my enemy has become my friend and essay

BEST OF THE NET 2023; Essay in THE BEST AMERICAN ESSAYS 2018; (cited in BAE 2015, 2016, 2020, 2022); PUSHCART poetry finalist

Issue: Spring 2018 » Poetry

Poetry by Robbie Gamble

The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Friend

Dubiously framed as third-world proverb, dusted off and paraded as realpolitik

but consider: my new-found friend (or second-generation enemy)— what if

he has an enemy, do I watch my back doubly, or trust

my new friend to keep a newer enemy at bay? And in such a hostile world

where enemies and pseudo-friends line up and interlock

like some geopolitical zipper, what happens when the killing starts?

Do old alliances detonate at the seams and teeth go flying everywhere?

Or, if two enemies somehow make up does everyone then flip-flop

on down the line? Whew. I need to drop what I’m doing, build some empathy

with the child that drags me from my post before the television, him and the children

of those bombers and snipers and plotters. Or failing that, tally the rows

of cordwood corpses, all those paired and empty eyesockets

echoing neither love nor hate just brimming with questions.

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My Best Friend Essay in English | 100, 150, 200, 300, 500 Words

My Best Friend Essay in English: Best friend is one of the most beautiful gifts in life. In this article, you are going to learn how to write an essay on my best friend in English. We’ve provided 5 essays here (100, 150, 200, 300, and 500 words). All the essays will be helpful for students of classes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12. So, let’s begin.

Table of Contents

My Best Friend Essay: 100 Words

I have many friends in school. But Akash is my best friend. We read in the same class and same section. He is polite and well-mannered. He is an ideal student. He is very smart and intelligent. He always obeys his parents and teachers. He wants to become an engineer. His favourite game is cricket. He is the captain of our school team.

Akash helps me to become a better person. We share our feelings, emotions, and happiness with each other. We study and play together. I want him to be successful in life. We hope our friendship will last forever.

Essay on My Best Friend: 150 Words

The world looks dark without a true Friend. I am fortunate that I have a best friend. Her name is Riya. We are friends since childhood. Riya is my class fellow. She is a soft-spoken girl. She is tall and good-looking. She is sincere and attentive in her studies. She belongs to a middle-class family.

Riya is a disciplined and obedient girl. Her hobbies are drawing, singing, and dancing. Everyone admires her because of her good behavior. Her aim in life is to be a doctor. Riya and I study and play together. We share our secrets, happiness, and sadness with each other. Whenever I face any problem, she helps me to get rid of the problem by providing the best solutions. I feel really lucky to have her as my best friend. May God give everyone a friend like Riya.

Essay About Best Friend: 200 Words

Man is a gregarious animal. He can not live alone. He wants to talk, love, and meet his fellow man, so he wants to have a friend. A friend is a person whom one loves, likes, talks and often meets, This brings happiness to a man’s life. A friendless man is never happy. He leads a sad life.

It is difficult to get a good friend. It is truly said that “Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find.” My friend Rajesh is a faithful friend. Rajesh is my classmate and a close friend of mine. He belongs to a rich family. His father is a popular doctor. Mahesh is a simple and handsome boy. He is always smiling.

Rajesh has many qualities. He is a laborious boy. He is always serious for study. He is attentive in class and a topper in class examinations. He is practical and wears clean and neat dress. He is kind and helpful to other students. He is good at Mathematics. So, whenever I find difficulties in my Mathematics homework he helps me out. He is never proud. He takes keen interest in school activities, games, and sports. He takes an active part in debates.

Rajesh is a friend who guides me on the right path in life. I want him to be with me in every aspect of my life.

Essay on Best Friend: 300 Words

A true friend is a precious thing. Without a friend, life is dull and boring. I am really lucky to have a true friend. There are 5-6 friends of mine. But Rahul is my real friend. He is a genuine friend. Rahul is my best friend. We are made for each other.

I am proud of Rahul, and so is Rahul of me. We cannot live even for a single day without seeing each other. He has been my class fellow since my early childhood. Our friendship is natural and so everlasting. He comes from a respectable family. His mother is a religious lady and a housewife. Rahul is the only child of his parents. They love Rahul more than their own life. My parents also love him as dearly as they love me.

Rahul’s father is the Principal of a degree college. He is very learned and knowledgeable. And so, Rahul has inherited good intelligence and wisdom. He is brilliant in his studies. Science subjects are his favourite.

He helps me in these subjects. I am very good in English, and help him in this subject. There is a healthy competition between us. But are never envious of each other’s achievements.

Rahul wants to become a big and successful engineer. I want to be a lecturer. Rahul is a very good story-teller and singer. But he likes my jokes and anecdotes the best. We have a common hobby of collecting stamps. We both have a very good collection of stamps. We exchange stamps and information on the subject.

Rahul’s nature is sweet. He is very lovable. He often visits our house and in return, I also pay him visits. I am really lucky to have him as my friend. We together share our joys and sorrows. I have learnt much from him.

Also Read: My Best Friend 10 Lines in English

My Best Friend Essay: 500 Words

Introduction.

‘A man is known by the company he keeps’, Says a proverb. Hence one needs to be very careful in selecting friends. As Shakespeare has pointed out in his play ‘As You Like It’, ‘Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly’. Fair-weather friends are plenty; true and reliable friends are few and far between.

My Best Friend

I have many friends in my school , but most of them are only so-called friends. They are not dependable. Out of them, only Arvind is my true and sincere friend. He is my best friend. I am, indeed, proud of his friendship.

Arvind is the only son of a district court judge. Even then he is very humble and modest. His financial position is sound and enviable. Yet prosperity has not turned him proud and rude. He is not puffed with pride.

His Qualities

Arvind has all the fine qualities of head and heart. He is tall, healthy, and handsome. He is affectionate, kind, sociable, and extremely helpful. He is a good sportsman on the playground and an inviable scholar in the classroom. All praise, honour, and admiration sit lightly on him. He is not swollen-headed. He is all the more modest and polite because of them.

He is a hard-working boy. He is kind and compassionate. His heart melts at the sight of poverty, sickness and human suffering of any kind. In order to serve the suffering humanity selflessly, he has decided to become a doctor and set up his medical practice in some rural Adivasi area. He often says that the selfless service of the poor is the true service of God.

Our Friendship

I am so proud that I have such an ideal friend like Arvind. Because of his company and rare friendship, my outlook, attitude, and behaviour have been positively influenced. His friendship has given a new, healthy dimension to my life and I, now, look forward to a happy and bright future.

Arvind is indeed, the architect of my life and the moulder of my destiny in the right direction. He is my friend, guide, and philosopher. I envy myself for having such an ideal friend.

Read More: 1. Wonder of Science Essay 2. My Favourite Season Essay 3. Essay on Newspaper

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Enemy of my enemy is my friend

Origin of: enemy of my enemy is my friend.

An ancient proverb which suggests that two opposing parties can or should work together against a common enemy. The earliest known expression of the concept is found in the ancient Indian Sanskrit treatise on statecraft Arthashastra, which dates from around the 4th century BC, while the first recorded use of the current English version dates from the late 19th century.

How to Spot Friends, Enemies, Frenemies, and Bullies

Stop bullies and discover who's a friend, an enemy, or in-between..

Posted March 31, 2010 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

Have you ever been confused about whether to call a schoolmate, family member, coworker, employee, boss, partner, acquaintance, or social contact a friend, an enemy, even a bully, or something in between—a "frenemy?" It turns out that getting clarity, identifying the taxonomy, taking action to prevent sadness, harm or even tragedy is possible, as confusing as it looks on first glance.

We owe Phoebe Prince , Megan Meier, and so many others like them an immediate attempt at understanding and stopping bullying . In its place, there needs to be the opposite—an understanding of exactly what makes for a friend.

Maybe you've been on Facebook, Twitter, online matchmaking sites, or had email exchanges with an acquaintance or business contact, or schoolmate and felt concerned about your privacy, being labeled, slandered, or objectified for lack being known personally, or worrying about their intentions?

There's actually a quick, practical way of assessing this.

It may be a more important time than ever to know not just who your friends and enemies are, but those confusing social interactions which, for lack of personal information, connection and in-person meeting, are somewhere in between.

Whether we are talking about women or men, I am sure you have been "crossed" in your time—betrayed, let down, cheated, used, disrespected, or at least turned off in your friendships or dating . It's never been as raw, painful, and as urgent to understand the roots of these as it is right now—in light of yet another suicide in a youth after being chronically bullied—the sad story of Phoebe Prince.

I've thought about this a lot over the past few months, taking people I know or have known, side by side, and wondering what the common factors are. What was the common element in someone who proves to be a friend, an enemy, a bully or a "frenemy" after all is said and done.

This word "frenemy" is one of those wonderful, comic neologisms that was first mentioned on the TV drama Sex and the City and more recently joked about by Comedy Central host Stephen Colbert. Yet on further reflection, you may realize that it is an incredibly useful word. It addresses those situations where someone smiles to our face, but eventually proves true to have had ulterior motives toward us. Someone who gives us praise one moment, but spreads gossip unnoticed by us the very next. Someone we hire as a consultant, for a service, or for guidance, or whom we know collegially, but are never quite sure is on our side. Is it the money we pay them, the interests we share or differ on, or simply because they are mature enough to often do what's right by others?

So many youths use social media today, that it grows every day in terms of how friends and enemies are perceived, and with bullying by that means coming into the fore as well, it makes sense to turn an eye a little more serious than Colbert to this term, frenemy , the "precursor" to friends , enemies , and bullies . I will show you how to spot these four types of relationships by looking at internet blog comments and friend comments.

Liking, Loving, Disliking, and Hating

Maybe you have noticed that it's very possible to "like" a person and yet not "love" them, or to "love" a person but not "like" them at the moment. This dual aspect of liking and loving in a friendship occurs because these states take place in different areas of the brain. Intellectually, we "like those who are like us," as Robert Cialdini states in his book, Influence: the Power of Persuasion . We like those who share opinions, beliefs, values, goals and common experiences or backgrounds. Emotionally, we love each other because, simply, we make each other happy and raise each other's self-esteem . (Both of these are different things from "desire" or "passion.")

So we have a constructive criticism for our friends, in which we advise, point out flaws, suggest and direct them toward maturity and right without causing offense. We "like those who are like us," and yet, reciprocal altruism is also present in which we "like those who like us." Which is much like being an advocate for each other.

On the flipside, our enemies dislike us, as we do them. They certainly don't love us either, but may not express absolute hatred that can carry impulsivity, loss of control, and in the end, the tendency to invade boundaries , emotional or even physical. Enemies, in other words, can still have maturity, boundaries, and even carry our respect in the presence of dislike.

So strangers aside, our friends like us and love us, are constructive critics and advocates in one.

Our enemies dislike us, and are neither constructive critics nor advocates.

Bullies are either enemies that go too far, or objectify us entirely—expressing a hatred that invades boundaries and may cross from the emotionally immature to the criminally physical.

Frenemies are, well, perhaps everyone else known to us as more than a stranger. They are the precursors to the other three, and are either a constructive critic, but non-advocate, or an advocate who doesn't know us, or the situation at hand, to be a fit critic, and may not be either for long.

Critical Advocacy

Whether looking at an auto mechanic, a doctor, lawyer, business partner, cosigner on a loan, journalist you are working with, member of a sports team, club, or even someone you are considering to marry, there is an especially useful way to look at people, their intentions toward you, and the quality and degree of friendship bonds you share.

It turns out there are only two common factors to look at, and only one profile of another person absolutely guarantees they are on your side, on your team, and "with you" for the long haul.

I encapsulate it in a phrase I use now, called "critical advocacy."

Watching the latest celebrity scandals, political conflicts such as the atrocious harassment of congressmen, or the ever-shifting journalism landscape away from "just the facts" toward what they are calling "advocacy journalism," I looked at this term and wondered how it compared to the old view of the classical critic—one who could be of either the constructive or destructive variety.

Add to this some thought about how important communication is in both our friendships and conflicts, and its inaccuracy when we don't really know others so well personally—that objectification of others that happens through electronic communication at times, and causes "spamming," "flaming," and the threatening, annoying, anonymous naysayers so known to clutter the internet with spiteful, hateful, childish comments.

Clearly, communication has two aspects: it conveys data, on the one hand, but emotion on the other.

To read the actions and words of another through a filter for friendship, enemies, and everything in between—"frenemies"—we would need to address both parts. Both the "data" and the "emotion" in their behavior toward us.

"Critical advocacy" fits that bill.

Your Critics

Someone who is a "critic" in your life—of the positive kind—has the three Cs: concern , c ompetence , and constructiveness .

1. First, they are concerned about you enough to want details, and to speak in those details. They have the ability to pay attention to the world around them. They don't make flippant, sloppy, or thoughtless comments about you or in conversation with you. They are "present." They are self-aware and observant.

2. They are competent to have an opinion on you, your life, and your actions. They aren't ill-informed about who you are, the issues at hand, and have some knowledge and experience with both. Not merely dependent on sheer intelligence , or necessitating it at all, they have a desire to learn and teach, have "lived in your shoes," or at least empathy about what it would be like to be you. Some of their expertise may be through formal education , but some through life's experience at the situations at hand. They know what they are talking about in other words.

3. And finally, they are constructive —positive and encouraging, not negative and destructive. They offer solutions and thoughtful suggestions, not merely a period at the end of a negative sentence. This necessitates having good boundaries and maturity, to be a collaborator and compromiser, willing to change their view with new information.

In other words, the critic addresses the "data"—information about you and the friendship from a place of a mature intellect.

Destructive criticism is negative, opinion-based, and may even then be contaminated with a troubled personal history that has nothing to do with you.

Constructive criticism can be positive, but may be neutral, like a classical, admirable journalist of years past, and while the friend with critical skill may point out things to you that you could do better, need to change, or are even wrongful, they most often will also pair that with a suggested path to better living, solutions, and mutual happiness .

If you've ever had a friend, coworker or romantic relationship in which you knew the person was probably right in their opinion about you, but you left the interaction feeling shame , diminished self-esteem, or confused as to what to do next, you probably had just experienced destructive criticism from someone you can now be sure was other than a real friend.

In their communication to you, look for insight and competence, concern and attention, and the maturity that carries constructiveness with it. You need to know that they know what they are talking about—that they are a fit judge of you and your worth.

Certainly you have also been on the edge of feeling hurt by opinions expressed by others, judging you, making you feel little, but on closer inspection, you find that they a.) don't have the education to be a fit judge of your situation, and/or b.) don't have the shared experiences, or at least empathy, to be a fit judge of you.

Discard these. Those who aren't fit judges of your behavior cannot be true friends. It's fine for them to stay acquaintances or strangers. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but you need to not be spending your time investing in them.

Your Advocates

Someone who is an advocate in your life is on your team, in your corner, and likely even shares a life's purpose with you in this arena. They may have always been an optimist in your life, a source of good energy, positive in spirit about who you are and what you do, and that's just great.

That is, until you have joint responsibility, goals and personal stakes tied to the person, such as in a business partner, employee, employer, doctor, lawyer, accountant, or even a spouse.

It's great to have advocates in your life. They are a "breath of fresh air," or more accurately, a source of positive emotion in your communication. They are a "shoulder to lean on" now and again, but if you invest time, energy, heart and soul in them, they need to have shoulders as strong as your own.

Being an advocate for others, and surrounding yourself with advocates of your own are fine arrangements among acquaintances and casual friends. Yet, when your life's goals, well-being, and that of your dependents will be directly impacted by the presence or absence of not only the advocacy of that person, but their competence, concern, and constructiveness too, it is not a fun, harmless friendship anymore.

Ah, and here we see the " Free Rider Problem ," that effect where someone claiming to be a friend is somewhat of a "hanger-on," or appears "lazy" in the friendship. Our shoulder on which they lean isn't returned in the labor of the friendship. And in this way, the self-described friend is slipping more into frenemy territory. Having a greatest fan is nice, but not when that's all they do and we tire of the heavy lifting in the relationship.

Recognizing this effect can be one of those real heartbreakers in life—after all, we are talking about a positive person, a good person, a friendly person—but because they lack the competence to be a wise teammate, lack the concern enough to pay attention to the details, or the mature constructiveness to be collaborators, compromisers, and problem solvers on our team, they need to be let go even so.

"Harmful" = "not friend."

Your Friends

They are easy to spot. In a definition that goes back at least as far as Aristotle, a friend is simply one who makes us consistently feel happy, and we reciprocate.

But what about them is so reliable at leading to those feelings of happiness when we share experiences?

Your true friends are both constructive critics, and loyal advocates of you, your issues, beliefs, values, and goals. They offer corrective advice when you go astray, and the Three Ss: suggestions, solutions, and support to get you back on track and keep you there.

Friendship is, of course, also related to our "fit" in personality style, something that seems complex on the surface but is incredibly easy to understand with a little insight. Those who are best friend potential for us also tend to be our opposite in style, yet still be well-matched in maturity level. There's a useful food-for-thought quiz here .

I've noticed that even when people are a good match by personality, that doesn't necessarily mean they are going to be a great teammate at a specific task, or an absolute guarantee as a solid, durable friend.

In friendship, teamwork , communication, and conflict resolution happen where opposites attract, yet have the capacity for empathy—placing ourselves in the other's shoes.

There are other variables involved—for example, age differences, cultural differences, essentially differences in whether you share the same purpose or life's purpose together—beliefs and values—otherwise even if you are great people and a good fit of personality, you are at cross purposes, literally.

Maturity in friendship entails having good boundaries, win/win attitude, constructiveness, wisdom , patience, self-awareness, empathy, and a host of other things.

Your Enemies

This is an easy one to see in your life, because their behavior is so clear and uniform. They are negative in their words with you, and negative in their emotions for you, if they even express any of these directly. You might hear what they think of you through gossip, or from far away through impersonal emails, or even see anonymous posts about you somewhere out there on the internet—which is nowhere at all really when it comes to true friendship and matters of the heart.

We are evolved for in-person social connection, and you might notice that as electronic communication marches forward, there seem to be more and more enemies to be had through objectifying one another.

The point is that enemies themselves might have far more troubles than you, and because they don't know you really, it is easy for them to be destructively critical, to forego concern, and easily duck, turn, or hide from being discovered as incompetent to understand you, judge you, or comment on the issues at hand.

It's also possible for your enemies to be mature people, and even good people, but ones who don't like you and whom you don't like in return.

What matters to your welfare is that they are neither a constructive critic, nor an advocate. They only have destructive criticism for you, and if asked, would actually advocate against you rather than keep the neutrality of an old-time journalist.

They are then the opposite of a casual friend, which is at least better than the lowest of the low. They may at least have boundaries on their conduct, and might even respect you though they don't like you. It's possible because personal boundaries are the very source of what we call respect for self and others. I talk about boundaries in intimate detail in the book, MindOS: the operating system of the human mind .

They have not crossed that boundary into direct physical harm to your person, your property, or others "on your team" essential to your mutual welfare.

For those lowest of the low, we have the word "bully."

Your Bullies

The bullies in your life have not just been the opposite of casual friends. They are more like the opposites of "best friends" in your life—the people so reliably on your team, in your corner, and with joint goals, stakes, and responsibilities.

They lack personal boundaries, the origin of respect for ourselves and others, and may foolishly think nothing of actually violating your person, your property, or your social reputation—in some cases incompetent to even see what they are doing.

This lack of personal boundaries also carries with it a characteristic we tend to call "weakness." Someone with poor boundaries is just as emotionally fragile as they are intrusive in our lives.

They are low in self-esteem themselves, often moreso than the victims of their bullying, but that is no matter. The very thing they seek is a vulnerable other in whom to dump their negative emotion, frustration, and self-loathing . Rather than finding the maturity that lends self-observation and accountability for their own personal growth and happiness, they pass the buck, and harm, onto others.

Which makes them different from just enemies. They are immature, bad people for whom destructive criticism crosses into emotional or physical abuse, incompetence and lack of concern cross to negligence, and anti-advocacy crosses into trauma to another.

We need to adapt to the idea that in life there will be enemies—there's no avoiding that—but in the case of Phoebe Prince and so many others, both children and adults, a bully need never be tolerated as an expectable or acceptable part of life.

At worst, a bully is an immature, or even criminal enemy, not just a casual or social one. The school bullies, the youth of the country, need more detailed instruction on maturity in general, and most urgently, boundaries in specific, than perhaps ever in history. As we all can clearly see, deaths like that of Phoebe Prince, Megan Meier, and thousands like them worldwide, were all entirely, wholely, and easily avoidable.

And while also easy to recognize often only after their damage is done, it might serve us well to go back to the term for everything in between these poles of friendship and bullying—"frenemy"—looking at it seriously as a potential no man's land of our social relations. A staging ground from which bullies arise.

Maybe that's what's so ironic about the "frenemy" term's origin in the comedy of Stephen Colbert—the comedians of society have always been the truth-tellers on issues that give us the most anxiety , are most confusing, or are deemed least politically correct.

Your Frenemies

They are "everyone else." Not quite a friend—you're not ever sure. Not quite an enemy—after all, they sometimes seem to advocate for you, like you, or smile at you even if they don't seem to spend much time with you actually helping you achieve your goals. With others, we might notice they help us with things—seem to be on our team, or at least show up to meetings—yet we might sense a vague feeling of disapproval in their demeanor, a nagging worry that they might someday "throw us under the bus" to save their own skins.

It's not possible to be true friends with everyone we meet, contrary to the mindset that the social networking sites might lull you into with their "friend" button.

It's also not common that everyone in life is an enemy. If we ever get to feeling that, we might be in need of some therapy on our past hurts and traumas .

Bullies are even less common than what I have called "casual social enemies" here (those with at least reasonably mature boundaries, who happen to dislike you) while at the same time bullies may be the most devastating people in the lives of our adolescents, and most destructive to the future well-being, success and social connectedness of individuals.

That leaves frenemies as the most common kind of social roles for people we encounter in our lives.

What's crucial is that bullies likely go unrecognized (until the damage is done) because they are wolves hiding in the sheep's clothing of the frenemy role. Whether a sibling , a mentor, teacher, parent, administrator, boss, or spectator on the social dramas around us,

The teacher who once gave you an unfair failing grade was a frenemy—either not an advocate, or not very constructively critical as far as we know (until they took you under their wing to give you extra tutoring and encouragement to do better next time.) You then felt friendship feelings for them. Their role evolved from frenemy to friendly.

A boss who fired you was a frenemy—either not an advocate or not a constructive critic—until the next thing they did was to prepare you a nice or at least reasonable letter of recommendation for the next employer. From frenemy to friendly.

Some people in your family might also be true friends, but some others might be more of the frenemy variety. You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your frenemies. If we saw that there are varying levels of friendship within families, we might have more actionable moves to make in improving what were formerly recalcitrant family relations.

Your lawyer, doctor, or accountant had better be more than frenemies—they need to be both competent critics, and reliable advocates over time.

A journalist, an acquaintance, might be only a critic, not an advocate—which they don't owe anyone—but they also ought not be an enemy if they are true to their calling, and not a bully if they value their reputation as neutral. They are a frenemy, and so frenemies are not always a negative thing.

Still, in the jungle of adolescence , there might not be much thought about such adult roles. For them, there are Facebook, Twitter, Blogs and other equally socially unregulated communication.

Social Media

One of the interesting and also potentially hurtful things about social media for both youth and adults alike is the relative or complete anonymity of it all. One can have a negative social impact without any repercussions or accountability—a "Wild West" of dislike leading to the tacit endorsement of impulsive and boundariless hatred.

Frenemies here can become enemies or bullies as easily as friends.

If you were to examine your own Facebook, Twitter, or bog comments, you would see a pattern.

Friends are both constructive critics with the competence, concern and knowledge and experience to comment on you, as well as being a clear advocate. "Friend" them.

Enemies are both destructive critics (or incompetent ones) as well as being non-advocates. "Unfriend" or delete them without noticing any harm done really.

Bullies are enemies who have already gotten "under your skin"—your boundary—and even as you delete them you feel the pain inflicted emotionally. It may last a while. Never, ever accept a reapplication for "friending" or go anywhere near them in person if possible.

Frenemies can lead to any of the other three, and that is why they are to be given the most attention. You might not want to unfriend them just yet, because they may sometime soon prove a great new person to know, but if things start to turn south, be hot on the delete button.

Their tell-tale signs will be that:

They either pair great analysis with experience—they do offer something to learn in constructive criticism offering a better way to do things. They know you or your situation in a way that actually brings social value to the public forum, and diplomatic discourse.
Yet they are clearly not your advocate. There are no compliments or kudos—no feeling of "they're on my side," or "they're on my team." They are critics but not advocates. Wait and see.

On the other hand, they might instead be glowing supporters who don't display much thought, attention, or real knowledge of you or your situation. They are advocates, but not apt critics, and their advocacy is not based in a detailed history or experience of knowing you—it may evaporate as quickly as their attention. Again, take a wait and see attitude.

What's learned in social media can be imported into the classroom, the boardroom, the sidewalk, and the dinner table, where the brakes on impulsivity and poor boundaries aren't so far removed from social consequences. The "Wild West" of the internet could then ironically give us some clarity on the subtle shades of social gray that occur face to face.

Making My Frenemy My Friend

You might start to see that what's key is not a spot check on our relationships—not minimal monitoring in places like schools, the workplace, and our homes—but instead, a more longitudinal observation. A consistency over time, to track and halt any decline into bullying. My trainers back in the surgical rotations of medical school used to say, "It's not what you do. It's what you do next." Which is to say that for every mistake or misunderstanding, there is usually a cure if we stick together as people, and keep communicating.

We need to keep a long term eye on our communities and social groups, not just a once in a while check, or conference only in times of crisis or grievance. We need programs that teach the benefits, rewards, and coolness factor associated with being known as a quality friend.

Through this all, we can also take the high road, the optimistic path, and also see that while frenemy relationships can and do deteriorate into enemies and bullies (when we spot that trend it's time to "un-friend" on Facebook, block their email, and keep real supporters close), it's also just as possible that frenemies—half-friends and half enemies, critics without advocacy or advocates without critical thinking—can and do also become friends.

This is what Prince, Meier, and all those bullied or broken deserved: friendship, not bullying, not death. Turning a frenemy to a friend takes good boundaries on both parties parts, and since we can't control the latter—only ourselves—it may very well be that one of the biggest hidden challenges in public education, especially that of children, is the simple instruction on what a boundary is, how to use it, protect it, find strength and mutual respect in it.

We owe the victims, and our communities, instruction in vivid detail about maturity in general and personal boundaries in specific—that feature of our psyches which demands respect from others, holds on to self-respect, and takes the weaknesses of both bully and potential victim upward into a personal strength of character—a socially secure, safe position.

Paul Dobransky, M.D. , is a psychiatrist and author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love and The Power of Female Friendship .

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An open letter to my enemy turned best friend, some people think people never change; i think not..

Dear Best Friend,

It's hard to look back and remember a time where we weren't spending all of our time together, yet that time did exist. And it was not a pretty time from our past. You chose to hate me for no other reason than the fact you were popular and I was not. We were stupid kids; it's OK. I don't hold it against you. I hated you, too. You seemed too stuck up and not the kind of person I wanted to be associated with.

Then, an explosion of drama came out and for some reason, you decided to be on my side. It was hard to believe at first, and there was some genuine concern toward your decision; it took me a while to trust it. Eventually, though, we started talking, and somehow became friends. The most common problem between friends is the two turning against each other and becoming enemies. So, how do two already existing enemies move past and become friends?

It took awhile, and by awhile, I mean a few years for me to finally trust you and believe in our friendship. But eventually, the walls we had built up against each other came crashing down, and that's the moment we became best friends. Like I said before, becoming enemies is the main reason why friendships fail, but because we were enemies first, it's hard to go back to that. Of course, that doesn't mean we didn't have our fair share of fights and disagreements, but nothing unusual.

Why did we hate each other anyway? Now that I know you all too well and you know me all too well, it's hard to think we couldn't stand each other. We're too alike for that to happen. Only I understand your moments of creative madness, and only you get my sadness over my obsession with fictional characters. We have the same outlook on life, share creative influences and dream the same future. We're a power duo, and I'm glad fate decided to turn us together.

So, to those who say people never change, I'd like to argue with them. It takes time, but you can change people for the better, and what arises is something that will last a lifetime. I would've never imagined this when I was younger, but now, I can't imagine my life without my best friend by my side. You're the older brother I'll never have.

I still hate you every once in a while because you're annoying, but even then, I still love you. To forever, my dear friend.

Sincerely, Your ex-enemy

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A long over due thank you note to my greatest passion..

Dearest Yoga,

You deserve a great thank you.

Never would I have thought a few years ago that I would be such a huge yoga fanatic, that I would be hitting the gym almost every day to get to class, and that I would be forming all these amazing relationships with so many incredible people who also share a love for you. You've enhanced my way of life in numerous ways that I need to thank you for.

Thank you for showing me my true strength. Not only physical strength, but more importantly mental strength. You've shown me that I am more than what others may think of me, and that I can rise above any obstacle that comes through my path.

Thank you for helping me to walk through life with grace and passion. To love what I do and love the life that I share with those around me. Before experiencing yoga, I never truly understood what it was like to be passionate about something. Now that I have, not only do I know what it's like to be passionate, but also have a willing to be passionate.

Thank you for teaching me what it is like to appreciate the small things in life. Which has only helped me more to appreciate the big things. You've shown me to not only appreciate the life around me, but also to give myself the appreciation that I deserve. And more importantly, give others the appreciation that they deserve.

Thank you for allowing me to let go. Whenever I feel as if I need a break from the world, the yoga studio is the first place I think of. As soon as I enter the studio, the outside world leaves my mind. You've allowed me an escape that I will be forever thankful for.

Thank you for turning me into a mindful person. Having mindfulness is harder than it seems, especially here in today's society. Over the past couple years, I have become more mindful to the world around me, I have been able to truly be myself and let everyone else be themselves -- all thanks to yoga.

And lastly, thank you for allowing me to breathe. As simple as it sounds, breathing is the one thing that I carry around most with me off the mat. Deep breaths are what get me through the day. Throughout tough situations, emotional battles, and stressful times, I always know to come back to my yoga, to come back to my breath.

I only hope that those around me feel the same way as I do about you, yoga. You have truly transformed my life in the best way imaginable. It is a gift and a great privilege to be able to experience the practice. Thanks to you, I have grown as a person, proved to myself the true strength I have, become more aware and have ultimately started living a better life.

You're the best,

Your Yoga-Obsessed Friend

Epic Creation Myths: Norse Origins Unveiled

What happened in the beginning, and how the heavens were set in motion..

Now, I have the everlasting joy of explaining the Norse creation myth. To be honest, it can be a bit kooky, so talking about it is always fun. The entire cosmos is included in this creation myth, not just the earth but the sun and the moon as well. This will be a short retelling, a summary of the creation myth, somewhat like I did with Hermod's ride to Hel.

The Norse cosmos began with two worlds, Niflheim and Muspellheim. These two worlds, the worlds of primordial cold and fire , were separated by a great fissure called Ginnungagap. The waters from the well Hvergelmir, at the center of Niflheim, by many rivers flowed into Ginnungagap and "when those rivers, which are called Elivagar, came so far from their source, the poisonous flow hardened like a slag of cinders running from a furnace, and became ice. ...Then layer by layer, the ice grew within Ginnungagap" (Byock 13). The northernmost regions of the gap filled with hoar frost and rime, but the southernmost were "the regions bordering on Muspell [and] were warm and bright" (Byock 13). Where the cold of Niflheim's ice and the warmth of Muspellheim's fire met in Ginnungagap the ice thawed, and "there was a quickening in these flowing drops and life sprang up" (Byock 14). From the ice came Ymir, known as Aurgelmir by the giants, the origin of all frost giants. As the wise giant Vafthruthnir says, "'down from Elivagar did venom drop, / And waxed till a giant it was; / And thence arose our giants' race, / And thus so fierce are we found'" (Bellows 76-77).

25 Throwback Songs You Forgot About

But you know you still know every word..

We all scroll through the radio stations in the car every once in a while, whether its because we lost signal to our favorite one or we are just bored with the same ol' songs every day. You know when you're going through and you hear a song where you're just like "I forgot this existed!" and before you know it, you're singing every word? Yeah, me too. Like, 95% of the time. If you're like me and LOVE some good throwback music, here's a list of songs from every genre that have gotten lost in time, but never truly forgotten.

1. "Big Pimpin'" - Jay-Z ft. UGK

Jay-Z gives us a ballad about, you guessed it, pimpin' big in NYC. Jay-Z's rhymes paired with that catchy beat is just bound to get stuck in your head for the rest of the night.

2. "Mr. Brightside" - The Killers

If you say that you don't know any of the words to this song, you're the worst kind of person... a liar. This classic has left stamps of its lyrics on 99% of the population, and has a forever spot in my soul.

3. "Lose Yourself" - Eminem

This song always leaves me feeling like I could sign a record deal and launch my career as a rap/hip-hop legend... and craving spaghetti.

4. "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American) - Toby Keith

A ballad for the ages that brings the overly patriotic American badass out of all of us.

5. "Drop It Like It's Hot" - Snoop Dogg ft. Pharrell Williams

SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!

6. "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" - Green Day

This song makes me want to walk down a lonely road, preferably a dark one, and reflect on all of my life choices. Nevertheless, it's still a fantastic song.

7. "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" - Panic! At The Disco

If your friends don't "chime in" by screaming the chorus at the top of their lungs in the car with you, it's time to leave them there and find new friends. Also, did anyone ever tell the groom what his bride has been up to?

8. "Semi-Charmed Life" - Third Eye Blind

A life anthem for all of us. Third Eye Blind has recently released another album. My inner child is tingling.

9. "Baby Got Back" - Sir Mix A Lot

Nicki Minaj sampled this in her song "Anaconda" in 2014. Take a minute to realize that some people have heard that, but not the REAL jam that the sample came from. Now, cry.

10. "Get Low" - Lil Jon ft. Ying Yang Twinz

The real question is which version is better: Lil Jon's or Sandra Bullock's?

11. "Check Yes Or No" - George Strait

You don't have to be a country lover to know this song. My hardcore rocker/screamo friend even knows the chorus. Don't try and tell me you don't. I don't like liars.

12. "Ride Wit Me" - Nelly

"Ayyyyye, must be the monaaayyy!" - frequently screamed lyric

13. "Pony" - Ginuwine

Even though I can't hear this song without seeing Channing Tatum's half naked body in my mind, it's still one of my favorite songs to hear. Instant day brightener when I hear that funky beat at the beginning.

14. "Cleanin' Out My Closet" - Eminem

As sad as these lyrics are, Eminem really hit this one out of the park.

15. "Gangstas Paradise" - Coolio

10/10 would recommend listening to Weird Al's parody of this song.

16. "It Was A Good Day" - Ice Cube

The first time I heard this may have been on Grand Theft Auto, but that doesn't mean that it isn't a great song.

17. "What's Your Fantasy" - Ludacris

Another song that I knew most of the lyrics to that I probably shouldn't have at a young age.

18. "Everybody (Backstreets Back)" - Backstreet Boys

They really were back, and we all wish they had stayed.

19. "Misery Business" - Paramore

I can't tell if I want to be Hayley Williams or be ON Hayley Williams. I'd be okay with either. #girlcrush

20. "Steal My Sunshine" - Len

This feel good song makes me want to rip open a popsicle and ride my bicycle around town.

21. "Fly" - Sugar Ray

As repetitive as this is, this song will never get old.

22. "Song 2" - Blur

23. "buddy holly" - weezer.

Weezer may have hated this song, but we are glad they recorded it.

24. "No Rain" - Blind Melon

Maybe it's just me who is obsessed with this song, but if you haven't heard it, I highly recommend.

25. "99 Problems" - Jay-Z

I have 99 problems, and this playlist solves all of them.

27 Hidden Joys

Appreciation for some of life's most discredited pleasures..

Life is full of many wonderful pleasures that many of us, like myself, often forget about. And it's important to recognize that even on bad days, good things still happen. Focusing on these positive aspects of our day-to-day lives can really change a person's perspective. So in thinking about the little things that make so many of us happy , I've here's a list of some of the best things that often go unrecognized and deserve more appreciation:

1. Sun showers

3. tight hugs, 4. discovering new foods you like., 5. laying in bed after a long day., 6. and being completely relaxed, 7. "this reminded me of you", 8. breakfast foods, 9. over-sized clothes, 10. contagious laughs, 11. car rides with that one person, 12. random (i miss you/ i love you) texts, 13. the city at night, 14. surprises, 15. blanket cocoons, 16. good hair days, 17. really good coffee, 18. days where you're in a good mood naturally and for no particular reason, 19. conquering a fear, 20. when they give you a lot of guac at chipotle, 21. being so comfortable with someone that you can literally talk about anything, 22. home-cooked meals, 23. tattoo stories, 24. leaves changing color in fall, 25. butterflies in your stomach, 26. peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, 27. when you can't stop laughing, cool off with these 8 beers.

Summer is hot and humid, and it's almost like summer was made specifically to drink the refreshing, cold, crisp wonderful, delicious, nutritious nectar of the gods. Which is none other than beer; wonderful cold beer. With summer playing peek-a-boo around the corner while we finish up this semester, it's time to discuss the only important part of summer. And if you haven't already guessed, it's beer. There are few things I take more seriously than my beer, in order are: sports ... and beer. Here are my favorite summer brews:

Coors Light Summer Brew:

This summer shandy begins this list, it's a mix of lemon, lime and orange. While this is by no means a craft beer, it still has it place as a refreshing summer brew to enjoy.

Leinenkugel Summer Shandy

Solid choice for any summer get together, great taste with a hint of citrus.

Leinenkugel Sunset Wheat

Distinctly reminds me of Fruity Pebbles, but nonetheless is a wonderful summer beer.

Want to know more about beer?

Summertime is the perfect time for beer, and that's why International Beer Day is on August 2nd. Our community has you covered with more stories about beer, including:

The Benefits of Drinking Beer : Let us count the ways. There are more than you might think.
Delicious Beer Substitutes : Is beer not typically your thing? Try one of these instead.
Unique Beer Flavors to Try : Whether it's hard apple cider or the tase of wild blueberries, these are great options.
If College Majors Were Beers : Business, sports medicine, design – there's a beer for every major.

Sam Adams Summer Ale

Sam Adams is known for their traditional Boston Lager, but their Summer Ale is damn good.

Hell or High Watermelon

Made with real watermelon, not much is more summer-esque than juicy watermelon in July.

Blue Moon Summer Honey

I love me some Blue Moon, so the summer brew is a no-brainer on this list.

LandShark Lager

Fun fact: LandShark is owned by Anheuser-Busch, and is more commonly know as the signature drink of Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville.

Obviously Corona had to take the number one spot. To me, there's nothing more refreshing than a cold Corona with lime on a hot summer day.

So whether you're on a sandy beach, a fishing boat, or at a pool, just remember what our dear friend Jack Nicholson said, "Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world."

Drink responsibly and never drink and drive.

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1. Brittany Morgan, National Writer's Society 2. Radhi, SUNY Stony Brook 3. Kristen Haddox , Penn State University 4. Jennifer Kustanovich , SUNY Stony Brook 5. Clare Regelbrugge , University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign

The enemy of your enemy is, indeed, your friend. Physics confirms it.

Data Science
Weinberg College

Most people have heard the famous phrase “the enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

Now, Northwestern University researchers have used statistical physics to confirm the theory that underlies this famous axiom.

The study was published May 3 in the journal Science Advances .

In the 1940s, Austrian psychologist Fritz Heider introduced social balance theory, which explains how humans innately strive to find harmony in their social circles. According to the theory, four rules — an enemy of an enemy is a friend, a friend of a friend is a friend, a friend of an enemy is an enemy and, finally, an enemy of a friend is an enemy — lead to balanced relationships.

Although countless studies have tried to confirm this theory using network science and mathematics, their efforts have fallen short, as networks deviate from perfectly balanced relationships. Hence, the real question is whether social networks are more balanced than expected according to an adequate network model. Most network models were too simplified to fully capture the complexities within human relationships that affect social balance, yielding inconsistent results on whether deviations observed from the network model expectations are in line with the theory of social balance.

The Northwestern team, however, successfully integrated the two key pieces that make Heider’s social framework work. In real life, not everyone knows each other, and some people are more positive than others. Researchers have long known that each factor influences social ties, but existing models could only account for one factor at a time. By simultaneously incorporating both constraints, the researchers’ resulting network model finally confirmed the famous theory some 80 years after Heider first proposed it.

The useful new framework could help researchers better understand social dynamics, including political polarization and international relations, as well as any system that comprises a mixture of positive and negative interactions, such as neural networks or drug combinations.

“We have always thought this social intuition works, but we didn’t know why it worked,” said Northwestern’s István Kovács , the study’s senior author. “All we needed was to figure out the math. If you look through the literature, there are many studies on the theory, but there’s no agreement among them. For decades, we kept getting it wrong. The reason is because real life is complicated. We realized that we needed to take into account both constraints simultaneously: who knows whom and that some people are just friendlier than others.”

“We can finally conclude that social networks align with expectations that were formed 80 years ago,” added Bingjie Hao, the study’s first author. “Our findings also have broad applications for future use. Our mathematics allows us to incorporate constraints on the connections and the preference of different entities in the system. That will be useful for modeling other systems beyond social networks.”

The code and data behind the study are available on Github .

Kovács is an assistant professor of Physics and Astronomy at Northwestern’s Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences . Hao is a postdoctoral researcher in his laboratory.

Kovács and Hao currently are exploring several future directions for this work. In one potential direction, the new model could be used to explore interventions aimed at reducing political polarization. But the researchers say the model could help better understand systems beyond social groups and connections among friends.

“We could look at excitatory and inhibitory connections between neurons in the brain or interactions representing different combinations of drugs to treat disease,” Kovács said. “The social network study was an ideal playground to explore, but our main interest is to go beyond investigating interactions among friends and look at other complex networks.”

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Physics Unravels the Truth Behind “The Enemy of My Enemy Is My Friend”

New study is first to use statistical physics to corroborate 1940s social balance theory.

Most people have heard the famous phrase “the enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

Now, Northwestern University researchers have used statistical physics to confirm the theory that underlies this famous axiom.

The study was published on May 3 in the journal Science Advances .

Kovács is an assistant professor of Physics and Astronomy at Northwestern’s Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences . Hao is a postdoctoral researcher in his laboratory.

What is social balance theory?

Using groups of three people, Heider’s social balance theory maintains the assumption that humans strive for comfortable, harmonious relationships. In balanced relationships, all people like each other. Or, if one person dislikes two people, those two are friends. Imbalanced relationships exist when all three people dislike each other, or one person likes two people who dislike each other, leading to anxiety and tension. Studying such frustrated systems led to the 2021 Nobel Prize in physics to Italian theoretical physicist Giorgio Parisi, who shared the prize with climate modelers Syukuro Manabe and Klaus Hasselmann.

“It seems very aligned with social intuition,” Kovács said. “You can see how this would lead to extreme polarization, which we do see today in terms of political polarization. If everyone you like also dislikes all the people you don’t like, then that results in two parties that hate each other.”

However, it has been challenging to collect large-scale data where not only friends but also enemies are listed. With the onset of Big Data in the early 2000s, researchers tried to see if such signed data from social networks could confirm Heider’s theory. When generating networks to test Heider’s rules, individual people serve as nodes. The edges connecting nodes represent the relationships among individuals.

If the nodes are not friends, then the edge between them is assigned a negative (or hostile) value. If the nodes are friends, then the edge is marked with a positive (or friendly) value. In previous models, edges were assigned positive or negative values at random, without respecting both constraints. None of those studies accurately captured the realities of social networks.

Finding success in constraints

To explore the problem, Kovács and Hao turned to four large-scale, publicly available signed network datasets previously curated by social scientists, including data from (1) user-rated comments on social news site Slashdot; (2) exchanges among Congressional members on the House floor; (3) interactions among Bitcoin traders; and (4) product reviews from consumer review site Epinions.

In their network model, Kovács and Hao did not assign truly random negative or positive values to the edges. For every interaction to be random, every node would need to have an equal chance of encountering one another. In real life, however, not everyone actually knows everyone else within a social network. For example, a person might not ever encounter their friend’s friend, who lives on the other side of the world.

To make their model more realistic, Kovács and Hao distributed positive or negative values based on a statistical model that describes the probability of assigning positive or negative signs to the interactions that exist. That kept the values random — but random within limits given by constraints of the network topology. In addition to who knows whom, the team took into account that some people in life are just friendlier than others. Friendly people are more likely to have more positive — and fewer hostile — interactions.

By introducing these two constraints, the resulting model showed that large-scale social networks consistently align with Heider’s social balance theory. The model also highlighted patterns beyond three nodes. It shows that social balance theory applies to larger graphlets, which involve four and possibly even more nodes.

“We know now that you need to take into account these two constraints,” Kovács said. “Without those, you cannot come up with the right mechanisms. It looks complicated, but it’s actually fairly simple mathematics.”

Insights into polarization and beyond

The code and data behind the paper, “Proper network randomization is key to assessing social balance,” are available on Github .

Reference: “Proper network randomization is key to assessing social balance” by Bingjie Hao and István A. Kovács, 3 May 2024, Science Advances . DOI: 10.1126/sciadv.adj0104

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WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®

Helping writers become bestselling authors

Friends as Enemies

April 19, 2016 by BECCA PUGLISI

One thing that Angela and I discovered time and again as we put the Rural and Urban Setting Thesaurus books together is just how influential the setting is on a story. Setting has its collective fingers in a lot of pies: building the mood, characterizing the story’s cast, steering the plot, evoking mood, providing conflict…and that’s just a few things it can do. In our books, we try to cover as much of this detail as possible so you can write richer stories. Each entry has not only the sights, sounds, smells, tastes and textures a character might experience, but other elements too.

Here’s one area that keeps drawing my attention:

(I pulled this tidbit from One Stop For Writers , where all the settings for both books can also be found. Subscribers can access the entries in their entirety while registered users can see a sampling .)

As a writer, I’m constantly looking for sources of conflict for my stories. This is one of the reasons we included this field, because people are our greatest resource when it comes to conflict. So looking at the kinds of people typically found in a given setting can give you an idea for who might cause trouble for your hero.

But as I was brainstorming for this field, one thought kept coming back to me: But what about the friends ?

I’m not talking about the friends that your character thinks are friends but end up stabbing her in the back. I’m talking about real friends who cause real trouble, often unintentionally.

As we know, friends, family, and allies can cause conflict, too. And because of their close connection with the main character, trouble from a friend inherently equates to elevated emotions for the hero. Plus, friends are so accessible; you won’t typically have to orchestrate a meeting in order to make the sparks fly because the friends are already there.

So it makes sense to use those closest to the hero to add conflict. But what kind of trouble can a true friend cause? Here are a few possibilities:

Opposing Goals: Throughout your story, your hero should have something he’s trying to achieve. But at the scene level, he should also have goals—smaller micro-goals that move him toward getting what he wants overall. Conflict comes in the form of people, forces, things, etc. that block the character from getting what he wants. Oftentimes this comes in the form of the antagonist, who is actively working against the character. But what if the character with the opposing goal is his friend? Fireworks, that’s what happens, between the hero and the person he thought was on his side.

Shared Goals: Another form of conflict comes when two characters want the same thing. Again, the typical scenario is the character and the antagonist or a rival going after the same objective—getting the boy/girl, winning the game/court case/contest, getting a spot on the team, etc. But it gets a lot more complicated when the person competing with the character is a trusted ally.

Clashing Traits: Every person is different, and though our friends are often somewhat similar to us, they’re not carbon copies. The same is true with characters and their cronies. Each member of the cast has traits, both positive and negative, that don’t go well together. Imagine a responsible and rule-following hero combined with a reckless friend. A controlling hero and a rebellious friend. Hard-working vs. lazy. Sensitive vs. tactless. Friends with opposing traits are going to get on each others nerves. Remember this in the planning stages of your story and you’ll end up with built-in conflict that’s easy to access.

Moral Arguments: Though friends aren’t going to agree on everything, every person has certain moral lines they’re not willing to cross. And though they know that other people don’t necessarily share their values, they don’t like them to cross those lines, either. While friends are willing to compromise on certain things, it’s much harder for them to give ground when it comes to questions of right and wrong. Knowing what values your character holds dear can help you use those values against him when conflict is necessary.

Envy : No matter how gifted, successful, good-looking, or popular a person is, there’s always someone who’s MORE gifted, BETTER looking, etc. Envy is an ugly emotion, beginning with negative thoughts that often turn to negative behaviors. When envy manifests between friends, it becomes much more complex, with higher stakes.

Insecurities: Every character has insecurities that make them doubt themselves and skew their view of the world and others. These insecurities can lead to poor decisions that impact the people around them. For instance, someone who’s insecure about his popularity may crack jokes at a friend’s expense if it will get him a few laughs. A girl who is insecure about her looks might latch on to anyone who pays her attention—even if that person is her best friend’s ex. If you’re looking for conflict between friends, figure out what insecurities exist and see what you can do to manipulate them.

Weak Moments : Let’s face it: no one is perfect. No matter how strong a friendship is, every person has selfish moments where they just want to do what they want to do no matter how it might affect others. What might that look like? Canceling plans with a friend when a better opportunity comes along. Not standing up for someone. Kissing a friend’s sister. Poor decisions are easy to justify, and our characters might convince themselves that these choices are no big deal. But weak moments often lead to huge fallout, making for great conflict.

Growing apart : It’s an unfortunate truth of friendship, but sometimes people just grow apart. Interests change, new groups are joined, people move on from a relationship that is holding them back in other areas or is unhealthy in some way. This is natural, but it doesn’t happen all at once. Before people have fully moved on, there’s often a long process full of awkward moments and uncomfortable emotions like confusion, self-doubt, anger, hurt, and bitterness. This leads to lots of potential conflict as friends try to figure out what’s happening and come to grips with the new dynamic.

The list of conflict between friends could probably go on and on, but these are a few of the ways that true friends can cause problems for your main character. Do you have any to add? Please share them in the comments!

Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and its sequels. Her books are available in five languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers —a powerhouse online library created to help writers elevate their storytelling.

Reader Interactions

April 20, 2016 at 8:53 am

Interesting post, Becca. Will see what it produces in my WIP. Thanks.

April 21, 2016 at 8:48 am

Good luck, Carol!

April 19, 2016 at 8:13 pm

Great entry!! It doesn’t have to be a big rift, just enough to form a crack.

April 21, 2016 at 8:49 am

Exactly! Conflict doesn’t have to be explosions and fireworks. It can be subtle and quiet and still accomplish its purpose :).

April 19, 2016 at 9:47 am

While reading this post, immediately thought of Hazel and Bigwig (Watership Down), Bobby and Mark (Pendragon), Harry and Everyone Else (Harry Potter).

April 19, 2016 at 11:33 am

Yes, I thought of Ron and Harry in the Envy section. And Hazel and Bigwig are a great example of conflict among friends—even Hazel and Fiver. Love that book.

[…] was reading this article on conflicts you can use in your books. And there was one paragraph that stood out to […]

[…] Friends as Enemies by Becca Puglisi on Writer’s Helping Writer’s […]

[…] https://writershelpingwriters.net/2016/04/friends-as-enemies/ […]

[…] your story. Joyce Scarbrough shows how to bring your characters to life, Becca Puglisi discusses friends as enemies, K.M. Weiland tells you everything you need to know about 3rd person, Marcy Kennedy explores using […]

[…] Friends as Enemies by Becca Puglisi on Writer’s Helping Writer’s […]

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Handling Friendship Problems

How to Deal With a Friend Who's Become an Enemy

Last Updated: February 19, 2023

This article was co-authored by Guy Reichard . Guy Reichard is an Executive Life Coach and the Founder of HeartRich Coaching & Training, a professional life coaching and inner leadership training provider based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He works with people to create more meaning, purpose, well-being, and fulfillment in their lives. Guy has over 10 years of personal growth coaching and resilience training experience, helping clients enhance and transform their inner worlds, so they can be a more positive and powerful influence on those they love and lead. He is an Adler Certified Professional Coach (ACPC), and is accredited by the International Coach Federation. He earned a BA in Psychology from York University in 1997 and a Master of Business Administration (MBA) from York University in 2000. This article has been viewed 101,501 times.

Friendships often involve a strong emotional bond to someone. As long as the friendship is healthy and thriving, that bond is a good thing. When a friendship takes a turn for the worst, that bond sometimes makes it hard to have a clean break. This can lead to former friends being subtle, or open, enemies. If you feel that you are in this situation, you have to identify the signs of an unfriendly friend, let go of the friendship, and neutralize any negative actions that your former friend takes against you.

Evaluating the Situation

A friend offering constructive criticism might pull you to the side and say something like “Have you noticed that the shoes you are wearing have a hole in them? You might want to put on something else before we go out.”
Someone who is being overly critical may address the same situation by calling you out in front of everyone and saying something like “Seriously? You are wearing shoes with holes in them. Don’t you have a better pair?”

Step 2 Consider what they say when you’re gone.

Do not overreact to a friend making a lighthearted joke or stating something that is true. For example, say you aren’t on time for a get together and one of your friends says something like, “I’m not surprised. They probably lost the car keys.” This isn’t something to be offended by (especially if you commonly lose your car keys).
Personal and demeaning comments rarely, if ever, fall into the lighthearted joke category. Take the same example of being late for an outing and imagine one of your friends says something behind your back like, “I can’t stand them. All they do is complain about how bad their life is and bring everyone around them down. I hope they don’t show up at all tonight.” In this case, this person is likely not a friend anymore.

Step 3 Notice if/when they stand up for you.

For example, if someone says something rude to you and your friend diffuses the situation by saying something like, “That’s not necessary. Let’s all be mature,” then they are taking up for you.
If your friend joins in and says something unkind to you, they might not be as good of a friend as you thought.

For example, you could say something like “I’ve noticed that we don’t get along as well as we used to. It seems like you aren’t very fond of me anymore. Is there a reason?”
This conversation might be best had alone.

Step 5 Consider the permanence of the split.

You could take active steps like having breakfast together once a week to reunite.
Before deciding that the friendship isn’t worth fixing, you might want to consider things like mutual friends involved. You might spend a lot of time around this person whether you want to be friends or not. In this case, it might be best to at least be on speaking terms.

wikiHow Quiz: Is My Friend Toxic?

How often does your friend flake on plans.

Constantly! They almost always cancel at the last minute.

Frequently. I might as well flip a coin to see if they show up.

Occasionally. They usually have a good excuse, though.

Never. If they give me their word, I know they’ll be there.

Letting Go of the Friendship

Create some kind of ‘moving on’ ritual. Do something that symbolizes the end of the friendship for you. Common versions of this would be to burn or bury something that the friend gave your or that you two shared.
Write out your feelings. This could be in the form of a letter to your friend (don’t send it), a poem, or even just a list of the things you are thinking and feeling.

Practicing mindfulness can help you let go of the past and focus on the present.
An example of something you might enjoy doing alone could be exercising, art, or reading.
You can go out to movies, coffee shops, or the park with your friends to enjoy yourself.

Step 3 Be prepared to encounter them later.

Think about how to respond if they are rude to you.
Consider what you should do if they want to be friends again.
Practice saying what you think you will need to say. For example, say something in front of the mirror like “I’m well. I hope you are well, too.” If you don’t want the conversation to go any further, you can excuse yourself.

Neutralizing the Enemy

If your mutual friends bring up your new nemesis, simply change the conversation and say something like “That situation is between the two of us. I think it’s best that I don’t involve our friends.” Anything you say could upset your friends or find its way back to your former friend.

Step 2 Overlook as much drama as possible.

For example, if your enemy does something like leave a nasty note in your locker, just throw it away. There is no need to write a note back or confront them about it. Actually, you don’t even have to read it at all.

For example, if you go to a mutual friend’s birthday party, you might have to say something like, “Hi. How have you been?” After a short exchange you can move on.
If you are rude to the other person or complain about them being invited, you might make the whole situation stressful on your friend who’s having the party. This will make things tense between you and your friend.

For example, your enemy might say something like, “We used to have a lot of fun together. We should grab coffee sometime and catch up.” You can politely respond with something like, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. We had a pretty rough falling out, and now we can be in the same room peacefully. I wouldn’t want to mess that up.”

Community Q&A

Focus on your good relationships. Thanks Helpful 4 Not Helpful 0
Avoid blaming yourself for pushing them away. Thanks Helpful 4 Not Helpful 0

If you are being harassed or bullied, reach out for help. If you are underage, try reaching out to a parent or teacher. If you are in serious danger, contact law enforcement. Thanks Helpful 7 Not Helpful 3
Do not imitate their behavior toward you. It will make you look immature. Thanks Helpful 8 Not Helpful 6

↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-urban-scientist/201003/how-spot-friends-enemies-frenemies-and-bullies
↑ http://www.realsimple.com/health/mind-mood/emotional-health/10-ways-happier

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Best Friends and Enemy Essay Example

Pages: 2 (436 words)
Published: November 1, 2016
Type: Essay

In our society, relationships between people are very important part in life. Goran Stojanoy once said, “Once should always take care when making a choice of a friend as the friends are the ones you pick by yourself. ” Also, friends come and go, but with some special people they stay in our life forever. In life we spend approximately 30% of our time socializing with people, making friends is one of the process.

It depends on the person who is trying to be friends with you, depends on their gender, depends on their age but most important thing we look at is their personality and this step could make the person become your best friends or your enemy. I’ve never really had an enemy before until I started my life he

re, in Vancouver. Let’s just say my head wasn’t really clear, wasn’t really know them before I made friend with her.

I thought it was a good friendship at first, but then all my other friends start telling me do not make friends with her, guess she was so over me and her actions made my friends and me repulsed. Not for a while I started hearing news about she spread rumors behind my back the first thought pop into my head was “That back stabing little bitch. ” Seeing her I normally feel disgusted. Unlike her my best friend would never say bad things about me neither would I and I won’t allow others to do that.

On the other hand, seeing my best friend puts me in a better and happier mood. I have a lot i

common with my best friend maybe that is why both of us get to be our-self when we are around each other and here I quote “You’re just like me, you crazy. ” Best friend is very supportive and open minded! You always can share your secrets to her/ him and find interests in lots of thing if you find yourself and your enemy has same interests you would just feel disgusted and probably hates it that might causes you and your enemy disagree on anything.

One example feeling, sometimes when best friends fight nobody won’t be real mad at each other because you both know the feeling isn’t real, but enemy between the conversations there always another meaning underneath it. In conclusion, having a best friend is the best thing you’ll ever going to experience in your life time. They will always there for each other. No matter what they’ll helps another when they get hurt from the enemy!

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How to make friends in college: 8 tips from real students

Students hugging each other on UNI campus

Is one of your biggest concerns how to make friends in college? You aren’t alone. Every college student wants to find their people who they can comfortably confide in and enjoy spending time with. Keep reading to learn from some real University of Northern Iowa students about their experiences making friends in college.

How to make friends in college

Have a positive outlook on making friends.

If you go into your college experience believing you can’t make friends in college, you may find it more challenging to foster new connections. But if you believe that you will make friends and you put in the proper effort, you’ll be more likely to leave your time in college with fulfilling relationships.

“When I was a freshman, I was very nervous to make friends here at UNI,” said William Palma, a third-year student majoring in computer science. “I had the belief, however, that I would find meaningful people, and I was able to meet great people with this positive mindset.”

Even if you didn’t have a lot of friends in high school, have the belief that college will be different. “This is a fresh start for you, and you have the ability to control your college experience,” said Meggan Barrow, a third-year student majoring in comprehensive secondary science education.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of constantly scrolling on your phone. This is especially true while you’re in a classroom waiting for a lecture to begin. Challenge yourself to be in the moment and off your phone. For Carissa Demings, a senior accounting and business analytics student, this is one way she has figured out how to make friends in college. Even while she is walking to class, she tries to avoid being on her phone. “People are more likely to approach you or talk to you before class if you aren’t occupied with your phone,” she said.

Remember you aren’t alone

‌ Whether a person is introverted or extroverted, the thought of making new friends in college will be a little nerve-wracking. “I remember feeling very nervous about how I might be perceived if I was the first to start a conversation with someone new,” said Samantha Robinson, a senior majoring in communication sciences and disorders. “What helped me to overcome that feeling was knowing that EVERYONE is feeling nervous about the same thing. I quickly learned that most people starting college are looking around, hoping for someone else to start the conversation. By knowing that everyone is nervous about the same thing, it made me feel a lot better about putting myself out there and making new friends.”

Students playing video games together in residence hall

Leave your comfort zone

Perhaps the most important advice you can take when it comes to thinking about how to make friends in college is to be willing to take risks. That may mean getting involved with a group where you don’t know anyone or showing up to a sporting event even though you don’t know all the rules. Put yourself out there! “Leaving your dorm room or apartment to get involved is the first, easiest step to making friends, even when you may not feel like it,” said Robinson.

“Be open to meeting new people and don’t hesitate to introduce yourself with someone new,” said Lizbeth Garcia Tellez, a senior majoring in strategic public relations. “Embrace the chance to connect with others!”

Put in the work

Friendship is a two-way street. It takes time and effort on the part of both parties to create a lasting relationship. Organize get-togethers with new connections such as movie nights or coffee meet-ups. Even if you aren’t in the same classes, asking someone to study with you is also a great way to further a connection. “Collaborating on study sessions gives us a chance to spend more time together and support each other academically, which deepens our connection,” said Garcia Tellez.

“With being so involved, it’s hard to block off time to make friends or even hang out,” said Barrow. “I have overcome this by allowing myself more breaks in my schedule and not going to everything possible.”

Be the friend you want

It can be hard to make the first move in a friendship by introducing yourself to someone new. But you can’t always be expecting other people to introduce themselves to you first. In general, you will make more friends if you treat others the way you would like them to treat you. “Even if you’ve found your group, be open to it growing,” said Madison Duong, senior majoring in marketing: advertising and digital media. “Invite others to join you when your friends hangout. The small action of including someone in your plans makes all the difference.”

Let your friends increase your connections

Often, when you make a friend, you will have the opportunity to meet their friends, too. This will multiply your connections in college. Don’t be afraid of mixing your friend groups or asking your friends to introduce you to more people. When everyone is helping each other foster community, knowing how to make friends in college gets a lot easier!

Be yourself

Whether you’re conversing with your dorm neighbor or meeting your intramural teammates, make sure you are always your authentic self. “I tried to be someone I wasn’t my freshman year,” said Caleb Brothers, a senior majoring in interactive digital studies and graphic technology. “I had to realize that if people didn’t want to know me for who I really was, what was the point? Don’t be afraid to be who you truly are. The friends will come, so there’s no need to hide behind a mask or a facade.”

Where to make friends

There is no shortage of places where you can make friends at college. According to students, some of the best places include:

Orientation - Orientation is really your first chance to start making friends at college. Because it can be overwhelming, it might be a good idea to focus on just one or two people you could become friends with.
Welcome Week activities - The first week at UNI is filled with all kinds of events for students. Take advantage of these opportunities.
On-campus jobs - Whether you work in an office on campus or the dining centers, jobs are a great way to spend an extended period of time with other students.
Classes - Try to converse with your classmates before and after class. It’s usually pretty easy to ask them if they’d like to study for an upcoming test together.
Campus events - Keep an eye out for events happening on campus throughout the school that you can go to and meet more people. Read your weekly Panther Experience emails, check out the UNI Calendar and look for flyers and sidewalk chalk signs across campus. You can also follow various departments and student organizations on social media.
Student organizations - Get involved with student groups right away. These are a great place to find people with common interests.
Residence halls - Leave your door open whenever possible and look for other open doors on your floor. Don’t be afraid to stop by and say “hello.”
Dining centers - Ask others in the dining center if you can sit with them, or if you see someone eating alone invite them to sit with you.

Make lifelong friends at UNI

Hopefully, these tips will help you flip your mindset from “I can’t make friends in college” to “I CAN make friends in college.” Remember that making friends gets easier with practice, so if you don’t feel like you’ve made friends in the first few days on campus, just keep trying! It will get better.

UNI welcomes new students at Panther Welcome kickoff

President Nook delivers the 2024 University Address

Bob Justis announces retirement as UNI football, men’s basketball public address announcer

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Dan Wells Quote: “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”
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‌Whether a person is introverted or extroverted, the thought of making new friends in college will be a little nerve-wracking. "I remember feeling very nervous about how I might be perceived if I was the first to start a conversation with someone new," said Samantha Robinson, a senior majoring in communication sciences and disorders.