modern love doorman essay

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• User reviews

When the Doorman Is Your Main Man

• Episode aired Oct 18, 2019

Ours was a common and unsung friendship, that between women living in New York, single and alone, and the doormen who take care of them, acting as gatekeepers, bodyguards, confidants and fat... Read all Ours was a common and unsung friendship, that between women living in New York, single and alone, and the doormen who take care of them, acting as gatekeepers, bodyguards, confidants and father figures. Ours was a common and unsung friendship, that between women living in New York, single and alone, and the doormen who take care of them, acting as gatekeepers, bodyguards, confidants and father figures.

• John Carney
• Julie Margaret Hogben
• Cristin Milioti
• Laurentiu Possa
• Brandon Victor Dixon
• 40 User reviews
• 1 Critic review

• 8 Year Old Sarah

• 4 Year Old Sarah

• Taxi Driver
• (uncredited)
• All cast & crew
• Production, box office & more at IMDbPro

Did you know

• Trivia In an interview by The New York Times, Julie Margaret Hogben , the writer of the essay that this episode is based on, determines that she followed through with the pregnancy because she's Catholic.
• Goofs When Guzmin confronts Maggie for riding a bike while she is pregnant, she appears to be trying to undo her helmet. When the camera angle changes, Maggie appears to walk a bit before undoing her helmet again. It is clear that two takes from two angles are used but not combined properly.

Guzmin : Who was this?

Maggie : That was Mark.

Guzmin : I did not like him.

Maggie : Save it.

Guzmin : He is not for you. He is a weak man with no self control.

Maggie : How can you tell that from 30 feet away?

Guzmin : You learn a lot about a man through the scope of a sniper rifle.

• Soundtracks Setting Sail Performed by Gary Clark and John Carney

User reviews 40

• Nov 4, 2019
• October 18, 2019 (United States)
• See more company credits at IMDbPro

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• Runtime 31 minutes

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Episode One: “When The Doorman is Your Main Man”

The first episode of the season follows book reviewer Maggie (played by Cristin Milioti) as she braves the New York dating scene and an unexpected pregnancy with the fierce support of what seems to be the only constant in her life: her doorman, Guzmin (real name Guzim). The story is based on the 2015 essay of writer Julie Margaret Hogben, who currently lives in Los Angeles with her twelve-year-old daughter, Isabel.

In a new interview with The New York Times , Hogben reveals that in actuality, the father of her child proposed to her after she revealed her pregnancy to him; she declined his proposal. She also explains that, unlike in the episode, she never debated whether or not to go through with the pregnancy.

Today, Hogben is still single, despite her daughter's earnest attempts to sign her up for dating apps. “She wants a distraction for me and she thinks I should get a life, which I should. So, yeah, I’ve got to get out there,” Hogben told The New York Times . She hasn’t been in a relationship since her daughter Isabel was born, which makes the closing scene of the episode, in which Guzim finally approves of the man Maggie brings from California to meet him, entirely fictional.

And yes, Guzim the doorman still holds his post on the Upper West Side, where Hogben pops in to visit him whenever she’s in town.

Episode Two: “When Cupid is a Prying Journalist”

Episode two recounts an interview that leads to both journalist Julie (played by Catherine Keener) and subject Joshua (Dev Patel) opening up about their romantic pasts, tracing not one but two gut-wrenching tales of lost love. The episode is based on author Deborah Copaken’s 2015 essay of the same name.

In reality, there was no job interview, whirlwind love-at-first-sight, or trip to the zoo for Joshua and his love interest. Nor was there an infidelity that caused their separation. The real Joshua, Hinge founder Justin McLeod, had actually met the love of his life, Kate, in college , where they dated off and on until graduation. Kate, however, was engaged to another man at the time of McLeod's interview with Copaken, and had not spoken to him in years.

The real-life Copaken was indeed heartbroken by the boy who never showed at her Paris flat, but their upstate rendezvous was imagined. It was Copaken who found him online by accident while doing research for a book she was writing, and they did meet up, albeit for lunch on a bench in Central Park. She in fact left her husband of 23 years while he stayed in his marriage, and the two still follow each other on social media, though they’re no longer in contact. Copaken is now in a happy relationship with a new man, who she met on Bumble, not Hinge, contrary to what her character reveals in the season finale.

However, Copaken's interview inspired McLeod to win Kate back in the wistful way the episode depicts. Kate left her fiance a month before their wedding (the invitations had been sent, the hall booked) after McLeod showed up on her doorstep in Zurich, eight years after they’d last seen each other. The two were married this year in Colorado, with Copaken in attendance.

Episode Three: “Take Me As I Am, Whoever I Am”

In Episode Three, Anne Hathaway dazzles as Lexi, an entertainment lawyer who’s been hiding her bipolar diagnosis from everyone in her life. This episode stays exceptionally true to many of the details in Terry Cheney’s 2008 essay , down to the trembling hand with which Lexi applies her mascara before her date. The only fictionalized aspect of the episode is the character of Lexi’s coworker, played by Quincy Tyler Bernstine, who becomes the first person to whom she discloses her diagnosis. In reality, Cheney never lost a job .

Today, Cheney is no longer practicing law. She has authored two books, including a New York Times -bestselling memoir entitled Manic , with another book slated to publish next fall. In terms of her love life, she says that the men she dates usually read her book first, as a sort of prerequisite. “I don’t know necessarily if I’m in a relationship. I do love. I am in love. So that’s great,” she told The New York Times .

Even though she still goes to the same grocery store, she never saw or heard from the real-life Jeff again.

Episode Four: “Rallying to Keep The Game Alive”

Tina Fey and John Slattery portray real-life couple Ann Leary and actor Denis Leary in episode four of the series, which follows their marriage as it teeters on the edge of divorce. The TV adaptation resembles Ann Leary’s 2013 essay quite closely; March of the Penguins is indeed the couple’s favorite movie .

What Leary didn’t mention in her piece, nor did the show explain, is that the couple’s therapist at the time didn’t think they had a bad marriage. “He pointed out that we would say things negative about each other, but if he said anything even slightly negative about either of us, we would jump to the other’s defense,” Leary told The New York Times in a new interview.

Ann and Denis Leary celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary this year, and they still play tennis.

Episode Five: “At The Hospital, An Interlude of Clarity”

In the fifth episode of Modern Love , Brian Gittis’s 2014 essay in which he severs a major blood vessel in his arm on a second date is brought to life by John Gallagher Jr. and Sofia Boutella.

Although the TV version leaves the fate of the lovers rather ambiguous as they doze off in the early morning light of the Elizabeth Street Garden, in Gittis’s essay, his date ends up back together with her ex-boyfriend about a month after their night in the E.R.

On the 2016 recording of the Modern Love podcast, Gittis says the woman featured in the piece really enjoyed the essay, and after it was published, they met up to talk about it over drinks. They ended up going on a few dates before their relationship fizzled out again.

Brian Gittis works in book publicity in New York, and he is now married with a one-year-old son.

Episode Six: “So He Looked Like Dad. It Was Just Dinner, Right?”

The sixth episode of the series features a young girl, Madeline (Julia Garner), who having lost her father goes searching for a paternal figure in an older coworker, Peter (Shea Whigman). He, on the other hand, is under the impression that their developing and ambiguous relationship is more than platonic.

The episode is based on writer Abby Sher’s 2006 essay , which features several specific details that the show did adapt, like the golf pattern on Peter’s socks and the creaminess of their shared risotto. However, Sher’s essay concludes after she goes over to the man’s house for dinner, as she realizes that the relationship isn’t going to give her what she needs. Amazon’s adaptation extends the tale (and the relationship) far beyond this night, shaping it into something more complicated and uncomfortable than what it is in Sher’s original piece. Sher, however, loved the episode, and feels that the fictionalized elements of the narrative were true to the sentiment of her experience.

“I am a huge fan of Audrey Wells and was so honored that she wrote the screenplay. I especially loved the MRI scene and I felt like Julia Garner and Shea Wigham completely understood and personified this complicated, yet really primal attraction,” she told Esquire in an email.

In actuality, Sher never saw the older man again outside of work after that first dinner. No stuffed seal at the Zoo, red coat, or sabbatical came of their initial date.

And as for how the piece has aged?

“I mean, I think daddy issues will always be a thing, right? I'm so grateful that Emmy Rossum directed this amazing cast so thoughtfully and stirred up so many emotions between the two main characters. There's no clear cut right or wrong in this scenario, as far as I can see,” Sher wrote.

Today, Sher is married to man whom she says is a wonderful father to their three children, and says she will always miss and adore her father.

Episode Seven: “Hers Was a World of One”

Episode seven is loosely adapted from author, sex columnist, and podcaster Dan Savage’s 2005 essay entitled “ DJ’s Homeless Mommy ,” in which he conveys the ups and downs of his and his husband’s open adoption experience. The episode is largely focused on the couple’s time hosting their future child’s homeless mother in their apartment, which was entirely imagined.

In the piece, Savage ruminates on the increasing difficulty of explaining to his small son, DJ, his mother’s complicated existence and long absences from his life, which we get a small sense of in the final bedtime story scene of the episode.

“The last time she visited, when DJ was 3, he wanted to know why his mother smelled so terrible. We were taken aback and answered without thinking it through. We explained that since she doesn’t have a home, she isn’t able to bathe often or wash her clothes. We realized we screwed up even before DJ started to freak. What could be more terrifying to a child than the idea of not having a home?” Savage writes in his essay.

The original piece is thought-provoking and in many ways more solemn than its TV adaptation. It details DJ’s mother’s battles with addiction and jail time, and it recounts Savage’s visceral fear that she was dead at various points over the years when she would drop out of contact.

While the episode draws inspiration from Savage’s piece, it also veers decisively away from his somber narrative. However, both the essay and the TV adaptation leave the fate of the adopted baby’s mother unknown.

“DJ's mom is alive and well. She's on her feet. She's housed. We talk on the phone occasionally. She and DJ speak on Mother's Day and on DJ's birthday. Things leveled out,” Savage told Gays With Kids in 2016.

Dan Savage and his husband Terry Miller live in Seattle, and their son DJ is now 21 years old.

Episode Eight: “The Race Grows Sweeter Near Its Final Lap”

Before it interweaves all the season’s characters together in a tacky montage of entirely implausible New York happenstance, the final episode of season one adapts author Eve Pell’s 2013 essay on the love she found later in life. Amazon’s version stays faithful to the real-life events of her relationship with her late husband, Sam, with whom she ran, traveled, and saw movies for the last several years of his life.

In an interview with NPR in early 2017, Pell explained that her distress after Sam’s passing led her to a bereavement group, where she met another man and fell in love again. However, Pell said she won’t be marrying again.

“I can't stand the idea of having four husbands. It's just too much,” she told NPR, laughing.

Modern Love is streaming now on Amazon Prime, and has officially been renewed for a Season Two coming in 2020.

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Review: Which episodes of Amazon’s ‘Modern Love’ are worth your time? Use our handy guide

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“Modern Love,” a new series from Amazon, takes its name, theme and most of its main characters and story lines, such as they are, from a weekly column in the Style section of the New York Times. In it, guest writers tell a personal tale of love in all its shapes, sizes, colors, flavors and ages. (It is also a podcast for which well known actors read the columns.) The series is just about what you might expect from the Sunday Styles section of the New York Times coming to life: a little patrician, kind of pleased with itself, but well made and certainly good-looking.

It’s an anthology, a respectable sounding word, and the episodes play like short stories, though even at 30 minutes each, much elaboration is necessary — building out characters, adding dialogue and drama and comedy. Broadly speaking, they are peopled by creative types, like the mostly professional writers whose columns these are. They’re well-to-do, or well-enough-to-do. When I say that it is not only a letter to love but a location-shot love letter to New York, you are correct in interpreting this to mean it is like a Woody Allen movie .

For the record:

9:53 a.m. Oct. 21, 2019 A previous version of this story incorrectly identified the New York Times section in which “Modern Love” appears as the Style section. The column appears in Sunday Styles.

The series, which began streaming Friday, was developed by John Carney , who directed “Once” and wrote and directed “Sing Street” and knows a thing or two about putting a lump in the throat of the slightly arty mass market. Its cast is starry yet interesting: Anne Hathaway, Tina Fey, John Slattery, Dev Patel, Catherine Keener, Andrew Scott and Jane Alexander. It’s a pro job, though at times it feels professional in a Madison Avenue kind of way, as if you are being sold something, rather than told a story. Most feel minor, even when the subject is major, perhaps because they’re so faithful to spirit of the essays. I don’t mean that as a criticism. And I did choke up a few times.

A range of stories is clearly what Carney had in mind. And yet in two episodes (maybe three), a main character conceals a mental health condition. In two episodes, characters stay up until dawn and learn something important. Two episodes — three, at a tiny stretch — involve surrogate fathers. Two include trips to the zoo.

Nothing says you have to watch them all. But you might spare half an hour to watch Fey and Slattery bat lines at each other in a passive-aggressive double act, no? Or maybe Anne Hathaway dancing in a supermarket parking lot is more your thing. To help you decide, I bring you this semi-informative, quasi-scientific, intermittently analogous field guide to the rare birds and odd ducks of “Modern Love.”

“When the Doorman Is Your Main Man.” Cristin Milioti is a freelance book reviewer somehow able to afford a nest in a building with a white-glove doorman (Laurentiu Possa) who is protective but not territorial, able to smell a bad boyfriend at 60 paces. (The apartment was passed down in the family, so the rent is low, we are pointedly told.) Well, I thought it was rather sweet, in spite of Los Angeles being characterized as “phony.”

“When Cupid Is a Prying Journalist.” Catherine Keener plays a reporter, based on essayist Deborah Copaken (war photographer, TV producer, novelist, you don’t want to know), interviewing tech success Dev Patel for the New York Times Sunday magazine — you can bet your meta. The talk turns to lost love. Each has a story. Courtship ritual: “She told me about her plans to set up a file-sharing app, I told her about my ideas to set up a dating site.” Zoo: Bronx.

“Rallying to Keep the Game Alive.” The one with Fey and Slattery. Written and directed by Sharon Horgan (“Catastrophe”) from a column by novelist Ann Leary, the wife of Denis Leary — which accounts for Slattery’s character being an actor named Denis, though he’s more Roger Sterling than Leary here. The stars play a married couple who may be coming to the end of their relationship, or maybe not. Habitat: Central Park West. Main metaphors: penguins, tennis. Who’s that cameo? It’s Ted Allen from “Chopped.”

“Take Me As I Am, Whoever I Am.” Terri Cheney (high-powered show biz lawyer turned mental health advocate, author of “Manic: A Memoir” and “The Dark Side of Innocence: Growing Up Bipolar”) wrote the essay on which this episode is based. Anne Hathaway convincingly changes her feathers from sparkly to darkly as the mood strikes her (without warning), confusing a suitor, among others. Habitat: Fairway Market‘s Red Hook, Brooklyn, branch, in whose parking lot an imaginary production number takes place. Who’s that cameo? Judd Hirsch!

“At the Hospital, an Interlude of Clarity. ” The woman (Sofia Boutella) wears the plumage while the man (John Gallagher Jr.) is drably arrayed in this story of a date that goes good by going bad. Previously mentioned categories this fits: mental health; all-night hang, like “Before Sunrise,” but with surgery and prescription drugs. Range of habitats: $2,200/month apartment; hospital; pretty little park.

“So He Looked Like Dad. It Was Just Dinner, Right? ” Fatherless Julia Garner imprints fatherhood upon handsome boss Shea Whigham, who gets the wrong idea. (Inter-species communication is difficult.) Audrey Wells’ script (directed by actress Emmy Rossum) goes further than Abby Sher’s one-dinner essay. A rom-com in which the rom is wrong (it’s not even rom). Kind of creepy but a little poignant too. Zoo: Prospect Park, by the seals.

“Hers Was a World of One. ” Adapted from Dan Savage’s much darker “DJ’s Homeless Mommy,” set alight to warm the cockles of the heart and make s’mores over. Andrew Scott and Brandon Kyle Goodman play a gay couple looking to adopt; Olivia Cooke is the pregnant, homeless-as-lifestyle girl — a hobo, I guess — who moves in and turns their lives upside down. Gratuitous French film reference (mine): Jean Renoir’s “Boudu Saved From Drowning” (1932). Who’s that cameo? It’s Ed Sheeran, not as himself.

“The Race Grows Sweeter Near Its Final Lap” Author/runner/cousin of the person for whom the Pell Grant is named Eve Pell wrote the source essay, a story of late-life love. Main melody: The voice of Jane Alexander, almost 80. (James Saito, 16 years Alexander’s junior, plays her significant other.) Not much in the way of plot, and you should expect the expected, but sightings of Alexander are rare enough to be savored. Secondary melody: Bobby Short’s “I Happen to Like New York” (the Cafe Carlyle version) to wrap up. If you catch just those few minutes, you’ll have seen some great television.

‘Modern Love‘

Where: Amazon Prime When: Any time Rating: TV-MA (may be unsuitable for children younger than 17)

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Where the Real Couples Who Inspired Amazon Prime's Modern Love Are Today

Amazon Prime’s new series, Modern Love , is drawing emotion from viewers with its complex stories inspired by real-life love.

The show, which consists of eight 30-minute standalone episodes, is based on The New York Times ‘ weekly column that features personal essays about love penned by New York residents.

The show’s premiere episode, “When the Doorman Is Your Main Man,” features Cristin Milioti as Maggie Mitchell, a woman who finds comfort in her doorman, played by Laurentiu Possa, after she learns she is pregnant. The inspiration for the gripping story came from writer Julie Margaret Hogben in 2015.

Hogben, who is now mom to a 12-year-old girl, told the NYT in a recent interview that her friendship with the doorman, Guzmin, has carried over a decade later .

“Whenever I’m in town, I always peek in to see if he’s at the door,” she said.

RELATED: Everything to Know About Modern Love , the Amazon Prime Series Bringing Twitter to Tears

As the story tells, Guzmin and Hogben never entered in a romantic relationship. In fact, she hasn’t been in one since her daughter was born.

“My daughter will occasionally open up an account for me. Three months ago she opened up a Bumble account and uploaded seven of my pictures and wrote me a little profile,” she said.

In the show’s second episode, Deborah Copaken’s 2015 story about her own lost love was adapted with Catherine Keener , Dev Patel , Caitlin McGee and Andy Garcia starring. Years later, Copaken told the NYT that she now only sees her former love’s life from afar on social media.

However, she has successfully found her own happiness. In September 2017, she went on a Bumble date and connected with her new love Will, whom she had actually first met back in 2001 when he was a magazine editor and she was a writer.

“That was two years ago,” she said. “We moved in together a year later. And I feel extremely lucky that I get this second chance at love.”

And Patel’s character is modeled after Justin McLeod, the founder of the dating app Hinge. He also got a happy ending: Inspired by his conversation with Copaken, he flew to Europe to declare his love for college sweetheart Kate, who was engaged to another man. They are now married and expecting their first child.

The third episode, “Take Me As I Am, Whoever I Am,’ stars Anne Hathaway in the gripping story about a woman living with bipolar disorder , originally penned in 2008 by then-entertainment lawyer Terri Cheney.

Over a decade later, Cheney gave up law and pursued writing fulltime. “My book, Manic , became a New York Times best seller and an L.A. Times best seller and was translated into eight foreign languages,” she told the NYT .

RELATED: Breaking Down All the Upcoming Streaming Services — Including Their Prices and Hit New Shows

And as for her love life?

“When I decided to write again after I got out of the hospital, I was much healthier and I dated a lot and had a few long-term relationships,” Cheney said. “Right now I’d say I’m in love and I’m loved back. I don’t know necessarily if I’m in a relationship. I do love. I am in love. So that’s great.”

The NYT also caught up with Ann Leary, who inspired the fourth episode, “Rallying to Keep the Game Alive,” which stars Tina Fey and John Slattery. In her 2013 essay, Ann wrote about her marriage to actor husband Denis Leary that almost didn’t last.

Seven years later, Ann confirmed to the NYT that the couple are still together (and do indeed still play tennis !). Plus, her celebrity husband gave her full permission to display their marital problems to the world.

“I had to run it by him,” she said. “And if he had said, ‘I don’t want that,’ I don’t think I would have published it. He was like, ‘It’s O.K. I think it’s good.’ “

Modern Love is streaming on Amazon Prime now.

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How Amazon Picked Which ‘Modern Love’ Essays to Translate to the Screen

Where to Stream:

• Modern Love

Amazon’s Modern Love is a cynic’s nightmare. Obscenely earnest, sweetly vulnerable, and unabashed in its optimism, the star-studded anthology series is out to prove there’s a whole lot of love in the world.

Each episode of Modern Love is a dramatization of one of the hundreds of essays that The New York Times editor Daniel Jones has selected for the popular column of the same name. “What makes a good column is a combination of vulnerability and intelligence. And those are kind of at odds in a way because when someone is really vulnerable it seems like they’re out of control and they’re not smart in a way,” Jones said to Decider following Modern Love ‘s panel at Summer TCA . “But being able to go through something that makes you vulnerable and come to an understanding and some sort of wisdom, that’s the tightrope you need to walk to do that kind of writing well.”

As the mastermind behind the column’s appeal, Jones was brought on as a consultant for Amazon’s adaptation of the column. He explained that he didn’t see much difference between an essay that worked well on the page and one that was perfect for adaptation, noting that’s how Modern Love ‘s producers approached their decisions. “They’re looking for stories that have real vulnerability, but it’s done in a smart way. It’s not simplified and it’s not exploited,” Jones said.

Shepherding Modern Love ‘s translation to the screen is showrunner John Carney. Jones praised Carney and said the Once and Sing Street director was “not afraid of being earnest.”

Cristin Milioti stars in the first episode of Modern Love , “When the Doorman is Your Main Man,” as a young woman who finds more solace in a friendship with her doorman than with her potential suitors. Milioti ironically starred in the Broadway adaptation of Carney’s Once , and she agreed with Jones’s take on why Carney was perfect for Modern Love.

“I think what I love about John [Carney] is that he’s really comfortable in the uncomfortable, and I think that’s where the best stories come from,” Milioti told Decider. “He wants to delve deep. He wants to be like, ‘Yeah, let’s get into the stuff that’s grey. Let’s get into the nuance. Let’s not just package it.'”

“I love the phone conversations I have with [Carney] when he talks about how he thinks about this on a deeper level and how a show like this can have a positive impact on a world that just feels meaner by the day,” Jones said. “How returning to this kind of basic human one-on-one relationship, the dignity of that, is a positive force in the world today.”

Actor Gary Carr plays a handsome man who falls in a flirtation with Anne Hathaway’s character in the third episode of Modern Love , “Take Me as I Am, Whoever I Am.” Carr admitted to being a huge fan of Hathaway’s going back to The Princess Diaries — “ I wasn’t going to say it ,” he joked. But he was also hyped to work on a project that amplified that spirit of “love.”

“I feel like there is a lot of love in the world. I see it everywhere, all the time. It’s just not reported all the time,” Carr said.

“Anything that makes people open their heart and feel less alone, or like makes them want to reach out and have a connection to someone regardless of outcome is incredible,” Milioti said.

Stream It Or Skip It: 'At The Moment' On Netflix, An Anthology Series About Love During The Pandemic

Woman crush wednesday: look out for lucy boynton in 'the pale blue eye', stream it or skip it: 'little america' season 2 on apple tv+, with more heartwarming stories about the immigrant experience in america, stream it or skip it: 'modern love: tokyo' on prime video, the tv show inspired by the new york times column goes to japan.

Jones teased that there have already been conversations about which essays have the potential to work for a Season Two, but right now he’s more focused on managing the massive inbox of submissions he gets for the column. And yes, he’s worried that Modern Love might cause a tsunami of submissions if it becomes ultra-successful.

“My main concern is volume, an increase in volume that’s unmanageable,” Jones said. “There’s always something about the column that people think, ‘I could do that,’ when in fact it’s really hard to do.”

Even if Jones is concerned that there might be too many submissions for Modern Love , Carr sees the silver lining in Jones’s problem. “That’s good,” Carr said. “That goes to show that the amount of essays he receives, that’s a great example on its own of how much love there is in the world.”

Modern Love premieres on Prime Video on Friday, October 18.

Where to stream Modern Love

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• Prime Video

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Why Isn't 'The View' Airing A New Episode Today?

As a self-professed mega-fan of rom-com novels and films, I was thrilled when Amazon announced their upcoming Modern Love TV series , based on the long-running New York Times Modern Love column . Premiering on Oct. 18, the series boasts a star-studded cast (Anne Hathaway, Tina Fey, Dev Patel and Andrew Scott are just four of the show's featured actors) and will feature eight anthology-style episodes about love in all of its many forms — romantic, familial, platonic, sexual, and for oneself. Whether you're a long-time reader of Modern Love or are just discovering the column, now is the perfect time to catch up on some of the greatest essays before the show premieres.

In the revised and updated version of the Modern Love book (first published in 2007) editor Daniel Jones compiled 42 of the columns best essays. In his introduction to the book, Jones writes:

"I suppose if we are going to try to define what a love story is, we should begin by defining what love is, but that can be even more slippery. Our definitions of love, too, tend toward the flowery treatment. From where I sit, however -- as someone who has read, skimmed, or otherwise digested some one hundred thousand love stories over the past fifteen years -- love, at its best, is more of a wheelbarrow than a rose: gritty, and messy but also durable. Yet still hard to put into words."

Below are seven of my favorite of the 42 essays that appear in the Modern Love book, a great refresher for seasoned readers and a perfect precursor to the series for new fans, too:

'You Might Want to Marry My Husband' by Amy Krouse Rosenthal

In this March 2017 column (published just 10 days before she died of ovarian cancer at age 51) author Amy Krouse Rosenthal wrote a moving letter to her husband, Jason Rosenthal, in the hopes of finding him a new partner:

"Here is the kind of man Jason is: He showed up at our first pregnancy ultrasound with flowers. This is a man, who, because he is always up early, surprises me every Sunday morning by making some kind of oddball smiley face out of items near the coffee pot: a spoon, a mug, a banana. This is a main who emerges from the minimart or gas station and says, 'Give me your palm.' And voila, a colorful gum ball appears. (He knows I love all the flavors but white.) My guess is you know enough about him now. So let's swipe right."

Read "You Might Want To Marry My Husband."

'The Race Grows Sweeter Near Its Final Lap' by Eve Pell

Although Eve Pell's Jan. 2013 essay has not been officially confirmed as part of the Modern Love series, clues from the trailer highly suggest its inclusion. In it, Pell wrote of her late-in-life marriage to a Japanese American widower named Sam:

"Old love is different. In our 70s and 80s, we had been through enough of life’s ups and downs to know who we were, and we had learned to compromise. We knew something about death because we had seen loved ones die. The finish line was drawing closer. Why not have one last blossoming of the heart?"

Read "The Race Grows Sweeter In Its Final Lap."

'When Eve and Eve Bit the Apple' by Kristen Scharold

In this Nov. 2016 essay, writer Kristen Scharold wrote about coming out as queer and leaving her Evangelical church when she meets and falls in love with a woman named Jess:

"I felt my cramped religious framework of false dichotomies and moral starkness beginning to collapse. What once seemed like a bleak choice between losing my soul or losing my most cherished friend was in fact a lesson that true love is the only thing that could save me."

Read "When Eve and Eve Bit The Apple."

'When the Doorman is Your Main Man' by Julie Margaret Hogben

Hogben's Oct. 2015 essay (also seemingly included in the Modern Love series trailer) focused on the unique friendship she shares with her doorman, Guzim, and how his support helped her embark on the journey of single motherhood with courage:

"I became fodder for gossip: Who was the father? Did I dump him, or did he dump me? Valid questions, sometimes asked to my face, sometimes not. But down in the lobby, Guzim was there with no dog in the race. I wasn’t his daughter, sister or ex. I wasn’t his employee or boss. Our social circles didn’t overlap. Six days a week, he stood downstairs, detached but also caring enough to be the perfect friend, neither worried nor pitying."

Read "When The Doorman Is Your Main Man."

'Rallying to Keep the Game Alive' by Ann Leary

Leary's Sept. 2013 essay about the almost-end and subsequent reunification of her marriage to actor Denis Leary is a moving look at a modern marriage (and another essay that, though currently unconfirmed, also seems to be included in the Modern Love trailer.) She wrote:

"When we met, I was 20, he 25. We were too young and inexperienced to know that people don’t change who they are, only how they play and work with others. Our basic problem was, and is, that we are almost identical — in looks, attitudes and psychological makeup. Two Leos who love children and animals, and are intensely emotional and highly sensitive and competitive with everybody, but especially with each other."

Read "Rallying To Keep The Game Alive."

'Now I Need a Place to Hide Away' by Ann Hood

In her Feb. 2017 column, author Ann Hood wrote about The Beatles fandom she shared with her young daughter, Grace, who died suddenly of complications from a virulent form of strep when she was just five years old:

"It is difficult to hide from the Beatles. After all these years they are still regularly in the news. Their songs play on oldies stations, countdowns and best-ofs. There is always some Beatles anniversary: the first No. 1 song, the first time in the United States, a birthday, an anniversary, a milestone, a Broadway show. But hide from the Beatles I must. Or, in some cases, escape."

Read "Now I Need A Place To Hide Away."

'Take Me As I Am, Whoever I Am' by Terri Cheney

Terri Cheney's Jan. 2008 essay, which has been confirmed as the inspiration behind the episode of the Modern Love series starring Anne Hathaway, is about the author's experience with rapid-cycling bipolar disorder and how it affected her dating life. Cheney wrote:

"In love there’s no hiding: You have to let someone know who you are, but I didn’t have a clue who I was from one moment to the next. When dating me, you might go to bed with Madame Bovary and wake up with Hester Prynne. Worst of all, my manic, charming self was constantly putting me into situations that my down self couldn’t handle."

Read "Take Me As I Am, Whoever I Am."

This article was originally published on Sep. 12, 2019

Modern Love

When the Doorman Is Your Main Man

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Where the Real Couples Who Inspired Amazon Prime's 'Modern Love' Are Today

Modern Love  stars Anne Hathaway, Tina Fey, Dev Patel, Catherine Keener, Andrew Scott, John Slattery and more

Amazon Prime’s new series, Modern Love , is drawing emotion from viewers with its complex stories inspired by real-life love.

The show, which consists of eight 30-minute standalone episodes, is based on The New York Times ‘ weekly column that features personal essays about love penned by New York residents.

The show’s premiere episode, “When the Doorman Is Your Main Man,” features Cristin Milioti as Maggie Mitchell, a woman who finds comfort in her doorman, played by Laurentiu Possa, after she learns she is pregnant. The inspiration for the gripping story came from writer Julie Margaret Hogben in 2015.

Hogben, who is now mom to a 12-year-old girl, told the NYT in a recent interview that her friendship with the doorman, Guzmin, has carried over a decade later .

“Whenever I’m in town, I always peek in to see if he’s at the door,” she said.

As the story tells, Guzmin and Hogben never entered in a romantic relationship. In fact, she hasn’t been in one since her daughter was born.

“My daughter will occasionally open up an account for me. Three months ago she opened up a Bumble account and uploaded seven of my pictures and wrote me a little profile,” she said.

In the show’s second episode, Deborah Copaken’s 2015 story about her own lost love was adapted with Catherine Keener , Dev Patel , Caitlin McGee and Andy Garcia starring. Years later, Copaken told the NYT that she now only sees her former love’s life from afar on social media.

However, she has successfully found her own happiness. In September 2017, she went on a Bumble date and connected with her new love Will, whom she had actually first met back in 2001 when he was a magazine editor and she was a writer.

“That was two years ago,” she said. “We moved in together a year later. And I feel extremely lucky that I get this second chance at love.”

And Patel’s character is modeled after Justin McLeod, the founder of the dating app Hinge. He also got a happy ending: Inspired by his conversation with Copaken, he flew to Europe to declare his love for college sweetheart Kate, who was engaged to another man. They are now married and expecting their first child.

The third episode, “Take Me As I Am, Whoever I Am,’ stars Anne Hathaway in the gripping story about a woman living with bipolar disorder , originally penned in 2008 by then-entertainment lawyer Terri Cheney.

Over a decade later, Cheney gave up law and pursued writing fulltime. “My book, Manic , became a New York Times best seller and an L.A. Times best seller and was translated into eight foreign languages,” she told the NYT .

And as for her love life?

“When I decided to write again after I got out of the hospital, I was much healthier and I dated a lot and had a few long-term relationships,” Cheney said. “Right now I’d say I’m in love and I’m loved back. I don’t know necessarily if I’m in a relationship. I do love. I am in love. So that’s great.”

The NYT also caught up with Ann Leary, who inspired the fourth episode, “Rallying to Keep the Game Alive,” which stars Tina Fey and John Slattery. In her 2013 essay, Ann wrote about her marriage to actor husband Denis Leary that almost didn’t last.

Seven years later, Ann confirmed to the NYT that the couple are still together (and do indeed still play tennis !). Plus, her celebrity husband gave her full permission to display their marital problems to the world.

“I had to run it by him,” she said. “And if he had said, ‘I don’t want that,’ I don’t think I would have published it. He was like, ‘It’s O.K. I think it’s good.’ ”

Modern Love is streaming on Amazon Prime now.

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'Modern Love' Is An Uneven Tour Of New York Romance

Linda Holmes

Dev Patel and Catherine Keener star in one episode of Amazon's Modern Love . Giovanni Rufino/Amazon Studios hide caption

Dev Patel and Catherine Keener star in one episode of Amazon's Modern Love .

It is both a positive and negative attribute of the anthology series that it tends to be uneven. Black Mirror is, the new Twilight Zone was, Room 104 is. And now, Amazon is presenting an eight-episode series based on the loved, hated, and love-to-hated New York Times column Modern Love . Created by John Carney, who directed Once and Sing Street , it is — of course — uneven.

The column has a cozy (or is it irritating?) tendency to build itself around a hook, a little lesson about How Love Works. Each of these episodes is based on an existing column, and shares that tendency to tie itself up a little too neatly, as a New York tale with an indie-music, coffee-shop gentility. The first episode, "When The Doorman Is Your Main Man," finds a young woman (Cristin Milioti) relying on her kindly doorman (Laurentiu Possa) to help her cope with her dating life and then her unexpected pregnancy. Another, "Rallying To Keep The Game Alive," tracks a couple (Tina Fey and John Slattery) discovering that tennis can serve as a bond as their marriage weathers midlife stresses. "Love works this way," each episode suggests as it tucks you into its pretty and friendly New York City like a wool blanket.

Carney is a curious choice to head up this series, because Once and Sing Street are both about ideas of love that are much less neat. In fact, perhaps surprisingly, the neatness and the lesson-learning of Modern Love are what often makes the series seem slight. You would expect, maybe, a Carney take on a romantic anthology to be about less obvious angles than the fact that older people on their second marriages can still fall meaningfully in love, or that the last thing you want is to find yourself with regrets.

Here & Now

'transparent' goes out on a musical note.

Where Modern Love gets most of its shine is from its cast. In addition to all those mentioned above, it also features Anne Hathaway, Andrew Scott (yes, that's Hot Priest to you Fleabag people), Andy Garcia, James Saito, Jane Alexander, Catherine Keener, Dev Patel, and many others. It is definitively a good idea for Tina Fey and John Slattery to play a New York married couple; that is a gift. That their story isn't all that compelling doesn't mean it's not worth watching, simply to see them interact.

And while the stories often feel pat, there are some interesting experiments to be found here. Hathaway plays a woman who isn't sure how to tell potential dates she's bipolar, and the way music and fantasy sequences are deployed turn out to be a pretty effective method of demonstrating how completely different she feels like she is, depending on what her brain is doing. (It's probably also the story that feels the least like the rest.)

Some episodes are more true to their source material than others. An essay by Dan Savage about the very complicated open adoption of his son becomes the episode starring Andrew Scott and Brandon Kyle Goodman as a gay couple who adopt from a homeless woman (Olivia Cooke). Where Savage's piece is full of frustration and uncertainty about the child's relationship with his birth mother, the episode is mostly about a worrying father-to-be learning to embrace the uncertainty of a quirky homeless person's existence. It's a reductive take on the story, and not at all true to either this particular real-life tale or Savage's general posture as a writer.

It's not easy to tell a romantic story in a half-hour, which is the approximate length of these episodes (within, say, five minutes). You have to establish two people (sometimes more), set the stage, create a problem, and create some resolution to that problem — in a third of the length of a feature film. And anthologies are, in general, a good thing, in that they allow for people to try things: combinations of actors, formal experiments, directing strategies, and so forth. But Modern Love really feels like it would have benefited from less tidiness, less ponderousness — maybe even, dare I say, a little less New York Times -iness. Where it wants to be whimsical it comes across as cloying, and where it wants to speak to something common to multiple stories of (mostly white, mostly affluent) New York love, the emotions almost feel franchised.

Like the Modern Love column itself, the series does have its pleasures and its truths. But — again, like the column — there's a little less there than meets the eye.

Is Modern Love a True Story?

‘Modern Love’ is an anthology series that explores various facets of relationships and human connections — be it platonic, familial, sexual, or love for oneself. Each episode of the romantic series is a self-contained narrative that brings to light different characters. The heartwarming series is very special because each of these stories is so relatable. Is it because they are based on real-life events? If that is what you are wondering, you will be interested in what we have to share.

Is Modern Love Based on a True Story?

‘Modern Love’ is partially based on true stories. The series is inspired by The New York Times’ weekly column of the same name. Each episode is derived from the personal essays written by various people, but the show takes artistic liberties. For example, the very first episode of the series — titled ‘When the Doorman Is Your Main Man’ — is loosely based on the essay by Julie Margaret Hogben.

The episode follows a book reviewer who navigates the dating scene in New York and an unexpected pregnancy, all with the support of her doorman. However, the episode slightly strays away from what had actually happened. Unlike Maggie, Hogben never had second thoughts about her pregnancy. Moreover, it seems that the writer has not been in a relationship ever since the birth of her daughter, which makes the closing scene of the episode fictional.

The highlight of the second season is the episode called ‘How Do You Remember Me?’ Directed by actor Andrew Rannells, the episode is based on the events of a fateful night that eventually led up to his father’s death a few days later. It is inspired by the essay that Rannells wrote for The New York Times. Although the backbone of the story remains the same, the episode revisits the incident from a fresh perspective. In the episode, Ben and Robbie are on a date and go on to have sex. However, the main focus of the storyline is how the night takes a turn after Ben learns that the phone calls he ignored from his family members were to let him know that his father had collapsed at a family gathering.

Rannells has written the episode and directed it. But it is the fictional aspects of the events that allowed him to explore the experience further. For the episode, he decided to give more of a voice to Robbie, who is modeled after a person called Brad in his essay. The entire episode is about how the events of the particular night are perceived differently by the two characters — right from their date, the sex, to the reception of the painful news about Ben’s father. Ben feels annoyed that Robbie insists on being a pillar of support to him even though the two men barely know each other. On the other hand, Robbie’s perception is entirely different; he seems to have a good time on their date and feels a connection with Ben. Naturally, he wants to be there for the person he shares the night with.

In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, the showrunner John Carney revealed how he selected the stories for the show. He said , “All I really thought to myself was, ‘Pick ones that you feel connected to; try to avoid the ones you think are cute, or maybe I could make a conventional TV show out of them — pick the ones that spoke to you because of something your mother once said to you or because of a theme that happened to you.’” Moreover, Carney explained that the actual writers of the essays were not a part of the creative process but were shown the final episode to get their approval. Additionally, they were paid for allowing their stories to feature in the series.

Other essays that have been adapted are ‘ On a Serpentine Road, With the Top Down ,’ ‘ A Life Plan for Two, Followed by One ,’ and ‘ The Night Girl Finds a Day Boy .’ The episode titled ‘Strangers on a (Dublin) Train’ is written by Carney, who developed it from a 100-word entry called ‘ Strangers on a Train ’ in the ‘Tiny Love Stories’ section of The New York Times. The original story revolves around two young people from France on a train from Paris to Barcelona. However, in the episode, the nationalities are different, and the characters are traveling from Galway to Dublin in Ireland. This confirms that the episodes are inspired by true stories but with elements of fiction.

Read More: Shows Like Modern Love

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Modern Love

Marriage Made an Actor Out of Me

I deserved an Oscar for my performances as best supporting wife and mother. After my divorce, I could no longer pretend to be someone I’m not.

By Laura Cathcart Robbins

My divorce, though comparatively gentle and humane, still left me shattered, bone-tired and distrustful. Throughout our 12-year marriage, I felt like I had been playing the role of a high-society Hollywood wife and mother, and I no longer knew who I really was.

The combination of a domineering stepfather (who was overly concerned with propriety) and my experience as the only Black girl in every school I attended had smothered my true self; all I ever wanted to do was fit in and conceal any quality that rubbed people the wrong way. In my marriage, I presented my husband with what I imagined to be the most acceptable version of me, one that I hoped he wouldn’t find annoying or disappointing.

This pretense was costly though. By the time I filed for divorce, not only had I lost touch with myself, but I had also developed a nasty addiction to sleeping pills, from taking one Ambien a night to popping them constantly, often washed down with booze. I was a 43-year-old P.T.A. president and mother of two. Former publicist, former would-be author and now former wife. Once I had made the painful decision to go to treatment, I invited my best friend over to talk everything through.

“The only bright spot,” I told her after crying on her shoulder, “is that I can finally stop pretending to be something that I’m not.”

“How do you mean?”

“I mean that I’m terrible at relationships,” I said. “And I’ve been pretending that I’m good at them. Being divorced might be a relief.”

The moment I arrived at the Arizona rehab center, the walls started closing in on me. During orientation, in a small room with six other new patients, I started to hyperventilate. Mortified, I jumped up and left.

Outside, another patient, Scott, chased after me with the sweatshirt I had left behind. I knew he was breaking the rules; we weren’t allowed to interact in any way outside of our group work. I slowed down and murmured, “Thank you,” but he continued to stride along with me.

My memory of our short walk together is muddy, but my first impression of him is crystal clear: He was white, smiling, with blond hair, blue eyes and a Hawaiian shirt. He talked about his two daughters, his beverages of choice (tequila and beer — he was in for alcoholism), and how hot it was in Arizona compared to Utah, where he was from.

I wasn’t interested in bantering about his children or the weather. I just wanted him to leave me alone.

After that, wherever I went, Scott would find me with his eyes and smile. At first, I turned away from these encounters; his steady stare was too personal and intimate. But as the days passed, I found myself looking for him too, hoping to catch his eye, sitting next to him whenever it was permitted.

There were countless reasons he and I could never be together, mostly the fact that he was white. Before I met my husband, I had never dated outside of my race. And it weighed on me, a feeling that I was betraying my race by falling in love with him. If I were to fall for Scott, I risked doubling down on that betrayal and cementing my reputation as a Black girl who liked white guys.

Besides that, I was a lover of the great indoors , luxury travel and all things hip-hop. Scott was a real outdoorsman, skier, mountain biker and rock climber who lived for camping and the Dave Matthews Band. He had been in Utah for 20 years; I lived in Los Angeles. He is an only child; I have five brothers. And up until meeting in rehab, we had no experience with or desire to live in the other’s world.

During our second week (we were there for a month), I was missing my children at breakfast and tearfully pushing my runny eggs around my plate when Scott sat nearby and caught my eye.

“Good eggs?” he said.

I burst out laughing.

Our connection during those days felt so clean and innocent. Because it couldn’t lead anywhere, I felt no obligation to entertain or impress him. During our final week, I became unmoored by how much I liked being near him. But the acid wash of my painful divorce still singed my skin whenever I considered what it might be like to be coupled up again.

I expected those first few months at home to be a period of adjustment to being newly divorced and newly sober. What I hadn’t counted on was the tender longing I felt whenever I thought about Scott. Every night we talked on the phone about our time in Arizona and our day-to-day lives at home. I was surprised at how much I looked forward to those calls, and how comforting it was to hear his voice. In the light of day, I would scold myself for being so weak-minded.

We had spent 30 days together in an artificial, isolated environment. In the real world, our differences would spell disaster. We made no sense as a couple. Except, of course, for the fact that we couldn’t stand to be away from each other.

My therapist, Marguerita, said, “What if the reason you thought you were terrible at relationships is because you were not being your true self while you were in them?” She plopped a fresh box of tissues on the table, and I quietly blew my nose. Normally, if I cry at all, I never do so in front of other people. But after leaving treatment, I was crying all the time.

“That’s the thing,” I said. “I feel like I deserve an Oscar for my performances over the years as ‘best supporting’ whatever — wife, mother, school volunteer. But I’ve been playing these roles for so long that I don’t know who I am anymore. I went to the store yesterday to get stuff for dinner and burst into tears because I picked up a carton of milk. I hate milk. My children don’t drink milk. I was buying it out of habit because I think a good mother is supposed to have milk in her fridge. But if someone asked me at that moment what I wanted instead, I wouldn’t have been able to answer them. I’ve forgotten how to be myself.”

“But this man you met in Arizona — you said that you felt like yourself when you were with him.”

Marguerita looked at her notes. “You said that you didn’t have to pretend with him.”

“Yes, but that was because I was never going to see him again.”

“But you were yourself.”

I looked up to find Marguerita staring at me over her glasses. “Perhaps,” she said, “this is a good place to start our quest for the real Laura.”

Scott arrived at Hollywood Burbank Airport on a Tuesday.

It hadn’t been hard to convince him to come for a visit. Our nightly conversations, though once deliberately platonic, now had an unmistakable romantic tone. I had taken an improv class once when I was 14 where the instructor gave us half an hour to be “what you are afraid to be when others are watching.”

I’ll never forget how unconfined I felt during those next 30 minutes. Talking to Scott was like that. I never had to think before I spoke or check myself before saying something silly.

“I miss you,” I’d say to him every night.

“Me too, I miss you so much,” he would say. “I can’t wait to see you.”

The first thing I noticed when he got into the car was how embarrassingly animated I was, my words tumbling out, barely giving him a moment to respond. The second was the gravitational pull compelling me toward the passenger seat the second he closed the car door.

In recovery, I heard that one shouldn’t get involved with anyone during the first year of sobriety. I had been thinking that Scott and I could just be friends.

That notion was wrong.

As time went on, Scott and I found that we had even more differences. He falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, while I need hours to wind down at night. I walk with purpose when we take the dog out. He meanders, stopping to admire every rose bush and jacaranda tree. But I came to discover that it didn’t matter if we walked at the same pace or had the same bedtime. What mattered was I never felt the need to pretend with him.

Marguerita was on to something. I was never terrible at relationships. I was just terrible at pretending to be someone I wasn’t.

Laura Cathcart Robbins lives in Los Angeles. She is the author of the memoir “Stash: My Life in Hiding,” and hosts the podcast “The Only One in the Room.”

Modern Love can be reached at [email protected] .

To find previous Modern Love essays, Tiny Love Stories and podcast episodes, visit our archive .

Want more from Modern Love? Watch the TV series ; sign up for the newsletter ; or listen to the podcast on iTunes , Spotify or Google Play . We also have swag at the NYT Store and two books, “ Modern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption ” and “ Tiny Love Stories: True Tales of Love in 100 Words or Less. ”

Stories of Love to Nourish Your Soul

After the Affair, the Reckoning:  While a mother takes care of her new baby, her husband takes up with another woman .

This Is Not the Relationship I Ordered:   Divorce leaves a woman with a surprising realization  about who has been the love of her life.

My Husband Is Two Years Older Than My Son:  A woman’s 19-year marital age gap feels treacherous — and is the best thing that’s ever happened to her .

Please Stay, Baby. Please?: The grief of miscarriage is largely invisible. And with each loss, the longing multiplies .

My Bad-Times-Only Boyfriend: Why is a woman’s long-ago fling suddenly acting as if he’s her husband ?

A Family Dinner With My Wife and Girlfriend: Learning to love two women at once  — one living with Alzheimer’s — is a challenge and a blessing.

Our Last, Impossible Conversation: Artificial intelligence gives a widow another chance to talk to her long-lost husband .