s eyes. My grandma lay calmly on her bed, smiling at us even through her last moments of pain. I disliked seeing the tubes and machines hooked up to her. It was unnatural to see her like this一it was so unlike the way I usually saw her beautiful in her flowery dress, whistling a Billie Holiday tune and baking snickerdoodle cookies in the kitchen. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained at the foot of the bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that seemed more effective at communicating comfort and compassion than the rest of us who attempted to offer up words of comfort that just seemed hollow and insincere. It was then that I truly appreciated Cisco’s empathy for others.

As I accompanied my dad to pick up our dry cleaner’s from Ms. Chapman, a family friend asked, “How’s Cisco?” before even asking about my sisters or me. Cisco is the Villanova family mascot, a Goldendoodle better recognized by strangers throughout Loveland than the individual members of my family.

On our summer trip to Boyd Lake State Park, we stayed at the Cottonwood campground for a breathtaking view of the lake. Cisco was allowed to come, but we had to keep him on a leash at all times. After a satisfying meal of fish, our entire family walked along the beach. Cisco and I led the way while my mom and sisters shuffled behind. Cisco always stopped and refused to move, looking back to make sure the others were still following. Once satisfied that everyone was together, he would turn back around and continue prancing with his golden boy curly locks waving in the chilly wind.

On the beach, Cisco “accidentally” got let off his leash and went running maniacally around the sand, unfettered and free. His pure joy as he raced through the sand made me forget about my AP Chem exam or my student council responsibilities. He brings a smile not only to my family members but everyone around him.

Cisco won’t live forever, but without words, he has impressed upon me life lessons of responsibility, compassion, loyalty, and joy. I can’t imagine life without him.

Word count: 701

I quickly figured out that as “the chosen one,” I had been enlisted by Cisco to oversee all aspects of his “business.” I learned to put on Cisco’s doggie shoes to keep the carpet clean before taking him out一no matter the weather. Soon after, Cisco decided that his shoes could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I removed one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his footwear more after I’d gear him up and we’d tread through the snow for his daily walks.

One morning, it was 7:15 a.m., and Alejandro was late again to pick me up. “Cisco, you don’t think he overslept again, do you?” Cisco barked, as if saying, “Of course he did!” A text message would never do, so I called his dad, even if it was going to get him in trouble. There was no use in both of us getting another tardy during our first-period class, especially since I was ready on time after taking Cisco for his morning outing. Alejandro was mad at me but not too much. He knew I had helped him out, even if he had to endure his dad’s lecture on punctuality.

Another early morning, I heard my sister yell, “Mom! Where are my good ballet flats? I can’t find them anywhere!” I hesitated and then confessed, “I moved them.” She shrieked at me in disbelief, but I continued, “I put them in your closet, so Cisco wouldn’t chew them up.” More disbelief. However, this time, there was silence instead of shrieking.

Last spring, Cisco and I were fast asleep when the phone rang at midnight. Abuela would not make it through the night after a long year of chemo, but she was in Pueblo, almost three hours away. Sitting next to me for that long car ride on I-25 in pitch-black darkness, Cisco knew exactly what I needed and snuggled right next to me as I petted his coat in a rhythm while tears streamed down my face. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained sitting at the foot of the hospital bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that communicated more comfort than our hollow words. Since then, whenever I sense someone is upset, I sit in silence with them or listen to their words, just like Cisco did.

The other day, one of my friends told me, “You’re a strange one, Josue. You’re not like everybody else but in a good way.” I didn’t know what he meant at first. “You know, you’re super responsible and grown-up. You look out for us instead of yourself. Nobody else does that.” I was a bit surprised because I wasn’t trying to do anything different. I was just being me. But then I realized who had taught me: a fluffy little puppy who I had wished was a cat! I didn’t choose Cisco, but he certainly chose me and, unexpectedly, became my teacher, mentor, and friend.

Word count: 617

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

Academic writing

• Writing process
• Transition words
• Passive voice
• Paraphrasing

 Communication

• How to end an email
• Ms, mrs, miss
• How to start an email
• I hope this email finds you well
• Hope you are doing well

 Parts of speech

• Personal pronouns
• Conjunctions

A standout college essay has several key ingredients:

• A unique, personally meaningful topic
• A memorable introduction with vivid imagery or an intriguing hook
• Specific stories and language that show instead of telling
• Vulnerability that’s authentic but not aimed at soliciting sympathy
• Clear writing in an appropriate style and tone
• A conclusion that offers deep insight or a creative ending

There are no set rules for how to structure a college application essay , but these are two common structures that work:

• A montage structure, a series of vignettes with a common theme.
• A narrative structure, a single story that shows your personal growth or how you overcame a challenge.

Avoid the five-paragraph essay structure that you learned in high school.

Though admissions officers are interested in hearing your story, they’re also interested in how you tell it. An exceptionally written essay will differentiate you from other applicants, meaning that admissions officers will spend more time reading it.

You can use literary devices to catch your reader’s attention and enrich your storytelling; however, focus on using just a few devices well, rather than trying to use as many as possible.

Most importantly, your essay should be about you , not another person or thing. An insightful college admissions essay requires deep self-reflection, authenticity, and a balance between confidence and vulnerability.

Your essay shouldn’t be a résumé of your experiences but instead should tell a story that demonstrates your most important values and qualities.

When revising your college essay , first check for big-picture issues regarding message, flow, tone, style , and clarity. Then, focus on eliminating grammar and punctuation errors.

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