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There's a nice little 90-minute B movie trapped inside the 143 minutes of "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl," a movie that charms the audience and then outstays its welcome. Although the ending leaves open the possibility of a sequel, the movie feels like it already includes the sequel; maybe that explains the double-barreled title. It's a good thing that Geoffrey Rush and Johnny Depp are on hand to jack up the acting department. Their characters, two world-class goofballs, keep us interested even during entirely pointless swordfights.

Pointless? See if you can follow me here. Capt. Jack Sparrow (Depp) has a deep hatred for Capt. Barbossa (Rush), who led a mutiny aboard Sparrow's pirate ship, the Black Pearl, and left Capt. Jack stranded on a deserted island. Barbossa and his crew then ran afoul of an ancient curse that turned them into the Undead. By day they look like normal if dissolute humans, but by the light of the moon, they're revealed as skeletal cadavers. Now here's the important part: Because they're already dead, they cannot be killed. Excuse me for supplying logic where it is manifestly not wanted, but doesn't that mean there's no point in fighting them? There's a violent battle at one point between the Black Pearl crew and sailors of the Royal Navy, and unless I am mistaken the sailors would all eventually have to be dead because the skeletons could just keep on fighting forever, until they won. Yes? The only reason I bring this up is that the battle scenes actually feel as if they go on forever. It's fun at first to see a pirate swordfight, but eventually it gets to the point where the sword-clashing, yardarm-swinging and timber-shivering get repetitious. I also lost count of how many times Jack Sparrow is the helpless captive of both the British and the pirates, and escapes from the chains/brig/noose/island.

And yet the movie made me grin at times, and savor the daffy plot, and enjoy the way Depp and Rush fearlessly provide performances that seem nourished by deep wells of nuttiness. Depp in particular seems to be channeling a drunken drag queen, with his eyeliner and the way he minces ashore and slurs his dialogue ever so insouciantly. Don't mistake me: This is not a criticism, but admiration for his work. It can be said that his performance is original in its every atom. There has never been a pirate, or for that matter a human being, like this in any other movie. There's some talk about how he got too much sun while he was stranded on that island, but his behavior shows a lifetime of rehearsal. He is a peacock in full display.

Consider how boring it would have been if Depp had played the role straight, as an Errol Flynn or Douglas Fairbanks (Sr. or Jr.) might have. To take this material seriously would make it unbearable. Capt. Sparrow's behavior is so rococo that other members of the cast actually comment on it. And yet because it is consistent and because you can never catch Depp making fun of the character, it rises to a kind of cockamamie sincerity.

Geoffrey Rush is relatively subdued--but only by contrast. His Barbossa, whose teeth alone would intimidate a congregation of dentists, brings gnashing to an art form.

Only the film's PG-13 rating prevents him from doing unthinkable things to the heroine, Elizabeth Swann ( Keira Knightley ), whose blood, it is thought, can free the captain and his crew from the Curse of the Black Pearl.

Elizabeth is the daughter of Weatherby Swann, the governor ( Jonathan Pryce ) of Port Royal, a British base in the Caribbean, and seems destined to marry Cmdr. Norrington ( Jack Davenport ), a fate which we intuit would lead to a lifetime of conversations about his constipation.

She truly loves the handsome young swordsmith Will Turner ( Orlando Bloom ), whom she met when they were both children, after spotting him adrift on a raft with a golden pirate medallion around his neck, which turns out to hold the key to the curse. Jack Sparrow takes a fatherly interest in young Turner, especially when he discovers who his father was ... and that is quite enough of the plot.

Bloom is well cast in a severely limited role as the heroic straight-arrow. He has the classic profile of a silent-film star. Knightley you will recall as the best friend of the heroine in " Bend It Like Beckham ," where she had a sparkle altogether lacking here.

Truth be told, she doesn't generate enough fire to explain why these swashbucklers would risk their lives for her, and in closeup, seems composed when she should smolder. Parminder K. Nagra , the star of "Beckham," might have been a more spirited choice.

"Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl" is "based on" the theme park ride at Disney World, which I have taken many times. It is also inspired (as the ride no doubt was) by the rich tradition of pirate movies, and excels in such departments as buried treasure, pirates' caves, pet parrots and walking the plank, although there is a shortage of eye patches and hooks.

The author Dave Eggers reportedly plans to open a Pirates' Store, complete with planks measured and made to order, and "The Curse of the Black Pearl" plays like his daydreams.

Roger Ebert

Roger Ebert was the film critic of the Chicago Sun-Times from 1967 until his death in 2013. In 1975, he won the Pulitzer Prize for distinguished criticism.

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Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

Rated PG-13 For Violence

134 minutes

Johnny Depp as Capt. Jack Sparrow

Geoffrey Rush as Capt. Barbossa

Jonathan Pryce as The Governor

Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Swann

Orlando Bloom as Will Turner

Jack Davenport as Norrington

Damian O'Hare as Lt. Gillette

Lee Arenberg as Pintel

MacKenzie Crook as Ragetti

Giles as Murtogg

Directed by

• Gore Verbinski
• Ted Elliott
• Terry Rossio
• Jay Wolpert

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Pirates of the caribbean: the curse of the black pearl, common sense media reviewers.

Rip-roaring fun for kids who don't mind skeletons.

A Lot or a Little?

What you will—and won't—find in this movie.

Main characters eventually work together to defeat

Main character is a scoundrel, albeit a charming o

Strong female lead avoids being a damsel in distre

A lot of action violence, characters killed. Some

Sexual references (e.g., implying certain characte

Swearing includes "bastard," "damn," and "hell," a

Remember, this is one big ad for a Disneyland ride

Characters drink rum, often to the point of inebri

Parents need to know that Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl is a swashbuckling pirate adventure based on the famous Disney ride that stars Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, and Orlando Bloom. The movie is not especially graphic but does feature things like an undead pirate crew that may be…

Positive Messages

Main characters eventually work together to defeat an evil band of undead pirates. But they also constantly double- and triple-cross each other.

Positive Role Models

Main character is a scoundrel, albeit a charming one, and authority figures are portrayed negatively. But other characters, including the two main women, are shown as strong and independent, each in their own way.

Diverse Representations

Strong female lead avoids being a damsel in distress. An Afro-Latina woman (Zoe Saldana) in a supporting role captains her own ship. But for a film set in Jamaica, it seems odd that the scenes in town feature nearly no people of color.

Did we miss something on diversity? Suggest an update.

Violence & Scariness

A lot of action violence, characters killed. Some images, including the literally skeleton pirate crew and a false eyeball that keeps coming out, that may be disturbing to some viewers.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Violence & Scariness in your kid's entertainment guide.

Sex, Romance & Nudity

Sexual references (e.g., implying certain characters are sex workers), some revealing bodices.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Sex, Romance & Nudity in your kid's entertainment guide.

Swearing includes "bastard," "damn," and "hell," as well as some colorful pirate insults, like "strumpet," "scum," "cur," and "eunuch."

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Language in your kid's entertainment guide.

Products & Purchases

Remember, this is one big ad for a Disneyland ride.

Drinking, Drugs & Smoking

Characters drink rum, often to the point of inebriation. A scene takes place in a tavern, where many people are clearly drunk.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Drinking, Drugs & Smoking in your kid's entertainment guide.

Parents Need to Know

Parents need to know that Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl is a swashbuckling pirate adventure based on the famous Disney ride that stars Johnny Depp , Keira Knightley , and Orlando Bloom . The movie is not especially graphic but does feature things like an undead pirate crew that may be disturbing to some kids. There are revealing bodices and mild sexual references (not explicit and showing no nudity or sexual situations). Swearing includes "bastard," "damn," and "hell," plus colorful pirate language. Characters drink rum and get tipsy. To stay in the loop on more movies like this, you can sign up for weekly Family Movie Night emails .

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Community Reviews

• Parents say (50)
• Kids say (199)

Based on 50 parent reviews

Spooky and Suggestive, but Safe

Its amazing, what's the story.

In PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL, Elizabeth Swann ( Keira Knightley ), daughter of a governor ( Jonathan Pryce ), is fascinated by pirates. On their voyage to Port Royal, Jamaica, from England, Elizabeth helped rescue a boy named Will Turner. While he was unconscious, she took his gold medallion. Now grown up, Elizabeth is still wearing the token and is loved both by Commodore Norrington ( Jack Davenport ) and Will ( Orlando Bloom ). When the dreaded pirates of the Black Pearl, led by Captain Barbossa ( Geoffrey Rush ), sack the town, Elizabeth offers them the medallion if they'll leave. They take it, and take her, too. Turner pursues in hopes of rescuing her, aided by the notorious Captain Jack Sparrow ( Johnny Depp ), with Norrington and his men right behind them. It turns out that the medallion is the last of the cursed pieces of gold that turned Barbossa and his crew into the walking dead, always hungry and thirsty but unable to eat or drink. By restoring the gold to its chest -- with the right person's blood -- the curse will be removed. There are advantages, though, in being a pirate who can't be killed.

Is It Any Good?

Just like the theme park ride that inspired it, this movie's greatest strengths are its atmosphere and art direction. The production design of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl skillfully incorporates elements of classic book illustrations with popular pirate themes and seems to get the essence of every detail right, from the curve of the sail to a pirate's pet monkey. The film's action sequences are energetic and entertaining. The script has some creepy twists and saucy lines to keep audiences well entertained.

The film also escapes the terrible pirate curse. Not the curse about pieces of gold that turn people into the walking undead, but the one about pirate movies, a genre better known for overacting and overblown budgets that empty movie studios' bank accounts faster than real-life pirates robbed their victims. Although this movie's origins as a Disneyland ride didn't seem promising, the film ends up being surprisingly enjoyable. There's enough swashbuckling, rope-swinging double-crossing (and colorful sidekicks) to keep you entertained, if that all sounds like fun.

Talk to Your Kids About ...

Families can talk about rules and guidelines. What were the consequences of the promises made -- and broken -- in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl ?

Does the film encourage you to find out more about pirate history? Where do they come from, and what form do pirates take today?

Although a work of fiction, the movie takes place in a historical context. What do you know about the history of the Caribbean, or about Jamaica?

Movie Details

• In theaters : July 9, 2003
• On DVD or streaming : December 2, 2003
• Cast : Johnny Depp , Keira Knightley , Orlando Bloom
• Director : Gore Verbinski
• Inclusion Information : Female actors
• Studio : Buena Vista
• Genre : Action/Adventure
• Topics : Magic and Fantasy , Adventures , Monsters, Ghosts, and Vampires , Pirates
• Run time : 135 minutes
• MPAA rating : PG-13
• MPAA explanation : action/adventure violence
• Last updated : July 10, 2024

Did we miss something on diversity?

Research shows a connection between kids' healthy self-esteem and positive portrayals in media. That's why we've added a new "Diverse Representations" section to our reviews that will be rolling out on an ongoing basis. You can help us help kids by suggesting a diversity update.

Suggest an Update

Our editors recommend.

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• DVD & Streaming

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

• Action/Adventure , Comedy , Drama , Horror , Romance , Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Content Caution

In Theaters

• Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow; Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Swann; Orlando Bloom as Will Turner; Geoffrey Rush as Captain Barbossa

Home Release Date

• Gore Verbinski

Distributor

• Disney/Buena Vista

Movie Review

Courted by a stuffy commodore, a beautiful girl secretly pines for a humble blacksmith, who is equally smitten with her. A ghostly galleon full of “undead” pirates pays a visit in search of a gold doubloon needed to reverse a curse. And the flamboyant, bejeweled, displaced Capt. Jack Sparrow, a former member of the buccaneers’ crew, blows into port to steal a ship (“commandeering,” he argues, or “borrowing without permission”).

Sparrow’s mission gets blown off course by the governor’s reckless daughter, Elizabeth Swann, when he’s called upon to rescue the damsel from her kidnappers—the dastardly crew of the most dreaded ship on the high seas, the Black Pearl. Our unlikely hero is the only one who knows where the ghost ship is berthed, having captained it before his former first lieutenant Barbossa staged a mutiny and left Sparrow to die on a deserted island. Sparrow is aided by young Will Turner, the blacksmith apprentice who’s loved Elizabeth since his youth, and the highly motivated duo are determined to let nothing stop them from reclaiming their treasures … even when they find out that their adversaries can’t be killed because they’re already dead, placed under a terrible curse by pagan gods for their insatiable greed.

Positive Elements

The pirate “code of parlez” (French for “speak”) gives otherwise merciless pirates the opportunity to show grace to their captives. Elizabeth first invokes it when she’s captured by leering, jeering riff-raff fresh off the Black Pearl and is given an audience with its captain (going from the proverbial frying pan into the fire).

Although a bit sappy and doting, Gov. Swann is obviously a loving, caring (and inexplicably single) dad who places his daughter’s happiness high on the priority scale.

When asked by Sparrow how far he’s willing to go to save the kidnapped Elizabeth, Turner unhesitatingly replies, “I’d die for her.” He proves himself a man of his word as he repeatedly puts his life on the line for the woman he loves.

Spiritual Elements

A great deal of superstitious fear surrounds the Black Pearl, described by one sailor in hushed whispers as, “a ship with black sails, crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil hell itself spit him back out.” Except, in the context of the story, it’s not superstition. Captain Barbossa tells the captive Elizabeth about how angry heathen gods hexed a stolen chest of Aztec gold: Any mortal that removed more than a single piece would be punished for eternity. He and his greedy crew have brought the curse down on themselves by spending all the coins but one, and now are imprisoned in the realm of the undead until every coin is returned to the chest and blood from a certain pirate’s line is spilt upon it.

Christian families looking for modern-day parables will find a parallel between the pagan gods’ requirement of blood to lift the curse of the Black Pearl to God’s requirement for His own Son’s blood sacrifice to lift the curse of sin and death from mankind. But these waters get muddy pretty quickly, and that lesson is mostly obscured by the symbols of evil that surround it.

Sexual Content

There’s a whole lot of skirt-chasing going on at the pirates’ hideout. Pirates cavort with busty ladies, prompting Sparrow to remark, “If every town in the world were like this one, no man would ever feel unwanted.” A rum-sodden sailor, though, doesn’t even notice when a woman repeatedly lifts her skirts behind his head. A romantically unattached man is asked if he’s a eunuch. Barbossa speaks of frittering treasure away on women, and the curse that’s left him and his men with lust so strong that “all the pleasurable company in the world cannot slake it.” He later longs for the “warmth of a woman’s flesh.”

Both society women and pirate playthings reveal lots of cleavage common to that period’s apparel. Elizabeth is forced to remove her dress (revealing modest undergarments) in front of the pirate crew. A woman is rescued from drowning by a pirate who rips her dress and corset off to allow her to breathe, but the scene is more sensational than sexual. Elizabeth pulls Turner’s hand to her breast before placing it on his medallion that she’s been wearing around her neck.

Violent Content

The movie is quite violent with a large body count, though there’s not a lot of blood. Much of the mayhem involves undead pirates who turn skeletal in the moonlight. People get shot at close range and run through with swords. There are hangings and a few slit throats. A pirate gets showered with glowing embers from a bed-warming pan. Another gets hit in the belly by a cannon ball. Yet another pulls out his wooden eye by the flying fork that’s pierced it. Ships fire cannons at each other and at a coastal town. Buildings and ships are seen burning.

Sparrow and Turner engage in a sword fight (no one gets hurt). Sparrow takes it in stride when his face gets slapped by two women scorned and another whose ship he stole. He holds a woman at gunpoint to make an escape. Both Elizabeth and Will, at separate times, are threatened with knives held to their throats. Three skeletons hang under the sign “Pirates Ye Beware” at a cove entrance.

Perhaps the most egregious violence is Barbossa’s rough treatment of Elizabeth. He slaps her unconscious when she won’t answer his question, and makes her walk the plank. In turn, she shoots him and stabs him in the chest, but no harm’s done since he’s undead.

A pirate explains the custom of offering a marooned pirate a gun with a single bullet: “That won’t be much good for huntin’ or to be rescued. After three weeks of starvin’ and thirst, that pistol starts to look real friendly,” then demonstrates by holding fingers to his temple.

Crude or Profane Language

The British profanity “bloody” is uttered frequently, even by the “refined” Miss Swann. God’s name is used lightly in a couple of spots, as is “Mary, mother of god.” The noun hell and the adjective damned are used properly several times; “d–n” is also used improperly once. The words “bastard” and “bejesus” pepper pirate language.

Drug and Alcohol Content

Pirates engage in typical rum swilling. Marooned with Elizabeth, Sparrow unearths a cache of rum and drinks lavishly; Elizabeth dupes him into thinking she’s matching him drink for drink until he passes out. She also rebuffs his flirtations by telling him they “haven’t drank enough yet for that kind of talk.” Elizabeth accepts a glass of wine from Barbossa. A drunken man is seen passed out from his boozing.

Other Negative Elements

When Elizabeth refuses to don a gown of Barbossa’s choice and dine with him, he threatens to make her eat dinner with the crew … naked. (She hastily acquiesces and puts on the contested dress.)

Unlike “parlez,” another pirate code is much less gentlemanly, calling for them to abandon crewmates who fall behind in battle.

Sparrow, Will and Elizabeth make liberal use of situation ethics: the end justifies the often questionable and downright unacceptable means. When all is said and done, crime goes unpunished and the main characters sail off into the sunset (some literally; others figuratively).

Movies once inspired theme-park rides. Now it’s the other way around. ( Haunted Mansion , anyone?) What’s remarkable is that Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl actually delivers the thrills, laughs and romance audiences want while they’re gobbling up popcorn. It’s not just a lazy attempt to capitalize on a brand name.

Portrayed with rock star swagger, Johnny Depp’s Capt. Jack Sparrow is a likable scoundrel who looks like the offspring of Errol Flynn and Joan Jett … in fact, this role has earned Depp near-rock star status with teens. All the more reason for families to be wary of the film’s mixed messages.

Overshadowing the onscreen heroism and fun are disappointing closing remarks romanticizing—even legitimizing—piracy. (That’s especially significant considering the fact that modern-day merchant marines are still victimized by sea robbers, but possibly more so because of the way those who steal songs and movies on the great ocean known as the World Wide Web have been so identified with the peg-legged seafarers of old.) That, and the film’s creepy, prolonged violence should make families think twice before setting sail for this high-seas adventure.

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Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl Parent Guide

Trouble rolls into the coastal town of Port Royal the moment Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) lightly sets foot on the local's wooden wharf. His quest to reclaim his ship soon involves a band of pirates and the kidnapping of Elizabeth Swan (Keira Knightley), the Governor's daughter. When an eager young man (Orlando Bloom) attempts to mount a rescue party, the entire British navy becomes involved.

Why is Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl rated PG-13? The MPAA rated Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl PG-13 for action/adventure violence.

Get Content Details

The guide to our grades, parent movie review by kerry bennett.

Like a heavy ocean fog, trouble rolls into the coastal town of Port Royal when Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) lightly sets foot on the local’s wooden wharf. Having lost command of his ship during a mutiny, the roguish captain is consumed with getting the Black Pearl back from his double-crossing first mate, Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush). And he isn’t above commandeering someone else’s boat to do it.

But his plans to steal the British Navy’s fastest vessel, the HMS Interceptor, are disrupted when Barbossa and the mutineers fire on the seaside settlement and kidnap Elizabeth, the daughter of the Governor (Keira Knightley). Eager to help the friend who once saved his life, Will Tanner (Orlando Bloom), a young blacksmith, begs Jack to help him find the legendary ship and free the captured girl from the pirates.

However, due to the misdeeds of Barbossa and his band of thieves an eerie curse has befallen the Black Pearl—a curse that dooms them to exist between the spheres of life and death until they can undo the hex.

For many, Johnny Depp and Walt Disney Pictures are an unlikely combination to appear in the same movie credits. Suffice it to say, there was some bending on the part of both parties to make it happen. The usually family-friendly official Disney studio banner received its first ever PG-13 rating in the United States and Depp’s bizarre character who wears heavy black eyeliner, gold teeth and double chin braids, was toned down from the original interpretation .

Like the recently released Country Bears , this film is based on a Disney theme park attraction. But don’t expect Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl to be suitable ride for all family members. Prolonged and often tedious amounts of fantasy violence include on-screen shootings, stabbings and multiple impalings. While teens may be intrigued with the pirates’ moonlit transformation from human being to rotting skeleton, children will likely find the change a little scary.

The rakish, ousted pirate captain also appears to be a little tipsy. It could be from too much sun or the burning desire for revenge. But it’s more likely the regular consumption of rum that leaves Jack weaving across the screen in this film that plays alcohol use for comedy.

While slashing several scenes of sword fighting could easily have shortened this script to a more satisfying length, the swashbuckling action will likely appeal to many teens. In addition, Will’s desire to make an honorable name for himself despite his family history allows these boisterous buccaneers to barely squeeze into the B grade.

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Kerry Bennett

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Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl Rating & Content Info

Why is Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl rated PG-13? Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl is rated PG-13 by the MPAA for action/adventure violence.

Page last updated July 4, 2019

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl Parents' Guide

Movies with love triangles often include two stereotypical male characters, one straight laced and conventional, one more edgy and daring. (See Sweet Home Alabama , Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas , While You Were Sleeping , Sabrina ) Which guy usually gets the girl? Why is he portrayed as the best choice for the heroine? Are those portrayals always realistic?

Although he is completely without morals and willing to do anything to get his way, Jack Sparrow is played as a romantic hero. How do moviemakers win audience support for him? Considering the reality of damage and death he caused, what would be a just punishment for him?

For party ideas for your little scallywags, check FamilyFun.com’s Pirate Party . If you would like to know more about real life pirates, follow this link .

Related home video titles:

Full of scurvy buccaneers and buried treasure, Muppet Treasure Island offers a milder version of a pirate tale for younger children. Fans of Orlando Bloom can see the British actor as Legolas Greenleaf in Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring and Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers . Keira Knightley plays an up and coming female soccer star in Bend It Like Beckham .

This saga continues in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest , Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End and Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides .

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Pirates of the Caribbean Movies Ranked

We’re ranking every movie in the Pirates of the Caribbean series! We start with the Certified Fresh Curse of the Black Pearl that catapulted Johnny Depp from cult darling to international star. That’s followed up with the rest of the original trilogy featuring Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley, and then franchise extenders On Stranger Tides and Dead Men Tell No Tales . — Alex Vo

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) 80%

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006) 53%

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007) 44%

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011) 33%

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) 30%

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Pirates of the Caribbean

Thanks to the efforts of Jerry Bruckheimer, Gore Verbinski, and a sashaying Johnny Depp, what was once just a ride at Disneyland has transformed into a blockbuster adventure franchise filled with swashbuckling high-seas thrills.

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Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017)

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007)

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Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

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‘pirates of the caribbean: the curse of the black pearl’: thr’s 2003 review.

On July 9, 2003, Walt Disney Pictures and Jerry Bruckheimer Films brought the Johnny Depp movie to audiences nationwide. 

By Kirk Honeycutt

Kirk Honeycutt

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'the shining': thr's 1980 review, 'the rock': thr's 1996 review.

Screenwriters Ted Elliott and Terry  Rossio  are mostly associated with animation, and this is one time when a cartoon approach in live action is exactly right: The movie’s flamboyant personalities and tongue-in-cheek action push the envelope of high camp without ever succumbing to sheer silliness.

This $100 million-plus production, stylishly directed by Gore  Verbinski  and lavishly produced by Jerry  Bruckheimer , has the makings of one of the summer’s big hits.

The film includes a number of “scenes” from the Disneyland ride, such as the imprisoned pirates trying to coax a dog carrying a jailhouse key toward their cell to a raucous tavern featuring zaftig serving wenches.

But the smartest borrowing — and one of the best of the 600-old visual effects shots — is the living skeletons.

What Sparrow doesn’t learn until later is that the Pearls’ treasure carries a curse that dooms his former crew to sail the seas as the undead. Only moonlight reveals them as living skeletons.

The Pearl attacks Port Royal, just after Sparrow arrives, to retrieve a gold medallion. This is the last piece of the plundered treasure. If the treasure is completely restored along with the payment of a “blood debt,” the curse will lift. The crew also kidnaps the medallions’ owner, Elizabeth  Swann  ( Keira  Knightley), daughter of the governor (Jonathan  Pryce ). Two men pursue the Black Pearl, hoping to rescue this beauteous damsel: Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), a blacksmith and childhood friend secretly in love with her, and haughty Commodore  Norrington  (Jack Davenport), who fancies himself her  fiance .

Despite his loathing of pirates, Will joins forces with Sparrow. The duo hijacks the fastest ship in the British fleet and sets sail for the Isla de Muerta , where the pirates hope to break their curse.

This sets up a series of set pieces of comic action and effects — the attack on Port Royal, the escape of Sparrow and Will, sea battles between the Black Pearl and other vessels, no less than two climaxes in a torch-lit island cave and, most impressively, moonlit battles between British sailors and pirate skeletons.

Rush zeroes in on the comedy in his wily villain. Knightley continues to display the athleticism exhibited in Bend It Like Beckham  as a damsel who is able and willing to fight and escape with the best of men. In the closest thing to a straight man in the movie, Bloom attacks his role with the pent-up fury of a man who only hates pirates because pirate blood races in his veins.

The large cast, costumed and made up as a fitly scalawags and sinister buccaneers, gives tremendous energy to every scene. There are many solid gags among this motley crew — the pirate forever chasing his false eye, the parrot trained to speak for its mute master, the series of fetching wenches who deliver slaps to Sparrow for past wrongs.

Cinematographer  Dariusz   Wolski  and production designer Brian Morris manage to convey the giddy feel of the original Disneyland ride — that we are in a dark world, where we may safely gasp and giggle at its outlandish villainy and savage avarice. Klaus  Badelt’s  music is at times over the top, but he takes his cue from a production that banishes all subtlety.

Next up in Disney’s self-looting is The Haunted Mansion  in November. Let’s just hope they never tackle “It’s a Small World.” —  Kirk  Honeycutt, originally published on July 7, 2003. 

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Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Reviewed by: Charity Bishop CONTRIBUTOR

piracy and other sins

ghosts in the Bible

death and the final judgment

curses in the Bible

enchantments

THE OCCULT—What does the Bible say about it? Answer

What is the Occult? Answer

G ood swashbucklers just aren’t in style anymore. It’s been years since a pirate has sailed into the box office and made movie making history. But the applause must go to Disney for this grand achievement which can truly be deemed an “epic.” Pirates of the Caribbean is in the grand old style of Errol Flynn. Not only are the sword fights grand, the escapes harrowing, and the cast top-notch, but the plot is truly brilliant and the two and a half hour pace never seems to lag. Most viewers will find themselves swept into an adventure unlike any other with a beautiful damsel in distress, a handsome rogue as her rescuer, and a motley crew of bloodthirsty buccaneers to provide the backdrop.

In the memorable opening scenes, the story begins on the deck of a British royal navy ship under the command of young Captain Norrington (Jack Davenport) and the Governor of Jamaica (Jonathan Pryce). His daughter Elizabeth is standing at the stern singing one of her favorite romantic odes about a band of pirates. But as the mist parts before the massive hull, she sees a half-dead boy clinging to a piece of driftwood. He’s brought on board and not a half dozen paces into the murky gloom they come upon the ruins of a merchant ship. Tending to the boy, whose name is William Turner, she discovers in his possession a gold piece stamped with a skull and crossbones. She takes it, believing him to be a pirate and not wanting her father to demand his arrest.

Years later, Elizabeth (Kiera Knightley, Bend it Like Beckham ) still has the gold piece stashed in her dresser drawer. She takes it out one afternoon to wear it to Captain Norrington’s promotion ceremony. Her father is very impressed with the naval man and hopes Elizabeth might make a good match. But her heart belongs to Will Turner ( Orlando Bloom , The Lord of the Rings ), an apprentice to a blacksmith, and an expert sword maker. He, too, returns her affections but has never found the courage to speak of his love. Their fates are about to collide with the mysterious Captain Jack Sparrow ( Johnny Depp , Sleepy Hollow ), a former buccaneer in search of the legendary pirate ship The Black Pearl. His appearance at port makes quite a stir, particularly after he saves Elizabeth’s life… and then threatens it.

Captured by Norrington’s men and sentenced to hang for his crimes against humanity, Jack Sparrow is the only one who Will can turn to when his beloved Elizabeth is kidnapped by a dangerous crew of pirates under the command of the infamous Captain Barbossa ( Geoffrey Rush , Les Miserables , Quills , Shine ). The piece of cold she possesses is the only link which will release the pirates from a terrible curse.

Though the plot may seem fairly cut and dried, the script is actually far more complex than a simple summary might surmise. Full of surprising plot twists, witty dialogue, excellent swordplay, and some truly astonishing CGI battles, “Pirates of the Caribbean” deserves a sailor’s welcome.

Much has been made over actor Johnny Depp “improvising” the character of Jack Sparrow. He really goes out on a limb with his interpretation of a slightly batty, overall likable, and sometimes downright sinister former (perhaps reformed, perhaps not) pirate captain. The thing is, it totally works. His gold-toothed smile, his half-slurred speech, and his “sea legs on land” stride never fails to engage a laugh. His own entrance to the film is particularly memorable, one of the movie’s best comic moments.

This is one of the most stunningly visual movies I’ve ever seen. The costuming was beautiful, the backdrop romantic, and some of the cinematography, like a pirate ship sailing under a full moon, downright jaw-dropping. This film deserves a number of Oscar nominations for merit alone, and that’s not including the excellent performances by Geoffrey Rush , Orlando Bloom , and British beauty Kiera Knightley. I also really enjoyed many aspects of the script, one of them being how gentlemanly both Elizabeth’s suitors are. Rather than quarrel over her, they reach a mutual agreement that she should be with the one she loves. The “loser” gracefully backs down and tactfully suggests the victor highly value her in return.

The first Disney movie to be released with a PG-13 rating, “Pirates of the Caribbean” is intended for teens and adults, not younger children. Many scenes are intense and violent, with explosions wracking city streets and setting other ships on fire. There are several strong thematic elements, including the intended death of main characters for evil purposes. (Only by shedding blood can the curse be broken.) The violence itself isn’t overly graphic and there’s very little blood.

Sensuality is mostly limited to low-cut period gowns. Women in one scene are presumably prostitutes, but their presence is part of a running gag. There are a few mild innuendoes that will go over most younger viewers’ heads. A woman’s corset is cut off because it’s strangling her. Language is limited to a few uses of the term “bloody.” (“Bloody pirates!”) One of the pirates has a wooden eyeball which he infrequently pops out to examine and complains of the “splinters.” While not being grisly, his eyeball is impaled in one scene by a fork (played for laughs), then pops out another time and rolls across the deck while he frantically attempts to retrieve it.

The aspect which will concern some Christian viewers is based on the entire premise of the film… an ancient curse placed upon the stolen gold by “the gods” of the Aztec Indians. Because of it, the pirates live a half life—they are neither alive nor dead, and in the moonlight are revealed as sinew and bones. (For people who’ve seen the trailer, this won’t come as a surprise.) The CGI involved is impressive, but younger children will be frightened by skeletons looming out of the darkness, teasing Elizabeth, attacking sailors on British ships, and engaging in fatal combat with main characters. These figures are very creepy and sometimes horrific, thus my encouragement that only older children be allowed to attend.

I’m very wary of “ghost stories.” I think too many of them border on the occult, but I never felt uncomfortable with this film, and I doubt many others would find it unsavory either. There’s enough humor to elevate some of the darker elements, and for once it’s eye candy which pays off for the two-plus hours spent in a cramped theater seat. But a final word of advice for those of ye brave enough to forge these waters… stay until after the closing credits. There’s a tantalizing little tidbit which will leave you thirsting for more.

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The Huge Post-Production Edit That Totally Saved 'Stargate'

After 25 years, ridley scott finally gets his rhino fight scene in 'gladiator ii', we have paul thomas anderson to thank for ‘anchorman’.

Pirates of the Caribbean was never supposed to work. The film was born out of an initiative, started by former Disney CEO Michael Eisner , to mine the company’s many theme park attractions for potential movie franchises. It was already off to a wobbly start with Brian De Palma ’s Mission to Mars and, er, The Country Bears . And pirate movies, of any kind, were seen as box office kryptonite, especially since the last big budget endeavor, 1995’s Cutthroat Island , bankrupted its studio and made the Guinness Book of World Records for the biggest flop. While in production, Disney executives were nervous about Johnny Depp ’s fey portrayal of the lead pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow, and the dark tone being conjured by director Gore Verbinski . When the film was released in 2003, it was the first Disney film to carry a PG-13 rating.

And yet somehow, Pirates of the Caribbean has become one of Hollywood's most dependably bankable franchises. Even the last film, 2017’s Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales , which was already mired in Depp’s controversial private life, grossed $800 million worldwide. And as it was inspired by a theme park attraction, so has it inspired theme park attractions, with Jack Sparrow being added to the classic attraction and a brand new, state-of-the-art ride based on the franchise, Pirates of the Caribbean: Battle for the Sunken Treasure , developed for Shanghai Disneyland (it debuted with the rest of the park in 2016). There have been rumors over the past few years of the franchise receiving a reboot, with Margot Robbie set to lead an all-female cast , written by Christina Hodson . However, Robbie recently confirmed that the idea has been put to bed . And with the highly public and controversial private life of its lead actor, it remains unclear as to which direction the franchise will take next with the sixth film .

But which Pirates of the Caribbean entry is the most swashbuckling , supernatural creature-filled joy? And which entry should be stranded ashore. You’ll have to read on to find out, ya lousy landlubber.

RELATED: What's Happening With the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' Sequels and Reboots?

5. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

Proof that just because it was teased at the end of the last movie doesn’t mean you have to follow through on it, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides follows Jack, Barbossa ( Geoffrey Rush ), and several new and mostly uninteresting characters as they all compete for the Fountain of Youth. (You know, that old chestnut.) This is the first Pirates entry to be partially based on a novel ( Tim Powers ’ 1987 award-winner On Stranger Tides ) and the first to heavily feature real-life historical figures like King George ( Richard Griffiths ) and Blackbeard ( Ian McShane ). It was also the first entry to not be directed by Gore Verbinski. Instead, Chicago director Rob Marshall took over duties, accepting the job because of the film's new storyline and new characters .

This way, he’d be able to add to the story with his own style and without too much of a noticeable difference from the franchise's dedicated fanbase. You’d think that Marshall would give the movie a kind of outsized theatricality. But this is arguably the drabbest-looking and most sluggishly-paced entry. One of the biggest impacts that Marshall had on the film though, was his direction of fight scenes. Having previously worked as a choreographer, Marshall was able to bring his understanding of dance and stage theatrics to the set, making the action scenes feel similar to the big numbers of Broadway productions, with the audience's attention being pulled to specific characters while the fight rages on around them.

Also, with a budget of over $400 million, it remains the most expensive movie of all time, which is truly unfathomable. You can feel the team (which includes returning screenwriters Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio ) stretching to bring back hallmarks of the series – the mystical elements include killer mermaids (responsible for the movie’s sole memorable moment), an anthropomorphic ship (Queen Anne’s Revenge) and a very questionable depiction of voodoo . (There’s staggering little connection to the original attraction, aside from a bed festooned with human skeletons and a scene set within burning rafters.) Sure, McShane and Penelope Cruz chew the scenery wonderfully and Depp doesn’t seem to be totally phoning it in, but the spark that made the first three movies, that slightly uncomfortable nuttiness, has been snuffed out. It feels, for the first time, like something solely born of corporate priorities and spreadsheet configurations and lacks any sort of fun. Also, there’s a bewildering, uncomfortably horny Judi Dench cameo that I had completely forgotten about before re-watching.

Amazingly, even with that astronomical budget, it made more than $1 billion worldwide with Marshall becoming the first gay filmmaker to have a movie crack that threshold.

4. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017)

The fifth and most likely final entry starring Johnny Depp starts out well enough, with both a callback to the first three films (complete with Orlando Bloom appearance, this time as a slightly more sea creature-y hunk) and a genuinely scary introduction of our new villain, Captain Salazar ( Javier Bardem ), a partially destroyed ghost who oozes black goop like Danny DeVito in Batman Returns . (There’s also a fun, Fast Five -y chase where Captain Jack and his confederates steal an entire bank.) But there’s a lot of unnecessary running around, looking for not one but two mystical doodads – Jack’s beloved compass (canonically Tia Dalma gave him the compass but, thanks to an elaborate flashback complete with a digitally de-aged Johnny Depp, that bit is retconned) and the Trident of Poseidon, said to be the key to unlocking Salazar from his unholy purgatory and free Bloom’s Will Turner from servitude commanding Davy Jones ’ (voiced and performance-captured by Bill Nighy ) army.

While an original script by franchise mainstay Terry Rossio was abandoned (Depp didn’t like the female villain, which he thought hedged too close to Dark Shadows ), it’s clear that new writer Jeff Nathanson was tasked with deepening the mythology and tying it back to the original movies (new characters, played by Brenton Thwaites and Kaya Scodelario , are the children of series mainstay characters), which isn’t exactly the easiest thing to pull off. And things certainly aren’t helped by Depp, who seems only marginally interested in being there (reports were that he had his lines fed to him via an earpiece hidden underneath his costume) and only physically able to do a small percentage of the stunts. ( Tom Cruise he is not.)

A different kind of curse than that of the Black Pearl, the production faced a number of additional issues that caused setbacks while filming, including a capuchin monkey wandering off-set to bite a makeup artist , an armed man in full Jack Sparrow garb attempting to bypass security of a film site , and an on-set injury of Scodelario who fell on the wet decks of the Dying Gull requiring her to wear her arm a sling.

Norwegian directors Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg do a terrific job of giving the action sequences some vibrancy (a moment where Jack is nearly guillotined feels like a Disney theme park ride) even when the material is obviously subpar, even staging a Paul McCartney cameo that is more fun than awkward. Considering the next film is looking like a complete reboot/overhaul, all of the worldbuilding and callbacks (including a post-credits scene suggesting the return of Davy Jones and somehow coercing Keira Knightley to return) will never be followed through on unless the sixth film ends up continuing the story of Carina Barbossa, as Kaya Scoldelario is the only person contractually obligated to appear in the sixth film so far. Oh, and the only connection to the attraction is the title, spoken by the eerie skull and crossbones.

3. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006)

Sure, this is the least dazzling movie in Gore Verbinski’s original trilogy, but it’s still pretty wonderful. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest , this time festooned with the Disney castle logo at the beginning (it was left off the first film for fears that its darkness shouldn’t be associated with Disney), was hugely anticipated and set a number of mind-boggling box office records, including, at the time, being the quickest film to make $1 billion at the global box office and the highest-grossing Disney film ever . You can feel that Verbinski and the production were more comfortable this time around; the fear of crafting a huge studio movie in a genre that had historically been unsuccessful was gone. Instead, a new fear replaced it: making a movie as good (and as beloved) as the original.

The film nearly wasn’t made as the studio threatened to cancel the film one month before principal photography began due to the unfinished script. Rather than walking the proverbial plank, the writers ended up accompanying the cast on set and handled rewrites in person, something that they lived to tell the tale of in a behind-the-scenes video . In the second film of what was meant to be a trilogy, the writers decided to explore what would happen to Will and Elizabeth after the fateful final scene of the first, while also getting to dive into what else lurks below the ocean's surface. With a trove of pirate lore at their fingertips, as the genre hadn’t been touched for some time, they considered such legends as the Fountain of Youth before deciding on Davy Jones and the Kraken.

If Dead Man’s Chest suffers from anything, it’s the bloat that goes along with making a sequel of this scale and complexity; with all of the competing character motivations and the cast scattered on byzantine sub-adventures (Jack Sparrow outrunning Davy Jones, Elizabeth on some boat, Will reconnecting with his father, who has been turned into a hideous aqua-mutant), it’s easy to get lost in the sauce. But there are just as many things that work about the sequel, and the introduction of Davy Jones is genuinely inspired. Yes, he’s a horrible sea creature, but he’s also memorably heartsick, playing his organ with his tentacles and so protective of his heart he locks it in a box (hence the title). Sure, the weird romantic subplot between Keira Knightley and Depp, even if it is a ruse that ends in her leaving him for dead, feels forced and unnecessary, and its 151-minute runtime is occasionally punishing, but what a delight . (Nobody could believe that cliffhanger.)

The notable translation from the original ride, by the way, mostly has to do with the realm of Tia Dalma ( Naomie Harris ), dressed up like the introductory show scenes from the attraction as you float through the bayou.

2. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl had a notoriously problematic production, filled with second-guesses and cold feet. Michael Eisner slapped the subtitle on the movie right before the movie came out because he was worried about the movie being too closely associated with the Disneyland attraction, even though the Black Pearl isn’t even cursed. His skittishness is understandable, but the subtitle was an abrupt and baffling reverse course; the first teaser poster and trailer for the film directly Xeroxed a moment from the attraction (the skeleton holding onto the ship’s steering wheel). He shouldn’t have been worried. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl wound up being an absolute sensation and Depp even secured an Oscar nomination for his role as the foppish Captain Jack Sparrow, something that seems to have been completely forgotten about all these sequels later. (He lost to Sean Penn in Mystic River , so there’s that.)

After developing it for years as a more straightforward pirate adventure, producer Jerry Bruckheimer became involved and assigned Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio to the project, who added the supernatural elements that really set it apart, with the cursed pirates (led by Geoffrey Rush ’s Captain Barbossa) turning into undead skeletons in the moonlight. Verbinski has a field day with this idea, particularly in a climactic battle, where, amongst other things, he has the pirates darting in and out of moonbeams, turning from man to monster and back again. (There’s a moment where a bomb is thrown into a skeletal pirate and then pushed into a shadow, where his human self then explodes.) And it’s moments like these, crammed into every nook and cranny, that made the movie such a refreshing surprise. It was wild and unhinged and felt dangerous and new (Eisner was nervous about the Disney logo being ahead of the movie so the film just starts ).

You can tell that they never thought there’d be a sequel by the amount of callbacks and references to the original ride, with the song being sung (including in that captivating final moment), and whole show scenes being recreated verbatim (like the entire interlude in Tortuga). It was the first time one of Eisner’s theme-park-based-movies was as much fun as the attraction itself.

1. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (2007)

The most melancholic and most considerably bizarre entry in the franchise, it was filled with the dread that accompanied the death of adventure. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End , Disney’s big movie for the summer 2007 season (and by some accounts the most expensive movie of all time at that point) begins with the graphic hanging of a little kid. Whoa . From there things only get stranger, including but not limited to the interlude with the Asian pirate league (led by Chow Yun-Fat ), the journey that the gang takes to the afterworld to retrieve Jack (with multiple Jacks, including one that lays an egg, and those crab-rock monsters), a pirate council meeting (with Keith Richards showing up as Jack’s father) and a deepening of the mythology to include an ancient sea goddess posing as one of the crew (Harris’ Tia Dalma).

Yes, at 168 minutes, it is way too long, but it is also full of incredible moments that will never leave your memory, many of them taking place in the climactic third act that sees the pirate guild battling the East India Trading Company in a typhoon’s whirlpool. (Jack and Elizabeth getting married during the calamity is so good, and his sacrifice right after is even better.) My favorite moment from the climactic battle: Lord Beckett ( Tom Hollander ), who dies amidst his ship exploding, has his hand caressing a banister while in beautiful slow motion it splinters into a million pieces. You can tell that Verbinski was interested in the battle between freedom and corporate interests, in the twilight of Jack Sparrow. Framed in that light, it makes At World’s End even more bittersweet and poignant. (Depp and Verbinski would return to these themes for their underrated western The Lone Ranger .)

Hazily marketed by Disney not as the event film it should have been teased as but rather just another adventure, it didn’t make as much money as Dead Man’s Chest and was seen as something of a disappointment. And while this may be the furthest entry from the original attraction, that’s not entirely true – in the moment where our heroes cross over into the netherworld at the very beginning, you can hear actual audio from the Disneyland attraction. At World’s End would have been a lovely place to conclude the franchise.

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10 Best Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Movies

Ryan reynolds & john krasinski's 49% movie is now streaming after $185 million rebound, i've found dragon ball's perfect live-action goku actor after watching their 2 biggest roles.

Here's how the  Pirates of the Caribbean movie series ranks from worst to best. They say anything can be given the movie treatment, but few would've expected a movie based on a theme park ride to become one of the highest grossing franchises in cinematic history. Indeed,  Pirates of the Caribbean has a lot to answer for. Jerry Bruckheimer's nautical yarn cemented the A-list status of Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom , while giving Johnny Depp arguably his most famous movie role. Captain Jack Sparrow would go on to become a film icon, and the  Pirates of the Caribbean series spearheaded a new generation of billion-dollar blockbusters.

There's a distinct split in the  Pirates of the Caribbean story. The initial trilogy of movies tell a fairly self-contained tale with the same crop of characters, but the subsequent 2 films are merely set within the same world and featured markedly different casts with only a select few familiar faces. A sixth entry is on the cards too, with Disney keen to keep one of their biggest properties alive, but details and casting remain unknown at present.

Related:  Pirates of the Caribbean 6 Should Be About Disney's Controversial Ride Character

Pirates of the Caribbean might've changed the game at the box office, but has weathered stormier seas critically, with fan reaction and reviews varying wildly across the series. As a result, a general consensus on the franchise's trajectory has developed over time that audiences and critics generally agree upon. This is our ranking of the 5  Pirates of the Caribbean movies from worst to best.

5. Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

After the original  Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy ended, the franchise found itself at a crossroads. Captain Jack 's desire to seek out the Fountain of Youth set up a potential fourth movie, but  At World's End had more or less brought the series to a natural conclusion.  On Stranger Tides was the first test of whether Depp's character could carry the property without support from the likes of Bloom and Knightley and while the answer, financially speaking, was a resounding "yes," the fourth  Pirates of the Caribbean film is generally considered the weakest effort in the series by some margin. Uniting Depp and Geoffrey Rush's Barbossa with newcomers Ian McShane and Penelope Cruz as Blackbeard and his daughter,  On Stranger Tides certainly didn't lack for star power.

Unfortunately, the film lacks almost everywhere else. The adventure to find the Fountain of Youth is a simple premise, but one that still manages to feel erratic, all while lacking the fun sense of swashbuckling exploration and danger that made  Pirates of the Caribbean a world-beating franchise in the first place. Predictably, the performances are strong, particularly from Depp and Rush, but Blackbeard and Angelica fail to spark the same likability or interest as the cast of the original trilogy. That's mostly the fault of the script, which barely allows room for character development among the glut of action sequences.  On Stranger Tides  is, in essence,  Pirates of the Caribbean lite; an overly-familiar, by-the-numbers retread that passes by without event.

4. Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End

At World's End  falls victim to 2 very common movie trilogy problems. Firstly, it fails to stick the highly-anticipated landing, and secondly, the film tries to outdo all previous entries in spectacle and bombast. The final installment of the original  Pirates of the Caribbean  was the craziest yet and while it's difficult to jump the shark in a franchise that has a villainous human squid and 18th century eyeliner,  At World's End  gives a damn good try. On one hand, the third installment retains that early  Pirates magic and rounds off the stories of Jack, Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann in more or less satisfying fashion. The destination isn't necessarily the problem in  At World 's End , which is solid in its action, performances and spirit - it's the voyage to get there.

Related:  How A Pirates of the Caribbean Reboot Can Fix The Franchise

As a (supposedly) final chapter,  At World's End doesn't cut to the heart of the matter. New characters, fresh plot threads and emerging lore take up plenty of space in the already-bursting script, leaving very little room for characters to breathe, but necessitating plenty of exposition and setup before reaching the grand finale, which is arguably overshadowed by the climaxes of its predecessors anyway. Bruckheimer and Gore Verbinski's (original  Pirates of the Caribbean director) final collaboration on the high seas is far messier than  On Stranger Tides and much more convoluted, but it does entertain more reliably.

3. Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales/Salazar's Revenge

The most recent  Pirates of the Caribbean offering posted the lowest box office since 2003 but was actually one of the better entries in Captain Jack's can(n)on. Wisely moving away from  On Stranger Tides and into fresh waters entirely,  Dead Men Tell No Tales makes another astute creative change by introducing younger blood in the form of Brenton Thwaites and Kaya Scodelario .  And it's difficult to go wrong with Javier Bardem on villain duty. Aside from an improved cast that brings back familiar faces without relying on them, this fifth voyage feels lighter both in terms of content and tone, making use of a streamlined plot and a return to the spirit of old. However, like  The Force Awakens to 1977's  Star Wars ,  Dead Men Tell No Tales sometimes veers too close to the original's format and risks feeling derivative.

It would be a stretch to suggest that  Dead Men Tell No Tales breathes new life into  Pirates of the Caribbean , but it at least throws out a lifeline that steadies the franchise's rapidly diminishing returns. Disney might've hoped that Thwaites and Scodelario would lead a Depp-free future for  Pirates of the Caribbean , but the studio's lack of urgency in making a follow-up proves such ideas were overly-optimistic. The rumored casting of Karen Gillan as a brand new protagonist hints at yet  another change of direction when  Pirates of the Caribbean sails once again.

2. Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Sequels are always a tricky business, and it's hard to argue that  Dead Man's Chest is an improvement upon  The Curse of the Black Pearl  with a straight face. Splitting up the core cast means every main character has their own distinct motivations, which in turn makes for a more complicated plot within a movie that was already going "bigger" in terms of visuals and action sequences. While nowhere near as disjointed as the subsequent 2 efforts would be,  Dead Man's Chest does at times feel like a movie studio realizing the value of  Pirates of the Caribbean and trying to angle for further installments instead of delivering the direct-to-the-veins shot of pirate goodness that was  The Curse of the Black Pearl . Had  Dead Man's Chest  included the rescue of Captain Jack as a finale instead of aiming for a cliffhanger, the sequel might've really been onto something.

Related:  Pirates of the Caribbean 3: Why Chow Yun-Fat's Role Was Reduced in China

As it stands,  Dead Man's Chest remains a worthy continuation of the  Pirates of the Caribbean world, and the franchise wouldn't have enjoyed such longevity had the initial sequel not delivered at least a little bit. Johnny Depp refines his performance as Jack Sparrow, the addition of Bill Nighy as Davy Jones is wonderful and as much as  Dead Man's Chest meanders around its central story, the world-building does serve to paint a more vivid and detailed fictional world. That's not to say the second film rocks the boat - the formula of the first is very much intact - but there is a subtle evolution that sees  Dead Man's Chest take itself a touch more seriously, not necessarily to its benefit.

1. Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl

By some distance, the very first  Pirates of the Caribbean movie remains the one to beat and an archetype for modern franchise-building blockbusters.  The Curse of the Black Pearl represented pirates on a previously unseen cinematic scale and the combination of action, humor and colorful characters ensured near-universal appeal. The visuals are stunning and although later installments would make use of improved CGI,  The Curse of the Black Pearl doesn't let the sights, sounds and explosions get in the way of good characters. Free from the burden of expectation,  Pirates of the Caribbean was also a (slightly) more grounded experience in 2003, introducing touches of mystical sea lore rather than huge swathes of it.

And of course, a huge part of  The Curse of the Black Pearl 's success comes from the novelty of seeing Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow for the very first time. By film 3, Sparrow was quickly developing into a parody of himself, forcing Depp to try and out-kook himself in order to retain his trademark unpredictability. In his debut, however, Sparrow is a breath of fresh air in an industry that so often reuses cookie-cutter lead characters. Subsequent entries might boast bigger budgets and shinier effects, but  The Curse of the Black Pearl does a lot more with less and almost 20 years later, it's still difficult to come away not feeling entertained. Whatever the future holds for Captain Jack and his fellow  Pirates of the Caribbean , Disney will be hard-pressed to match this modern classic and the legacy it still holds.

More:  What To Expect From Pirates of the Caribbean 6

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"Pirates of the Caribbean" - Movie Review

• Holly McClure Movie Reviewer
• Updated Aug 07, 2007

Genre : Action, Adventure

Rating: PG-13 (for action/adventure violence)

Release Date: July 9, 2003

Actors: Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Tom Wilkinson, Keira Knightly, Jonathan Pryce, Jack Davenport

Director: Gore Verbinski

Plot: The story is set in motion in the seventeenth century with 10-year-old Will drifting in the Caribbean Sea amidst the murdered crew and burning wreckage of a British ship that was attacked by pirates. The same day of his rescue, young Elizabeth (who has a romanticized notion about pirates) sees a gold medallion around Will's neck of a Jolly Roger skull and takes it from the unconscious boy thinking she has spared his life. Years later we see Captain Jack Sparrow (Depp), a charming pirate who has sailed all over the world, come to the Caribbean seeking adventure and treasure. Captain Jack's troubles begin when his precious ship, The Black Pearl, is stolen by the conniving Captain Barbossa (Rush). Then Jack is accused of kidnapping the governor's (Pryce) daughter, Elizabeth Swann (Knightly), and thrown in jail by her fiancé, British Commodore Norrington (Davenport). When the town of Port Royal is then attacked by Barbossa and Elizabeth is kidnapped by his men, Jack escapes jail and enlists the help of Elizabeth's childhood friend, Will Turner (Bloom), to commandeer the fastest ship in the British fleet and go after Elizabeth. As the two get closer to catching the kidnappers aboard the H.M.S. Dauntless, they discover skeletons in Barbossa's closet. It appears that his crew is cursed to live forever as the undead, with the moonlight eerily transforming them into living skeletons, until their treasure of gold is returned in full to them. When Jack realizes he has the gold coin that could release them from their curse, the deadly chase is on.

Bad: Gore Verbinski directed the horror thriller "The Ring" and has incorporated the same knack for intense storytelling in this friendlier pirate tale without the darker elements of a horror movie. For parents believing that this movie will be "kid friendly" like the theme park ride, let me clarify that this is not a children's movie. However, this movie could be considered "teen friendly" because of the mature themes, adult humor and levity throughout the story. By definition a pirate movie is going to have a group of dangerous, unscrupulous characters who drink, use crude language, are filthy to look at and have no qualms about killing. On top of being a nasty bunch, they happen to have a curse on them that makes them turn into ghosts in the moonlight. This crew is willing to do whatever it takes (even kill Elizabeth) to return the gold coin and be freed from their curse. A few funny characters have been thrown in to keep the story humorous (one pirate has a wooden eye that keeps popping out, another has a bird who talks for him, etc.), so the audience doesn't ever take the story too seriously. There are numerous sword fights with casualties and there are other scenes with knives and swords (Elizabeth stabs a dinner knife into Barbossa's chest, but since he's undead, it doesn't hurt him; a fork lands in a pirate's fake eye; Jack shoots a pirate in the chest), but nothing is graphically portrayed. And of course there are the scenes of the pirates in the moonlight who appear in their skeletal form and look disgusting and creepy (flesh falling off their bones and their eyes bulging out). I will say if your children have seen the commercials for the movie, then they've seen the worst of what the pirates look like. But there are still a few scenes that are intense, so parents, you'll need to be discerning about what may frighten or disturb your children, depending on their age and maturity. There are a few mild profanities, some mild sexual innuendoes made by Barbossa and several women slap Jack on the face. There is obviously an abundance of violence because of the numerous battles and fights that various characters get into. And again, there are causalities -- but nothing graphic.

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How to Watch the Pirates of the Caribbean Movies in Chronological Order

New to the series here's how to follow the pirates of the caribbean timeline..

In the early 2000s, Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean introduced moviegoers to one of the decade’s most iconic film characters: Johhny Depp’s quick-witted pirate lord, Captain Jack Sparrow. On the back of Depp’s performances, the quintet of swashbuckling adventures earned $4.5 billion USD at the worldwide box office — good for a spot among the most-lucrative film franchises of all time.

Ahead of the planned Pirates of the Caribbean 6 , we’ve created a guide to help you navigate the series’ story for all of the movies. Scroll down to find out how to watch the Pirates of the Caribbean films in order, by narrative chronologically or release date.

• How to watch in chronological order
• How to watch by release order

Pirates of the Caribbean Movies in Order

How Many Pirates of the Caribbean Movies Are There?

There are five feature-length Pirates of the Caribbean movies and one short film . Two future Pirates movies are currently planned: the franchise’s sixth mainline film and a female-led movie starring Margot Robbie. Though Margot Robbie has said that it her film might not be happening .

Several other Pirates stories have been told through novels, comics, and video games. However, this list exclusively covers the film series.

Pirates of the Caribbean in Chronological Order

These blurbs contain mild spoilers, including characters, settings, and broad plot points.

1. Pirates of the Caribbean: Tales of the Code – Wedlocked (2011)

Released between the fourth and fifth movies as part of a Pirates Blu-ray/DVD box set, Tales of the Code – Wedlocked is a short film set before The Curse of the Black Pearl. Vanessa Branch and Lauren Maher reprise their roles as Giselle and Scarlett for the short, which centers around the two women both believing themselves to be betrothed to Jack Sparrow. Alas, they were fooled, and the duo becomes the object of a rowdy auction.

It's not essential to the wider chronology, though if you're looking for the complete Pirates experience, it's an easy watch with a 10-minute runtime.

2. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

From this point on, the release date and narrative chronologies of the Pirates movies align . The Curse of the Black Pearl, the series’ first movie, takes viewers back to the early 18th century during the Golden Age of Piracy. The debut film introduces us to the series' main characters: Captain Jack Sparrow (Depp), Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley), and Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush).

A young Will Turner is rescued from a shipwreck with a gold medallion around his neck. The medallion is linked to a curse that afflicts the pirate crew of Jack Sparrow's former ship, the Black Pearl, with tortured immortality. The crew is now led by the mutinous Captain Barbossa.

Will and Jack set aside their differences to rescue Elizabeth Swann, who was taken by Barbossa along with the medallion. Jack’s allegiance flip-flops and then flips again. The trio survives the encounter and ultimately lifts the curse, though the movie ends with Jack wanted for piracy.

Read IGN’s Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl review .

3. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006)

Jack, Will, and Elizabeth return for another seafaring adventure in Dead Man’s Chest. The series’ second movie introduces Naomie Harris’s priestess Tia Dalma, Stellan Skarsgard’s Bill Turner (Will’s father), Tom Hollander’s Cutler Beckett, and Bill Nighy’s Davy Jones, captain of the Flying Dutchman ghost ship.

Jack, Will, Elizabeth, and James Norrington (Jack Davenport) all, with different motivations, set out to find the Dead Man’s Chest and Davy Jones’s heart within: Will seeks freedom from the law and for his father; Elizabeth seeks freedom for herself and Will; Jack seeks to escape his debt to Davy Jones; and James seeks to have his status as a navy officer restored.

Swashbuckling and backstabbing once again ensue, and only one escapes with Davy Jones’s heart, granting them control of Jones and therefore the seas. As for Captain Jack, he ends Dead Man’s Chest dragged to the depths of the sea by the Kraken. Tia Dalma, meanwhile, resurrects a familiar foe from Black Pearl to lead the rescue mission for Jack.

Read IGN’s Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest review .

4. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (2007)

The third Pirates movie is an action-packed adventure that pits the franchise’s heroes against Davy Jones and the Flying Dutchman, now controlled by Cutler Beckett. The heroes first team up to rescue Jack from Davy Jones’s Locker and recover the Black Pearl. After doing so, the crew’s varying motivations lead to the usual plotting and backstabbing. Along the way, we discover Tia’s true identity and meet Jack’s father, the pirate captain Edward Teague (Keith Richards).

By the end, Elizabeth comes into power, Will and Jack defeat Davy Jones, and a new captain takes control of the Flying Dutchman. A pregnant Elizabeth and Will part ways, while Jack and the revived Hector Barbossa set out separately to discover the Fountain of Youth.

Read IGN’s Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End review .

5. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

On Stranger Tides is the first Pirates film without Will/Orlando Bloom and Elizabeth/Keira Knightley. Ian McShane and Penelope Cruz stepped into the vacant supporting roles as the father-daughter duo Angelica and Blackbeard — the former being an ex-lover of Jack Sparrow.

The film’s overarching plot is a race to discover the Fountain of Youth between the English, Spanish, and multiple pirate crews. A treasure hunt involving secret maps, Mermaid tears, and the ship of renowned Spanish explorer Ponce de León ultimately leads each party to the Fountain. Barbossa settles an old score with Blackbeard and Jack uses the last of the Fountain’s power to save an ally.

Read IGN’s Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides review .

6. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017)

The most recent Pirates film sees the return of Jack and Barbossa alongside Henry Turner (the now-grown son of Elizabeth and Will, played by Brenton Thwaites) and a new antagonist in Javier Bardem’s undead pirate-hunter Armando Salazar. Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley reprise their respective roles as Will and Elizabeth for cameo appearances.

Dead Men Tell No Tales features another treasure hunt, the object of which is the Trident of Poseidon. Henry seeks the Trident to free his father from a curse and teams up with Jack and newcomer Carina (Kaya Scodelario) to do so. The trio, eventually with the help of Barbossa, must overcome Salazar’s opposition. One of these four heroes dies along the way. Jack takes his rightful place back aboard the Black Pearl and the other surviving heroes enjoy a family reunion.

A post-credits scene then sets up the return of Davy Jones.

Read IGN’s Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales review .

How to Watch the Pirates of the Caribbean Movies By Release Date

• Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
• Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006)
• Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (2007)
• Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)
• Pirates of the Caribbean: Tales of the Code – Wedlocked (2011 – short film)
• Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017)

Future Pirates of the Caribbean Movies

There are two future Pirates of the Caribbean movies in the works. Up next will be the franchise’s sixth mainline movie. The film will be a proper reboot as well, rather than a continuation of Dead Men Tell No Tales. Walt Disney Studios Motion Picture Production president Sean Bailey explained that they have "a really good, exciting story that honors the films that have come before but also has something new to say." And in regards to Johnny Depp's return to the franchise, Bailey also mentioned that he's "noncommittal at this point" about getting Depp back into the role of Captain Jack Sparrow.

Following that film, Disney had lined up a female-led feature starring Margot Robbie that might have been cancelled. Little else is known about the project; here’s the latest from franchise producer Jerry Bruckheimer : “I think that that script will come forward at a certain point. We developed two different stories for Pirates and [Pirates 6 is] going forward first, so that’s what we’re working on, to try to get that one made.”

Jordan covers games, shows, and movies as a freelance writer for IGN.

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The 50 Most Disappointing Movie Sequels of All Time

By Andy Greene

Andy Greene

Sequels are almost as old as Hollywood itself. Even before talkies hit the marketplace in 1927, studios were churning out follow-up movies like The Fall of a Nation and Don Q, Son of Zorro. The trend continued throughout the Golden Age of Hollywood with The Bride of Frankenstein , Dracula’s Daughter , The Thin Man Goes Home, Mr. Belvedere Rings the Bell, Jolson Sings Again , and Father’s Little Dividend. Blockbusters of the Seventies and Eighties like Star Wars, The Exorcist, Halloween, Ghostbusters, Batman , and Raiders of the Lost Ark launched film franchises that continue to this day.

It’s easy to understand why risk-averse studios are so eager to green-light sequels. If a formula worked once before, why not simply try again? It’s also much easier to market a familiar story than it is to introduce something new. The only problem is that precious few sequels in Hollywood history have ever lived up to the original. And for every Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back and Terminator 2: Judgment Day that truly justify their existence, there are about 300 movies like Weekend at Bernie’s II and Son of the Mask that, to put it kindly, do not.  

A list of the worst sequels in history could be almost endless, and almost too easy. Few people turned on Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles or American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile and expected some great masterpiece. So in picking our list of the worst movie sequels, we limited selections to movies that seemed at the time like they might actually be worthwhile. We admit this list is very subjective. And it’s easy to fault us for imagining anything decent could come out of the latter-day Die Hard or Terminator movies, but they somehow managed to get our hopes up at least a little every single time. (If they made Terminator 37, we’d still walk in feeling hopeful. We’re fools.)

Please join us on this sad journey through Hollywood history where Michael Meyers is never truly dead, John McClane transforms from a regular police officer into an immortal killing machine, the odd numbered Star Trek movies always suck, and we wait in vain for the day any Jurassic Park sequel is even halfway watchable. 

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines had a lot working against it before the cameras even started rolling. The first two Terminator movies were the brainchild of James Cameron. He wrote them, directed them, and oversaw every detail of their production. He’s also a genius that’s basically never made a bad movie. But Cameron wasn’t involved with Terminator 3. The film also didn’t have Linda Hamilton or Edward Furlong on board to play Sarah and John Connor. The only thing it had from the first two movies (besides a cameo from Earl Boen as Dr. Peter Silberman) was the Terminator himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger. And as we’ve learned from Batman and Robin, End of Days, The Sixth Day, and many other turkeys, Schwarzenegger alone doesn’t guarantee a great movie. And this is far from a great movie. It’s a reprise of T2, where yet another advanced Terminator comes back in time, played by Kristanna Loken, and John Connor (now Nick Stahl) has to find a way to stay alive with help from another T-850 Terminator, played by Schwarzenegger. There’s almost no scene worth remembering up until the very end when a nuclear war begins and John Connor fulfills his fate by taking command. It’s a genuinely chilling moment, but it can’t make up for the nearly two hours that precede it. To be fair, nothing was ever going to top T2. It’s one of the greatest sequels in Hollywood history, rivaled only by The Godfather II, but Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines doesn’t even come close.

Staying Alive (1983)

The dance sequences in 1977’s Saturday Night Fever are some of the most iconic images in the history of film. But they’re just a few fleeting minutes in an otherwise dark movie about a Brooklyn teenager (played by John Travolta) desperate to improve his lot in life. Gene Siskel considered it the greatest movie in the history of Hollywood. By the time we catch up with Travolta’s Tony Manero character in 1983’s Staying Alive, he’s a waiter who dreams of Broadway stardom. Sylvester Stallone is the director, and he invited his brother Frank to contribute songs to the soundtrack. And with all due respect to Frank Stallone, his work doesn’t exactly stand up to the Bee Gees. (They have some deeply unmemorable songs of their own on the soundtrack.) But bad music is far from the biggest problem in Staying Alive. There’s simply no heart to the story, and Manero finds himself acting in an abysmal Broadway musical that feels like a Flock of Seagulls fever dream. “ Staying Alive is a sequel with no understanding of what made its predecessor work,” Janet Maslin wrote in The New York Times. “The first film was funny and touching, powered by a phenomenally successful score. This one is clumsy, mean-spirited, and amazingly unmusical.”

Jurassic Park: The Lost World (1997)

With the very big exception of the Indiana Jones movies, Steven Spielberg has largely resisted the lure of sequels throughout his long career. He could have made a fortune directing follow-up movies to Jaws, E.T., and Close Encounters of the Third Kind, but he knew they’d never live up to the originals, and that his time would be better spent on new projects. But 1993’s Jurassic Park was such a mega-hit that he went against his better judgment and agreed to direct 1997’s The Lost World: Jurassic Park. It’s an adaptation of a novel that Michael Crichton reluctantly churned out in 1995 so that this very movie could exist. It’s about another island where the Jurassic Park dinosaurs were bred. Jeff Goldblum heads there alongside Julianne Moore and Vince Vaughn. The dinos attack. People die. In the end, a T. rex is set loose in San Diego. It all feels very humdrum and lacks any sense of wonder found in the original. It made a ton of money, and they’re in the midst of creating a seventh Jurassic Park right now, but only the first one is a genuinely good movie. The sequels are all varying degrees of terrible. 

Bad Santa 2 (2016)

When comedy sequels truly work, which is exceedingly rare, they come out within a couple of years of the original, and are assembled by the same creative team. Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey and Addams Family Values are the gold standard here. They hit theaters within two years of their predecessors, and the key behind-the-scenes players (Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon for Bill & Ted, Barry Sonnenfeld for Addams Family ) were back. Bad Santa 2 came out 13 years after Bad Santa, without the help of original director Terry Zwigoff or writers Glenn Ficarra and John Requa. They did have Bad Santa himself, Billy Bob Thortnon, along with Tony Cox as his conniving partner, and even former child actor Brett Kelly reprising his Santa-obsessed Thurman Merman character. The old gang reunites to pull off another Christmas heist, but the dirty jokes just don’t land in this one. “There’s a going-through-the-motions vibe to the whole affair,” wrote Rolling Stone’ s David Fear. “The original believed in its sodden, everyone-sucks with every ounce of its hardened, pitch-black heart — ironically, its horribleness made it that much more humanistic (and hilarious). The sequel is closer to fool’s coal: You can blow the thin patina of painted darkness off it with a breeze and find there’s nothing underneath.”

Teen Wolf Too (1987)

To be very clear, the original Teen Wolf is far from a great movie. But Michael J. Fox had more than enough Back to the Future -era charm to pull off the role as a nerd turned werewolf who becomes a high school basketball star and unlikely ladies man. Sadly, Fox is nowhere to be seen in the sequel. It stars Jason Bateman as the cousin of his character. He goes to college, discovers he’s also a werewolf, and uses his powers to win boxing matches. “College Boxer Transforms Into Werewolf” should have generated headlines all across the globe, but it’s treated as little more than a regional curiosity in this horrid movie. “The pacing is near-cataleptic and the movie’s intended comic highlight is a frog fight in the biology lab,” wrote Michael Wilmington in the Los Angeles Times. “Isn’t that just what you’re dying to see and hear? Bad dialogue, lugubriously paced; awful jokes about werewolves, and guffawing actors churlishly hurling around a lot of little frogs?”

Men in Black: International (2019)

If any movie franchise was poised to create a cinematic universe, it was Men in Black. There’s literally an entire galaxy of wacky aliens to explore, and a small army of Men in Black spread across Earth to battle them. If Sony handled this IP properly, we could be 10 seasons into a Men in Black cable show, eight seasons into an animated program, and somewhere around spinoff movie 12 or 13. But their first attempt to move beyond the Will Smith/Tommy Lee Jones movie trilogy was 2019’s Men in Black: International, starring Chris Hemsworth, Tessa Thompson, Rebecca Ferguson, Liam Neeson, and Kumail Nanjiani. It centers around a London Men in Black office, and the search for a powerful weapon hidden somewhere on the planet. It grossed just enough to possibly break even, but not nearly enough to justify another one of these things. ”It has been 17 years since Men in Black was a hot property, and the intervening gap has done nothing to revive interest in it,” wrote film critic James Berardinelli. “Whoever spearheaded this half-hearted resurrection should be fitted with a golden parachute. For those who remember the Men in Black movies fondly, stick with your memories. Seeing this latest installment is more likely to degrade than enhance them.”

Airplane 2: The Sequel (1982)

When it comes to comedy sequels, the temptation to simply recreate the exact structure of the original movie, along with all of the signature gags, is just too tough for most filmmakers to ignore. That’s why the genius trio of David Zucker, Jim Abrahams, and Jerry Zucker opted against creating a sequel to Airplane! so they could devote their time to developing the TV series Police Squad. That show — which eventually morphed into the Naked Gun movie franchise — is also why Leslie Nielsen wasn’t free to appear in Airplane 2: The Sequel. It did reunite Robert Hays, Julie Hagerty, and Lloyd Bridges, but writer-director Ken Finkleman simply doesn’t have the same comedic instincts as Zucker-Abrahams-Zucker. (His prior movie was Grease 2. Need we say more?) He wrote a screenplay about a lunar shuttle headed to the moon, but it’s basically just a straight remake of Airplane! minus about 500 laughs. The only good thing about the whole fiasco is that Naked Gun exists because Zucker-Abrahams-Zucker were smart enough to avoid this movie. You won’t see either of the Naked Gun sequels on this list. Unlike Airplane 2: The Sequel, they’re both extremely funny.

Lethal Weapon 4 (1998)

If we were making a list of the best sequels in Hollywood history, Lethal Weapon 2 would be near the top of the list. The third one was slightly underwhelming, but the series didn’t crap out until the fourth one arrived in 1998. By this point, Joe Pesci and Rene Russo were part of the Lethal Weapon family along with series stars Mel Gibson and Danny Glover. Chris Rock and Jet Li came on board for the fourth chapter, cramming in so many big names they barely fit on the poster. In this one, Riggs and Murtaugh battle an Asian counterfeiter/slave trader. Glover is beyond “too old for this shit” by this one, considering that his character planned on retiring from the police force a decade earlier, and it feels like everyone is just going through the motions, and counting how much money they’re making per second. The script was nowhere near ready when filming started, and that’s clear in most every frame. “I felt like Lethal Weapon 4 was outtakes [from the previous movies],” wrote critic Roger Ebert, “stuff they didn’t use earlier, pieced together into a movie that doesn’t really, in its heart, believe it is necessary.”

Iron Man 2 (2010)

The first Iron Man movie forever changed Hollywood. It marked the beginning of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the start of a broader superhero fixation that grips the industry to this day, and a new dawn for the career of Robert Downey Jr. But when it came time to make a second Iron Man movie in 2010, just two years after the original, Marvel was still fine-tuning its movie operation. Justin Theroux took over as screenwriter for this one, and he cobbled together a convoluted tale where Tony Stark is forced to confront a serious health scare, a powerful new Russian enemy portrayed by Mickey Rourke, and pressures that came after the public learned of his true identity. “Everything fun and terrific about Iron Man, a mere two years ago, has vanished with its sequel,” wrote the Hollywood Reporter’ s Kirk Honeycutt. “In its place, Iron Man 2 has substituted noise, confusion, multiple villains, irrelevant stunts, and misguided story lines. A film series that started out with critical and commercial success will have to settle for only the latter with this sequel.” 

Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)

The initial announcement that Natalie Portman was returning to the Marvel Cinematic Universe for 2022’s Thor: Love and Thunder was greeted with real excitement. She’d been AWOL since 2013’s Thor: The Dark World, despite playing a pretty big role in the saga as Jane Foster, Thor’s astrophysicist girlfriend. Excitement grew when fans learned she was going to finally wield the hammer herself and take on the role of the Mighty Thor. But then word slipped out that the character was battling stage 4 cancer. The script tries to balance out this colossal bummer with an endless series of comic sequences that creates a very odd overall tone. If you don’t believe us, listen to Thor himself, Chris Hemworth: “I got caught up in the improv and the wackiness, and I became a parody of myself,” he told Vanity Fair this year. “I didn’t stick the landing.”

Alien Resurrection (1997)

The first three Alien movies were directed by three of the best directors of their time: Ridley Scott, James Cameron, and David Fincher. The third one was a letdown, since Fincher was still a novice, the studio didn’t fully trust him, and the screenplay was never really finished. But it remains a David Fincher movie that’s intermittently innovative and interesting. The same can’t be said for 1997’s Alien Resurrection. It takes place on a military spaceship 200 years after Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley character died at the end of Alien 3. She’s cloned from a drop of her blood, and somehow her memories are intact. They also bring back the Xenomorph alien species, which is a very, very bad idea. (Haven’t these people heard about the events of the first three movies?) Needless to say, the Xenomorphs grow, reproduce, and start killing. Winona Ryder enters the story, and we eventually learn she’s a robot. Ripley once again batters the shit out of the Xenomorph, but haven’t we seen this all before? “This is a series whose inspiration has come, gone, and been forgotten,” wrote Roger Ebert. “I’m aliened out.”

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

For a while, it was popular to cite Spider-Man 3 as the low point of the franchise. But time has been somewhat kind to Emo Spider-Man and his Pete Wentz haircut, and a small cult (as well as endless memes) have grown around its weirdness. And even if you think Spider-Man 3 is a bloated sludge of a movie with too many villains, it’s clearly superior to The Amazing Spider-Man 2, which marked the premature end of the Andrew Garfield era. It’s the one where Jamie Foxx plays Electro, Paul Giamatti takes on the Rhino role, the Green Goblin returns, and Gwen (played by Emma Stone) falls to her death. This was the fifth Spider-Man movie in a 12-year period, and it all just feels like a rehash of things we’ve seen before, along with an effort to set up about six different spinoff movies and sequels. “The studios and the producers have to split the difference — between excellence and adequacy, between darkness and light, between seriousness and fun,” Wesley Morris wrote on Grantland. “ The Amazing Spider-Man 2 might have been split too far. It doesn’t taste like anything.” 

U.S. Marshals (1998)

The huge success of 1993’s The Fugitive meant a sequel was somewhat inevitable, even though any such project was basically doomed from the start. There was no logical way for Harrison Ford to be framed for a second murder, escape from the law, and get chased around again by Tommy Lee Jones. It would have been preposterous, and Ford was never going to sign on to such a thing. The only move was to send Jones’ Samuel Gerard character and his team of U.S. Marshals after another unjustly accused man. That’s what happened in 1998’s U.S. Marshals, where Wesley Snipes takes over for Harrison Ford as the man on the run. The movie was a modest hit, but it has aged terribly. Jones himself isn’t even willing to defend it these days. “The thing that drove The Fugitive was that we weren’t chasing just a normal doctor,” he told Rolling Stone in our 2023 oral history of The Fugitive. “Whatever we were doing, we were chasing Harrison Ford, and I think he was the engine of the movie. With U.S. Marshals, we had a different director, had a different approach, and it just wasn’t … the movie wasn’t as good as The Fugitive. ” It’s impossible to argue with that. 

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989)

The Star Trek film franchise got off to an extremely shaky start with the snoozefest that is 1979’s Star Trek: The Motion Picture, which just made 1982’s Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan all the more stunning. Star Trek III: The Search For Spock was a minor letdown in 1984, but words can barely describe our love for 1986’s Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. That’s the bonkers time-travel one with the whales that’s as fun to watch the 200th time as the first. Leonard Nimoy was given the chance to direct that one, which is why William Shatner demanded the director’s chair for Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. It’s about the search for God at the center of the universe and an evil Vulcan named Sybok, but it barely matters. Nothing about the movie works, especially the cringe scene of Spock, Kirk, and Bones singing “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” around a campfire. It was such a fiasco that 1991’s Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country was designed as a farewell to the OG cast. 

Caddyshack 2 (1988)

Imagine a version of Caddyshack without Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield, Lacey Underdall, a single quotable line or even a single laugh. Whatever comes to mind is surely nowhere near as horrid as Caddyshack 2. Chevy Chase is the only returning cast member, and he’s joined by Robert Stack, Randy Quaid, Dyan Cannon, Chyna Phillips, and Dan Aykroyd in the thankless Bill Murray role as the groundskeeper. That’s a good cast, but they can’t save this terrible movie about a millionaire buying the country club and turning it into an amusement park. Original Caddyshack director Harold Ramis is credited as a co-writer, but he denounced the movie in later years and said he nearly had his name removed. The ultimate red flag here is that Dangerfield deemed this movie beneath his standards. This is a man (albeit a comic genius) that took parts in Meet Wally Sparks, My 5 Wives, and The 4th Tenor. He was willing to accept almost any role that put him on the big screen, but not Caddyshack 2. It was the right move. Nothing could have saved Caddyshack 2, not even Rodney. 

Halloween Kills (2021)

The original Halloween, in 1978, is a horror classic that paved the way for A Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, and many other slasher films of the Eighties. But much like the franchises it spawned, Halloween begat sequel after sequel that fell flat in profound ways. A miracle happened in 2018 when Jamie Lee Curtis returned to the fold for Halloween, which ignored every film after the first one, and managed to create genuine chills by showing a grizzled, gray-haired Laurie Strode battling Michael Meyers yet again. They should have left it there. The 2021 sequel isolates Strode in a hospital room for much of the movie while Meyers wanders through the town of Haddonfield on yet another killing spree. Familiar faces from the original movie show up, including Kyle Richards from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, who acted in the first movie as a child. But the whole thing feels like a tired, pointless rerun. It was also designed to set up a third and final movie, 2022’s Halloween Ends, but they should have learned the lesson of the first movie. You can’t just keep redoing these things over and over. More important, a movie should stand on its own. It shouldn’t feel like connective tissue between two others.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023)

Future film historians will have real fun trying to pinpoint the exact moment the Marvel Cinematic Universe jumped the shark. Some will point to Eternals in 2021, Thor: Love and Thunder in 2022, or Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness that same year. But it’s a safe bet that 2023’s Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania will be mentioned many times. Marvel was pounding out content at a furious clip when the movie went into production, and resources were spread way too thin across numerous TV shows and movies. Postproduction was rushed on this third Ant-Man movie, and the special-effects team was focused on wrapping up Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. The result was a movie that literally didn’t look finished when it hit theaters. When you throw in a confusing, tired plot about Ant-Man and his family accidentally entering the “Quantum Realm” (ask your 11-year-old nephew what that means), you’ve got a real mess on your hands. “Everyone just kind of wanders through this movie — through its elaborate, colorful, cluttered, psychedelic-album-cover-style environments,” wrote New York critic Bilge Ebiri. “They occasionally crack jokes or cross their arms. Nothing seems to match. If you told me that the actors had been shot before the filmmakers decided what they would be looking at or interacting with, I’d believe you.”

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay — Part 1 (2014)

The Harry Potter franchise set a very bad precedent when the final book in the series was turned into two movies. This was justifiable in the Potter case, since that’s a 607-page book that would have been tough to boil down to one satisfying movie. But it made no narrative sense whatsoever to take the 390-page Mockingjay, the final Hunger Games novel, and stretch it into two movies. The first one clocks in at an agonizing 123 minutes, where very little happens of any real importance. Katniss and her buddies enter an underground district and prepare for a grand revolution, but it’s all just a setup for the second chapter. (There’s also the problem that this is a Hunger Games movie where we don’t get the payoff of an actual Hunger Games.) The movie was a hit and critics were once again impressed by the performance of Jennifer Lawrence, but even director Francis Lawrence says it was wrong to make two movies out of one book. “What I realized in retrospect — and after hearing all the reactions and feeling the kind of wrath of fans, critics, and people at the split — is that I realized it was frustrating,” he told People in 2023. “And I can understand it.… I totally regret [splitting the movies]. I totally do. I’m not sure everybody does, but I definitely do.”

The Godfather Part III (1990)

It would be deeply unfair to put the third Godfather movie on a list of the 50 worst sequels in Hollywood history. It’s a much better film than its reputation suggests, and placing it alongside Alien vs. Predator or Weekend at Bernie’s 2 would be cruel. It also has perhaps the most quoted line (“Just when I thought I was out … they pull me back in”) in any Godfather movie. But this is a list of disappointing sequels, and expectations for this movie were just off the charts. The Godfather is arguably the greatest movie in history. The Godfather II is inarguably the greatest sequel in history. There was no way a third film that came 16 years after the second one would do anything but disappoint. The fact that Robert Duvall backed out over a salary dispute, and Winona Ryder quit shortly before filming, causing director Francis Ford Coppola to give his teenager daughter Sophia a key role, didn’t help matters much. The movie still reunited Al Pacino, Diane Keaton, and Talie Shire with director Coppola, and grossed $137 million, but to call it anything short of a disappointment would be wrong.

Jaws 2 (1978)

Jaws 2 has one of the greatest taglines in history: “Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water …” That’s just about the only memorable thing about the movie, which is about another killer shark descending on Amity Island that Roy Scheider is forced to battle. This time around, it nearly kills his son before he electrocutes it and once again saves the town. (Does work like this really fall under the jurisdiction of the police chief?) Steven Spielberg was too busy working on Close Encounters of the Third Kind to direct it, but he also had little desire to head back into the water after all the difficulties he faced making the first one. He also knew that topping it would be impossible. To be very clear, the third and fourth Jaws movies were significantly worse. Jaws 2 fails in rather pedestrian ways. Jaws 3-D and Jaws: The Revenge fail in spectacularly inept (and often hysterical) ways. But nobody walked into either of those movies thinking they were seeing any sort of masterpiece. People had high hopes for Jaws 2, and they left deeply disappointed. 

Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)

The 1999 film calendar was crammed with so many remarkable movies that many critics are now calling it one of the single greatest years in Hollywood history. And even in the middle of all of that brilliance, The Blair Witch Project stood out. The “found footage” horror movie was shot on a microbudget of just $60,000, but still managed to scare the living shit out of everyone who saw it. A sequel was inevitable. Sadly, it completely disregarded the DIY feel of the original, along with anything that felt even remotely original despite being directed by Paradise Lost creator Joe Berlinger. We instead get a very traditional horror flick about a group of Blair Witch Project fans who head to the site of the first movie, Burkittsville, Maryland, and find themselves battling an evil force. “ Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 is a not a very lucid piece of filmmaking (and contains no Book of Shadows ),” wrote Roger Ebert. “I suppose it seems clear enough to Berlinger, who co-wrote it and helped edit it, but one viewing is not enough to make the material clear, and the material is not intriguing enough, alas, to inspire a second viewing.”

Live Free or Die Hard (2007)

Die Hard: With a Vengeance is one of the greatest threequels in the history of action movies, largely because they brought back original Die Hard director John McTiernan after leaving him out of the underwhelming second movie. A fourth movie didn’t materialize for another 12 years. This time around, Underworld director Les Wiseman was at the helm. He was working with a ridiculous script where John McClane battles a cyberterrorist in Washington, D.C. Bruce Willis practically has superpowers in it. At one moment, he destroys a flying helicopter by driving a car into it. It’s so ridiculous that even Michael Scott on The Office couldn’t enjoy it. “Here’s the thing about Die Hard 4, ” he said in one episode. “ Die Hard 1, the original, John McClain is just this normal guy, you know? He’s just a normal New York City cop who gets his feet cut, he gets beat up. But he’s an everyday guy. In Die Hard 4, he is jumping a motorcycle into a helicopter in the air. You know? He’s invincible. It’s just sort of lost from Die Hard 1. It’s not Terminator. ” For once, Michael Scott is completely right. 

Major League II (1994)

Creating a sequel to Major League wasn’t a crazy idea. We never even saw the misfit group of Cleveland Indians play in the World Series in the original movie, which remains one of the best sports films in history. And Major League II did manage to reunite the original cast, with the sole exception of Wesley Snipes, who was replaced by Omar Epps. The crazy idea of Major League II was downgrading the R rating from the original all the way to PG. It neutered the characters in every way possible. Who wants a Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn who can’t swear? You want to hear “locker-room talk” in the locker room. The movie also felt like a bland rehash of the original. “There has rarely been such a steep and strange decline between a movie and its sequel as the one between the fast, silly original and the dismal, boring Major League II, ” Caryn James wrote in The New York Times. “While the first film ran riot with baseball cliches, this one plods along and almost takes them seriously.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017)

In 2003, Disney somehow turned its Mad Men -era Pirates of the Caribbean theme-park attraction into a Johnny Depp movie that grossed more than $650 million. The first two sequels racked up an astonishing $1 billion each, and earned surprisingly respectable reviews, considering the source material. But director Gore Verbinski stepped aside for the fourth movie in favor of Rob Marshall, though it’s slightly unfair to blame him for the bloated, painfully unfunny mess that is Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales. The franchise simply ran out of gas at this point, and no amount of special-effects wizardry was going to change that. “Its pleasures are so meager, its delight in its own inventions so forced and false, that it becomes almost the perfect opposite of entertainment,” wrote A.O. Scott in The New York Times. “To insist otherwise is a variation on the sunk-cost fallacy. Since you exchanged money for fun, fun is surely what you must have purchased, and you may cling to that idea in the face of contrary evidence. But trust me on this: This movie would be a rip-off even if someone paid you to see it.”

More American Graffiti (1979)

The original American Graffiti, in 1973, was such a colossal pop-culture force that it somehow gave the world Happy Days, Star Wars, and the entire concept of rock & roll oldies. (We’re only slightly exaggerating here.) The George Lucas film took place during one very long night in 1962, but the 1979 sequel, written and directed by Bill Norton, is spread across four New Year’s Eves between 1964 and 1967. Nearly the entire cast, except Richard Dreyfuss, returned from the original (there’s even a Harrison Ford cameo), but the story leaps erratically back and forth through time, sometimes using split screens, and it’s very hard to follow. It also simply lacks the fun and innocence of the first one. Unsurprisingly, it was also a huge box-office bomb that marked the end of Ron Howard’s acting career.

Coming 2 America (2021)

Eddie Murphy spent decades resisting calls to make a sequel to 1988’s Coming to America before finally surrendering in 2021. It was a mistake. The movie is so desperate to evoke nostalgia by bringing back characters, set pieces, and sight gags from the original that it fails to tell a compelling story of its own. Yes, there’s a thin plot about Murphy coming back to Queens, New York, in search of his lost son, but it’s just an excuse for Murphy to lather on latex and makeup to play the old men in the barber shop that are somehow still alive. The scenes back in the fake African nation of Zamunda are even less effective. It’s briefly fun to see Murphy, Arsenio Hall, and the old gang back together, but how many of you watched it even a single time after the first viewing? Be honest. 

Wonder Woman: 1984 (2020)

The problem with Wonder Woman: 1984 isn’t the cast or even the director. Patty Jenkins, Gal Gadot, Chris Prine, Kristen Wiig, Pedro Pascal, and Robin Wright are all capable of remarkable work. And the first Wonder Woman movie in 2017 is one of the great superhero movies of the past decade. And the problem isn’t even the decision to move the action from World War I to the Reagan decade. That was clever since it opened up so many creative possibilities for the narrative. The problem is the script, which finds Wonder Woman working at the Smithsonian, where she comes across an ancient artifact that grants wishes. This causes her co-worker to transform herself into an evil cheetah, and grants a twisted businessman immense power. This is all much cheesier than it even sounds. The movie hit near the peak of Covid, and most people saw it on Max instead of the big screen. The reaction was not kind, to put it mildly. “Three years ago, Wonder Woman emerged amid a reckoning on male abuse and power; the timing was coincidental, but it also made the character feel meaningful,” Manohla Dargis wrote in The New York Times. “In 2017, when Wonder Woman was done saving the world, her horizons seemed limitless. I didn’t expect that her next big adult battle would be at the mall.”

Zoolander 2 (2016)

The temptation for Ben Stiller to film a Zoolander sequel must have been intense. The 2001 fashion-industry spoof wasn’t a huge commercial or critical hit, but that was largely because it had the misfortune of landing in theaters just weeks after 9/11. We weren’t exactly in a laughing mood at the time. A giant cult of Zoolander fans emerged in the years that followed, but what they really just wanted to do was watch it over and over, sprinkle quotes into everyday conversation, and attend the occasional midnight screening. They didn’t want a second one packed with more celebrity cameos than actual jokes, and endless callbacks to the original. “There are some clever bits, and the satire is at times scathing,” wrote film critic James Berardinelli, “but, on the whole, moments of hilarity are like oases in a desert of tedium.” 

Star Trek: Insurrection (1998)

After years of shoddy odd-numbered Star Trek films, fans hoped for a new pattern once the Next Generation crew took over in the mid-Nineties. Their hopes were raised with the release of 1996’s Star Trek: First Contact, which is one of the greatest science-fiction movies of the Nineties. But then came the crushing disappointment of 1998’s Star Trek: Insurrection . Captain Picard and the gang were back together, and Jonathan Frakes was once again directing, but the movie was an enormous step backward. The story centers around the Federation’s attempt to displace the population of a peaceful planet that had discovered a way to live forever. This would have been an interesting two-part episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, but it simply didn’t feel like a movie. “ Insurrection is a muddled, gimpy mess, filled with the worst sort of Trek clichés and ill-timed humorous outbursts,” Marc Salvov wrote in The Austin Chronicle . “On top of that, the film might as well have been edited by Mr. Scott in the midst of a Romulan-ale bender: Plot points appear out of nowhere, and voluminous backstory seems to have been dropped in favor of bigger, better explosions and forehead-slappingly bad double entendres. Is this Star Trek or Friends in Space ?”

City Slickers 2: The Legend of Curly’s Gold (1994)

Babaloo Mandel and Lowell Ganz are a brilliant writing duo that gave the world A League of Their Own, Parenthood, Splash, Spies Like Us, and Mr. Saturday Night . “We’ve done one sequel in our entire career,” Ganz told Rolling Stone in 2022. “That’s City Slickers . And the reason we don’t do more is we put our characters where we want them to be.” Mandel framed the issue in a more concise way: “The story is over. It’s done.” The story of City Slickers was definitely over after the events of the first movie, but it was such a giant hit that they were coaxed into writing a sequel. It finds Billy Crystal and Daniel Stern back on horses in the West on a mission to find lost gold. (Bruno Kirby had the good sense to avoid this one. He was essentially replaced by Jon Lovitz.) And even though Jack Palance’s Curly character dies in the original City Slickers, he returns in this one as Curly’s brother Duke. “What I missed was the rich humor and the human comedy of the original film — where the people, not the plot, were what mattered,” Roger Eberot wrote. “By the end of the film, with Slickers II also borrowing from the Indiana Jones movies, I was overcome with deja vu and indifference.”

Blues Brothers 2000 (1998)

There are a lot of problems with Blues Brothers 2000, starting with the fact that John Belushi died 16 years before it came out. That’s an insurmountable issue that should have ended any talk of a sequel. But Dan Aykroyd’s never come across a franchise he isn’t willing to drive into the ground. And if he was willing to participate in My Girl 2, five Ghostbusters (and counting) movies, and even (shudder) Caddyshack 2, he was certainly down to try and revive The Blues Brothers in 1998 with help from John Goodman, Joe Morton, and child actor J. Evan Bonifant. They were joined by a truly impressive lineup of musical icons, including Aretha Franklin, James Brown, Wilson Pickett, Bo Diddley, Isaac Hayes, Eric Clapton, Dr. John, and many, many others. It could be the greatest assemblage of musical talent ever to appear on film. But it’s not enough to make Blues Brothers 2000 a watchable movie. It’s about Elwood Blues getting out of prison and putting the band back together, but it just feels sad and pointless without Jake by his side. 

Independence Day: Resurgence (2016)

Independence Day was the highest grossing movie of 1996, raking in more than $800 million. It was also an incredibly fun popcorn movie as long as you don’t spend too much time thinking about the fact mankind foiled an alien invasion by uploading a virus to their ship’s mainframe from a rinky-dink Windows 95-era laptop. (The aliens mastered interstellar travel, but they didn’t have even rudimentary virus protection? How did these computer systems even line up in the first place?) Rumors of a sequel swirled for years, but Will Smith wanted such a colossal payday they eventually moved forward without him for 2011’s Independence Day: Resurgence . They did manage to bring back Jeff Goldblum, Bill Pullman, Judd Hirsch, Brent Spiner, and Vivica A. Fox, but what they didn’t have was an original idea. The aliens return. The world unites against them. Pullman gives another inspiring speech through a bullhorn. Yawn. If this movie hit in 1999 or so, it would have likely been a huge hit. But we had to wait 15 years for this thing. By that point, the Marvel Cinematic Universe was in full swing. It made this limp Independence Day retread feel very tired and just wildly unnecessary. 

Cars 2 (2011)

The original Cars is basically Doc Hollywood in a bizarre, post-human world where cars are talking, autonomous beings. They should have ripped off another great movie for the sequel, which sends Lightning McQueen and his team to Europe to compete in the World Grand Prix. Along the way, they get entangled with some British spies. The whole thing reeks like a quickie cash-grab designed to sell toy cars. It’s one of the few Pixar movies to have a “rotten” rating on Rotten Tomatoes. “Will your kids have fun?” Logan Hill asked in his Vulture review. “Sure, though the green-energy subplot is too intricate. As for the parents, politically, it feels like a focus-grouped cop-out. Lefties will be flattered by the cars’ environmental ideals; conservatives will cheer when it turns out that green energy doesn’t work. Worry not, Disney shareholders: No automotive cross-branding opportunity was risked.” (The movie never explains what happened to the humans in the Cars universe. The cars clearly went Terminator and killed them all when they became self-aware, right?)

Terminator: Salvation (2009)

There’s something about The Terminator that keeps bringing people back into the theaters despite the plainly obvious fact that the series simply cannot work without James Cameron. And as much as Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines disappointed the Terminator faithful, it at least had Arnold Schwarzenegger and a powerful ending that gave the series somewhere to build toward. The nuclear holocaust was here, and now John Connor had to lead the resistance. That’s a premise for a pretty great movie. But 2009’s Terminator: Salvation was nothing even remotely great, despite casting Christian Bale as the newest John Connor. Arnold was busy serving as the governor of California at the time, and there’s not a single actor in it from the previous movies. It’s about the early days of Connor’s leadership during the war against Skynet. Lots of things blow up. There are chases. It’s all just an endless green screen of blah. An infamous audio leak from the set revealed that Bale had a complete meltdown at one point and chewed out director McG and members of the crew when a take was interrupted. “Am I going to walk around and rip your fucking lights down, in the middle of a scene?” he roars. “Then why the fuck are you walking right through like this in the background. What the fuck is it with you? Give me a fucking answer!” This audio was 100 times more entertaining than any moment in Salvation . 

Superman 4 (1987)

It’s tempting to put Superman 3 on this list since it’s such an oddball outlier in the history of the franchise, but there’s a certain goofy charm to the movie. Throwing Richard Pryor into the world of Metropolis as a computer genius still makes us chuckle. But there’s nothing even remotely amusing about 1987’s Superman IV: The Quest for Peace . It’s a shockingly inept movie about Superman trying to rid the world of atomic weapons, and battling the foe Nuclear Man. The film was shot on a shoestring budget, and that’s clear in every single frame. It’s hard to believe the original film came out less than 10 years prior. “The script of Lawrence Konner and Mark Rosenthal contains neither bite nor gleam, and the movie has no propulsion,” wrote Michael Wilmington of the Los Angles Times . “By the end, the editing takes on a meat-ax fervor, as [one character] disappears mysteriously and the loose ends are given a violently perfunctory last-second wrap-up. The overall effect is of a story atomized and dying before our eyes, collapsing into smashed pulp, ground down into big-budget Kryptonite ash.” The film was such a disaster that it wasn’t until 2006 that another Superman movie hit theaters. It was a direct sequel to the original two Superman movies, and pretended like Superman 4 didn’t exist. Sadly for us, it does exist. 

Sex and the City 2 (2010)

The temptation in sequels is often to move the action to an exotic overseas location since it opens up all sorts of new storytelling possibilities. The Hangover 2 (Bangkok), Oceans 12 (Amsterdam, Paris, Rome), Cars 2 (France, Italy, England), The Karate Kid 2 (Okinawa), and National Lampoon’s European Vacation (Europe, duh) are just a few of the examples. And in the second Sex and the City movie, Carrie Bradshaw and her friends take an extended trip to Abu Dhabi, though they actually filmed it in Morocco. It’s part of an absurdly bloated two and a half hour movie where the four ladies deal with professional and personal dilemmas, discover the power of friendship for the 600th time, and wear designer outfits that must have collectively cost them about $18 million. The whole thing is so abysmal and boring that even hardore Sex and the City fans rarely defend it. It sent the series onto life support before it came back to Max as the 99.9 percent Kim Cattrall-free …And Just Like That in 2022. 

Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021)

Is Michael Jordan the GOAT in the NBA, or is it LeBron James? It’s a basketball debate that’s likely to rage for eternity. Both sides have very strong arguments to make in terms of total points scored or the number of championship rings they wear. When it comes to their Space Jam movies, however, it isn’t really a contest. Jordan made a very fun live-action/animated Warner Bros. movie back in 1996. And James delivered a turkey of a sequel in 2021, where the Lakers great and his fictional son Dominic find themselves trapped in the Warner Bros. Serververse. They come into contact with all sorts of studio IP, including Rick and Morty, The Wizard of Oz, Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings, and King Kong, but the whole thing feels more like a Warner Bros. shareholders presentation than a movie. When it comes time for the big basketball game, it’s hard to even care. “It is a film that has no reason to exist,” wrote Alex Shepherd in The New Republic, “except as a vehicle for reminding people that various pieces of content, all of them merchandisable, are available for instant streaming now.”

Rocky V (1990)

The first four Rocky movies followed a familiar formula. A powerful opponent challenges Rocky Balboa to a boxing match, his devoted wife, Adrian, expresses some doubts (“You can’t win, Rocky!”), he furiously trains, and the film climaxes with the fight. In 1990’s Rocky V, however, the formula was completely upended. It begins with the Balboa family losing all of their money after Rocky is diagnosed with a brain disorder that makes it impossible for him to fight. They move back to Philadelphia, and Rocky trains a young fighter named Tommy Gunn. It ends with Rocky and Gunn briefly fighting in the street, but audiences were less than thrilled. The movie didn’t capture the heart of the original Rocky or the cheeseball joy of the sequels. “The dramatic moves are so obvious and shopworn,” wrote the Chicago Reader ’s Jonathan Rosenbaum, “that not even the star’s mournful basset-hound expressions can redeem them.” It would be another 16 years before Stallone was given the green light on another Rocky movie. That one ends with Balboa back in the ring even though Stallone was 60-years-old by that point. It’s also an infinitely better movie than Rocky V . 

Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise (1987)

The insane success of Animal House inspired roughly 100 knockoff movies about wild college campuses. The best of the bunch, by far, is 1984’s Revenge of the Nerds . This one twists the formula by casting nerds as the heroes, and the cool frat boys as villains. It’s hysterical and infinitely rewatchable. (And, yes, there’s a heinous scene near the end where one of the nerds dresses up in a jock’s costume and fools his girlfriend into having sex with him.) The sequel was unable to bring Anthony Edwards back for anything more than a cameo (he made a little film called Top Gun the prior year), but the rest of the cast is back for a movie that takes them down to Florida for a frat convention where they once again battle evil jocks. But it’s rated PG-13, when the original was a very hard R. That means the jokes are much softer, and the laughs never come. The only positive thing we can say about it is the made-for-TV sequels are even worse. 

Batman and Robin (1997)

The Batman franchise was already in serious decline by the time 1997’s Batman and Robin came around. Michael Keaton handed over the Batsuit to Val Kilmer for 1995’s Batman Forever, and Tim Burton ceded his director’s chair to Joel Schumacher. The result was a less-than-stellar movie, especially when compared to the dark brilliance of Batman Returns, but Jim Carrey’s manic energy as the Riddler (along with great songs by U2 and Seal) prevented it from being a total train wreck. Nothing could have prepared us, however, for the horrors of Batman and Robin . George Clooney is the Dark Knight in this one, and he battles Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze, and Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy. He’s joined by not only Chris O’Donnell as Robin, but Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl. It’s a clusterfuck of characters, plot incoherence, and cheeseball, pun-filled dialogue straight out of a McBain movie (“It’s ice to see you”; “Let’s kick some ice.”) Nearly every person involved with the movie condemned it in the years that followed, especially Clooney. “It’s a terrible screenplay,” he told Howard Stern in 2020. “I’m terrible in it. Joel Schumacher, who just passed away, directed it, and he’d say, ‘Yeah, it didn’t work.’ We all whiffed on that one.”

Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)

It wasn’t until the Seventies that hit movies routinely generated sequels. That’s why we have The Godfather II, Jaws II, Rocky II, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, Beneath the Planet of the Apes, and many others. The astronomical success of The Exorcist in 1973 guaranteed a follow-up chapter. But Exorcist novelist William Peter Blatty and original movie director William Friedkin didn’t want to be involved in 1978’s Exorcist II: The Heretic since they were in the midst of a lawsuit with the studio over profits from the first one. The studio did manage to bring back Linda Blair and Max von Sydow, but that wasn’t nearly enough to salvage this low-budget trainwreck of a movie where poor Regan, now a teenager, deals with the aftermath of the demonic possession from the first movie. “There had to be a sequel,” wrote Vinceny Canby in The New York Times, “but did it have to be this desperate concoction, the main thrust of which is that the original exorcism wasn’t all it was cracked up to be?”

Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

After the stunning ineptitude of 2009’s Terminator: Salvation, the franchise bounced back to “somewhat watchable” status with 2015’s Terminator Genisys . The critics disagree with us here, and it’s not like Genisys is a masterpiece, but at least it was a little fun. (It wasn’t nearly as enjoyable as the criminally underrated 2008-09 Fox series Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles .) And when news hit that Linda Hamilton was finally returning to play Sarah Connor in 2015’s The Terminator: Dark Fate, it was hard not to feel genuine excitement. James Cameron signed on as producer. Hope was in the air. Then we saw the actual movie. In the first few minutes, a de-aged Hamilton watches a teenage John Connor get killed by a Terminator shortly after the events of T2, basically nullifying the entire movie. We flash-forward several years, and Skynet is at its old tricks again. It has sent yet another robot back in time. A grizzled Connor has to protect people that will be pivotal in the future. They meet up with an elderly Arnold, who once again helps them survive. We’ve seen this many times before. Once the thrill of seeing Hamilton in her badass Sarah Connor mode wears off, this becomes just another rote action movie. There’s been talk of another Terminator reboot, but let’s hope it doesn’t happen. Haven’t we all suffered enough at this point? 

The Hangover 3 (2013)

The third Hangover ditches the premise of the first two movies where four buddies have a debauched night on the town, wake up without any memories of it, and try to retrace their steps to find someone they lost along the way. It was insane enough this happened a second time, but moving the action from Las Vegas to Bangkok in the sequel was clever and occasionally quite funny. In the third one, they head back to Sin City for an adventure that’s heavy on plot and action, but very light on actual laughs. It also gives Ken Jeong a much bigger role than he had in the first two, but a little bit of his psychotic Leslie Chow character goes a very long way. And bringing everything back to Vegas just reminded us of the superiority of the first movie. “The second didn’t have to be funny, and wasn’t, but at least existed somewhere in the general vicinity of that borderless country known as Comedy,” Rick Groen wrote in The Globe and Mail . “Part Three doesn’t, not even remotely, which makes it not just bad, but weirdly, fascinatingly bad. What exactly is this? Certainly a cash cow, definitely an exercise in cynicism, maybe even a cri de coeur from the self-hating principals. Whatever, a comedy it ain’t.”

A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)

Live Free or Die Hard is not a good movie by any standard. But it’s practically Raiders of the Lost Ark compared to the flaming pile of dog shit that is 2013’s A Good Day to Die Hard . There’s no pretext that John McClane is a regular human being in this one. He’s a superhero that couldn’t be killed by conventional or even unconventional weapons. The plot barely matters, but it revolves around an ill-fated trip to Russia where he teams up with his son, played by Jai Courtney, and fights all sorts of evil dudes. They visit Chernobyl, fire off about 10,000 rounds of ammo, and a helicopter flies into a building. Bruce Willis says, “ Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!” and everyone laughs because it reminds them of better Die Hard movies. There was talk of a sixth Die Hard for years, but that’s impossible now that Willis is retired from acting. Tragically, the franchise ended with A Good Day to Die Hard . The best thing we can do now is pretend the last two Die Hard movies were just bad dreams McClane had in the final years of his life. 

Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)

Keanu Reeves isn’t opposed to signing on for sequels. He’s made four Matrix movies, four John Wicks, and three Bill and Ted’s . But when the makers of Speed 2: Cruise Control came to him, he had some doubts. “It was just a situation in life where I got the script and I read the script and I was like, ‘Ugh,’” Reeves recalled to Jimmy Kimmel in 2015. “It was about a cruise ship, and I was thinking, ‘A bus, a cruise ship.… Speed, bus, but then a cruise ship is even slower than a bus, and I was like, ‘I love you guys, but I just can’t do it.’” They carried forward with Jason Patrick essentially in the Reeves role, but it was a mistake. Reeves was 100 percent right to realize that a speeding cruise ship simply isn’t very scary. The film was a critical fiasco that forever killed the franchise and was nominated for eight Golden Raspberry awards. This was a good lesson. If Keanu Reeves thinks your movie is dumb, don’t do it. He knows what he’s talking about. 

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)

The initial expectations for Star Trek: Nemesis were very high. Fans were desperate to see the Next Generation cast after a four-year hiatus, and they were returning in an even-numbered movie. The ironclad rule up to that point was that the even-numbered Trek films were all great. Tragically, the streak ended with Star Trek: Nemesis in spectacular fashion. The enemy this time around is Shinzon, a young clone of Picard (played by Tom Hardy) that took over the Romulan empire. (Pay no attention to the fact that Hardy doesn’t look a damn thing like Patrick Stewart at any age.) At the climax of the movie, Data sacrifices himself to save Picard. That’s probably the only moment anyone that saw Nemesis in the theater can recall. The rest is a boring blur of cheesy special effects and dialogue that reads like it was written by ChatGPT. What went wrong? “The director was an idiot,” said Counselor Troi actress Marina Sirtis. “I guess that’s a fair assessment of someone that wasn’t willing to take advantage of the help he was offered.” The movie was such a bomb that TNG never appeared on the big screen again. Thankfully, they returned for the Paramount+ show Star Trek: Picard in 2020. In a clear acknowledgement that Nemesis was a complete turd, they gave Data another death scene. 

Dumb and Dumber To (2014)

Comedy sequels are notoriously hard to pull off. For every successful attempt like Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey or Addams Family Values, you have 50 fiascos like Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment or Meet the Fockers . We won’t list either of those films on this list since no reasonable person expected them to be any good. That’s not the case for Dumb and Dumber To, which reunited Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels with directors Peter and Bobby Farrell 20 years after the original Dumb and Dumber . The moronic duo of Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne travel cross country again in this one, but this time they’re searching for Dunne’s lost daughter. After the initial thrill of seeing Carey and Daniels back in character wears off, it becomes clear a Dumb and Dumber sequel is way better as an idea than an actual movie. It’s also so shockingly unfunny it almost makes you question the value of the first one. But don’t do that. The first one is one of the funniest movies of the Nineties. It’s Jim Carrey at his absolute peak. Dumb and Dumber To is a sad retread. 

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

It may be slightly hard to remember now, but there was enormous excitement surrounding Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull back in 2008. We’d waited through 19 very long Indy-free years at this point, and we finally had Harrison Ford back in his fedora with Steven Spielberg in the director’s chair. They even brought in Karen Allen to reprise her role as Marion Ravenwood from Raiders of the Lost Ark . They also brought in Shia LaBeouf as Indy’s greaser son, Mutt, Cate Blanchett as an evil Soviet, a muddled plot about KGB agents and extraterrestrial life, and sequences where Mutt swings from vines like Tarzan and Indy survives a nuclear blast in a refrigerator. It simply doesn’t cohere into a fun movie that can remotely compare to the first three. “Reckless daring is what’s missing from Crystal Skull, ” David Denby wrote in The New Yorker . “The movie leaves a faint aura of depression, because you don’t want to think of daring as the exclusive property of youth. There must be a way for middle-aged men to take chances and leap over chasms, but repeating themselves with less conviction isn’t it.”

Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)

If you were at least a somewhat dorky teenager in the Eighties or Nineties, you probably have fond memories of the first Highlander movie. It stars Christopher Lambert as an immortal being from the 16th-century Scottish Highlands who battles other immortals in mid-Eighties New York City. The 1991 sequel, Highlander II: The Quickening, roped Sean Connery back into the saga, and holy mother of God, it is an unholy mess. Not only does it completely violate established Highlander canon by transforming the immortals into aliens from another planet, it was filmed on the cheap in Argentina, and director Russell Mulcahy was removed from the postproduction process so the producers could totally butcher his original (admittedly flawed) vision. It often ranks very high on lists of the worst movies in history. “ Highlander II: The Quickening is the most hilariously incomprehensible movie I’ve seen in many a long day — a movie almost awesome in its badness,” wrote Roger Ebert. “Wherever science-fiction fans gather, in decades and generations to come, this film will be remembered in hushed tones as one of the immortal low points of the genre.”

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

Being a Star Wars fan means dealing with a lot of bitter disappointment. This is a franchise with 12 movies, of which only about four or five are universally loved. Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace is often cited as the low point, but we’re not counting prequels on this list. (It’s also not quite as awful as the lore suggests. Watch it again with an open mind.) But the biggest disappointment in Star Wars history came in 2019 with the release of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker . After 42 years and 50 bazillion hours of fevered fan speculation, the world was finally seeing the (supposed) conclusion of the Skywalker saga. This was going to be the one that resolved all of the lingering issues, gave our heroes one last adventure, and ended the franchise on a perfectly satisfying note. Things got off to a bad start in the opening crawl when we learned Emperor Palpatine was back in the picture, which is something they never bothered to explain beyond Poe’s infamous “somehow Palpatine returned” line midway through the film. And after the prior film told us that Rey came from a humble background, meaning anyone could rise from obscurity and become a Jedi, we learn she’s actually a Palpatine. It was one of many ways that returning director J.J. Abrams tried to nullify Rian Johnson’s work on The Last Jedi . We spend time with Luke Skywalker as a force ghost, Han Solo as some other sort of apparition, Princess Leah via clumsily edited archival footage, Chewie, R2D2, C-3PO, and even Lando Calrissian, but nothing feels satisfying about any of it. It just feels like a bunch of random Star Wars images and characters thrown into a blender. It still earned more than $1 billion, but the reaction was so abysmal that Disney radically switched course and put all of its Star Wars energy into TV shows. We’re heard endless reports and rumors about additional movies, but none of them have actually gone into production. Something has to happen eventually. The Star Wars cinematic experience can’t forever end on Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker . Somehow Star Wars has to return. 

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Pirates of the Caribbean Film Series by order

1. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

2. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

3. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

4. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

5. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

More to explore, recently viewed.

History | May 15, 2024

Who Were the Real Pirates of the Caribbean?

During the Golden Age of Piracy, thousands of sea dogs sought fame and fortune. But the reality of a pirate’s life was less enticing than movies and television shows suggest

Sean Kingsley

History Correspondent

Three hundred years ago, a cultural revolution exploded out of East London. The narrow lane of Paternoster Row , today lined with trendy cafés and sushi shops, feels like an unlikely spot for the birth of the pirates of the Caribbean. But this was once the heart of the English capital’s publishing industry—and a place of justice for the most dreaded brigands.

Paternoster Row stands a few blocks away from the Old Bailey courts and Newgate Prison , where so many sea dogs were dragged in chains, tried and sentenced to death. So it was fitting that A General History of the Pirates —a comprehensive biography that shaped perceptions of pirates both then and now—was first sold here in May 1724.

The book’s author, one Captain Charles Johnson , had a best seller on his hands. An expanded version appeared later that year, followed by a third edition in 1725 and a fourth in 1726. Translations into Dutch, German and French also arrived in quick succession. Three centuries later, the blockbuster is still in print. Chapter by chapter, the book introduces readers to pirates who are now household names, from Henry Avery to Blackbeard to Anne Bonny—figures who inspired television hits like “ Black Sails ” and “ One Piece ” and fed the $4.5 billion Pirates of the Caribbean franchise.

Much of what we think we know about the golden age of piracy, though, is not what it seems. Johnson never existed (he was a pseudonym for an author alternatively identified as Daniel Defoe or Nathaniel Mist), and most of the clichés of the era—walking the plank, buried treasure and drunk pirates in the lovable rogue mold of Captain Jack Sparrow —are make-believe, invented by Robert Louis Stevenson for his 1883 novel, Treasure Island .

“The first proper novel written about pirates,” Stevenson’s tale cemented a specific image of buccaneers in the popular imagination, says Rebecca Simon , author of The Pirates’ Code: Laws and Life Aboard Ship . “Virtually everything about pirates in pop culture comes from Treasure Island .”

So, what were the real pirates of the Caribbean like? Were they revolutionaries who founded pirate republics where everyone was free and equal? Or were they terrorists and rapists, enemies of all mankind out to pad their pockets, the world be damned?

Under the black flag

Overall, around 4,000 sea dogs plagued the world’s sea lanes during the golden age of piracy . In the 1690s , early pirates sailed between western India and the Red Sea coasts of modern-day Yemen and Saudi Arabia. A few decades later, in the 1710s and 1720s, they turned their attention to Spanish and European shipping routes in the Caribbean and slave traders off West Africa.

At the peak of the mayhem, around 1720, up to 32 pirate ships crewed by 2,400 multiethnic sailors disrupted the Caribbean at any given time. Pirates ranged in age from about 14 to 50, though most were in their mid- to late 20s. Around half were English: A quarter of these English pirates came from the port cities of Bristol, Liverpool and Plymouth, while another third hailed from Greater London. One-quarter of all pirates were Americans from the West Indies and North America. Many sailed out of Boston, Rhode Island, New York and Charleston.

“Pirates were men of the sea, not wronged aristocrats avenging their lost honor, as Hollywood would have us believe,” says Marcus Rediker , author of Villains of All Nations: Atlantic Pirates in the Golden Age . “A few had been enslaved waterfront workers, some fishermen [and] more privateersmen. The vast majority had been sailors in the Royal Navy and especially the merchant shipping industry, where they had experienced death-defying labor, poor food ( biscuit so full of vermin, they said it could walk around by itself) and the captain’s back-scarring cat-o’-nine-tails.”

As the English writer Samuel Johnson put it , “No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail, for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned.”

One in five pirates got their start after mutinies at sea, but the majority volunteered after pirates seized their merchant vessels. Highly skilled carpenters and doctors might be forcibly enlisted, but most captains, like Samuel “Black Sam” Bellamy , “ forced nobody to go with them, and said they would take nobody against their wills,” as one sailor later testified.

Pirate crews were made up of men from all walks of life. Walter Kennedy , a native of Wapping in London, was a poor pickpocket, while Stede Bonnet was “master of a plentiful fortune” amassed through his sugarcane plantation in Barbados, according to A General History . Welshman Bartholomew Roberts bucked the hard reputation of the scowling pirate by dressing in scarlet breeches and tucking a red feather in his hat; he also drank tea rather than rum.

What united these disparate pirates was the dream of making a fortune. Pirates could rake in 100 to 1,000 times the salary of an Anglo-American sailor. And a few diehards hit the jackpot: In July 1693, for example, Thomas Tew of Rhode Island plundered £100,000 of gold and silver, gems, pearls, elephant tusks, spices, silk, and gunpowder from a ship bound for what is now Saudi Arabia.

Then, in September 1695, Avery disarmed the Mughal Emperor Aurangzeb ’s treasure ship and helped himself to £600,000 in gold, silver and jewels (about $130 million today)—the largest single haul in pirate history. Despite today’s emphasis on pirates of the Caribbean, the richest ships sailed between the Red Sea ports of Jeddah in modern Saudi Arabia, Mocha in Yemen and Surat in India.

But pirates didn’t always spend their windfalls wisely. In the late 17th century, the Dutch surgeon Alexandre Exquemelin wrote that pirates used their money “according to their custom, wasted in a few days in taverns … by giving themselves to all manner of debauchery with strumpets and wine.”

During the War of the Spanish Succession , which spanned 1701 to 1714, privateers contracted by European governments to seize enemy ships got to keep about 80 percent of their loot. As soon as the peace was signed, this lucrative source of income vanished. The British Royal Navy demobilized its warships, decreasing its number of sailors from 49,860 in 1712 to 13,475 just two years later. Jobs dried up, and families went hungry.

“By the time the golden age of piracy was brought to a bloody end [in the 1720s], after royal governors had hanged hundreds of pirates,” says Rediker, “the ‘gentlemen of fortune’ had captured and plundered more than 2,400 vessels, 400 by Roberts and his crew alone. During their peak years, 1716 to 1726, pirates had done more damage to British Atlantic trade than France and Spain in the recent War of the Spanish Succession.”

Liberty, equality, fraternity

The pirate ship was a world turned upside down. Crews called no country home but came instead “from the seas.” As floating Towers of Babel crewed by poor men of mixed religions and nations, pirate ships welcomed everyone into the brotherhood—except for women, who were considered bad luck. ( Bonny and Mary Read ’s adventures with Calico Jack Rackham lasted just two months.) On pirate decks, there was no social ranking. Everyone got to vote on decisions and take a fair cut of the spoils.

Far from the Hollywood image of anarchy, pirate crews signed articles to strictly control life at sea. Edward Low , the meanest pirate of the golden age, banned drunkenness at times of attack. Roberts forbade the lighting of candles after 8 p.m. George Lowther’s articles included compensation for the loss of a limb in an assault.

Pirate lords could certainly be quirky. After Low’s wife died, he blocked married men from his fleet in a rare act of sentimentality . Bonnet sought solace at sea due to “some discomforts he found in a married state” that brought about “a disorder of the mind,” notes A General History .

Bonnet, who had no sailing experience, didn’t just run away from his wife. “There is a suggestion that he had a strong preference to surround himself with other men,” says historian Katherine Howe , editor of The Penguin Book of Pirates and the descendant of a Massachusetts merchant who was hanged from a ship’s yardarm by pirates who wanted him to give up his valuables.

Male friendships on pirate vessels could be extremely close, to such an extent that matelotage , “a kind of civil union [performed] in front of witnesses and the captain,” was allowed, says Simon. “Two sailors would join into a bond to enable their property, in the event of their death, to be sent back to their families or willed to each other.”

Simon notes that some scholars have speculated that matelotage was akin to “legalized gay marriage on pirate ships,” but the written documents are ambiguous. “Sexual relationships were banned on most ships, pirate ships as well, and this included sodomy, which was against the law,” she explains. “Some civil unions would have been out of very deep friendships, but it is very possible” that men who shared close quarters for long stretches of time engaged in sexual activity.

Not even the captain’s power was sacrosanct. If he showed just one sign of weakness or dishonesty, he could be marooned on a desert island or killed outright. Authority was governed by majority rule, and the crew “only permit him to be captain on condition that they may be captain over him,” according to A General History .

Skulls and crossbones

While violence was sometimes inevitable, pirates’ main goal was to persuade victims to give up their cargoes without a fight. “It was a bit of a spectrum, but pirates weren’t as deadly as we think,” says Simon. “If you’re going to engage in a massive battle, that means you’re going to be losing massive numbers of your own crew as well, and pirates don’t want to do that. They want to get in and get out as fast as they can.”

Though most pirates avoided violence when possible, some relished it. Blackbeard supposedly lit fuses in his beard when approaching enemy prizes, looking like a demon straight out of hell. But no sea dog rivaled Low’s cruelty. When the pirate found out that the captain of a seized Portuguese ship had dropped a bag of 11,000 gold coins into the sea rather than hand it over, he had the man’s lips cut off, broiled and fed to the ship’s mate. Low and his men then murdered the captain and his crew of 31.

Terror was a common tactic to persuade victims to reveal hidden treasures, and it often involved dramatic theatrics. Crews led by Bellamy and Paulsgrave Williams took the St. Marie by charging the French ship while stripped completely naked. Read was said to fight bare-breasted for the same reason, providing a diversion that stunned onlookers while her fellow pirates swung into action.

The ultimate prop was the pirate flag , which could be decorated with a skull and crossbones (as in the classic Jolly Roger design), bleeding hearts, hourglasses, spears, cutlasses and skeletons. A black flag told terrified crews that the pirates were willing to give quarter if they surrendered. When all else failed, a blood-red flag signaled that no mercy would be shown.

Pirate raids were “much less about torture for its own sake than about active persuasion,” says Howe. “That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a terrifying thing. It could still be a very ugly business.”

The end of the rope

The legends who lived to enjoy their ill-gotten gains were a tiny minority. Avery vanished into thin air before buying a royal pardon and joining the writer Defoe as a spy to protect England’s crown from the threat of Catholic France, a new theory suggests. Christopher Condent , more commonly known as Billy One-Hand, arranged a royal pardon and retired to the old pirate haunt of St. Malo in northern France.

As for the rest of the big guns, William Kidd , Charles Vane , Bonnet, Rackham and Olivier Levasseur were all executed by hanging. Tew died in the Red Sea in September 1695, when he was disemboweled by a cannonball. Blackbeard was decapitated in a skirmish with the Royal Navy off North Carolina in 1718. Bellamy and all but two of his crew drowned off Cape Cod in 1717, while Roberts was shot dead by a Royal Navy frigate off Sierra Leone in 1722.

Around 25 to 30 percent of pirate crews were Black, research conducted by historian Kenneth J. Kinkor suggests . Though much has been made of African pirates fighting and dying alongside their white brethren, these men’s fates were very different. Colonial officials rarely gave Black pirates the right to a trial. “Many were sold back into slavery,” says Simon. “It was more egalitarian [on pirate decks] than you might expect for the time period, but it’s not as perfect as we’d like to think.” Howe adds, “Pirates were interested in money. They weren’t interested in people.”

Ultimately, piracy was not a way of life, but rather a brief act of defiance. Most sea dogs dreamed of one large prize and melting into polite society. Reality rarely worked out so well. Almost all pirates failed and went on to meet an unhappy end. So why have they stuck so firmly in the popular imagination?

“Pirates have remained popular because of their ‘it’ factor—a strange magnetism that attracts both sexes,” writes Simon in The Pirates’ Code .

Howe, meanwhile, says:

They’re beloved for what they represent: the romance and the glamour, the idea of freedom, of overthrowing authority. … My more cynical side also says that it is a way for us to be romantic about maritime life in the age of sail and not to have to think about slavery, a way of creating a glamorous overlay over some of the harsher realities of life, not just for enslaved people but for working people in general [at the time].

When all was said and done, many pirates were criminals, terrorists and rapists. “There was no altruism behind the motives of those pirates,” says Simon. “There was nothing they wanted to give back. They were operating against the law, attacking people, kidnapping [them].”

What cannot be denied is that the pirates of the Caribbean lived and died in their own way. They partied hard, swore, took God’s name in vain and joked heartily. When Philip Lyne captured official documents of the Lords of the Admiralty in 1721, his men “wiped their backsides” with them, proclaiming “that they were [now] the lords of the sea.” The crews of both Bellamy and Roberts were stinking drunk or hungover when they were caught or killed.

Most men sailing under the black flag did so for just a year or two before the law or a hurricane caught up with them. The way of the pirates, then, was less “dead men tell no tales” than “live fast, die young.” Or, as Roberts put it, “In an honest service, there is thin commons, low wages and hard labor. In this, plenty and satiety, pleasure and ease, liberty and power. … No, a merry life and a short one shall be my motto.”

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Sean Kingsley | | READ MORE

Sean Kingsley is a marine archaeologist, explorer, historian and writer specializing in the sunken past. In 2020, he founded Wreckwatch ,  the world’s first popular magazine dedicated to the cultural wonders of the sea. He is the co-author of  The Pirate King: The Strange Adventures of Henry Avery and the Birth of the Golden Age of Piracy  and  Enslaved: The Sunken History of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade.