how can a parent encourage their child to learn to use problem solving skills

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How Your Child Learns to Problem-Solve

Your preschooler is figuring out what things are, why things are, and how things work..

In the course of your child's day, dozens of questions like these arise: "What's inside this box?" "How can I get into it?" "How far can I throw this ball?" "What will happen if I spill all of the crayons out of the box?" "I wonder if my teddy bear floats?" "How can I get these pieces of paper to stick to that piece of paper?" "Why does my block tower keep falling over?"

By asking these questions, your child is identifying and figuring out ways to solve them, and trying out her ideas. Every time she experiments with and investigates things in her world, such as how far water will squirt from a sprayer and what's inside a seedpod, for example, she is building her ability to solve problems. This is also true when she selects materials for building or when she learns to resolve an argument with a friend or sibling over a toy.

If we look at this process more closely, we discover that problem solving involves both creative and critical thinking. Both are necessary to figure out the solutions to problems of all kinds.

Creative Thinking

Creative thinking is the heart of problem solving. It is the ability to see a different way to do something, generate new ideas, and use materials in new ways. Central to creative thinking is the willingness to take risks, to experiment, and even to make a mistake. Part of creative thinking is "fluent" thinking, which is the ability to generate or brainstorm ideas. So ask your child "wide-open" questions! For instance, ask him to:

• imagine all the different ways to get to school (walking, flying, driving, swimming!).
• name everything he can think of that's red.
• name everything he can think of that's round.
• imagine all the things he could make out of clay or paper bags or even an empty box.

These are good examples of thinking problems that have many right answers. Research has shown that the ability to think fluently has a high correlation to school success later on. Another part of creative thinking is "flexible" thinking, which is the ability to see many possibilities or to view objects or situations in different ways. The next time your child pretends a pot is a hat or a spoon is a microphone or speculates on all the reasons that a child in a picture might feel sad, he is practicing his flexible thinking.

Critical Thinking

Critical, or logical, thinking is the ability to break an idea into its parts and analyze them. The math skills of sorting and classifying, comparing similarities and differences, are all parts of critical thinking. Whenever your child looks at, say, two glasses of juice and tries to figure out which one holds more, he is practicing this kind of thinking. To encourage it, ask your child:

• how many different ways he can sort his blocks.
• how many different ways he can make a building out of the blocks.
• how the building would be different if he used blocks of only one size.
• how a bottle of juice and his lunch box are alike and how they are different.
• how family members' shoes are alike and how they are different.

Asking questions about things that don't seem to make sense is another way children think critically. Questions such as "Why do I have a shadow on the playground but not inside?" or "Why can't I see the wind?" are examples of critical thinking. You don't need to have one right answer, but do encourage your child to express his ideas. There's one other thing to remember about problem solving: It's fun! So make room for spontaneity and prepare yourself to be surprised and delighted as you discover your child's unique way of thinking.

The Importance of Problem Solving and How to Teach it to Kids

FamilyEducation Editorial Staff

Teach your kids to be brilliant problem solvers so they can shine.

We get so lost as parents with all the demands to do more for our children—get better grades, excel at extracurricular activities, have good relationships—that we may be overlooking one of the essential skills they need: problem-solving.

More: A Parent’s Guide to Conscious Discipline

In a Harvard Business Review study about the skills that influence a leader's success, problem-solving ranked third out of 16.

Whether you want your child to get into an Ivy League school, have great relationships, or to be able to take care of the thousands of frustrating tasks that come with adulting, don't miss this significant super-power that helps them succeed.

Our kids face challenges daily when it comes to navigating sibling conflict, a tough math question, or negative peer pressure. Our job as parents or teachers is not to solve everything for them —it is to teach them how to solve things themselves. Using their brains in this way is the crucial ability needed to become confident, smart, and successful individuals.

And the bonus for you is this: instead of giving up or getting frustrated when they encounter a challenge, kids with problem-solving skills manage their emotions, think creatively and learn persistence.

With my children (I have eight), they often pushed back on me for turning the situation back on them to solve, but with some gentle nudging, the application of many tools, and some intriguing conversations, my kids are unbeatable.

Here are some of the best, research-based practices to help your child learn problem-solving so they can build smarter brains and shine in the world:

Don’t have time to read now? Pin it for later:

1. Model Effective Problem-Solving

When you encounter a challenge, think out loud about your mental processes to solve difficulties. Showing your children how you address issues can be done numerous times a day with the tangible and intangible obstacles we all face.

2. Ask for Advice

Ask your kids for advice when you are struggling with something. Your authenticity teaches them that it's common to make mistakes and face challenges.

When you let them know that their ideas are valued, they'll gain the confidence to attempt solving problems on their own.

3. Don't Provide The Answer—Ask More Questions

By not providing a solution, you are helping them to strengthen their mental muscles to come up with their ideas.

At the same time, the task may be too big for them to cognitively understand. Break it down into small steps, and either offer multiple solutions from which they can choose, or ask them leading questions that help them reach the answers themselves.

4. Be Open-Minded

This particular point is critical in building healthy relationships. Reliable partners can hold their values and opinions while also seeing the other's perspective. And then integrate disparate views into a solution.

Teach them to continually ask, "What is left out of my understanding here?"

High-performing teams in business strive for diversity—new points of view and fresh perspectives to allow for more creative solutions. Children need to be able to assess a problem outside of immediate, apparent details, and be open to taking risks to find a better, more innovative approach. Be willing to take on a new perspective.

5. Go Out and Play

It may seem counter-intuitive, but problems get solved during play according to research.

See why independent play is vital for raising empowered children here .

Have you ever banged around an idea in your head with no solution? If so, it's time to get out of your mind and out to play.

Tech companies understand this strategy (I know, I worked at one), by supplying refreshing snacks and ping pong tables and napping pods. And while they have deadlines to meet, they don't micromanage the thinking of their employees.

Offer many activities that will take your child’s mind off of the problem so they can refuel and approach things from a fresh perspective.

Let them see you fail, learn, and try again. Show your child a willingness to make mistakes. When they are solving something, as tricky as it may be, allow your child to struggle, sometimes fail and ultimately learn from experiencing consequences.

Problems are a part of life. They grow us to reach our highest potential. Every problem is there not to make your child miserable, but to lead them closer to their dreams.

Tami Green, America’s most respected life coach, has received magical endorsements by experts from Baylor University and the past president of the American Psychiatric Association. She received her coaching certification from Oprah's enchanting life coach, Dr. Martha Beck. She is a brilliant coach who has helped thousands achieve an exhilarated life through her coaching, classes, and conferences. To see more tips like these, visit her website and join her self-help community here .

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How to Teach Problem-Solving Skills to Your Child: A Guide for Every Age

Problem-solving is a vital skill that every child should develop as they grow. The ability to problem-solve effectively can not only enhance their performance in school, but is also a critical life skill that will help them navigate life’s challenges successfully as they reach young adulthood. 

Developing effective problem-solving skills at an earlier age can also greatly affect a child’s personality, confidence, and trust in themselves. Children who feel like they can handle challenges on their own tend to be more independent and well-adjusted in their environments, and also optimistic about the opportunities available to them later in life. 

In this blog post, we’ll explore the benefits of teaching problem-solving skills to your child and provide practical tips for different age groups - from preschoolers to teenagers. 

Why Should You Teach Problem-Solving Skills? An Overview of the Benefits

Teaching your child problem-solving skills offers them the advantage of building resiliency at an earlier age. This can help shape them into independent, self-sufficient individuals as they grow up. Below is a summary of a few key developmental abilities that problem-solving skills can help children practice.

1. Cognitive Development

Problem-solving stimulates a child’s critical thinking skills. Critical thinking involves analyzing, evaluating, and synthesizing information.

The process of problem-solving encourages children to gather information, weigh their options, think about the pros and cons, and make thoughtful decisions. Through this process, they practice becoming self-informed to make their judgments independently. This also helps them foster creative thinking, explore different perspectives and ideas, and develop their own strategies for this process.

2. Confidence Building

Self-confidence is built from the experiences where we demonstrate our capabilities in doing and achieving things. 

A child who studied hard and got an A on their test will feel more confident in their studying skills the next time an exam rolls around. 

If this child grew up with loving parents, caregivers, and a supportive community, they’ll most likely feel more secure in themselves and have an easier time making new friends and connections as they mature. 

The positive experiences that a child has reinforces the confidence in their abilities and self-esteem. By practicing problem solving skills early on, it challenges them to develop a stronger sense of reasoning, responsibility, autonomy, and sense of trust in themselves. All of which can lead to a more optimistic outlook on life, healthier relationships, and a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction. 

3. Adaptability

The challenges in life are plenty, and not something that we can protect our children from all of the time. One of the most important tools that we can equip our children with for their future success is for them to be adaptable in the face of adversity. 

It’s important for children to know that they are able to keep going during tough times, rather than letting it keep them stuck. Knowing how to effectively problem-solve can help them see adversity in a different perspective and find different solutions for it, while building the resilience for them to keep trying. 

4. Decision Making

For every individual, feeling confident in making decisions independently is key to leading a fulfilling life, and is a skill that many children may struggle with. This is heavily related to how well they know themselves, their confidence with their choices, and what they think would bring them closer to their life goals.  

“Is nursing or accounting the right profession for me? Should I date this person? Does this religion align with my values? Are these the right people to develop friendships with?”

These are all major life decisions, and choosing what is right for them in their life is crucial for their success. Learning how to problem-solve at a young age can help along in this process by letting them explore their values, flex their sense of judgment, and learn about what is meaningful and right for them.

Tips for Teaching Problem-Solving Skills at Every Age

Pre-school Age

Preschoolers often look to their caregivers as role models, so modelling effective problem-solving is key for them to observe and learn. 

Strategies:

1. Set a good example

Demonstrate positive problem-solving behaviour through your daily actions. Instead of becoming frustrated and angry, try to approach problems with calm behaviour and demonstrate logical thinking. 

For example:

• If you’re feeling angry, take a deep breath and try to keep calm by verbally reminding yourself, in front of your child, of a way to work through the problem such as:
• “I know I am angry right now, but letting it get the best of me will make me feel worse.”
• “I’m allowed to feel angry, but it’s not good for me to hold onto this feeling. I’m going to take a 10 minute break and try to calm down.”
• “I am so angry right now, but for my own peace of mind I choose to let it go.”
• “Being angry won’t help me think better to solve this problem.”

Your child will be able to observe how you worked through your problem. This also sets a good example for how to work through difficult emotion, redirect your thinking, and move forward from situations.

2. Incorporate play

You can use playtime to help children express and understand their emotions when it comes to problems. 

If they’re lashing out, help them understand if they are angry or sad. What caused this? Can they self-regulate after a period of intense emotions, or do they hold onto it? 

Here are some prompts to use:

• “Do you like playing with this toy?”
• “What are you feeling right now? Are you frustrated because of [toy]?”
• “I understand you’re feeling [emotion]. Figuring out this toy is tough, but I believe you can do it!”
• “You don’t have to play with this if you don’t want to.”
• “If you need help, please ask me politely and I can for sure give you a hand!” 

In middle childhood, children start to develop more complex problem-solving skills. 

1. Use Family Problems

Involve your child in solving simple family problems, like organizing chores or planning activities. This will help them foster a greater sense of responsibility, learn to accept feedback, and practice their critical thinking and judgment. 

Some appropriate topics could include:

• Brushing their teeth
• Putting toys away
• Choosing their own outfits
• Practicing manners - teaching when to say please, thank you, you’re welcome, hellos and goodbyes, sorry, excuse me, waiting their turn, etc.

2. Teach Step-by-Step

Introduce steps to problem solve - state the problem, brainstorm solutions, decide which is best, try it out, and review. 

Using homework, for example, try breaking down the problem into steps for them. It could look like this:

1. Identify the Problem:

• Homework is piling up, and your child is feeling overwhelmed! What can we do?

2. Brainstorm Solutions:

• Ask for help from a teacher or classmate?
• Try to manage time better
• Break down homework into smaller, more manageable parts.

3. Make a Decision:

• Create a schedule or a task list
• As a friend for tips
• Choose one subject to start with

4. Give it a Go:

• Follow the schedule
• Try out the study tips 
• Complete things in parts

5. Review and Reflect:

• What worked well - schedule or study tips?
• What didn’t work out well - did you procrastinate?
• Adjust and approach the next task differently. 

Teenagers are refining their critical thinking and decision-making skills. Children at this age are becoming more independent and learning about themselves in relation to their peers and greater community. They are looking for how they fit into the world, and also how they stand out. 

1. Involve them in Simple Chores

Engage teenagers in simple chores so they can practice responsibilities, learn to use logic and judgement, and grow their independence.

Some appropriate topics could include: 

• How to make a simple meal (fried eggs, salad)
• Packing their own school lunch
• Help to mow the lawn or shovel snow
• When to do laundry
• How to vacuum

2. Actively Encourage Independence

Encourage and allow them the space to solve problems on their own. If they don’t know what to pack for lunch, give them a few minutes to make a decision independently rather than jumping in and making suggestions for them. If they still need help afterward, try to provide light guidance and not be judgemental about their decisions. 

General Strategies for All Ages:

1. Role Play: 

Encourage role-playing scenarios where your child can apply problem-solving skills learned. This helps them practice problem-solving in a controlled and fun environment.

Set up a pretend “lost toy” scenario and encourage your child to figure it out. Help them with their thought process, such as where they last saw the toy, and where to look for it first. 

2. Skill Teaching: 

Break down the problem-solving steps according to their age. 

• For 3 - 5 year olds, try to focus on emotions. Teach them to recognize and express their feelings and provide them with an environment that is safe and free of judgment.
• For 5 - 7 year olds, discuss their thoughts and encourage them to consider different perspectives. 
• For 7 - 9 year olds, ask them questions that challenge and stimulate their critical thinking, such as “Why do you think this happened” or “What may be a better way to approach this problem?”

3. Encourage Independence:  

Support your child in solving their own problems to foster independence and resilience.

If your child is fighting with a friend, guide them towards figuring out a solution themselves. Ask questions such as “Is there anything you could have done differently?” or “If they hurt you, do you think you can forgive them?” 

Final Words

Teaching problem-solving skills to your child is an investment in their future success. By adapting the strategies to their age, providing guidance, and encouraging independence, you empower them to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and resilience. Start early, be a positive role model, and watch as your child develops into a capable and confident problem-solver. 

To learn more about problem solving, or other practical parenting tips, see our parenting classes:

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How to Teach Problem-Solving Skills to Children and Preteens

• By Ashley Cullins

Whether it’s a toy-related conflict, a tough math equation, or negative peer pressure, kids of ALL ages face problems and challenges on a daily basis.

As parents or teachers, we can’t always be there to solve every problem for our children. In fact, this isn’t our job. Our job is to TEACH our children how to solve problems by themselves . This way, they can become confident , independent, and successful individuals.

Instead of giving up or getting frustrated when they encounter a challenge, kids with problem-solving skills manage their emotions, think creatively, and persist until they find a solution. Naturally, these abilities go hand-in-hand with a  growth mindset .

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our FREE Your Words Matter Volume 2 Kit . With these 10 one-page parenting guides, you will know exactly how to speak to your child to help them stand up for themselves, be more confident, and develop a growth mindset.

So HOW do you teach problem-solving skills to kids?

Well, it depends on their age . As cognitive abilities and the size of the child’s challenges grow/evolve over time, so should your approach to teaching problem-solving skills.

Read on to learn key strategies for teaching problem-solving to kids, as well as some age-by-age ideas and activities.

3 General Strategies to Teach Problem-Solving at Any Age

1. model effective problem-solving .

When YOU encounter a challenge, do a “think-aloud” for the benefit of your child. MODEL how to apply the same problem-solving skills you’ve been working on together, giving the real-world examples that she can implement in her own life.

At the same time, show your child a willingness to make mistakes . Everyone encounters problems, and that’s okay. Sometimes the first solution you try won’t work, and that’s okay too!  

When you model problem-solving, explain that there are some things that are out of our control. As we're solving a problem at hand we should focus on the things we CAN actually control.

You and your child can listen to Episode 35  of the Big Life Kids Podcast to learn about focusing on what you can control.

2. Ask for Advice

Ask your kids for advice when you have a problem. This teaches them that it’s common to make mistakes and face challenges. It also gives them the opportunity to practice problem-solving skills.

Plus, when you indicate that their ideas are valued ,  they’ll gain the confidence to attempt solving problems on their own.

3. Don’t Provide “The Answer”

As difficult as it may be, allow your child to struggle, sometimes fail , and ultimately LEARN  from experiencing consequences.

Now, let’s take a look at some age-specific strategies and activities. The ages listed below are general guidelines, feel free to choose any strategies or activities that you feel will work for YOUR child.

Use Emotion Coaching

To step into a problem-solving mindset, young children need to first learn to  manage their emotions . After all, it’s difficult for a small child to logically consider solutions to a problem if he’s mid-tantrum.

One way to accomplish this is by using the  emotion coaching process  outlined by John Gottman.

First,  teach your kids that ALL emotions are acceptable. There are NO “bad” emotions. Even seemingly negative emotions like anger, sadness, and frustration can teach us valuable lessons. What matters is how we  respond  to these emotions.

Second,   follow this process:

• Step One: Naming and validating emotions.  When your child is upset, help her process the way she’s feeling. Say something like,  “I understand that you’re upset because Jessica is playing with the toy you wanted.”
• Step Two:   Processing  emotions.  Guide your child to her  calming space. If she doesn't have one, it's a good idea to create one.  Let her calm her body and process her emotions so she can problem-solve, learn, and grow. 
• Step Three: Problem Solving.  Brainstorm solutions with your child, doing more   LISTENING   than talking during the conversation. This allows your child to practice her problem-solving skills, and she’s more likely to actually implement the solutions she came up with herself.

Say, “Show Me the Hard Part”

When your child struggles or feels frustrated, try a technique suggested by mom and parenting blogger Lauren Tamm . Simply say, “Show me the hard part.”

This helps your child identify the ROOT   of the problem, making it less intimidating and easier to solve.

Repeat back what your child says,  “So you’re saying…”

Once you both understand the real problem, prompt your child to come up with solutions . “There must be some way you can fix that…” or  “There must be something you can do…”

Now that your child has identified “the hard part,” she’ll likely be able to come up with a solution. If not, help her brainstorm some ideas. You may try asking the question, “If you DID  know, what would you think?” and see what she comes up with.

Problem-Solve with Creative Play

Allow your child to choose activities and games based on her  interests . Free play provides plenty of opportunities to navigate and creatively solve problems.

Children often learn best through play. Playing with items like blocks, simple puzzles, and dress-up clothes can teach your child the process of problem-solving.

Even while playing, your child thinks critically:  Where does this puzzle piece fit? What does this do? I want to dress up as a queen. What should I wear?   Where did I put my tiara? Is it under the couch?

Problem-Solve with Storybooks

Read age-appropriate stories featuring characters who experience problems, such as:

• Ladybug Girl and Bumblebee Boy by Jacky Davis: The story of two friends who want to play together but can’t find a game to agree on. After taking turns making suggestions, they arrive at a game they both want to play: Ladybug Girl and Bumblebee Boy.
• The Curious George Series by Margaret and H.E. Rey: A curious little monkey gets into and out of dilemmas, teaching kids to find solutions to problems of their own.
• Ira Sleeps Over by Bernard Waber: Ira’s thrilled to have a sleepover at his friend Reggie’s house. But there’s one problem: Should he or should he not bring his teddy bear? It may seem small, but this is the type of early social problem your child might relate to.

Connect these experiences to similar events in your child’s own life, and ASK your child HOW the characters in these stories could solve their problems. Encourage a variety of solutions, and discuss the possible outcomes of each.

This is a form of dialogue reading , or actively ENGAGING   your child in the reading experience. Interacting with the text instead of passively listening can “turbocharge” the development of literacy skills such as comprehension in preschool-aged children.

By asking questions about the characters’ challenges, you can also give your child’s problem-solving abilities a boost.

You can even have your child role-play the problem and potential solutions to reinforce the lesson.  

For book suggestions, refer to our Top 85 Growth Mindset Books for Children & Adults list.

Teach the Problem-Solving Steps

Come up with a simple problem-solving process for your child, one that you can consistently implement. For example, you might try the following five steps:

• Step 1: What am I feeling?  Help your child understand what she’s feeling in the moment (frustration, anger, curiosity, disappointment, excitement, etc.)  Noticing and naming emotions will diffuse  their charge and give your child a chance to take a step back.
• Step 2: What’s the problem?  Guide your child to identify the specific problem. In most cases, help her take responsibility for what happened rather than pointing fingers. For instance, instead of, “Joey got me in trouble at recess,” your child might say, “I got in trouble at recess for arguing with Joey.”
• Step 3:   What are the solutions?  Encourage your child to come up with as many solutions as possible. At this point, they don’t even need to be “good” solutions. They’re just brainstorming here, not yet evaluating the ideas they’ve generated.
• Step 4: What would happen if…? What would happen if your child attempted each of these solutions? Is the solution safe and fair? How will it make others feel? You can also try role-playing at this step. It’s important for your child to consider BOTH  positive and negative consequences of her actions.
• Step 5: Which one will I try?  Ask your child to pick one or more solutions to try. If the solution didn't work, discuss WHY and move on to another one. Encourage your child to keep trying until the problem is solved. 

Consistently practice these steps so that they become second nature, and model solving problems of your own the same way.  It's a good idea to   reflect :   What worked? What didn’t? What can you do differently next time?

Problem-Solve with Craft Materials

Crafting is another form of play that can teach kids to solve problems creatively.

Provide your child with markers, modeling clay, cardboard boxes, tape, paper, etc. They’ll come up with all sorts of interesting creations and inventive games with these simple materials.

These “open-ended toys” don’t have a “right way to play,” allowing your child to get creative and generate ideas independently .

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Asking open-ended questions improves a child’s ability to think critically and creatively, ultimately making them better problem-solvers. Examples of open-ended questions include:

• How could we work together to solve this?
• How did you work it out? or How do you know that?
• Tell me about what you built, made, or created.
• What do you think will happen next?
• What do you think would happen if…?
• What did you learn?
• What was easy? What was hard?
• What would you do differently next time?

Open-ended questions have no right answer and can’t be answered with a simple “Yes” or “No.”

You can ask open-ended questions even when your child isn’t currently solving a problem to help her practice her thinking skills, which will come in handy when she does have a problem to solve.

If you need some tips on how to encourage a growth mindset in your child, don't forget to download our FREE Your Words Matter Volume 2 Kit .

Break Down Problems into Chunks

This strategy is a more advanced version of “Show me the hard part.”

The bigger your child gets, the bigger her problems get too. When your child is facing a challenge that seems overwhelming or insurmountable, encourage her to break it into smaller, more manageable chunks.

For instance, let’s say your child has a poor grade in history class. Why is the grade so low? What are the causes of this problem?

As usual, LISTEN as your child brainstorms, asking open-ended questions to help if she gets stuck.

If the low grade is the result of missing assignments, perhaps your child can make a list of these assignments and tackle them one at a time. Or if tests are the issue, what’s causing your child to struggle on exams?

Perhaps she’s distracted by friends in the class, has trouble asking for help, and doesn’t spend enough time studying at home. Once you’ve identified these “chunks,” help your child tackle them one at a time until the problem is solved.

Show “ The Broken Escalator Video ”

Discuss the importance of embracing challenges and solving problems independently with the “broken escalator video.”

In the video, an escalator unexpectedly breaks. The people on the escalator are “stuck” and yelling for help. At this age, it’s likely that your child will find the video funny and immediately offer a solution: “Just walk! Get off the escalator!”

Tell your child that this is a simple example of how people sometimes act in difficult situations. Ask, “Why do you think they didn’t get off the escalator?” (they didn’t know how, they were waiting for help, etc.)

Sometimes, your child might feel “stuck” when facing problems. They may stop and ask for help before even attempting to find a solution. Encourage your child to embrace challenges and work through problems instead.

Problem-Solve with Prompts

Provide your child or a group of children with materials such as straws, cotton balls, yarn, clothespins, tape, paper clips, sticky notes, Popsicle sticks, etc.

With just these materials, challenge your kids to solve unusual problems like:

• Make a leprechaun trap
• Create a jump ramp for cars
• Design your own game with rules
• Make a device for two people to communicate with one another

This is a fun way to practice critical thinking and creative problem-solving. Most likely, it will take multiple attempts to find a solution that works, which can apply to just about any aspect of life.

Make Them Work for It

When your child asks for a new toy, technology, or clothes, have her make a plan to obtain the desired item herself. Not only will your child have to brainstorm and evaluate solutions, but she’ll also gain confidence .

Ask your child HOW she can earn the money for the item that she wants, and encourage her as she works toward her goal .

Put It on Paper

Have your child write out their problems on paper and brainstorm some potential solutions.

But now, she takes this process a step further: After attempting each solution, which succeeded? Which were unsuccessful? Why ?

This helps your child reflect on various outcomes, learning what works and what doesn’t. The lessons she learns here will be useful when she encounters similar problems in the future.

Play Chess Together

Learning to play chess is a great way for kids to learn problem-solving AND build their brains at the same time. It requires players to use critical thinking, creativity, analysis of the board, recognize patterns, and more. There are online versions of the game, books on how to play, videos, and other resources. Don’t know how to play? Learn with your teen to connect and problem solve together!

Have Them Learn To Code

Our teens and tweens are already tech-savvy and can use their skills to solve problems by learning to code. Coding promotes creativity, logic, planning, and persistence . There are many great tools and online or in-person programs that can boost your child’s coding skills.

Encourage to Start a Meaningful Project

This project has to be meaningful to your teen, for example starting a YouTube channel. Your teen will practice problem-solving skills as they’re figuring out how to grow their audience, how to have their videos discovered, and much more. 

In the Big Life Journal - Teen Edition , there’s a section that guides them through planning their YouTube channel and beginning the problem-solving process.

Apply the SODAS Method

Looking for a game plan that your teen can employ when faced with a problem? The SODAS method can be used for big or small problems. Just remember this simple acronym and follow these ideas:

• D isadvantages
• A dvantages

Encourage to Join Problem-Solving Groups

Does your teen enjoy solving problems in a team? Have them join a group or club that helps them hone their skills in a variety of settings--from science and robotics to debating and international affairs. Some examples of groups include: 

• Odyssey of the Mind
• Debate team
• Science Olympiad

Looking for additional resources?  The Bestseller’s Bundle includes our three most popular printable kits packed with science-based activities, guides, and crafts for children. Our Growth Mindset Kit, Resilience Kit, and Challenges Kit work together as a comprehensive system designed specifically for children ages 5-11.

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25 thoughts on “ How to Teach Problem-Solving Skills to Children and Preteens ”

I love, love, love the point about emotional coaching. It’s so important to identify how children are feeling about a problem and then approach the solutions accordingly.

Thank you for putting this together. I wrote an article on problem-solving specifically from the point of view of developing a STEM aptitude in kids, if you like to check it out – https://kidpillar.com/how-to-teach-problem-solving-to-your-kids-5-8-years/

I feel that these techniques will work for my kid.. Worthy.. Thank you

I love you guys

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Parents Teaching Critical Thinking: Effective Strategies for Raising Independent Thinkers

Parents play a vital role in fostering the cognitive development of their children, and one of the most essential skills they can help nurture is critical thinking. Critical thinking comprises curiosity, open-mindedness, and a willingness to assess information logically and objectively. Developing this skill enables children to become more independent and creative problem solvers, setting them up for success in our constantly evolving world.

Key Takeaways

Knowing critical thinking.

The importance of critical thinking can be seen in a variety of settings, from schools to workplaces, and even in day-to-day decision-making processes. By developing their critical thinking skills, individuals can enhance their problem-solving abilities, improve their analytical skills, and become more independent thinkers.

There are several key aspects of critical thinking that parents should focus on when teaching their children:

In conclusion, knowing critical thinking involves understanding its key components, such as analysis, logic, reasoning, and IQ. It is crucial for parents to foster these skills in their children from a young age in order to support their growth into well-rounded and independent thinkers.

Importance of Critical Thinking

Furthermore, critical thinking helps to develop a person’s creativity and open-mindedness. By encouraging intellectual curiosity, children can explore new ideas, entertain differing perspectives, and think outside the box when encountering obstacles. This creative thinking can also promote innovation, as young critical thinkers are more likely to challenge the status quo and seek novel approaches to problems.

Teaching Critical Thinking at Home

Inspiring curiosity and open-mindedness.

One important aspect of teaching critical thinking is to inspire curiosity and open-mindedness in children. Parents can do this by asking open-ended questions and encouraging their children to explore real-life situations. For example, discussing a news story or examining the logic behind a decision can help them develop an inquisitive mindset. Curiosity is an essential element of critical thinking and fostering this trait helps children become more receptive to new ideas and perspectives.

Fostering Emotional Management

Driving logical reasoning, encouraging healthy debate.

Debate helps children broaden their perspectives and learn to express their thoughts clearly and convincingly. Parents can support their children’s critical thinking skills by fostering a culture of healthy debate in the home. Discussing different viewpoints on various topics, like current events or school subjects, provides an opportunity for children to understand different arguments and make their own logical analyses. Engaging in respectful disputes encourages kids to challenge ideas and develop stronger critical thinking abilities.

Promoting Critical Analysis and Metacognition

Challenges in teaching critical thinking, addressing social norms and biases, countering online misinformation.

The internet and social media have presented new challenges for teaching critical thinking, as misinformation and fake news have become increasingly prevalent. Parents must guide their children in evaluating sources and using fact-checking sites to verify information. Developing media literacy will equip them with the tools to navigate the digital landscape with confidence and discernment.

Handling Cognitive Development Stages

Dealing with groupthink, enhancing critical thinking in school settings, engaging techniques for classrooms.

One effective approach to enhancing critical thinking in school settings is introducing engaging techniques in classrooms. Educators can develop deep knowledge in their students by incorporating various learning processes and innovative teaching methods. For example, using Socratic questioning encourages learners to explore complex concepts and helps them derive conclusions independently. Additionally, integrating group activities allows students to collaborate and exchange diverse perspectives, promoting critical thinking skills.

Preparing for Current Events

Promoting citizenship and responsible decision making, frequently asked questions, what are effective strategies for teaching critical thinking to children.

There are various strategies to teach critical thinking to children, such as encouraging the asking of questions, providing opportunities for problem-solving, teaching how to evaluate information and fostering open-mindedness. Discussing different perspectives and nurturing intellectual curiosity will also help build a solid foundation for critical thinking skills.

How can games and activities promote critical thinking in kids?

What books are suitable for fostering critical thinking in children, what role does parental involvement play in developing critical thinking skills.

Parental involvement plays a significant role in developing critical thinking skills. By actively engaging with their children, asking thought-provoking questions, and encouraging open discussions, parents create an environment conducive to the development of critical thinking. Modeling critical thinking skills and being open to different viewpoints can also have a positive influence on a child’s thinking abilities.

How can critical thinking skills be improved in middle school students?

What are impactful examples of critical thinking exercises for kids.

Impactful critical thinking exercises for kids include syllogism puzzles, “what if” scenarios, and evaluating the credibility of different sources of information. Activities like analyzing cause and effect relationships, comparing and contrasting different ideas or concepts, and predicting possible outcomes based on specific factors can also foster critical thinking in children .

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10 Ways to Teach Your Children to Be Problem Solvers

Problem-solving is vital in navigating the complexities of life and is best nurtured from a young age. Let’s explore a variety of approaches, each contributing to the development of a child’s ability to think critically and resolve challenges effectively.

Strategy 1: Modeling Problem-Solving Behavior

Parents are the first role models children observe and learn from. Demonstrating problem-solving skills in everyday life plays a crucial role in teaching children how to handle challenges.

Impact of Demonstrating Problem-Solving

• Observational Learning: Children learn by observing their parents. When a parent faces a challenge and vocalizes their thought process, it provides a practical, real-world example of problem-solving.
• Developing Cognitive Skills: As parents articulate their problem-solving steps, children learn to think critically and analytically. This process helps in developing their cognitive skills.

How to Model Problem-Solving

• Think Out Loud: Parents should verbalize their thoughts when encountering a problem. For instance, if deciding between buying different products, explain the pros and cons of each option out loud.
• Show Emotion Management: It’s beneficial to express how certain problems make you feel and how you manage these emotions. This teaches emotional regulation alongside problem-solving.
• Involve Children in Solutions: For age-appropriate problems, involve children in the decision-making process. Ask for their opinions and discuss the potential outcomes.
• Boosts Confidence: When children see their parents tackling problems effectively, it boosts their confidence in handling their issues.
• Enhances Critical Thinking: This method promotes critical thinking and decision-making skills in children.
• Prepares for Real-life Situations: Children get better prepared for real-life situations, understanding that problems are a normal part of life and can be approached logically and calmly.

Strategy 2: Encouraging Creative Play

Creative play and DIY projects are not just forms of entertainment for children; they are essential tools for developing problem-solving skills.

How Creative Play Fosters Problem-Solving

• Stimulates Imagination: Engaging in activities like building forts, crafting, or imaginative play scenarios encourages children to think outside the box, an essential aspect of problem-solving.
• Encourages Experimentation: Creative play often involves trial and error, teaching children that it’s okay to fail and try again, a key component of solving problems.
• Develops Cognitive Flexibility: When children create and explore in an unstructured environment, they learn to adapt and change their approaches, which is vital in problem-solving.

DIY Projects as Learning Tools

• Hands-On Experience: DIY projects provide hands-on opportunities for children to encounter and solve real-world problems. They learn to follow steps, use tools, and understand the process of creating something from start to finish.
• Collaborative Problem-Solving: Working on projects with others, including parents or siblings, enhances their ability to work as a team and solve problems together.
• Boosts Self-Efficacy: Completing a project successfully instills a sense of accomplishment and confidence in their problem-solving abilities.
• Enhances Critical Thinking: Children learn to think critically about how to use materials and what steps to take to achieve their desired outcome.
• Promotes Persistence: Creative play teaches persistence as children learn that not every attempt leads to immediate success.
• Encourages Independent Thinking: These activities allow children to make decisions, fostering independent thought and decision-making skills.

Strategy 3: Systematic Problem-Solving Approach

A systematic method for problem-solving helps children approach challenges in a more organized and effective manner.

Step-by-Step Problem-Solving Method

Identify emotions:.

Begin by helping children recognize and name their emotions related to the problem (e.g., frustration, confusion). This step is crucial for emotional regulation and clear thinking.

Define the Problem:

Guide children to articulate the problem clearly. Encourage them to state the issue in their own words, which helps in understanding the challenge more deeply.

Brainstorm Solutions:

Encourage children to think of as many solutions as possible, without initially judging the ideas. This brainstorming phase fosters creativity and open-mindedness.

Evaluate Solutions:

Guide children to consider the pros and cons of each solution. Ask questions like, “What could happen if you try this?” to help them think through the outcomes.

Choose a Solution:

Encourage children to select a solution based on their evaluation. This step empowers them to make decisions and take ownership of the problem-solving process.

Implement the Solution:

Guide them in putting their chosen solution into action. This step translates their theoretical understanding into practical application.

Reflect on the Outcome:

After the solution has been implemented, discuss with children what worked well and what could be improved. This reflection helps in learning from the experience.

• Develops Critical Thinking: This approach enhances critical thinking skills by requiring children to analyze problems and consider various solutions.
• Encourages Independence: By following these steps, children learn to rely on their own abilities to solve problems.
• Builds Resilience: Children learn that not every problem is solved on the first try, which builds resilience and persistence.

Strategy 4: Reading and Discussing Problem-Solving Stories

Stories and books are powerful tools for teaching problem-solving. They offer relatable scenarios where characters face and overcome challenges, providing real-life lessons in a fictional setting.

Using Stories to Teach Problem-Solving

Selecting appropriate books:.

Choose stories that focus on characters solving problems. Books like “Ladybug Girl and Bumblebee Boy” by Jacky Davis and “The Curious George Series” by Margaret and H.E. Rey are great examples where characters face and resolve dilemmas.

Discussion During Reading:

Engage children in discussions about the story. Ask questions like, “What problem is the character facing?” and “How did they solve it?” This helps children understand the problem-solving process.

Relating to Personal Experiences:

Encourage children to connect the story’s events to their own lives. Discuss how they might handle similar situations, fostering empathy and personal connection.

Encouraging Active Participation:

Have children predict outcomes or suggest alternative solutions for the characters. This engages their critical thinking and imagination.

Role-Playing:

Involve children in role-playing exercises based on the stories. Acting out different scenarios helps solidify the problem-solving methods demonstrated by the characters.

• Enhances Comprehension: Discussing the story’s problems and solutions improves children’s comprehension and analytical skills.
• Builds Empathy: Identifying with characters and their challenges helps develop empathy and emotional intelligence.
• Encourages Creative Thinking: By exploring different solutions within a safe, fictional context, children can expand their creative problem-solving abilities.

Strategy 5: Promoting Autonomy and Learning from Failure

Fostering autonomy in children is a critical aspect of their development. It involves allowing them to make decisions, take risks, and, most importantly, learn from their mistakes.

Allowing Mistakes and Failures

• Avoiding Helicopter Parenting: Overprotective or “helicopter” parenting can hinder a child’s ability to develop problem-solving skills. Allowing children to face challenges and sometimes fail teaches them resilience and self-reliance.
• Learning Opportunities : Mistakes and failures are valuable learning opportunities. They teach children that not every attempt will be successful and that persistence is key.
• Encouraging Risk-Taking: Encourage children to take calculated risks. This helps them learn to weigh options and make decisions based on their judgments.

Guiding Through Failures

• Supportive Environment: Create a supportive environment where children feel safe to fail. Encourage them to try again and guide them through the process of analyzing what went wrong.
• Constructive Feedback: Provide constructive feedback that focuses on the effort and strategy rather than the outcome. This approach helps children understand that failure is a part of the learning process.
• Builds Problem-Solving Skills: Experiencing failure and learning to overcome it is an integral part of developing problem-solving skills.
• Promotes Growth Mindset: It encourages a growth mindset where children understand that abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.
• Enhances Emotional Intelligence: Learning from failures helps children manage their emotions and cope with setbacks in a healthy manner.

Strategy 6: Utilizing Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are a powerful tool in encouraging critical thinking and problem-solving in children. These questions do not have a predetermined answer, allowing children to explore their thoughts and ideas freely.

Implementing Open-Ended Questions:

• Types of Questions: Ask questions that cannot be answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Examples include, “How could we solve this problem together?” or “What do you think would happen if…?”
• Encouraging Explanation: Prompt children to explain their reasoning with questions like, “How did you come to that conclusion?” or “Can you tell me more about your thought process?”
• Fostering Imagination: Use questions that encourage children to use their imagination, such as “What would you do if you were in this situation?” or “How would you handle this differently?”

Benefits of Open-Ended Questions:

• Develops Problem-Solving Skills: These questions make children contemplate different aspects of a problem and potential solutions, enhancing their problem-solving abilities.
• Enhances Communication Skills: Open-ended questions require children to articulate their thoughts clearly, improving their communication skills.
• Builds Confidence: As children express their ideas and are heard, it boosts their self-esteem and confidence in their abilities.

Creating a Supportive Environment:

• Active Listening: Actively listen to the child’s responses without interrupting. This shows that their thoughts and opinions are valued.
• Non-Judgmental Responses: Respond to their answers in a non-judgmental way, encouraging them to share more freely.
• Encourage Exploration: Encourage children to explore different answers and viewpoints, reinforcing that there are often multiple ways to approach a problem.

Strategy 7: Fostering Open-Mindedness

Teaching children to be open-minded is crucial for developing effective problem-solving skills. It involves considering various perspectives and integrating different views into solutions.

Encouraging Multiple Perspectives:

• Understanding Different Viewpoints: Encourage children to think about how others might view a situation. Ask questions like, “What do you think someone else would do in this case?” or “Can you think of a different way to look at this problem?”
• Empathy in Problem-Solving: Teach children to consider the feelings and perspectives of others involved in a problem. This not only helps in finding more compassionate solutions but also in building strong interpersonal skills.

Integrating Diverse Solutions:

• Combining Ideas: Encourage children to combine different ideas to find a novel solution. This could involve brainstorming sessions where multiple solutions are discussed and combined.
• Learning from Different Cultures: Expose children to problem-solving methods from different cultures and backgrounds. This broadens their understanding and appreciation of diverse approaches.
• Enhances Creativity: Open-mindedness in problem-solving fosters creativity, as children learn to think outside their usual boundaries.
• Builds Critical Thinking: Considering multiple perspectives requires children to critically evaluate each viewpoint, enhancing their critical thinking skills.
• Promotes Tolerance and Understanding: Fostering open-mindedness helps children develop tolerance and understanding towards different ideas and cultures.

Strategy 8: Incorporating Problem-Solving into Family Culture

Integrating problem-solving into family culture involves turning everyday challenges into learning opportunities and making this practice an enjoyable part of family life.

Practical Ways to Integrate Problem-Solving:

• Family Meetings: Regular family meetings can be an effective way to discuss and solve family issues together. It encourages collaboration and collective decision-making.
• Shared Challenges: Involve the entire family in solving practical problems, such as planning a family vacation or budgeting for a big purchase. This teaches children the value of planning and compromise.
• Fun Problem-Solving Activities: Incorporate games and activities that involve problem-solving skills, like puzzles, strategy games, or scavenger hunts. This makes the process fun and engaging.

Encouraging a Positive Attitude Towards Challenges:

• Modeling Positivity: Show a positive attitude when facing challenges, demonstrating that problems are opportunities for growth and learning.
• Celebrating Solutions: Whenever a problem is solved, whether it’s big or small, celebrate the achievement. This reinforces problem-solving as a positive and rewarding experience.
• Fosters Teamwork: Engaging in family problem-solving activities helps in building teamwork and cooperation skills.
• Develops Practical Life Skills: Children learn practical life skills that are essential for their future, like financial planning, time management, and organization.
• Strengthens Family Bonds: Working together on problems strengthens family relationships and fosters a sense of unity and support.

Strategy 9: Engaging in Role-Playing Activities

Role-playing is an effective educational tool that allows children to simulate real-life situations. It provides a safe environment to practice problem-solving skills by acting out various scenarios.

Implementing Role-Playing in Problem-Solving:

• Creating Scenarios: Develop scenarios that children are likely to encounter, such as resolving a disagreement with a friend or handling a difficult situation at school. These should be age-appropriate and relevant to their experiences.
• Encouraging Different Perspectives: In role-playing, children can take on different roles, allowing them to see a problem from various viewpoints. This helps them understand the importance of empathy and considering multiple perspectives in problem-solving.
• Guided Discussion: After the role-play, have a discussion about the experience. Ask questions like, “How did you feel in that role?” or “What could have been done differently to solve the problem?”
• Enhances Communication Skills: Role-playing requires children to articulate their thoughts and feelings, improving their communication skills.
• Builds Emotional Intelligence: By putting themselves in someone else’s shoes, children develop empathy and emotional understanding.
• Practical Application of Skills: It allows children to apply problem-solving strategies in a controlled, low-stakes environment, helping them internalize these skills.

Variations of Role-Playing:

• Use of Props and Costumes: Incorporating props and costumes can make the activity more engaging and realistic.
• Incorporating Real-life Situations: Use real-life events as a basis for role-playing scenarios. This makes the exercise more relevant and practical.

Strategy 10: Encouraging Reflective Thinking

Reflective thinking is a critical component of the learning process. It involves looking back at the steps taken during problem-solving, analyzing the effectiveness of different strategies, and considering what could be improved.

Process of Reflective Thinking:

• After-Action Review: After a problem has been addressed, encourage children to reflect on the process. Ask questions like, “What part of our solution worked well?” or “What challenges did we face, and how did we overcome them?”
• Encouraging Honesty and Openness: Create an environment where children feel comfortable discussing both successes and failures openly. This honesty is crucial for genuine reflection and growth.
• Focus on Learning, Not Just Outcome: Emphasize the importance of the learning process over the outcome. This approach helps children understand that the value lies not only in solving the problem but also in the lessons learned along the way.
• Improves Problem-Solving Skills: Reflective thinking helps children understand what strategies are effective and which are not, refining their problem-solving skills over time.
• Fosters a Growth Mindset: It promotes the idea that skills and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work.
• Builds Self-Awareness: Reflecting on one’s own thought processes and decisions enhances self-awareness and personal development.

Guiding Children in Reflective Thinking:

• Modeling Reflection: Demonstrate reflective thinking yourself. After solving a problem, talk about what you learned from the experience and what you might do differently next time.
• Writing Journals: Encourage children to keep a journal where they can write down their thoughts about different problems they encounter and how they solved them. This can be a powerful tool for reflection.

Empowering the Next Generation: Fostering Critical Thinking and Problem-Solving at Las Vegas Day School

As we navigate a world that is increasingly complex and interconnected, equipping our children with the ability to think critically and solve problems is more important than ever. By implementing these strategies, parents and educators can provide children with the tools they need to face challenges confidently and effectively.

For families looking to further support their children’s educational journey, Las Vegas Day School (LVDS) offers an encouraging environment where these skills can be honed and developed. LVDS emphasizes a well-rounded approach to learning, where problem-solving is integrated into the curriculum, preparing students not just for academic success but for life-long resilience and adaptability. Visit LVDS to learn more about their programs and how they can support your child’s growth into a confident problem-solver and independent thinker.

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Developing Problem-Solving Skills for Kids | Strategies & Tips

We've made teaching problem-solving skills for kids a whole lot easier! Keep reading and comment below with any other tips you have for your classroom!

Problem-Solving Skills for Kids: The Real Deal

Picture this: You've carefully created an assignment for your class. The step-by-step instructions are crystal clear. During class time, you walk through all the directions, and the response is awesome. Your students are ready! It's finally time for them to start working individually and then... 8 hands shoot up with questions. You hear one student mumble in the distance, "Wait, I don't get this" followed by the dreaded, "What are we supposed to be doing again?"

When I was a new computer science teacher, I would have this exact situation happen. As a result, I would end up scrambling to help each individual student with their problems until half the class period was eaten up. I assumed that in order for my students to learn best, I needed to be there to help answer questions immediately so they could move forward and complete the assignment.

Here's what I wish I had known when I started teaching coding to elementary students - the process of grappling with an assignment's content can be more important than completing the assignment's product. That said, not every student knows how to grapple, or struggle, in order to get to the "aha!" moment and solve a problem independently. The good news is, the ability to creatively solve problems is not a fixed skill. It can be learned by students, nurtured by teachers, and practiced by everyone!

Your students are absolutely capable of navigating and solving problems on their own. Here are some strategies, tips, and resources that can help:

Problem-Solving Skills for Kids: Student Strategies

These are strategies your students can use during independent work time to become creative problem solvers.

1. Go Step-By-Step Through The Problem-Solving Sequence 

Post problem-solving anchor charts and references on your classroom wall or pin them to your Google Classroom - anything to make them accessible to students. When they ask for help, invite them to reference the charts first.

2. Revisit Past Problems

If a student gets stuck, they should ask themself, "Have I ever seen a problem like this before? If so, how did I solve it?" Chances are, your students have tackled something similar already and can recycle the same strategies they used before to solve the problem this time around.

3. Document What Doesn’t Work

Sometimes finding the answer to a problem requires the process of elimination. Have your students attempt to solve a problem at least two different ways before reaching out to you for help. Even better, encourage them write down their "Not-The-Answers" so you can see their thought process when you do step in to support. Cool thing is, you likely won't need to! By attempting to solve a problem in multiple different ways, students will often come across the answer on their own.

4. "3 Before Me"

Let's say your students have gone through the Problem Solving Process, revisited past problems, and documented what doesn't work. Now, they know it's time to ask someone for help. Great! But before you jump into save the day, practice "3 Before Me". This means students need to ask 3 other classmates their question before asking the teacher. By doing this, students practice helpful 21st century skills like collaboration and communication, and can usually find the info they're looking for on the way.

Problem-Solving Skills for Kids: Teacher Tips

These are tips that you, the teacher, can use to support students in developing creative problem-solving skills for kids.

1. Ask Open Ended Questions

When a student asks for help, it can be tempting to give them the answer they're looking for so you can both move on. But what this actually does is prevent the student from developing the skills needed to solve the problem on their own. Instead of giving answers, try using open-ended questions and prompts. Here are some examples:

2. Encourage Grappling

Grappling  is everything a student might do when faced with a problem that does not have a clear solution. As explained in this article from Edutopia , this doesn't just mean perseverance! Grappling is more than that - it includes critical thinking, asking questions, observing evidence, asking more questions, forming hypotheses, and constructing a deep understanding of an issue.

There are lots of ways to provide opportunities for grappling. Anything that includes the Engineering Design Process is a good one! Examples include:

• Engineering or Art Projects
• Design-thinking challenges
• Computer science projects
• Science experiments

3. Emphasize Process Over Product

For elementary students, reflecting on the process of solving a problem helps them develop a growth mindset . Getting an answer "wrong" doesn't need to be a bad thing! What matters most are the steps they took to get there and how they might change their approach next time. As a teacher, you can support students in learning this reflection process.

4. Model The Strategies Yourself! 

As creative problem-solving skills for kids are being learned, there will likely be moments where they are frustrated or unsure. Here are some easy ways you can model what creative problem-solving looks and sounds like.

• Ask clarifying questions if you don't understand something
• Admit when don't know the correct answer
• Talk through multiple possible outcomes for different situations 
• Verbalize how you’re feeling when you find a problem

Practicing these strategies with your students will help create a learning environment where grappling, failing, and growing is celebrated!

Problem-Solving Skill for Kids

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8 Steps to Help Your Child Learn Problem Solving Skills

This article, written by Jennifer Wendt, PhD, was originally published on TherapyChanges.com and is being shared on FindaPsychologist.org with permission from Therapy Changes.

As adults we solve problems all throughout the day, from minimal to major problems. We are called upon to make decisions and find solutions to problems occurring in our homes, jobs, relationships, health, etc. The list is endless! Many problems we fix are common and we have learned a variety of solutions to use without much thought. Problems that are novel or larger may require us to pause and actively use our problem solving skills.

One of the most exciting moments is to witness a child learning to solve his or her own problems! The moment when a child spits out a pacifier and instead of crying, she reaches out her hand to search for it and places it back in her mouth. A toddler stands up, notices his feet feel funny and then switches his shoes to be on the correct feet. An 8 year old runs upstairs to grab a jacket because the weather is colder than she thought. A 12 year old realizes he has been unkind to a peer and makes up for it by inviting him to join his friends at lunch. While doing homework, a 15 year old studies for his math test first because he felt terrible after getting a C on his last test. An 18 year old decides to not ride in a car with her friend because she is driving without a license.

Children are faced with decisions and learning opportunities every day during every stage of life. One of the best things we can do is to nurture these opportunities and encourage them to solve problems on their own. As parents, we routinely rise to our responsibilities as provider and protector of our children. It often takes a conscious effort for a parent to step back from their provider instinct and allow the child to find a solution to a problem at hand. For example, it is much easier and faster to help a child turn the sleeves of their jacket right side out then to patiently watch them struggle to figure it out on their own. Another example may be when a parent asks a high school teacher to include him in class emails regarding assignments so he can monitor his 16 year old’s progress. Although the intentions are to protect and help our children, when we solve the problem for them, we deny them the opportunity to figure it out themselves.

Here are 8 steps to help your child learn problem solving skills:

1) Encourage Creativity Allow children and adolescents to think outside of the box and try new ideas. Encourage young children to play creatively with objects they find or plain wooden blocks, while encouraging older children to explore new ideas with their imagination.

2) Have Patience Recognize those moments when you can spend a few extra minutes allowing a child to solve a problem on their own rather than quickly solving it for them.

3) Play Problem Solving Games Games are for all ages and not just for young children: from hide-and-go-seek to capture the flag.

4) Model Think out loud and let your children listen to you solve a problem. Demonstrate how you are working to find a solution.

5) Allow Them to Fail As tough as it is, allowing your child to fail provides an amazing learning opportunity. It also provides the message that it’s ok to make mistakes.

6) Ask for Their Help Ask your children for help making decisions or solving a problem. It’s remarkable to hear the possibilities they can come up with.

7) Propose Multiple Possibilities Offering a variety of possible answers to solve a problem can help to get the ball rolling. It encourages a child to consider multiple options and to project possible outcomes.

8) Praise Their Efforts vs. the Result As humans, we do not magically solve every problem the right way, nor is there one solution to a problem. Praise a child for their efforts & when there is success you can highlight the result!

“I can see how hard you are working to figure this out!”

“You really put a lot of effort into this!”

“I bet you are glad you didn’t give up. You’re determination helped you solve the problem!”

“I knew you could figure it out!”

“I can imagine how good you must feel about completing this.”

Learning to solve problems is an essential life skill. Strengthening these skills not only allows children to gain independence and self-confidence, it also primes them for success in academic learning, leadership, social relationships, athletics, finances, health, leisure skills and all other areas of life.

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Why problem-solving is important

As parents, the way you manage problems or disagreements in your relationship affects your child.

By managing problems positively and constructively, you help your child develop well and thrive . When your child sees you behaving and communicating with your partner in this way, your child learns to behave this way too. It can teach your child important skills for life.

When you and your partner find solutions together, you help the whole family have happier, healthier and stronger relationships . And you help to protect your child from the downsides of conflict.

This is because a problem-solving approach can help you and your partner to:

• confront issues, rather than avoid them
• talk and listen respectfully and patiently
• find solutions that you’re both happy with
• break unhelpful habits so problems don’t return
• feel like you’re working as a team.

Ground rules for problem-solving

Before you start problem-solving, it’s a good idea to set ground rules. It’s also important for you and your partner to come up with these rules together.

Here are suggestions for problem-solving ground rules to get you started:

• Either of you can raise a problem for discussion.
• You’ll choose appropriate times and places to raise problems. This might be when your child isn’t around, you’re both calm, there’s enough time to talk and you can both give your full attention.
• Either of you can say ‘no’ if you don’t want to talk about it right then, but you’ll agree to make another time soon to discuss it – no more than 1-2 days after it first comes up.
• If the discussion gets heated, either of you can call for a break to calm down and the other will respect this request.
• You’ll actively listen so you each understand what the other is saying. You’ll also avoid interrupting each other.
• You won’t raise conflict topics in front of other people and your child if you know it’s likely to get heated.
• You’ll keep the conversation respectful at all times, and be aware of your tone, body language and gestures.
• You’ll keep in mind that if one of you has a problem, it’s likely to affect both of you.

Problem-solving: how to do it

Positive problem-solving has 6 basic steps:

• Define the problem.
• Clarify what you each want.
• Brainstorm solutions.
• Evaluate solutions and choose one.
• Try the solution.
• Review the solution.

1. Define the problem

Be clear and specific about the problem:

• Describe what’s happening, how often it’s happening, and who’s involved. For example, ‘In the past 3 weeks, I’ve noticed we’ve argued a lot more than usual’.
• Focus on the issue, not the person. For example, ‘We’re always doing chores or going to children’s sport, and we haven’t been able to relax together. I think it’s affecting our relationship’.
• Acknowledge your part in the problem. For example, ‘I know I started a few of those arguments’.
• Describe the problem with a neutral, non-blaming approach. You could try saying ‘I’ and ‘we’ rather than ‘you’ and phrasing the issue as a question. For example, ‘I’m worried that we haven’t had time for each other lately. Can we talk about how we can spend time together?’

2. Clarify what each of you wants

Be clear about what’s important to each of you. Asking questions can help you clarify things. For example:

• Why do you want/need that?
• Why are you concerned/worried/afraid about that?
• Why don’t you want/need that?
• Why do you think we should avoid that?

Your goal is to have a clear understanding of what you both want. Be patient and focus on listening to each other’s answers.

3. Brainstorm solutions

Write down any and all possible solutions:

• Take turns to suggest ideas.
• Try to get as many ideas as you can, even if some don’t seem relevant. Aim for at least 8-10 ideas.
• Include all ideas. Rejecting ideas can hurt each other’s feelings and stop you from sharing ideas.
• Wait until you’ve got all your ideas down before you talk about them.

4. Evaluate solutions and choose one

Narrow down your brainstorming list to one practical option that can solve your problem:

• Cross off ideas you both agree won’t work.
• If one of you thinks an idea might work, leave it on the list.
• List the advantages and disadvantages for each idea you have left on the list. Look at the advantages first, and try to find something positive about every idea.
• Keep discussions brief so you have enough time to discuss all ideas left on the list.
• Cross off any ideas that clearly have more disadvantages than advantages.
• Rate the remaining options from 1 (not very good) to 10 (very good).
• Choose a solution that you and your partner agree to try. It might not be your preferred solution, but it should be one that you’re comfortable with.

If you can’t find a solution , repeat the brainstorming step and try to come up with different ideas.

If you need new ideas, you could ask trusted friends or family. But first check with your partner if they’re OK with this. Your partner might prefer to keep some of your problems private.

If this still doesn’t work , you could both agree to trying your choice of solution this time and your partner’s choice next time.

5. Try the solution

Commit to the solution by agreeing on the following:

• Who will do what, when and where?
• What will happen if we don’t do the things we’ve agreed on?
• Do we need to keep track of how well our solution is working?
• When will we review how the solution is going?
• How will we know if the solution is working well?

If your solution is related to your child, consider getting them involved in trying the solution, if it’s appropriate.

6. Review the solution

After a set time, look at your solution and talk about how it’s going. You could ask questions like:

• Is the solution working?
• What has worked well? What hasn’t worked?
• What could we do to make things work more smoothly?

If the solution is working, you’ll both notice that the problem is going away. If it isn’t, ask yourselves these questions:

• Was the solution reasonable?
• Did we both give and take?
• Were rules and responsibilities clear to both of us?
• Did we have consequences for breaking the agreement, and were they appropriate?
• Have other issues come up that we need to talk about before our solution will work?

You might find that you need to start the problem-solving process again to find a better solution.

It’s natural to  have ups and downs along the way, so set a realistic time frame to try the solution.

And remember to encourage and support each other as you try to solve the problem. For example, ‘I’m glad we’re trying to work on this together’ or ‘It helps when we talk things through. Thanks’.

Your goal is to do things differently and work on compromise. With patience, effort and support for each other, you can find a way to solve your relationship problems.

Getting help with problems in your relationship

If working on problems makes you or your partner very upset or angry, it might help to speak to a relationship counsellor. Relationship counsellors can help you identify what’s causing conflict and come up with practical solutions. You could try the following options:

• Call  Relationships Australia in your state or territory on  1300 364 277 .
• Call Family Relationships Online on  1800 050 321 .
• See your GP to talk things through and get a referral to a psychologist or relationship or family counselling service.
• Find a psychologist or counselling service through the Australian Psychology Society , Australian Counselling Association or Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia .

It’s good if you and your partner can see a counsellor together. But if your partner doesn’t want to go, it’s still worth seeking help by yourself.

Family violence is not OK. If you’re in a relationship that involves family violence, call the National Domestic Family and Sexual Violence Counselling Service on 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732).

6 Effective Strategies to Promote Problem-Solving Skills in Young Children

Problem-solving is a critical skill that helps children navigate the challenges they face throughout their lives. As early childhood educators, we can encourage and promote problem-solving skills in young children from the earliest stages of development. Here are some strategies for promoting problem-solving skills in young children:

1. Encourage exploration and experimentation

Young children are naturally curious and love to explore their surroundings. Encourage this natural curiosity by providing opportunities for your child to experiment with different materials and objects. This can help them develop their problem-solving skills by encouraging them to explore and discover new solutions to challenges. Here are some examples of how to encourage exploration and experimentation in young children:

• Sensory Play Sensory play involves providing children with materials that stimulate their senses, such as touch, sight, smell, and sound. Examples of sensory play materials include water, sand, play dough, and different textures of fabrics. Sensory play allows children to explore their environment and develop their creativity and problem-solving skills by manipulating materials to create different outcomes.
• Block Play Blocks are an excellent tool for promoting exploration and experimentation in young children. Children can build structures and experiment with different block combinations to create different outcomes. Block play encourages children to develop their spatial awareness, hand-eye coordination, and problem-solving skills.
• Outdoor Play Outdoor play provides young children with endless opportunities for exploration and experimentation. Nature provides an endless variety of materials for children to explore, such as rocks, sticks, and leaves. Children can create their own outdoor play spaces and experiment with building structures or creating games.
• Art and Craft Activities Art and craft activities are a fantastic way to encourage exploration and experimentation in young children. Children can experiment with different materials such as paint, glue, and paper to create different outcomes. Encouraging children to experiment with different materials and techniques can help them develop their problem-solving skills and creativity.
• Science Experiments Simple science experiments are a great way to encourage exploration and experimentation in young children. Children can observe cause and effect relationships by experimenting with different materials or processes. For example, children can experiment with different ingredients to make slime, or create a volcano eruption with baking soda and vinegar.

2. Promote imaginative play

Imaginative play can be a valuable tool for promoting problem-solving skills. By engaging in pretend play, children can develop their creativity, critical thinking, and problem-solving abilities. Encourage your child to engage in imaginative play by providing them with props and toys that stimulate their imagination. Here are some examples of how to promote imaginative play in young children:

• Pretend Play Pretend play involves children creating imaginary scenarios and acting them out using props and toys. Children can engage in pretend play with dolls, toy cars, play kitchen, and other props that stimulate their imagination. Pretend play allows children to explore different roles, experiment with different scenarios, and develop their problem-solving skills by working through imaginary conflicts and scenarios.
• Dress-Up Dress-up allows children to experiment with different identities and roles. Children can dress up in different costumes and props and create imaginary scenarios. Dress-up encourages children to use their creativity, develop their empathy and social skills, and engage in problem-solving by working through imaginary conflicts.
• Storytelling Storytelling is an excellent way to promote imaginative play and encourage problem-solving skills. Children can create their own stories, or teachers can read them stories and encourage them to retell or create their own versions. Storytelling encourages children to use their creativity, develop their language skills, and engage in problem-solving by imagining different outcomes.
• Creative Play Spaces Creating a dedicated play space can promote imaginative play and problem-solving skills in young children. A play space can be designed to encourage imaginative play, such as a play kitchen, a dress-up area, or a building area. Providing children with the necessary props and materials to stimulate their imagination can help them develop their problem-solving skills by encouraging them to create different scenarios.
• Open-Ended Toys Open-ended toys, such as blocks, art materials, and playdough, can be used in a variety of ways to promote imaginative play and problem-solving skills. Children can experiment with different combinations and create their own scenarios, developing their creativity and problem-solving abilities.

3. Teach problem-solving vocabulary

Introducing problem-solving vocabulary is an important way to promote problem-solving skills in young children. By learning problem-solving vocabulary, children can better understand and communicate about the problem-solving process. Here are some examples of problem-solving vocabulary and how to teach it to young children:

• Identify the problem To identify a problem, children need to be able to recognize when something isn’t working as it should. Teach children words and phrases like “I’m stuck,” “This isn’t working,” or “I need help.” Encourage them to communicate when they encounter a problem and ask for help when needed.
• Brainstorming Brainstorming involves generating many different ideas to solve a problem. Teach children words and phrases like “let’s think of some ideas,” “what are some possible solutions,” or “what else could we try.” Encourage them to come up with many different ideas, even if they seem silly or unlikely to work.
• Evaluate solutions After generating ideas, children need to evaluate each solution to determine which is the best one. Teach children words and phrases like “let’s see which idea would work best,” “what are the pros and cons of each idea,” or “which solution would be most helpful.” Encourage them to consider all the possible solutions and evaluate each one carefully.
• Make a plan Once a solution has been chosen, children need to make a plan to implement it. Teach children words and phrases like “let’s make a plan,” “what steps do we need to take,” or “how can we make this happen.” Encourage them to break down the solution into smaller steps and create a plan for each step.
• Reflect on the outcome After trying out a solution, it’s important to reflect on what worked and what didn’t. Teach children words and phrases like “how did it go,” “did our plan work,” or “what could we do differently next time.” Encourage them to reflect on the outcome and use what they learned to solve similar problems in the future.

4. Model problem-solving skills

Children learn by watching and imitating the behavior of adults around them. Therefore, modeling problem-solving skills is essential for promoting these skills in young children. Let your child see you working through problems, and encourage them to ask questions and offer suggestions. When children see adults or peers effectively solve problems, they are more likely to learn and apply those skills themselves. Here are some examples of how to model problem-solving skills for young children:

• Narrate your problem-solving process When you encounter a problem, narrate your problem-solving process out loud to show children how you think through and solve the problem. For example, “I’m trying to figure out how to fix this toy. First, I need to look at the instructions and see what’s wrong. Then, I can try a few different solutions until I find one that works.”
• Use real-world scenarios Use real-world scenarios to model problem-solving skills, such as fixing a broken toy, figuring out a puzzle, or finding a lost item. Show children how you use critical thinking and problem-solving strategies to tackle the problem, and encourage them to ask questions and offer their own solutions.
• Role-play Role-playing scenarios where children can practice problem-solving skills can be a fun and effective way to model these skills. For example, you can set up a pretend store where children can practice making decisions and solving problems related to shopping.
• Provide opportunities for problem-solving Provide children with opportunities to practice problem-solving skills in everyday activities and invite parent to do the same while cooking, cleaning, or planning a family outing. Encourage them to work through problems and come up with solutions, and praise them for their efforts.
• Collaborate on problem-solving Collaborating with children on problem-solving tasks can model effective problem-solving skills and promote teamwork. Work together to solve problems, and show children how to communicate, negotiate, and compromise to achieve a common goal.

5. Allow for independent problem-solving

While it’s essential to support young children as they develop their problem-solving skills, it’s also important to allow them to work independently. Allowing children to work through problems on their own can help them develop their critical thinking skills and build confidence in their abilities . Here are some examples of how to allow for independent problem-solving:

• Give them space Allow children to have some time and space to work through problems on their own. Resist the urge to jump in and solve the problem for them, unless it’s a safety issue. Instead, observe from a distance and offer encouragement and support as needed.
• Encourage risk-taking Encourage children to take risks and try new things, even if they might not work out. When they encounter a problem or setback, remind them that mistakes are a natural part of the learning process and encourage them to keep trying.
• Offer open-ended activities Offer open-ended activities that allow for creativity and problem-solving, such as building with blocks, creating art, or playing with sensory materials as was mentioned earlier. These activities encourage children to use their imagination and experiment with different solutions.
• Provide tools and resources Provide children with tools and resources that they can use to solve problems independently, such as a toolbox or a collection of building materials. These resources can give children the confidence to tackle problems on their own.
• Praise effort and progress When children are working on solving a problem, praise their effort and progress, even if the solution isn’t perfect. Focus on the process of problem-solving, rather than the end result, and encourage children to keep trying and learning.

6. Encourage persistence

Encouraging persistence is critical for promoting problem-solving skills in young children. When your child encounters a problem, encourage them to keep trying and not give up. Celebrate their successes and encourage them to learn from their mistakes. When children learn to persevere through challenges and setbacks, they build resilience and develop the confidence to tackle difficult problems. Here are some examples of how to encourage persistence:

• Provide age-appropriate challenges Provide children with challenges that are appropriate for their age and skill level. Challenges that are too difficult can be frustrating and lead to giving up, while challenges that are too easy can be boring. Finding the right level of challenge can motivate children to keep trying and push themselves.
• Offer encouragement Offer words of encouragement and support when children encounter challenges. Let them know that you believe in them and that you know they can figure it out. Encourage them to keep trying and remind them of their past successes.
• Focus on progress Focus on progress rather than perfection. Celebrate small successes and milestones along the way, even if the problem isn’t fully solved yet. This can help children see that progress is possible and encourage them to keep going.
• Model persistence Model persistence and a positive attitude in your own problem-solving efforts. When children see you persisting through challenges and setbacks, they are more likely to adopt a similar mindset.
• Use positive self-talk Encourage children to use positive self-talk when they encounter challenges. Teach them to say things like, “I can do this,” “I just need to keep trying,” and “I’ll figure it out eventually.”

In conclusion, promoting problem-solving skills in young children is critical for their overall development. By providing opportunities for exploration and experimentation, promoting imaginative play, teaching problem-solving vocabulary, modeling problem-solving skills, allowing for independent problem-solving, and encouraging persistence, we can help our children develop these essential skills that will serve them throughout their lives.

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Youth Stories

April 11, 2023

Seven ways to support problem solving in children.

Learn how we empower their success in overcoming challenges from Joaquin, our Antelope Valley Program Manager.

As parents and caregivers, we all want our children to succeed. One of the most important skills for success is problem-solving. By teaching our children how to solve problems, we give them the tools to face challenges and overcome obstacles. This article will explore seven ways to support problem-solving in our children.

1. Encourage Creativity

Creativity is essential for problem-solving. When children are allowed to think outside the box, they develop innovative solutions. Encourage creativity by providing open-ended activities like art projects or building blocks. Let your child explore and experiment without worrying about making mistakes.

Sample tasks involve prompting them to create something from a particular material or developing a story from limited instructions. You can also incorporate creative problem-solving into everyday activities, such as planning after-school activities or creating a budget for their allowance.

2. Teach Decision-Making Skills

Good decision-making is crucial for problem-solving. Teach your child how to make decisions by giving them choices and discussing the pros and cons of each option. Encourage your child to weigh the consequences of their choices and make informed decisions.

You can do it by having them pick out their clothes for the day, decide on an activity for the weekend or choose a book to read. Show your child that making decisions is not about being right or wrong but considering all angles before concluding.

3. Promote Critical Thinking

Critical thinking is the ability to analyze and evaluate information. It's an essential skill for problem-solving. Promote critical thinking by asking open-ended questions and encouraging your child to think deeply about the answers. Engage in discussions and debates that require your child to defend their ideas.

Children can also practice critical thinking by playing educational games and solving puzzles. These activities help them identify patterns, recognize relationships between ideas, and think logically about solutions.

4. Foster Independence

Independence is key to problem-solving. Encourage your child to take ownership of their problems and find their solutions. Provide guidance and support but allow your child to take the lead. This will help them build confidence and develop their problem-solving skills.

To foster independence, provide opportunities for your child to make decisions independently. It can be as simple as deciding what they want to eat for lunch or how they want to spend their free time.

5. Allow for Mistakes

Mistakes are an inevitable part of problem-solving. Encourage your child to take risks and try new things, even if they might fail. Use mistakes as learning opportunities and help your child develop resilience and perseverance.

While many believe that mistakes are a sign of weakness, remind your child that it is a sign of strength. Mistakes provide valuable feedback and help us understand what works and what doesn't.

Always allow them to try again and find new solutions.

6. Practice Collaborative Problem-Solving

Collaborative problem-solving is an effective way to teach your child how to work with others to find solutions. Encourage your child to work with friends or siblings on projects that require problem-solving. This will help them develop teamwork and communication skills.

Being collaborative means finding solutions that work for everyone, so make sure you explain the importance of compromise and negotiation. You can also share stories about working with others to solve problems.

7. Model Problem-Solving Behaviors

Children learn by example - model problem-solving behaviors by approaching problems calmly and rationally. Show your child how to break down problems into manageable parts and brainstorm solutions. You're teaching your child a valuable life skill by modeling problem-solving behaviors.

By implementing these seven strategies, you can help your child develop the problem-solving skills they need to succeed. Encourage creativity, teach decision-making, promote critical thinking, foster independence, allow for mistakes, practice collaborative problem-solving, and model problem-solving behaviors. Your child can become a confident and effective problem-solver with your guidance and support.

Do you want to know how you can support other children needing help? Then, don't hesitate to get in touch with us for assistance.

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Complete guide to managing behavior problems, what's in this guide.

When children struggle with their behavior, it can have a negative impact on everyone in the family. Parents know they need to respond, but they often aren’t sure what’s the best strategy, especially if a child is frequently acting out and nothing seems to work. This guide offers parents a comprehensive look at problem behavior. It covers a variety of topics, including what may be triggering problem behavior, how to improve the parent-child relationship when it becomes strained, what to do if kids are struggling with behavior in school and how to get professional help if you need it.

Why Do Some Kids Struggle With Problem Behavior?

When children have frequent emotional outbursts, it can be a sign that they haven’t yet developed the skills they need to cope with feelings like frustration, anxiety and anger. Handling big emotions in a healthy, mature way requires a variety of skills, including:

• Impulse control
• Emotional self-regulation
• Problem solving
• Delaying gratification
• Negotiating
• Communicating wishes and needs to adults
• Knowing what’s appropriate or expected in a given situation

Other children may seem to struggle more with boundaries and following rules. They may be defiant, or ignore instructions or try to talk their way out of things that aren’t optional. You may notice patterns of behavior that seem to crop up at certain times of the day (like bedtime) during certain tasks (like during homework) or with certain people. You also might notice that your child acts out particularly when she is at home but not when she is at school, or vice versa.

Tantrums and other kinds of acting out are often a normal and even healthy part of childhood. They are a sign that a child is becoming more independent — indications that a child is testing boundaries, developing skills and opinions, and exploring the world around them.

But when a child is acting out a lot, it can strain the parent-child relationship, creating regular frustration and resentment that isn’t healthy in the family. Whether your child is in the early stages of learning about self-regulation and boundaries, or if your family has been struggling and you are looking for help, this guide is designed to explain more about how kids learn to manage their behavior, what parents can do to aid in the process and how to get more support if you need it .

Tantrums can be a learned behavior

Sometimes parents feel that tantrums and other instances of problem behavior are intentional or manipulative. However, clinicians who specialize in children’s behavior agree that tantrums are generally not a voluntary behavior on a child’s part — but they may be what is known as a “learned behavior.” That means that kids learn that having a tantrum gets them the result that they want.

In other words, while a child who struggles to control her emotions might not be consciously calculating her tantrums, she might resort to them because she hasn’t learned a better way to solve problems or communicate her needs. Well-meaning parents often respond to tantrums by trying to fix whatever caused the problem — by comforting the child or giving her whatever she is asking for. Unfortunately, this reinforces the tantrum behavior, making kids more likely to continue having tantrums and less likely to develop more sophisticated ways to manage their feelings.

Responding to Problem Behavior

When kids are acting out parents often feel powerless. You may have tried different techniques for discipline, but without much success. In fact, trying too many different strategies for managing disruptive behavior can sometimes be part of the problem, since kids respond better to firm boundaries that are consistently reinforced. But if you haven’t seen progress before now, don’t feel discouraged, because parents have more power than they may realize when kids are being oppositional. By using strategies that are informed by child psychologists who specialize in behavior management, you can begin to improve kids’ behavior and even improve the parent-child relationship.

This section begins with some general rules of thumb recommended by behavior experts as effective strategies for responding to problem behavior in the moment. Next it examines problem behavior in greater depth, which can be helpful for parents who want to understand more about why kids act out, and how to tackle specific behaviors you would like to change.

Tips for responding in the moment:

• Don’t give in.  Resist the temptation to end your child’s tantrum by giving her what she wants when she explodes. Giving in teaches her that tantrums work.
• Remain calm. Harsh or emotional responses tend to escalate a child’s aggression, be it verbal or physical. By staying calm, you’re also modeling for your child the type of behavior you want to see in him.
• Ignore negative behavior and praise positive behavior.  Ignore minor misbehavior, since even negative attention like reprimanding or telling the child to stop can reinforce her actions. Instead, provide lots of labeled praise on behaviors you want to encourage. (Don’t just say “good job,” say “good job calming down.”)
• Use consistent consequences.  Your child needs to know what the consequences are for negative behaviors, such as time outs, as well as rewards for positive behaviors, like time on the iPad. And you need to show him you follow through with these consequences every time.
• Wait to talk until the meltdown is over. Don’t try to reason with a child who is upset. You want to encourage a child to practice negotiating when she’s  not blowing up (and you’re not either).

Targeting specific behaviors

When you are trying to manage disruptive behavior, it is helpful to identify specific behaviors that you are trying to change (or encourage). It’s true that when families are feeling overwhelmed sometimes it can seem like every interaction is a struggle. However, identifying specific behaviors is an important first step to effective discipline. Taking behaviors one at a time allows you to be more focused, gain a better understanding of why the behavior is happening, and have a greater sense of control. Of course, there may be multiple behaviors that you would like to change, but evaluating them one by one is important.

Target behaviors should be:

• Specific (so expectations are clear to everyone in the family)
• Measurable (so everyone can agree whether or not the behavior happened)

An example of a poorly defined behavior is “acting out” or “being good.” A well-defined behavior would be running around the room (bad) or starting homework on time (good).

Before the behavior happens

When you are thinking about a particular behavior that you are targeting, it is important to think about what generally happens before that behavior and may be triggering it. This helps parents understand not only why a child might be acting out but also how anticipating certain triggers might help prevent those behaviors from happening. Parents can also examine the triggers that make positive behaviors (like obeying a command on the first time) more likely.

Potential triggers to avoid

These things often lead to misbehavior.

• Assuming your expectations are understood:  Kids may not know what is expected of them — even if you assume they do. Demands change from situation to situation and when children are unsure of what they are supposed to be doing, they’re more likely to misbehave.
• Calling things out from a distance:  Tell your children important instructions when you are face-to-face. Directions that are yelled from a distance are less likely to be remembered and understood.
• Transitioning without warning:  Transitions can be hard for kids, especially if they are in the middle of doing something they enjoy. When kids are given a warning and have a chance to find a good stopping place, transitions can be less fraught.
• Asking rapid-fire questions, or giving a series of instructions:  Delivering a series of questions or instructions limits the likelihood that children will hear, answer questions, remember the tasks, and do what they’ve been instructed to do.

Potential triggers to embrace

These are things that can bolster good behavior.

• Adjusting the environment:  Try to manage environmental and emotional factors that can make it much more difficult for children to rein in their behavior. Things to consider: hunger, fatigue, anxiety or distractions. When it’s homework time, for instance, remove distractions like screens and toys, provide snacks, establish an organized place for kids to work and make sure to schedule some breaks.
• Making expectations clear:  You and your child should be clear on what’s expected. Even if he “should” know what is expected, clarifying expectations at the outset of a task helps head off misunderstandings down the line.
• Providing countdowns for transitions : Whenever possible, prepare children for an upcoming transition. For example, give her a 10-minute warning when it is time to come to dinner or start homework. Then follow up when there are 2 minutes left. Just as important as issuing the countdown is actually making the transition at the stated time.
• Letting kids have a choice:  As kids grow up, it’s important they have a say in their own scheduling. Giving a structured choice — “Do you want to take a shower after dinner or before?” — can help them feel empowered and encourage them to become more self-regulating.

After the behavior happens

Considering what happens after a targeted behavior is important because consequences can affect the likelihood of a behavior recurring. That is true for consequences that are positive (like getting an extra 10 minutes of screen time) or negative (like getting a time out).

Some consequences are more effective than others. Ideally consequences create structure and help kids understand the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. However, consequences can also do more harm than good when they are sending the wrong message. Understanding how to use smart and consistent consequences makes all the difference.

Consequences that aren’t effective

These types of consequences are common, but they generally don’t have the desired effect.

• Giving negative attention: It seems counterintuitive, but consequences that seem negative to us (like raising your voice or spanking) can sometimes reinforce the very behavior we are trying to prevent. That’s because children value attention from the important adults in their life so much that any attention — positive or negative — is better than none. That’s why negative attention can actually increase bad behavior over time. Responding to behaviors with criticism or yelling can also adversely affect children’s self-esteem.
• Delayed consequences:  Immediate consequences are the most effective. Children are less likely to link their behavior to a consequence if there is a lot of time between the two, which means delayed consequences are less likely to actually change a child’s behavior.
• Disproportionate consequences: Parents can sometimes become so frustrated that they overreact when giving consequences, which is understandable. However, a huge consequence can be demoralizing for children, and they may give up even trying to behave.
• Consequences that are accommodating:  When a child is slow to doing something you want him to do, like picking up his toys, many parents will become frustrated and just do it themselves. While this reaction is also understandable, it also increases the likelihood that he will dawdle again next time.

Consequences that are effective

Consequences that are more effective begin with generous attention to the behaviors you want to encourage.

• Positive attention for positive behaviors: Praising children when you “catch them being good” makes them more likely to repeat that good behavior in the future. Positive attention is also a good thing for the parent-child relationship, improves a child’s self-esteem, and feels good for everyone involved.
• Ignoring actively: This consequence might seem counterintuitive, but child behavior experts often teach “active ignoring” as an effective behavior management strategy. To perform active ignoring, deliberately withdraw your attention when a child starts to misbehave. As children learn that acting out doesn’t get them your attention, they will begin to do it less. An important component of active ignoring is to immediately give a child positive attention as soon as he exhibits behavior you do want to see, like sitting calmly. Of course, this consequence should be used only for minor misbehavior — active ignoring is not appropriate when a child is being aggressive or doing something dangerous.
• Reward menus: Rewards are a tangible way to give children positive feedback for desired behaviors. Rewards are most motivating when children can choose from a variety of desirable things: extra time on the iPad, a special treat, etc. Rewards should be linked to specific behaviors and always delivered consistently.
• Time outs : Time outs are one of the most effective consequences parents can use, but also one of the hardest to do correctly. It’s very important to balance them with other nurturing techniques, like providing positive feedback and modeling emotional regulation for your child. The next section in the guide gives parents tips on how to have a successful time out.

Example: Targeting a specific behavior

Set a specific behavior that you want to target

Stop jumping on the couch

Examine triggers

Your daughter often starts jumping on the couch when you go to change the baby’s diaper or give him a bath.

Possible solution: Come up with ways your daughter can “help” you do these tasks. Her assistance may slow you down slightly, but it gives her something positive to do — and it makes her feel like she’s still getting your attention. When she helps out, praise her for being such a good big sister.

Examine consequences

Ineffective consequence: Yelling, “I’ve told you this a million times, Katie, you can’t jump on the couch! Why do you keep doing it?!”

Effective consequence: Send to time out immediately.

Why Transitions Trigger Problem Behavior

One common problem behavior trigger for many children is transitions. Whether it’s getting ready for bed, or coming to dinner, or putting down the video game controller, in many families transitions can become a flashpoint that everyone learns to dread.

If transitions are a problem for your child, it is important to figure out what about the transition is difficult. Often kids don’t like stopping an activity that they are enjoying (like playing on the computer) in order to do something less fun, like getting ready to leave the house. While no one enjoys stopping fun things, some kids struggle with it more than others. That can be a sign that they are still developing emotional self-regulation skills , but it is just one possible cause. Other children struggle to cope with unanticipated changes in schedule, or moving on from something that they feel like they haven’t finished.

Struggling with transitions can even be a sign of a mental health disorder in some children. Children with ADHD, autism, anxiety and OCD are all more likely to struggle with transitions.

Techniques to make transitions easier

Once you’ve narrowed down what you think might be behind your child’s resistance to transitions, then you can start brainstorming what you think might help. (Note: If you think your child might have an undiagnosed mental health disorder, taking your concerns to a clinician is important.)

Here are some techniques that you might want to try:

Preview and countdown: Every morning, lay out what the day will look like. Before each transition, give a timeframe and description of what will happen along with countdowns (in 20 minutes, then 10, then 5 it will be time to finish breakfast and head to school). This helps kids prepare emotionally.

Get their attention: For kids who struggle to regulate their attention, make a particular effort to capture theirs. Make eye contact, sit next to them, put your hand on their shoulder, or ask them to repeat back what you have said. It makes them more likely to follow through.

Use music: Songs can help kids (particularly young kids) ease into transitions. The “clean up” song is a popular example of this, but there are many songs that can be found or made up to suit a variety of situations from tying shoes to brushing teeth.

Visual cues: Posting a chart with pictures illustrating what to expect from a particular transition or the steps involved is a good visual reminder for children to fall back on.

Create routines: If there are transitions that your child struggles with every day, like going to bed, build some consistency and structure into that transition. For example, when it’s close to bedtime, your child can pick one last thing she wants to do. Then, you both go upstairs to brush teeth and read a story, then it’s lights out. Doing this routine consistently helps kids know what to expect and makes the transition easier.

Use rewards: Rewards can be an effective tool to use for difficult transitions until children have gotten used to them. Parents can use stickers, snacks, or a point system that leads to tangible rewards.

Appropriate consequences: If a transition isn’t going well, think about what consequences you are (or aren’t) giving. Yelling isn’t an effective consequence, but active ignoring or a time out might be.

Use praise: When a child does follow through with a transition, make sure you give him some enthusiastic labeled praise to recognize his behavior. For example: “I really liked how you handed over the iPad right away and started brushing your teeth. Now we have more time to read!”

Skills: How to Do a Time Out

Critics of time outs argue that they can be emotionally isolating for kids, but research shows that they are effective and do not cause children harm . (For more on the debate around time outs, read our full article on the topic .) However, it’s very important to use them as just one technique in a nurturing, supportive parenting strategy. Be sure to balance use of time outs with lots of praise for kids’ positive behaviors. It’s also important to manage your own stress so that kids can learn emotional regulation from your positive example.

The point of a time out isn’t to shame or punish your child, but to diffuse an emotional situation and help your child learn to manage frustration and regulate his own behavior. Using a time out is also a clear way to communicate that a particular behavior is unacceptable.

Many parents have tried time outs before with varying degrees of success. To be most effective, time outs need to be done consistently and follow certain steps. Here are some guidelines to follow if you are learning how to use time outs, or want to troubleshoot your technique.

Use advance warning:  Kids need to  understand which behaviors are linked to which consequences . Work with your child to establish which behaviors (like hitting or not complying with an instruction from you) lead to a time out so she knows what to expect.

Establish a pre-determined place:  Designating a special chair, or a place on the stairs, also helps a child know what to expect. It’s a good idea to label the time out chair just that, and not “the naughty chair” or something similar. Time outs work better when they are focused on teaching children how to behave, not on punishing them.

Use a quick response:  When a kid misbehaves in one of the ways you have discussed, make sure the following time out is immediate, and that you state the reason: “No hitting. Go to time out.” Be specific, brief, and unemotional. This helps ensure that the child is able to link her action with its consequence. Delayed consequences are ineffective because kids tend to feel you are just being punitive.

Keep it brief : A standard formula for time outs is one minute per year of age. Some experts recommend a timer so a child can see that the time is being measured.

Keep it calm:  The goal in a time out is for kids to sit quietly. Some experts recommend not starting the allotted time until your child is quiet. Others feel this is too hard for young children. They require that the child be completely quiet for 5 seconds before ending the time out. This way kids learn to associate good behaviors with the end of the time out and it sends the message that yelling and screaming during a time out won’t work.

Pay no attention:  Kids in time out should be ignored — no talking to them or about them, even if they’re whining, crying or protesting. By withdrawing your attention during the time out, you’re sending the message that misbehaving is not the way to get what they want.

Consistency is key:  It’s tempting to put kids in time out whenever they’re acting inappropriately or pushing your buttons, but using time outs randomly makes it more difficult for kids to make the connection between specific misbehaviors and their consequences. Also, it is important that the time out occurs each and every time the specific target behavior occurs. If not, you are encouraging the child to think that he might be able to get away with it.

No rewarding stimuli:  In the time out chair the child should have no access to television, electronic devices, toys or games. If you’re away from home, pick any spot that removes the child from distracting stimulation.

If a child won’t stay in time out:  If a child breaks the rules by  leaving the time out chair too soon , put him in a backup time out area that he cannot escape from (like  a bedroom where there aren’t any rewarding stimuli such as television, toys or games). Briefly explain that he must stay there for one minute and be calm and quiet before he is allowed to leave. Once he does that he should be returned to the time out chair, and the time he must stay there is restarted. If he leaves the chair again, the cycle repeats. Your child should learn quickly that it’s in his best interest to stay in the chair until the time is up.

After the time out

When kids are given time outs for not complying with your instructions, once a time out is finished, they should be asked to complete whatever task they were asked to do before the time out. This helps them understand that time outs aren’t escape routes.

Once the time out is over, you want to resume giving them attention, tuning in to whatever they are doing/working on/playing so that you can “catch them being good” and specifically  praise them for a positive behavior . For example, if your child completes her time out and then she plays gently with the dog, you’d want to let her know what she was doing right (“I love how nicely you’re playing with the dog! You are using such nice gentle hands!”) This is reassuring your child that although she had to go to time out, she also is completely capable of doing good and positive things that make you proud and loving toward her.

Skills: How to Give Effective Instructions

Children will be more likely to understand and comply with your instructions if you follow these guidelines:

• Be direct.  Make statements rather than asking questions: “Please sit down,” as opposed to “Are you ready to get out your homework?”
• Be close.  Give instructions when you are near your child, rather than calling out from across the room.
• Use clear and specific commands . Instead of “Go ahead,” say, “Please go start your reading assignment.”
• Give age-appropriate instructions . Speak to your child at a level he will understand. If your child is younger, keep things simple and use words you know he knows: “Please pick up the ball.” With older children, it’s important to be clear without being patronizing.
• Give instructions one at a time.  Especially for kids who have attention challenges, try to avoid giving a series of instructions: “Please put on your sneakers, get your lunch off the kitchen counter, and meet me in the front hall.”
• Keep explanations simple.  Giving a rationale can increase the likelihood children will listen to a command, but not if the commands gets lost in it. For instance: “Go get your coat on because it’s raining and I don’t want you to catch a cold.” Instead, try: “It’s raining and I don’t want you to catch a cold. Go get your coat on.”
• Give kids time to process.  After you give an instruction, wait a few seconds, without repeating what you said. Children then learn to listen to  calm  instructions given once rather than learning that they don’t need to listen because the instructions will be repeated.

Improving the Parent-Child Relationship

One of the most unpleasant side effects of behavioral problems is the toll they take on the family dynamic. When a child has chronic behavior issues parents often aren’t enjoying the time they spend with their child. This can be both frustrating and guilt-inducing. Children are also negatively affected when they receive frequent criticism or pick up on their parent’s irritation, which can lead to resentment and may damage their self-esteem.

Improving the parent-child relationship should be a priority for all families dealing with chronic problem behavior. To that end, try to increase the number of interactions you have with your child that are positive and don’t promote conflict. For example:

• Use behavior management strategies that reinforce what you do want to see (like giving clear instructions in a neutral tone of voice or using lots of labeled praise) instead of comments that are critical or focus on what you don’t want to see.
• Pay attention to your own emotions and look for healthy ways to deal with stressful situations without escalating them. Use your own emotional self-regulation skills or give yourself a time out if you need a moment to cool down.
• Like in any relationship you want to nurture, think about how you can build on (or create) meaningful bonds. Are there common interests you can cultivate? New relationship rituals you can establish?
• Set aside a small amount of time every day to be present and nonjudgmental with your child.

How to establish daily quality time

Even a small amount of time set aside reliably every day can become something children and parents learn to look forward to. This should be a time for positive connection, without rules or commands, to help everyone in the family defuse stress and appreciate each other’s company. This should be considered special time and should not be contingent on a child’s good behavior. Here are some tips for success:

• Aim for 5 minutes per day with younger kids, 15 minutes with teens
• Let your child choose an activity she enjoys and you join in
• Actively listen and let her lead the conversation
• Validate her choices and interests
• Focus on giving positive attention to good behavior
• Ignore minor misbehavior
• Avoid directing the activity or criticizing

Helping Kids Deal With Big Emotions

Some children act out because they have a hard time regulating their own emotions. This is a common problem for young children who haven’t yet developed the ability to cope with big emotions in a constructive way. Some children continue to struggle with self-regulation as they get older. Parents and teachers may notice that they seem particularly sensitive and have outsized emotional reactions compared to their siblings or peers.

The good news is that self-regulation is a skill that can be taught like any other, and parents can play a big role in helping kids learn how to handle their emotions, even very big emotions. Here are some techniques for helping kids calm down instead of act out.

Developing emotional IQ

Taking the time to notice and label emotions helps kids begin to pay attention to how they are feeling. This is important because paying attention to our emotions is the first step to learning how to manage them. Sometimes just articulating an emotion helps to defuse it. Too often we try to pretend we aren’t feeling negative emotions until it’s too late and we are feeling terrible. Acknowledging a negative feeling can make it seem less powerful and helps you begin to think constructively about what to do with that feeling.

Parents can help teach children to do this by modeling it in their own behavior. For example, if you are upset because you forgot something at the grocery store, share that feeling: “I’m so frustrated right now! I forgot to get milk!” Then, after you’ve acknowledged how you feel, you can model coping and problem solving skills. You might say, “I’m going to take some deep breaths to calm down — that often helps me.” Then once you’re feeling better, you can say, “Now how can I solve this problem?” and brainstorm ideas.

Children will begin to pick up on the skills that you are modeling for them, but they might also need some extra support as they begin to learn how to deal with their emotions. If you notice your child is beginning to look upset, ask her to describe how she is feeling. Can she label it?

Just make sure if your child tells you that she’s feeling sad, or anxious, or angry, you don’t immediately try to talk her out of it. Sometimes hearing “Oh, it isn’t that bad!” can make kids feel like their emotions are wrong and inadvertently teach them that they shouldn’t share how they are feeling. Instead, you can validate the emotion (“Yes, that does sound frustrating” or “You do look disappointed”) and then encourage healthy ways of dealing with that feeling.

Heading off big emotions

Another important part of a child learning to consciously label his emotions is that it encourages him to start paying attention to how he feels, which means that he might notice an emotion earlier, before it starts to feel overwhelming.

Parents can sometimes be blindsided by the strong emotions children show during tantrums. But kids don’t go from calm to sobbing on the floor in an instant — even if it seems like that. Emotions build over time, like a wave. Kids can learn to manage those emotions that seem overwhelming by noticing and labeling them earlier, before that wave gets too big.

Many kids benefit from ranking how strong their emotions are on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being calm and 10 being furious. You can model doing this, too. When you are feeling frustrated because you forgot to get milk at the grocery store, you might announce that you’re at a 4.  It might feel silly to do this at first, but it teaches kids to pause and notice how they are feeling. For kids who appreciate visual aids, something like a “feelings thermometer” might help.

Getting Help

When to get help.

Most children have occasional tantrums or meltdowns. Acting out when it’s time to go to bed or stop playing a game is par for the course. But when kids are having tantrums often, or it seems like they can’t control their temper a lot of the time, you may be seeing something more extreme than typical problem behavior.

Here are some signs to look out for:

• When problem behavior is interfering with his ability to make friends or get along with other kids.
• When problem behavior is causing a lot of conflict at home and disrupting family life
• When your child feels like she can’t control her anger, and it is making her feel bad about herself
• When his behavior is causing trouble at school with his teachers or his fellow students
• When her behavior is dangerous to herself or others

If you are worried about your child’s behavior and are having a hard time managing it on your own, making an appointment with a clinician who has expertise in children’s mental health can be very helpful. A clinician can perform a comprehensive evaluation to determine whether your child may have an undiagnosed mental health disorder that is contributing to her behavior issues, or recommend specific strategies or treatments that might be helpful.

For more information about how to find a clinician who can help, read the Child Mind Institute’s Parents Guide to Getting Good Care .

Possible causes and diagnoses

Below is a list of some mental health disorders and other challenges that may be associated with disruptive behavior.

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)

Children with ADHD find it unusually difficult to concentrate on tasks, pay attention, sit still and control impulsive behavior. While disruptive behavior is not a symptom of ADHD itself, it is often the result of ADHD symptoms. Inattention and impulsivity can make it very difficult for kids to tolerate tasks that are repetitive, boring, or take a lot of effort. Because of this, children with ADHD are frequently overwhelmed with frustration, and throwing a shoe or pushing someone or yelling “shut up!” can be the result of their impulsivity. Some kids with ADHD can also develop negative behavior patterns, which are a response to years of finding themselves in conflict with adults.

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)

Children with ODD have a well-established pattern of behavior problems, with symptoms including arguing with authority figures, refusing to follow rules, blaming others for their mistakes, being unusually angry and irritable, and more. All children can have these symptoms from time to time. What distinguishes ODD from normal oppositional behavior is how severe it is, and how long it has been going on for.

Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD)

Children with DMDD experience frequent, severe temper outbursts that seem grossly out of proportion to the situation at hand. In between tantrums they are chronically irritable. Their disruptive behavior is a result of their very big emotions and poor self-regulation skills. Children with DMDD often feel very apologetic after a tantrum is over.

Children who seem angry and defiant may be severely anxious.  When children are having a hard time coping with situations that cause them distress, they may lash out. This may happen when the demands at home or school put a pressure on them that they can’t handle. In an anxiety-inducing situation, your child’s “fight or flight” instinct may take hold — she may have a tantrum or refuse to do something to avoid the source of acute fear.

Children who have been traumatized frequently mask their pain with behavior that is aggressive. As a result of their trauma they may be struggling with poor emotional self-regulation, negative thinking, and be overly alert to dangers — and more likely to jump into their “fight or flight” response in an effort to protect themselves.

Learning problems

Children who act out repeatedly in school or during homework time may have an undiagnosed learning disorder. They may be feeling frustrated and ashamed because they are struggling to do things that look easy for other kids, and they don’t know why. Rather than ask for help, they may rip up assignments or act out to create a diversion from their real issues.

Sensory processing issues

Some children have trouble processing the sensory information they are getting from the world around them. Children who are under- or over-sensitive to stimulation can often feel uncomfortable, anxious, distracted and overwhelmed, which can frequently lead to disruptive behavior.

Children on the autism spectrum tend to be rigid — needing consistent routine to feel safe — and unexpected changes can lead to them having a tantrum. Autistic children can also struggle with sensory issues that leave them feeling overwhelmed.  Some autistic children may also lack the language and communication skills to express what they want or need.

Parent training programs

Parent training programs are designed to bolster the skills parents may need for managing a child’s problem behavior and improve the parent-child relationship. These programs are led by psychologists and social workers and are evidence-based, which means they have been thoroughly tested and found to be effective for many families.

Below is a list of different kinds of parent training, including what makes them different and which families they may work best for.

Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) 

Parents and children both participate in PCIT sessions, during which a clinician teaches them skills to interact in a positive, productive way. It is effective for kids between the ages of 2 and 7, and usually requires 14 to 17 weekly sessions.

In PCIT, parents receive live coaching (via a bug in the ear) from a therapist who watches from behind a one-way mirror as they and their child perform a series of tasks, and parents practice specific responses to both desired and undesired behavior.

Parent Management Training (PMT)

In PMT, which is for children ages 3 to 13, parents are usually seen without the child present, although children may be asked to participate in some sessions.  Skills to deal more effectively with challenging behaviors  are taught and modeled by the therapist and then role-played with parents. After each session, parents are expected to practice the skills at home. Families usually participate in at least 10 sessions.

Since PMT is appropriate for all ages, it’s a good choice when kids are too old for PCIT. It can also be a good option for families where the parent-child relationship is strong, but children might be struggling with things like anxiety, extreme impulsiveness or explosive anger.

Defiant Teens

Defiant Teens is for parents of teenagers who are 13-18 years old. The first half of this program involves only parents, and focuses on teaching more effective tools for  interacting with their teenager , specifically for handling noncompliance or defiant behavior. But since teenagers are more autonomous than younger children and less influenced by their parents’ guidance, the program also includes training for the adolescent to help him become a participant in changing the family dynamic.

In the second half, parents and teenagers are both trained in problem-solving communication. The aim is to provide family behavioral resources to help each family member develop more effective problem-solving, negotiation and communication skills and to correct any unreasonable beliefs that might be impeding their interactions.

Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) 

Triple P’s focus is on equipping parents with information and skills to increase confidence and self-sufficiency in managing child behavior. It can be utilized with a wide age range of children from toddlerhood through adolescence. With Triple P families can participate in different levels of intervention according to their needs. In some sessions clinicians will meet one-on-one with parents to discuss skills and strategies, and in some sessions kids with be included and the therapist will be provide live coaching.

The Incredible Years

The Incredible Years offers small-group-based training for parents of kids from infants through age 12. The programs are broken into four age groups (baby, toddler, preschool and school age) and they range from 12 to 20 weeks.

The program starts with a focus on improving parent-child relationships and positive attachment before moving on to  consistent routines, rules and limit-setting.  Finally it covers child management strategies such as ignoring, redirection, logical and natural consequences, time to calm down and problem-solving.

For children from four to eight years old, Incredible Years offers children’s groups that focus on helping them  acquire emotion regulation strategies  and social skills. Research shows that the kids’ group works well at improving pro-social behavior and decreasing problem behaviors. Parents find that they learn not only from therapists but from other fellow parents in the group.

Parent training and behavior therapy are considered a more effecting and longer lasting way to help children learn to manage their difficult emotions and rein in disruptive behavior. But medications are sometimes used as an adjunct to behavioral therapy. Anti-psychotic medications like Abilify (aripiprazole) and Risperdal (risperdone), which have been shown to reduce aggression and irritability, may be used in cases where a child is at risk of being removed from the school or home. Stimulant medication may be used if a child has excessive impulsivity, including those who have an ADHD diagnosis. Antidepressants (SSRIs) may be helpful if a child has underlying depression or anxiety.

It is important to talk with your doctor about any concerns you may have about your child’s treatment plan, progress or any side effects that you may be seeing. A good clinician will be ready to discuss the symptoms you are seeing and explain potential options for changing dosage or medication. If you don’t feel that your child’s doctor is taking your concerns seriously, or your doctor is not following best practices for changing dosage, or adding new medications, you should get a second opinion.

If you believe your child should stop taking a particular medication, make sure you tell your doctor, and discuss the pros and cons. Don’t make adjustments or withdraw the medication without consultation. Many medications should be reduced gradually, and children should be monitored for side effects of withdrawing too quickly.

Note about Risperdal

Risperdal can have serious side effects, including substantial weight gain and metabolic, neurological and hormonal changes that can be harmful. Children taking Risperdal or another atypical antipsychotic should be monitored by their doctors regularly over the course of treatment. Before treatment begins, they should be tested to establish baselines for height, weight, vital signs and levels of prolactin and blood fats and sugar. During the first few months of treatment, a child’s levels should be measured frequently. If the child is using the medication long-term, he should continue to be monitored on a yearly basis.

Behavior Issues in School

For kids who struggle with their behavior in the classroom, establishing some school-specific behavior management strategies is important.

The first step is often asking the school to provide a functional behavior assessment. The goal of an FBA is to gather more information about when and why your child is acting out in class. This information is then used to come up with a plan for how to help. A school psychologist or behavioral specialist typically leads the FBA, and may speak to you, your child’s teachers and your child as part of the assessment, as well as do some in-class observation.

Determining which specific things that your child struggles with is important. Just like in behavior management at home, it helps to get as much information as possible about the real-life situations that seem to lead to disruptive behavior, paying attention to what happens immediately before, during and after the behavior. Paying attention to when your child isn’t acting out can also be informative.

Once this information has been gathered and analyzed, the school psychologist or behavioral specialist can work on creating a behavior intervention plan (or BIP) with ideas for preventing problem behaviors and rewarding positive behavior. This may include different teaching strategies, different consequences for misbehavior or changes to typical routines. Checking in periodically to monitor the effectiveness of these strategies (and make updates accordingly) is important.

How parents can support school behavior goals at home

Parents can also play a role in helping reinforce good behavior at school. You might tell your child’s teacher that you want to be a partner in helping improve your child’s behavior and select one or two goals at a time to work on, like turning in homework and not calling out in class, for example. Then you can ask the teacher to give you periodic reports on your child’s progress. You don’t want to overwhelm the teacher, but if you get a progress report every few days or every week then you can help reinforce the school’s goals by either rewarding good school behavior at home or setting up appropriate consequences.

For example, if you hear that your child is doing a good job turning in his assignments, you might give him some extra screen time that weekend in recognition of his efforts. If he’s doing a particularly good job then you might give him a bigger reward, like an outing to his favorite restaurant. Conversely, if you get a report that he isn’t doing his homework, you might let him know that he won’t get any screen time for the first two days of the upcoming week because he needs to prioritize homework.

For more information about working with schools on behavior issues, see our recommended reading list in the next section.

Recommended Reading

Behavior interventions at home.

The Everyday Parenting Toolkit , by Alan Kazdin

The Kazdin Method for Parenting a Defiant Child , by Alan Kazdin

Taking Charge of ADHD , by Russell Barkley

Behavior Interventions at School

Behavioral Interventions in Schools: Evidence-Based Positive Strategies , by Angeleque Akin-little, Steven G. Little, Melissa A. Bray and Thomas J. Kehle

Managing ADHD in School: The Best Evidence-Based Methods for Teachers , by Russell Barkley

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Gail Joseph: Hi, everyone. I'm Gail Joseph, and I'm so excited to be joining you on "Teacher Time" today. Now, Saameh, I always think it's better when we start with a song, so shall we?

All: [Singing] "Teacher Time.” "Teacher Time.” "Teacher Time.” "Teacher Time.” "Teacher Time.” "Teacher Time."

Gail: Here we are. I love your puppet moves. You've got some really good moves.

Saameh: Thank you. I worked hard on this.

Gail: Well, hi, everyone, and welcome to our third preschool episode of "Teacher Time" this program year. I'm Gail Joseph.

Saameh: I'm Saameh Solaimani, and we're from the National Center on Early Childhood Development, Teaching and Learning.

Gail: We are so excited to have you here with us today. We have been focusing on positive behavior supports this season of "Teacher Time.” Hopefully, you've joined us for some of the previous episodes. So far, we've talked about the importance of relationships and how to support emotional literacy. And today, we're going to be focusing on problem-solving and relationships, and friendship skills in preschool.

I want to draw your attention to the viewer's guide. I've printed mine out here. It's beautiful. You can find it in the resource widget. If you haven't looked at our viewer's guide for a while, I strongly encourage you to. This season, our viewer's guide is a viewer's guide for birth to five, including specific age group information for infants and toddlers and preschool children. It is packed with information about development, about teaching practices. There are quick tips in here. There are reminders. There are things you can cut out and post and put up in your learning space. There are spaces for notetaking.

On the last page is just an extensive resource list that you are going to love. You can download the guide and use it throughout our time together for taking notes, for reflecting, planning how you might use some of the "Teacher Time" practices we're going to talk about in your own settings. And please share your viewer's guide with colleagues. Also, we want your ideas in the next issue of "Teacher Time.” You can see on the back that we ask you to submit some of your own strategies and tips, and then you'll be published in the "Teacher Time" viewer's guide.

Saameh: That would be awesome. We always love to hear from you. Thank you so much, Gail. During our time together, we're going to be discussing teaching practices that support positive behavior. We're going to take some time to promote your wellness with our It's All About You segment. We're going to connect effective practice to brain development in our new segment, which some of you may have seen in our last episode's Neuroscience Nook.

We're going to discuss small change, big impact, and in our focus on equity segments, individualized strategies that build a sense of belonging and promote social and emotional skills with all children, including children who have a variety of learning characteristics. And we're going to wrap up our time together, as we always do, with our BookCASE, where we connect our topic to books that you can share with children and families.

Gail: We love the BookCASE and our "Teacher Time" librarian. Like we do at the beginning of most "Teacher Times," we want to check in with how you're feeling, such an important thing to do periodically throughout the day. Look at our "Teacher Time" feeling tree, find a feeling creature. They all have little numbers on them.

And post in the Q&A which number creature you most relate to at the moment and why. We want to hear from you. We have our amazing Q&A team there, ready to see your input. I'm going to go ahead and start. Now, every time I look at — what I love about our little "Teacher Time" tree here is that I always think a little bit differently about how these creatures are feeling, which is fun. It helps children do that, too.

Saameh: Right.

Gail: I think the little guy that is swinging from the tree there. I'm just pretty excited to be here. I've been on some travel. I'm excited to be back with you and back with our "Teacher Time" viewership. How are you feeling, Saameh?

Saameh: I actually was thinking about this. And I think number 12, sitting on the leaf, surrounded by friends, by community, by all of you. Yeah, I'm feeling very part of this learning community.

Gail: I love it. And our viewers are checking in. Five, a rough week. Some weeks are like that. I hope it gets better for you, Amy. We've got a 12. Somebody is feeling like you. One, five. Our viewers are all over the tree, checking in. I feel like number five, pretty rough afternoon. My goodness. We hope that spending some time today thinking about your own professional development might feel a little bit uplifting for you. But we definitely know how it feels when you're not having a great week, too. Just hanging in there. Thank you so much for sharing.

Saameh: Yes, yes.

Gail: Thank you. Keep it going. Keep it going.

Saameh: We're very excited to be focusing on positive behavior supports this season, as you know. And social and emotional development. As you may know, is one of the domains in the Head Start ELOF, which stands for Early Learning Outcomes Framework. The practical strategies we're going to be discussing today are going to be focusing on the relationships with other children subdomain of social and emotional development. And you can see that highlighted here.

Gail: I love that. Now, like we said last month, this season of "Teacher Time" is focused on working our way through the Pyramid Model. Some of you might be really familiar with the Pyramid Model. Maybe your program is participating in a pyramid training. But if you're not familiar with it, the Pyramid Model is really a model or a framework of positive behavioral support for proactively addressing the social and emotional development. And for preventing and addressing challenging behaviors of young children. The framework offers a continuum of evidence-based teaching practices that are organized into four levels of support. And you can see those there.

At the foundation, it's all about nurturing and responsive relationships. Not only between the teacher, the educator, and the children but between children and between educators. It's all about these relationships. And we want them to be nurturing and responsive no matter what relationship they're in. That's the foundation. The next are high-quality supportive environments. How can we create both the physical and temporal structure of the environment to support positive behavior?

Then we level up and go to social and emotional teaching strategies. That's where we're at right now, is going to dig into some of those social and emotional teaching strategies. Then at the very top, when all of the bottom three pieces are in place, there might still be some children that have some behaviors that could require a little bit more intensive intervention. And we're going to talk about that in May. Be sure to come back.

But if you want to learn more about the Pyramid Model, you can check out the resource list in the back of your viewer's guide for a lot more information about it. Now, we would love to hear what strategies and practices you have in place to support young children's problem-solving and their friendship skills with children that you're working with.

Go ahead and start entering those in the Q&A. And our Q&A team, we've got, like, the star Q&A team today. They're going to start sending those out, too. We're going to be tracking them, but they're also going to be sent out so other people can see them as well when you share what strategies you're using. We always learn so much from our viewers. And there's always something that we're, like, a gem out there in how you're supporting young children's problem-solving.

Saameh: Such a wealth of resources out there.

Gail: Absolutely. Now, as a reminder, positive behavioral support, or sometimes called PBS, sometimes you might hear it called PBIS. Sometimes you might even hear it called a multi-tiered system of support. But positive behavioral support is a positive and proactive approach to preventing and addressing challenging behavior. It focuses on using very intentional teaching strategies to proactively, that's such a big part of it, proactively build all social and emotional skills. And today we're specifically thinking about building problem-solving skills and relationship skills for young children. Now, positive behavioral support recognizes that all behavior communicates a message or a need. And some behaviors, as they're trying to get their needs across, we might find challenging.

Once an educator understands the meaning, what is the message that the child is trying to send with their behavior? What's the meaning? They want something. They want to get away from something. They're not sure how to play with their friends, but they're trying in the way that they can. Once you know what the meaning of that challenging behavior is, then we can figure out how to teach the child a more effective way to communicate their needs and problem-solve with support.

Saameh: So important to keep in mind. Now what we're going to do is we're going to turn our attention to you in our All About You segment. We know that we do our best caregiving and teaching when we feel well ourselves. Engaging in self-care practices can help educators build greater social and emotional capacity to work through problem-solving together. And our ability to support children with problem-solving and relationship skills starts with our ability to center ourselves by noticing and observing what's happening with as little judgment as possible.

We can help young children work through challenges with peers from a more grounded, soft, and objective place, naming what we see happening calmly without so many of the other things going on when we're feeling stressed and overwhelmed. What we're going to do is a little body scan. Before we can support the children in our care with problem-solving and relationship skills, it's important to find ways to regulate our own feelings throughout the day.

Taking a minute to do something like a body scan like we have here to notice what's happening in our own bodies is softening in the moment. We can slow down and center ourselves throughout the day. This practice supports our own well-being first, enabling us to hold a non-judgmental space, as we were saying, respond intentionally to children's cues, behaviors, and communications as we support them in building healthy relationships with each other.

Here we go. Start with a deep breath. Okay, I noticed as I was saying that I was holding my breath. Breathe. Okay, so we're going to start in a seated position or laying down, whatever is comfortable for you. And now you can bring your attention to your body, and you can close your eyes if that's comfortable for you. And you can notice your body wherever you are.

As you exhale, you have a sense of relaxing, and you can notice your feet or body on the floor. You can notice your back against the chair or maybe on the floor. Bring your attention into your stomach area. If it feels tight, let it soften. Notice your hands, arms, shoulders, and let them be soft. Let your jaw and facial muscles be soft. Notice your whole body present, and take one more deep breath. Okay.

Okay, we would love to hear how you were feeling during that or feel now or after the body scan. What do you notice? And let's see. And I noticed like I was saying, that I was holding my breath.

Gail: I feel like we should do that right before "Teacher Time.” It would be really helpful.

Saameh: That's right.

Gail: I felt so calm and centered.

Saameh: We'd love to hear from you how that experience was. Thank you so much for taking the time to take time for yourself. Calm. Self-aware. Conscious. More relaxed.

Gail: It doesn't take very long too, and I know that when I was teaching on a regular basis, just having those moments where I could just feel that tension in my body, and it just takes a moment to take a breath before I interact.

Saameh: It is amazing how much one minute of breathing can do. Yes. It’s not something that requires a lot of time, which I know we don't necessarily have as teachers sometimes.

Social competencies like self-regulation, empathy, perspective-taking, and problem-solving skills are key to foundational healthy social-emotional development. And these include positive interactions and friendships and relationships between peers, as we know. Educators can help children learn the skills necessary to develop healthy peer relationships and find ways to work through social conflicts with adult support.

And that's where we come in. And teaching and modeling problem-solving skills early on with preschool children builds a foundation of problem-solving and relationship skills that most children can access with adult support and start to use independently as they continue to develop. The more we can support young children in developing problem-solving skills in their learning environments, the less we'll see some of those challenging behaviors that oftentimes arise from not having the resources, the tools to work through the problem as they come up, which they will because that's life.

It's important to note that there might be some children in your care who don't readily learn these skills through foundational teaching strategies. This might include children with disabilities or suspected delays. It's important to be aware of the progress for all children and use more individualized practices to work on these skills with children who need a little more support. That’s what we'll be doing today, sharing some strategies to do just that.

Gail: Some key ideas and practices for supporting problem-solving and peer relationship skills with preschool children are the first little slide that you see there or picture that you see there is about promoting healthy relationships. Preschoolers are increasingly interested, as our viewers know, in developing friendships with one or two preferred peers, like we see in the photo on the left. They're able to engage in group play and independently initiate interactions with peers, which is so fun to see develop.

Preschoolers might suggest something to do, like let's play a restaurant or let's build a swimming pool for our animals together or join in an existing activity. Hey, can I play too? Educators can support preschoolers in promoting healthy friendships in quite a few ways that I'm sure our viewers are already doing. But just to name a few, one is that you can help children plan what and how they will play together.

One thing that I always like to, I'm going to go off for a moment, is that one thing that I think about a lot as a preschool teacher is thinking about materials and resources and activities that require two children to play together so that you set the stage for children to interact with each other. Things like those teeter-totters or rowboats in classrooms is just one obvious idea that takes two children.

Another thing is providing suggestions for initiating interactions with other children. And a quick tip there too is right before children go to play, if there's a child that you think could use a little bit more support, is to do a little priming and say, “hey, point to two or three things that you could play with a friend,” and you'll see that they can increase their initiations with other children.

Then, encouraging children to consider other ideas. I don't know if anybody out there is a big puppet user, but I used a lot of puppets when I was teaching at Head Start, and this was a great way to model like at a circle time, model with a puppet and other children role-play how I could consider somebody else's idea. Lots of ways to do that.

Saameh: This is a great time for us to pause and think about what value do I place on peer relationships, and how do I expect peers to act with each other? Sort of that, taking a moment to think about our own ideas because we're subjective beings, and we have our own experiences. It's really important to just take a moment. And awareness of our responses to these questions is supportive of our equitable practice. I do have to say I love what you said about puppets, and we're going to be seeing a little bit of puppet work later on in our episode today. I am also a fan of puppets.

As you see, the second photo you see is representing teaching problem-solving steps, which is so important. Preschoolers are willing to try different strategies to solve problems and show flexibility in their actions and behavior, and they can plan ways to solve a problem and evaluate solutions with our support. In a minute, we're going to hear from Dr. Angel Fettig, Professor of Early Childhood Education at the University of Washington, who will share strategies to support problem-solving in preschool classrooms. She's going to talk about the steps.

Gail: That's great. Of course, another way that we can support children, which you probably feel like you're doing all the time, is teaching problem-solving in the moment. One is to proactively teach, which we're going to hear about strategies for doing that. But the other thing is then supporting that problem-solving as it occurs in the moment. There are a few steps that educators can do to work through that. One is anticipating that social conflicts are going to happen, and you try and anticipate it before they happen.

You might notice a child that's coming into the classroom or into the learning setting feeling a little bit tired, maybe something upsetting happened before, maybe you have some communication with the family and understand that something troubling has just happened at home, and the child is coming into the space. Maybe they're not usually having a difficult time with problem-solving, but today they might be.

But another thing that you can do is anticipate, did you introduce a new toy into your learning space? Maybe you introduced some new props in the dramatic play area, and you know that a lot of children are going to want to use them. You're anticipating that probably in that space, there's going to be a little bit more need to support problem-solving in the moment. You want to anticipate social conflicts before they happen.

Another thing that's so important is being close and helping children manage their feelings. If I'm anticipating that there might be some problem, maybe an individual child might need some more support, or there's an area in the classroom that I think, oh, I'm probably going to want to be close there, is to get close because children will, as they get excited or upset, that fight or flight comes in. You want to be there to support them to help remember some of the problem-solving steps that you've provided.

Now, providing support and reminders of problem-solving steps would be next. I'm going to be close with them, and then I'm going to provide support, and that support could be verbal like I could remind them of the problem-solving steps. It can also be visual, and we're going to talk about some of the visual supports you can have in your classrooms.

Some people in our Q&A have already talked about ways that they've used visuals with problem-solving solution kits, et cetera. We can encourage children to generate and evaluate multiple solutions. I'm going to say that this is really where it's at for preschool children, is to encourage them to generate as many different solutions to a problem as they can. When children have a restricted number of solutions they can try, they're bound to run out of things that are working for them. We want to encourage them to keep being really creative and generating so many different solutions.

Last but not least, when children do problem-solving, find some way to celebrate that. It might be a thumbs-up. It might be a high-five. It might be with a super friend cape or with some other type of big celebration because this is hard work, and it's really hard work when you're a young child just figuring it out. We want to make sure that we're celebrating that. We're going to remember that we always want to individualize the strategies that we're going to use to provide support based on the skills of the children that you're supporting.

Some children might need some additional amount of language that needs to be modified. Some children might need visual cues or gestures paired with verbal language. Some children might need some specific feedback on the consequences to help them learn the effect of their behavior on the environment. Stay tuned for BASICS where we're going to share about some more strategies for providing feedback.

Saameh: I love that. I love what you said about anticipation. I think it goes such a long way. Also, what you were saying about problem-solving and the children coming up with the solutions, generating the solutions, and I keep thinking about how problem-solving is also play in a way.

Gail: Yeah.

Saameh: It's exploration. It's play. In a way, it's fun. It's not necessarily a negative thing. Sometimes we think problem as negative, and it doesn't have to be.

Gail: It can be like a fun challenge. I would support children, and I'd say, “are they making it tough on you?”

Saameh: Exactly.

Gail: And they'd be like, yeah. But then they'd be encouraged to keep going. Sometimes I'd say, let me look. Let me look. I think you've got more solutions in there. I'd peer into their ear, and they'd think that was really fun. You can just really be fun and encourage them to be creative and think of more solutions.

Saameh: I love that one. We’re going to hear from Dr. Angel Fettig, who we were talking about earlier, as she discusses strategies to teach problem-solving skills.

[Video begins]

Angel Fettig: I think in early childhood settings, I think the best thing is to think about simple steps to teach kids. So simple, concrete strategies they can use in the setting. My favorite is to really think about the four-step problem-solving technique. Step one is, what's my problem? Really being able to know that there's a problem here, and this is the problem. Being able to identify it.

Angel: And then step two is helping them brainstorm. What are some things I can do to solve this problem? Guiding them in understanding, How do you brainstorm for solutions?

Gail: Okay.

Angel: And then the next step, step three, is to think about evaluating the solutions you came up with. Do I think using this step is going to be fair for my friends? Is it a safe solution?

Gail: Right.

Angel: Am I going to feel good? Is my friend going to feel good?

Angel: And then step four is guiding them to try it out.

Angel: You try it, see if it works.

Angel: If it doesn't work, then encourage them to try a different strategy, try a different skill. Those are the four steps. And it's really important that we teach those steps systematically and with visuals, just like how we will typically teach any content in early childhood classrooms.

Angel: I think as early childhood educators, we need to plan these into our curriculum in teaching problem-solving skills.

Gail: Great.

[Video ends]

Saameh: So wonderful. As we saw, Dr. Fettig outlines four important steps to go through with preschool children to help teach problem-solving skills. First of all, helping children identify what the problem is in the first place. Next, inviting children to generate and evaluate multiple solutions through brainstorming, as you were sharing, Gail, and then evaluate the solutions. How are these solutions working out? Lastly, we can help children select a solution and try it out and see how it works. We'd love to hear from you in the chat. What are some ways that you support problem-solving with children in your care? Please share in the chat.

As you're doing that, I wanted to share something I remember being surprised to learn early on in my career as an early childhood educator. It was just, like, what a big part of our job supporting children and problem-solving is. It's a huge part. I mean, it was most of the day. It was really doing that, and I was in for a surprise. But, getting down on the children's level, taking the time to be present and understand what's happening, how we can support children to work through the problem in that moment, which I'm sure you all experience many times a day. And the solution kit. We will be talking about that.

Gail: That's right. Owl's Pals, that's a great social and emotional curriculum. I see that one coming up. Tucker the Turtle, we know about that. That's a great one. Trying to hang in there. Sarah, yes, that is so important. It's just that trying to hang in there, taking those deep breaths, getting centered, and getting back into it and knowing that this is part of the job.

Saameh: It truly is.

Gail: What a great job it is to help build this, like, social and emotional foundation for young children so that when they're entering into even larger group settings, they're going to be really successful. Yes, trying to hang in there but knowing you've got a great purpose.

Saameh: Absolutely. What we're going to do now is we're going to take another moment to pause and reflect, a reflective moment, on questions that will support equitable teaching practices. We're going to invite you to reflect on the following questions. How do I expect peers to act with each other? How do I feel about conflict? Do I listen openly to all children when there is a problem? To just take a moment and think about those things. We're going to revisit these questions in our Focus on Equity segment. We thought it would be nice this time to weave throughout.

Gail: I love it. Those are such good questions. I'm just thinking about it myself, like, what was I expecting?

Saameh: Right. Now for our Neuroscience Nook segment. Research tells us that the early years are foundational for brain development. And adults play an important role in supporting healthy brain development connections and architecture.

In this segment, our Neuroscience Nook, we are excited to connect this research to everyday teaching practices. I'm going to just take a moment for this side note. As questions are coming up for you, we want to hear them. Please put them in the Q&A or post them in the "Teacher Time" Community in MyPeers. Just wanted to say that.

What we're going to do is we're going to shift our focus. We're going to talk a little bit about executive functioning, which is a very important brain function. The prefrontal cortex begins to develop very early in life. This area of the brain is responsible for what are called executive functioning skills, which some of you may have heard of. They're essential for development of strong and healthy relationships.

This is a really great graphic here, as you can see. It includes what are some of the main functions of executive functioning and executive functioning skills. What are they? Attention, that would be being able to stay focused on a task. Working memory, which is being able to remember rules and procedures. Self-regulation and the ability to control impulses.

Right there, you can see how important that would be for developing strong and healthy relationships. Organization, things like switching between tasks, that would be called flexible thinking. Problem-solving, planning, behavior, decision-making, and motivation. As you can see, hopefully, you're convinced that executive functioning skills are very important indeed. You can see how all these skills are important.

Gail: Absolutely.

Saameh: Also are interrelated in a lot of ways. What we can do is help young children start to develop these critical relationship building and problem-solving skills. I know what all of you are doing every day, through responsive caregiving and effective teaching practices that are responsive to an individual child's needs. In our most recent episodes of "Teacher Time," those were building relationships and emotional literacy in preschool, we've talked about ways that you can support executive functioning through things like serve and return, and the flipping your lid, the hand model.

Gail: Yes, I remember.

Saameh: Yes. From Dr. Dan Siegel. I practiced that a lot before, by the way.

Gail: Yeah, it was good.

Saameh: We also encourage you to look back at the last two viewers guides, that would be building relationships with children, birth through five, and emotional literacy with children, birth through five, to see more about the importance of nurturing and responsive relationships on the developing brain. What we're going to do is we're going to hear — now we're going to hear from Dr. Juliet Taylor, as she describes the development of executive function.

Juliet Taylor: I'm going to show you a graphic of how executive function develops over time. Here's sort of a graphic representation. And one thing to point out is that we are not born with executive function skills in place. We're born with the potential to develop them, or not, depending on our experiences, our neurophysiology, and the interactions between those things.

This graph shows that on the horizontal axis you can see this is ages birth to 80, and notice that there's not an even distribution between the ages. And that is because there are particular peaks in executive function development. You can see skill proficiency on the vertical axis. And I'm going to highlight a couple of areas where you see tremendous growth in executive function skills, and that is really in the preschool ages, between three to five, and then in early adolescence to early adulthood, there's another spike in development.

The foundations of executive function are laid down in the earliest months and years of life, and that really happens through basic sort of serve and return, it's sometimes called, or those basic interactions between child and adult that happen over and over and over again. And that spike really does happen in the preschool years after children have verbal language.

Saameh: As you can see, that graphic, it's just so helpful to see the development pattern. And we see that we aren't born with executive function. We are, however, born with the potential to develop them, and why our support as educators is so important. We know that the foundation of executive function skills are laid down in the first months and years of life. And what we heard and saw, the yellow highlight, is a spike in executive function development between three and five years old after many children have developed verbal language.

Gail: I love that, and I saw the other spike was like that, like, early or later teen years.

Saameh: I noticed that.

Gail: I've got two of those at home. I feel like I see that on a regular basis. Yeah, very true.

Saameh: It resonates.

Gail: It really resonates, both as a preschool teacher and as a mom of adolescents. That's so great. And, like, looked like some declines as we get older. It's not fun.

Saameh: A little less fun.

Gail: We're going to get to the "Teacher Time" BASICS, and we're going to talk about how we can use BASICS to support problem-solving and relationship skills. If you haven't joined us before, let's just go through really quickly what BASICS is. It's an acronym that helps us remember some really powerful teacher-child or adult-child interaction moves that we can make that can support children's growth and development in any area.

The "Teacher Time" BASICS are B is for behavioral expectations in advance. It is always helpful to tell a young child what you're expecting from them before you start a new activity. A is for attending to and encouraging positive behavior, which is so relevant to the topics that we're talking about now. S is for scaffolding with cues and prompts.

Those can be verbal cues, visual cues. You're going to see some of that today. Increasing engagement is the I. C is for creating and adding challenge. Young children grow when we add some challenge to, whether it's intellectual challenge or social and emotional challenge, that creates some growth for young children. And S is for that specific feedback.

If you've joined us for other webinars, you know that we only take two of these letters to focus on. It's too much to do all of them in one episode. We've focused on different letters at different episodes. You'll see that if you want to go back and look at some prior episodes. You'll see some of the other letters.

But today we're going to focus on the C and the S, create or add challenge, and the second S, which is about providing specific feedback to support problem-solving and relationship skills. We're going to jump to it. We're going to start with creating or adding challenge. This is one of my favorite things.

One fun way that we can create or add challenge to problem-solving and relationship skills is to create a friendship kit and invite children to use it when they notice that another child is upset. You can see on the screen that the friendship kit can have lots of little things in it. Really it could be like a shoebox. It could be a file folder. It could be any way that you can contain it. It could be a lovely basket.

But the idea is that in this friendship kit, there are things like maybe a pack of tissue if somebody is crying. Maybe there's a soft toy for someone to cuddle with if they're feeling like they're missing somebody. Maybe there's a pack of bandages to not only help with a small cut, but maybe if your feelings are hurt. We've had children also apply bandage. Very sweet. A sheet of stickers. Maybe a sticker would help someone.

There can be visual support cards of simple problem-solving solutions and things that you can do when a friend is in duress. Things like giving a gentle hug. Maybe saying, I'm sorry. That is certainly a challenge that we offer to young children is to provide a genuine apology, which is a great repair strategy for them to learn. That's one thing. I'd be curious to see if people are using friendship kits. You can enter that into the Q&A.

I've had lots of lovely experiences in my classroom with these friendship kits where children go to them when another child is upset. I had one experience. Well, I'll tell that story in a little bit. But they're just such great, lovely stories about how young children will use it. It's just like a physical reminder of what it takes to develop those special friendships. Now, there's another way that we can create or add challenges. Thank you for advancing that. That was a nice thing to do from our friendship kit.

Gail: Thanks for advancing the slide.

Saameh: Of course.

Gail: Is to actually create a problem-solving solution kit or problem-solving basket. We have already had viewers tell us that they're using these out and about. You'll see lots of resources for supporting those in your viewer's guide. But this is to add a bunch of visuals about supporting problem-solving. Remember we said that one of the more difficult things for young children to do is to generate multiple solutions that are different from each other.

I do always remember when I started doing a lot of social and emotional development, problem-solving in a classroom, in my preschool classroom, I had a student in there, a child in my classroom named Freddy. I loved that. It was the only Freddy I've ever had. Freddy ran up to me on the playground and he said, "Teacher Gail, I've got a problem.” I was like, "Perfect, so excited about this problem.” I said, "What is it?” "Jordan took the ball and won't give it back.”

Now, that is a real problem that happens on a regular basis in preschool classrooms. I said, "Well, what solutions did you try?” Because we were working on solutions. He said, "I tried five.” I was so excited because that's a lot. I said, "What were they?” He said, "I said, 'Please, please, please.'"

One of the things that this problem-solving basket or solution kit can provide for young children are different solutions. You want children to understand that it's not just trying the same solution over and over again or louder. But it is actually trying different solutions, like wait and take turns, hardest solution. I think to try, make another choice, play together. We could ask an adult if it becomes a big problem.

Gail: Just take a break. Lots of things that can be in there. And check your viewer's guide out because there's lots of visuals that you could cut out and use in your own classrooms and learning settings. We're on to the next. We are going to watch one of our favorite teachers ever. Teacher Heather is going to introduce the problem-solving solution basket to preschoolers in her care. And just pay attention. What do you notice? Share those in chat as you take a look.

Heather: We've been working really hard with the problem-solving basket. I think I'm ready. I'm still mad, but I'm ready. I'm going to use that problem-solving basket you guys told me about. Is that a good idea?

Child: Yeah.

Heather: No, no, no. We got it right here. Remember, guys, we planned it this time. Oh, Eddie, hey, I just happen to have it right here. OK, wait. Here's my mad card because I need to breathe some more. I feel better now. I'm going to get one of those books you guys told me about. Teacher, will you help me? I will. It's hard for Eddie to hold the book, huh? I'm going to find an idea because that's what you guys told me last time. Find an idea in my book. And I don't have to read it, right? We have to look at it, right, Marilyn, because there's pictures, right? Pictures for Eddie. Oh, yeah, I remember. We've been practicing a long time, ever since we started school. Okay, here we go. Sharon, can I trade a block with you? Say no.

Heather: Uh-oh, she said no. I'm so disappointed. I don't know how to fix this. What should we help Eddie say? Hey, Eddie, you know what? Our class does something funny when we feel disappointed. You guys want to help him again? Ready? We say, oh, pickle. And then we try another idea. I'm going to try another idea from a different book because that book didn't have the idea I wanted. Let me see. I'm going to share. Jocelyn, can I have one of your blocks? Great, great, great. Sharon, say yes this time. Can I give you this block and you give me back my three blocks?

Saameh: Love it.

Gail: So great. Oh, pickles.

Saameh: I told you about the puppets.

Gail: Yes, exactly.

Saameh: The puppets showed up.

Gail: Exactly. Puppets are so great for supporting and role-playing social and emotional problems because you can control their —

Saameh: Totally.

Gail: I mean, in a helpful way. You can control what they're saying and experiencing, and the children can help the puppet out. It's really great.

Saameh: I love that.

Gail: She does a great job of that, and our viewers agree. They are commenting that they're loving that, and hopefully we'll share that video with others.

Saameh: I just love that. It's sort of just a way of children stepping outside of the scene and being able to see what's happening.

Gail: It’s like a little fishbowl in a way.

Saameh: When you're in it, you're feeling so many feelings, so many things happening, it's hard to use those executive functioning skills around it. You're actually developing those executive functioning skills when you're like, okay, I wonder how I can support these puppets and planning and working it out and da-da-da. It's really wonderful. It's a great way. Very powerful.

Gail: Yes. Huge puppet family.

Saameh: Yes, we can do so much.

Gail: We're going to have to have a whole episode on puppets.

Saameh: Puppet Time. Yeah, both you and I. Great. We have our S now from our BASICS, and that is specific feedback. Providing specific feedback is another way educators can support problem-solving and relationship skills, and that's naming and acknowledging when we see a child engaging and building relationships. It's really important to be specific about what you see, and we have some examples here.

Like, you're helping me put Natalie's coat on, or I saw you get a tissue for Kai, which was so kind. And I can see that you were both feeling frustrated, and let's get the solution kit and get some ideas of how we might solve the problem. Noticing and acknowledging goes a long way. It's I see you, I hear you, and right there you have buy-in. It's like, OK, let's work together. I think all of us, children, and adults alike.

Educators can provide specific feedback to a child when they see them taking turns, sharing, trying to solve problems, or helping a friend. I can see you being a helpful friend and working with Isaiah to get his mat set up for nap time. That's probably a typical one. Nap time is a big one. Setting up for nap time is a big one. That itself is a whole thing. A lot of ripe opportunities for problem-solving.

Saameh: Providing specific feedback is also a helpful teaching tool. And we might provide feedback on how to be a friend or how to solve a problem, like another one that resonates with me. I hear that you would all like a turn on the tire swing.

Gail: Oh, yes.

Saameh: Many opportunities for problem-solving with a tire swing. Very popular tire swing. Let's try using the sand timer to make sure everyone gets a turn. Or I can see that you're both feeling frustrated. Okay, we talked about this one. Let's get the solution kit. Get some ideas how we might solve the problem. Offer specific ideas of what the child might do next. Remember that how feedback is given, including what you say, how you say it, it should really be individualized to meet the learning characteristics and temperament of each child. It's not just like one size fits all model.

Gail: Absolutely. I think like the key word is the specific here in specific feedback. Because I noticed all the examples that you gave, it wasn't like, a good job. It was really specific and it didn't even have to have a praise statement. It really could just be like saying what you noticed. You got a tissue for Kai. That was so kind.

It's just labeling the behavior that they're doing can be enough to provide them specific feedback that like, wow, that was important enough for my teacher to say or my educational support person to say. Then that specific feedback about like, let's try something new. Let's try something a little bit different. Also, very helpful. It's so great.

Saameh: Yeah.

Gail: I just think it's like the S in there is really important, that specific part. I really love that. Specific. It's almost more important than the praise is the specific sort of I see you.

Saameh: Because empty praise is not necessarily the most helpful.

Gail: Yeah. That's another whole thing that we're going to talk about.

Saameh: At some point.

Gail: But we are so excited that we're going to check back into Teacher Heather's classroom and see how she provides specific feedback while helping two children solve problems. See if maybe a few know this, some of that specific feedback that she's providing.

Heather: Uh-oh. Amy and Jami, what's the problem? You're getting it to make the fort. And it looks like Amy's holding it, too. Thanks, Elina, for moving so I could get up. What are we going to do about it? You both want the same block? What are we going to do about it? How are we going to fix the problem? I'm going to hold the block for a minute while you guys help figure it out. What's your idea? You want to play with it over there. Should we find out what Jami's idea was? What was your idea, Jami? Oh, and she thinks she needs it for that building. You both need this block for two different buildings.

Do you want to look for an idea in the basket? Grab the book. See what you can come up with. There's another one over there, right? I think Amy's got the book. What are we going to do? She's looking. Let's play together. That would be building the same building together. Take a break. You just take a break from building. Wait until she's done. One more minute. She would have it for a minute and then you would have it for a minute.

You build with something else. Maybe next time. Talk to me. Elina dropped it in there. Playing together. You would build it together. Do you want to build together, Jami? Look, Amy's talking to you. Sorry, I just said it and Amy was saying it. Sorry about that, Amy. Here. Amy, you're going to help Jami build her tower. Excellent. You guys are expert problem solvers.

Gail: So great.

Saameh: Live in action.

Gail: And people are providing some feedback on that as well. I mean, she does such a great job of providing that specific feedback along the way.

Saameh: Absolutely.

Gail: Along the way, absolutely.

Saameh: We are ready to move on to our Small Change, Big Impact segment. Small Change, Big Impact, where we share how small adjustments to the way we set up our learning environment, modify our curriculum, or engage with children can make a big difference for a child's learning.

We know that children vary in their learning characteristics and how they engage with the people and materials in their learning environments. These small changes, also known as curriculum modifications, are made based on the individual needs of the child to help promote their engagement and participation. We know that when children are more engaged, they have more opportunities to learn.

Some children might need more highly individualized teaching to help them learn problem-solving, such as embedded teaching or intensive individualized teaching, making curriculum modifications based on a child's individual learning needs. This can be a great place to start to support engagement.

Gail: Absolutely. And today we are focusing on using social stories. I would be so excited to hear how our viewers are using social stories. I imagine that some people are already using these. But for those of you who might not be familiar with social stories, they are a great little curriculum modification, or not little, because they actually take a little bit of time to put in place. But they are there to support a child who might have some more specific or individualized needs to navigate a social situation or just providing them with a little bit more information as to how to navigate a social situation or a change.

These are written from a child's perspective. And this is very individualized. They have the child's picture in them often. The child's name is used in them. The social story highlights and clearly describes to a child what the most important aspects of the social situation are, like what the appropriate behavior expectations are in that situation, how people, including the child, might be feeling or what they might be thinking about in that social situation.

Social stories, hard to say, sometimes social stories can help increase a child's understanding of a social situation. It can help prepare them to use that new focus skill or focus behavior that's going to help them navigate the situation as successfully as possible. They are very effective in introducing many types of new skills and behaviors to children that might need that, again, more focused and turning the volume up, as I like to think about it, on some of the social atmosphere that might be going on for a child to help them learn.

There is a great video, if you haven't seen it yet, because we've actually shown it before. But if you haven't seen it yet, there's a great video on "Teacher Time" Community in MyPeers about how to make and how to use social stories for teaching purposes. We are going to show a video of one preschool educator using a social story to support a child in the learning environment. As we watch, share what you notice about what the teacher is using, how they're using the social story, or anything else that you notice in the Q&A.

Teacher: Andy. Andy, not a big deal, okay?

[Children shouting indistinctly]

All right, Andy, check it out. You need to keep your hands and legs to yourself.

Andy: [Inaudible]

Teacher: And a calm voice.

Andy: It's too hard.

Teacher: Can you show me a calm voice like this? Hmm? Let's do one more.

Andy: I need some help.

Teacher: Look, Andy.

Teacher: If my friends do something I don't like, I can say, "Please.”

Andy: Please.

Teacher: "Stop.”

Andy: Stop.

Teacher: And get a teacher to help me.

Teacher: Well, what do you need help with, Andy?

Andy: That.

Teacher: You can use a calm voice and say, "Please stop.”

Andy: Please stop!

Teacher: This is what we're good at, right, David?

Gail: Well, I love that. That is a real situation. There's a busy, bustling classroom going on, and that teacher still has enough organizational support going on in that classroom to be able to go over and individualize the support for that young child. They are going through a social story, which the child is referencing with the teacher support, but eventually I think the child's able to use it independently on their own.

Again, if you want to know how to create social stories, or if you want some links to social stories, check out your viewer's guide. We've got lots of links to some social stories that you can use, such as using one for Tucker Turtle. There's also that video in MyPeers about how to get those set up.

Saameh: I see somebody in the chat who speaks so much to the relationship that the child has with the teacher, which, yes, as we can see how important that is to starting out, really building that relationship so the child is trusting the teacher to support.

Gail: Absolutely. And Roxanne's comment about being very calm and listening to the child, right, it just takes me back to what you had us do at the beginning. It takes a moment.

Gail: You have to be mindful as an educator to be like, OK, there's a lot going on in the classroom. This child is really needing my support. Taking a deep breath and then walking them through it.

Gail: It's great so that you can stay calm and support them. I love it

Saameh: Very important. Throughout this webinar, as you've noticed, we have been discussing ways to foster social emotional skills for all children. Today in our Focus on Equity segment, we're going to be using our equity lens to take a closer look at implicit bias and how it impacts how we interact with children and support them in building problem-solving and relationship skills.

The value that we place on peer relationships and the way we go about building and maintaining them are influenced by our families, our culture, our community, and our experiences. And sometimes subtle biases can interfere with our ability to support and partner with children and their families with an open mind. Uncovering these biases takes time and reflection.

What you may have noticed is that we paused and we took those reflective moments throughout this webinar today for reflective practice and starting to think about the following questions. These are ones that we've gone through today here at the webinar. What value do I place on peer relationships? How do I expect peers to act with each other? How do I feel about conflict? Do I listen openly to all children when there is a problem? Is there a child that I am more likely to make negative assumptions about when a problem involves that child?

It's really to take a moment to reflect on these things throughout our day or week or in certain situations. It can be really helpful to ask a friend, colleague, or coach to video record you during a time of day where there tends to be more conflict between children and then to watch that video and notice how you respond and interact with each child involved in a conflict. This is interesting because it reminds me of a puppet thing again. It's like taking a step outside and looking at yourself from the outside.

Saameh: It's kind of hard to see your own back is what somebody told me before.

Saameh: This is a way of doing that.

Saameh: And does every child receive the support and instruction they need?

Gail: That's right.

Saameh: We're going to wrap up with our BookCASE. This month, Dr. Gail Joseph had the chance to meet with our "Teacher Time" Librarian, Emily Small.

Saameh: I'm so excited to hear about the books this month.

Gail: I got to go to the library. It's pretty fun.

Saameh: Oh, nice. Let's watch them make the CASE.

Gail: Hi, everyone. It's time for one of our favorite segments, The BookCASE. And how lucky are we to have our very own "Teacher Time" Librarian, Emily Small.

Emily Small: Thanks for having me back.

Gail: We're so excited. This is just such a treat. Emily has brought a collection of fabulous books for us to talk about. And she’s going to make the CASE for one of them. If you're new to "Teacher Time," let me just remind you what the CASE is.

The CASE really stands for an acronym for four strategies that are really helpful to help you maximize the learning you can get from children's books. C is for connect. We want to think about how we can connect the content or the characters or the story of the book to one of the ELOF outcomes. And the A is for advanced vocabulary.

We know that children love big words and finding big words in books is a great strategy to help support their growing vocabulary. S is to support their active engagement with the book reading. And E is to extend the learning beyond the book. Finding ways that you can keep that magic of the book alive. With that, tell us about the books you have.

Emily: The first one we have is "Luli and the Language of Tea.” This book just came out in 2022. It is probably one of my favorites. It features some children that don't know each other because their families are going to an English language learning class. I also feel like we don't see that very often in picture books.

Gail: I've never seen it.

Emily: Luli is trying to connect with the other children in the space. And she discovers that tea is all a part of their culture. They have a tea party. It's just a great way for kids to learn that you are connected to others. And you just have to find that connection piece.

Gail: Love that. And the illustrations look amazing.

Emily: Yes.

Gail: So engaging.

Emily: We have "Amy Wu and the Warm Welcome.” This is the third one in the "Amy Wu" series. Highly recommend them all. There's a new child in Amy's class who doesn't speak English. And Amy really wants him to feel welcome. You see the steps she takes to help the child feel welcome in class. It's a really great story.

Gail: Again, illustrations are beautiful. I don't even know this book and I want to read it.

Emily: Yes, I love how bright the colors are. Just like, yes, it draws you in immediately. We have "I Forgive Alex: A Simple Story About Understanding.” This is a wordless picture book. Wordless books are fantastic to use for all families, but especially ones where English may not be their home language because anyone can tell a story in any language with a wordless book.

Gail: That is such a great strategy to bring in.

Emily: Yeah. I'll show you some of the photos. But basically it's a story of a child that accidentally ruins another child's artwork. It's just an accident and then the steps that are taken to rekindle that friendship.

Gail: It's such a beautiful story and I love it. Without words, but you can still tell the story.

Emily: And for the CASE, we have "The Little Book of Friendship.” This book is tiny but has so much great stuff in it.

Emily: For the connection, it has really good concrete examples of how to be a good friend, how to make a friend, and then it even addresses when you're not getting along with your friends and those challenges that come up.

Gail: Which happens. A lot.

Emily: Yes, yes.

Gail: Great. Emily, for our A, our advanced vocabulary, we see words like bloom, grumpy, amazing, complimenting. We've got a lot of good emotion words.

Emily: For our supporting engagement, this book asks a lot of questions. It would be great for people to pause while they're reading, maybe write them down so kids can reference them later.

Gail: Great strategy.

Emily: Then for our extend the learning, at the beginning it talks about making a friendship garden. And you could make a friendship garden in your classroom where they all work together to build a garden. Also taking photos of your own children in the classroom so that kids can reference back to them, maybe in a photo album or posting when they're having a hard time with friends.

Gail: Such a great way to make the CASE for this book, "The Little Book of Friendship.” We hope you will find all these books at your local library.

Gail: And bring them into your classroom.

Emily: Yeah.

Gail: Thanks for being with us.

Emily: Thanks for having me.

Saameh: Awesome. That was wonderful.

Gail: It was so fun to be in our "Teacher Time" Library.

Saameh: Thank you. That's about all we have time for today.

Gail: That's it.

Saameh: And thank you so much for joining us. Join us again next month for Responding to Challenging Behavior with Infants and Toddlers. And again in May for with Preschoolers. And bye for now. Thank you so much for being here with us.

Gail: See you on MyPeers. Take care.

Children are born ready to solve problems, and they rely on supportive relationships to learn how to recognize problems and find solutions. Problem-solving involves patience, persistence, and creativity from both the child and the adults in their lives. As preschool children explore their world and engage in play with peers, challenges and conflicts provide opportunities to learn and grow. Discuss practical strategies to foster problem-solving and relationship-building skills in preschoolers.

Note: The evaluation, certificate, and engagement tools mentioned in the video were for the participants of the live webinar and are no longer available. For information about webinars that will be broadcast live soon, visit the Upcoming Events section.

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Resource Type: Video

National Centers: Early Childhood Development, Teaching and Learning

Age Group: Preschoolers

Audience: Teachers and Caregivers

Series: Teacher Time

Last Updated: September 26, 2023

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I'm interested in

Developing critical thinking skills in kids.

Developing Critical Thinking Skills

Learning to think critically may be one of the most important skills that today's children will need for the future. In today’s rapidly changing world, children need to be able to do much more than repeat a list of facts; they need to be critical thinkers who can make sense of information, analyze, compare, contrast, make inferences, and generate higher order thinking skills. 

Building Your Child's Critical Thinking Skills

Building critical thinking skills happens through day-to-day interactions as you talk with your child, ask open-ended questions, and allow your child to experiment and solve problems.  Here are some tips and ideas to help children build a foundation for critical thinking: 

• Provide opportunities for play .   Building with blocks, acting out roles with friends, or playing board games all build children’s critical thinking. 
• Pause and wait.  Offering your child ample time to think, attempt a task, or generate a response is critical. This gives your child a chance to reflect on her response and perhaps refine, rather than responding with their very first gut reaction.
• Don't intervene immediately.   Kids need challenges to grow. Wait and watch before you jump in to solve a problem.
• Ask open-ended questions.  Rather than automatically giving answers to the questions your child raises, help them think critically by asking questions in return: "What ideas do you have? What do you think is happening here?" Respect their responses whether you view them as correct or not. You could say, "That is interesting. Tell me why you think that."
• Help children develop hypotheses.  Taking a moment to form hypotheses during play  is a critical thinking exercise that helps develop skills. Try asking your child, "If we do this, what do you think will happen?" or "Let's predict what we think will happen next."
• Encourage thinking in new and different ways.  By allowing children to think differently, you're helping them hone their creative  problem solving skills. Ask questions like, "What other ideas could we try?" or encourage your child to generate options by saying, "Let’s think of all the possible solutions."

Of course, there are situations where you as a parent need to step in. At these times, it is helpful to model your own critical thinking. As you work through a decision making process, verbalize what is happening inside your mind. Children learn from observing how you think. Taking time to allow your child to navigate problems is integral to developing your child's critical thinking skills in the long run. 

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How To Improve Your Child’s Problem-Solving Skills

By: Author Kelli Miller

Posted on Published: March 20, 2024  - Last updated: August 6, 2024

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As a parent, you want your child to grow up and succeed in all aspects of life. One essential skill for them to learn is problem-solving skills.

Problem-solving is a critical skill that helps your child think creatively, develop logical reasoning, and make sound decisions. It will come in handy in their academics, social life, and future careers. Being able to problem solve is an essential part of child development skills !

In this blog post, we will discuss practical strategies and techniques that parents can use to help their children enhance their problem-solving abilities.

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Problem-solving skills for children encompass identifying challenges, analyzing situations, and developing effective strategies to overcome obstacles. These skills are crucial for fostering independence, critical thinking, and resilience in young individuals as they navigate various aspects of their lives.

Whether resolving conflicts with peers, tackling academic problems, or adapting to new experiences, developing problem-solving skills equips children with the tools to approach and conquer diverse situations.

Why are problem-solving skills important?

Problem-solving skills are crucial for children as they enable them to navigate life’s challenges, make informed decisions, and develop confidence and independence.

These skills empower children to analyze complex situations, identify obstacles, and devise effective strategies to overcome them, laying the foundation for success in their development.

Teaching and Cultivating Problem-Solving Skills for Kids

Teaching problem-solving skills to children is crucial for their cognitive development and future success. Here are some effective methods tailored specifically for kids:

Hands-On Activities

Engage children in hands-on activities that require problem-solving, such as puzzles, building blocks, and simple science experiments. These activities help them develop critical thinking and logical reasoning.

Storytelling and Role-Playing

Use storytelling and role-playing to present problem-solving scenarios in a fun and relatable way. Encourage kids to devise creative solutions to the characters’ challenges in the stories or during role-playing activities.

Encouraging Curiosity

Encourage kids to ask questions and explore new ideas. This can foster a sense of curiosity, leading to a natural inclination toward problem-solving and innovation.

Emphasizing Perseverance

Teach children the importance of perseverance when facing obstacles. Help them understand that it’s okay to encounter setbacks and that persistence leads to finding solutions.

Gamified Learning

Introduce educational games and apps that involve problem-solving playfully and interactively. These tools can make learning enjoyable while strengthening kids’ cognitive abilities.

Parents and teachers can help kids develop their problem-solving skills for whatever life throws their way by teaching them how to tackle problems in school and at home.

Creating a Growth Mindset

A Growth mindset emphasizes the belief that one’s abilities can be improved through hard work, dedication, and perseverance.

Encourage your child to adopt this mindset, focusing on the process of learning and experimenting rather than on the result.

How To Improve Your Child’s Problem-Solving Skills

Let your child know that it’s okay to try new things and make mistakes, and encourage them to explore different solutions to problems.

Even if their solution does not work, experimenting will stimulate their creativity and problem-solving skills and boost their self-confidence.

Engage in Puzzles, Games, and Brain Teasers

Puzzles, games, and brain teasers are an excellent way to hone your child’s problem-solving abilities. Games like chess, Sudoku, and Scrabble stimulate the mind and promote critical thinking skills.

Jigsaw puzzles help children understand spatial awareness, while brain teasers help improve mental agility and memory retention.

Teach Your Child to Breakdown Problems

Your child may encounter complex problems that may seem overwhelming to solve. Encourage them to break down the problems into smaller and manageable parts.

This approach will help your child better understand the problem, analyze the situation, and develop a feasible solution. It will also promote critical thinking and logical reasoning skills.

Provide Opportunities for Creative Problem Solving

Provide your child with opportunities to engage in creative problem-solving activities, such as hands-on activities like building blocks, drawing, crafts, or cooking.

These activities promote problem-solving and experimentation and encourage children to use their imagination to create.

Fostering an Environment for Developing Problem-Solving Skills

Developing problem-solving skills is crucial for personal and professional growth. Creating an environment conducive to promoting the development of these skills involves several key factors:

• Encourage Curiosity : Encouraging curiosity allows individuals to explore different perspectives and seek innovative solutions. Encourage questions and provide resources for further exploration.
• Embrace Challenges : Cultivate a mindset that views challenges as opportunities for growth. Encourage individuals to tackle difficult problems and support them in their journey.
• Promote Collaboration : Collaboration fosters diverse thinking and helps individuals learn from one another. Create opportunities for teamwork and group problem-solving activities.
• Provide Resources : Ensure access to resources such as books, online courses, and mentorship programs to help individuals enhance their problem-solving skills.
• Celebrate Creativity : Recognize and celebrate creative thinking and unique solutions. This can inspire others to think outside the box when approaching problems.
• Feedback Culture : Create an environment where feedback is valued and used constructively. Encourage individuals to reflect on their problem-solving approaches and learn from the feedback provided.

These tips can help you create an environment that builds strong problem-solving skills, empowering folks to tackle challenges with confidence and creativity.

Learning Printables and Activities

These are excellent resources for kids! They’ll love being a part of the learning process from start to finish.

Comparing Problem-Solving Skills with Other Developmental Skills

Problem-solving skills are essential for navigating life’s challenges, but they are just one aspect of a broader set of developmental skills.

Let’s compare and contrast problem-solving skills with other key developmental skills:

Critical Thinking :

Tips for Development : Encourage exploration, provide opportunities for decision-making , and support the development of reasoning and logical thinking.

Unique Aspects: Critical thinking involves analyzing information, evaluating options, and forming well-reasoned judgments, often in more abstract or academic contexts.

Creativity :

Tips for Development: Encourage imaginative play , provide art supplies and creative tools, and support exploring new ideas and solutions.

Unique Aspects: Creativity involves generating original ideas, thinking outside the box, and approaching problems with unconventional perspectives, often in artistic or innovative contexts.

Communication Skills :

Tips for Development: Encourage active listening , teach empathy, model effective communication, and provide opportunities for public speaking and storytelling .

Unique Aspects: Communication skills involve expressing ideas clearly, understanding others’ perspectives, and adapting communication styles for different audiences and purposes.

Adaptability :

Tips for Development: Expose individuals to new experiences, teach resilience, and encourage flexibility when facing change or unforeseen circumstances.

Unique Aspects: Adaptability involves adjusting to new situations, learning from setbacks, and thriving in diverse or unpredictable environments.

Collaboration :

Tips for Development: Promote teamwork, teach conflict resolution, and provide opportunities for group projects and shared decision-making.

Unique Aspects: Collaboration skills involve working effectively with others, valuing diverse opinions, and achieving common goals through collective effort.

While problem-solving skills are integral to navigating specific challenges and obstacles, these other developmental skills complement and enrich problem-solving .

Improving your child’s problem-solving skills will prepare them for future success in school, social life, and career.

As a parent, you can help your child by providing tools, guiding them, and providing constructive feedback. Encouraging your child to experiment, engage in puzzles, teach them to break down problems, foster a growth mindset, and provide opportunities for creative problem-solving will go a long way in improving their problem-solving skills.

Remember, the more they practice, the better they get. So, start today and let your child reap the benefits of enhanced problem-solving skills!

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Teaching Conflict Resolution Skills for Kids: A Parent’s Guide

Teaching conflict resolution skills for kids is of utmost importance in today’s society. Conflict is an inevitable part of human interaction, and learning how to effectively manage and resolve conflicts at an early age sets the foundation for healthier relationships and a more harmonious future. 

By equipping children with the necessary skills to navigate conflicts, we empower them to develop empathy, communication, and problem-solving abilities that can positively impact their personal, academic, and professional lives. Positive parenting involves teaching conflict resolution skills for kids in a supportive and constructive manner. By using positive reinforcement and open communication, parents can empower their children to understand and manage conflicts effectively, encouraging empathy, active listening, and finding mutually beneficial solutions.

In this era of global connectivity, conflicts arise not only in face-to-face interactions but also in virtual spaces. With the widespread use of social media and online platforms, children are exposed to various forms of conflict on a daily basis. 

Whether it’s a disagreement with a friend, a sibling rivalry, or a clash of opinions online, the ability to handle these situations in a constructive manner becomes crucial for their emotional well-being and social development.

They learn to appreciate different perspectives, challenge biases, and find common ground. Such abilities lay the groundwork for building stronger communities and reducing the prevalence of bullying, discrimination, and violence.

They develop the confidence to express their needs and desires while considering the interests of others, leading to healthier relationships, improved teamwork, and enhanced problem-solving abilities.

Table of contents

What is conflict, common causes of conflict:, types of conflicts children may encounter:, the role of parents, essential conflict resolution skills, conflict resolution for preschoolers (ages 3-5), conflict resolution for elementary-aged children (ages 6-11), conflict resolution for teenagers (ages 12-18), role-playing scenarios to simulate conflicts and resolutions, encouraging cooperation through team-building activities and games, dealing with power struggles and strong emotions during conflicts:, handling conflicts among siblings and multiple children:, the importance of empathy and perspective-taking, activities and exercises to promote empathy development, establishing family values and rules around conflict resolution, encouraging open communication and active problem-solving, acknowledging and reinforcing positive conflict resolution efforts:, ideas for acknowledging positive conflict resolution efforts:, celebrating milestones and growth in children’s abilities:, ideas for celebrating milestones and growth:, frequently asked questions, understanding conflict.

At its core, conflict refers to a disagreement or clash between individuals or groups due to incompatible interests, needs, values, or goals. It arises when different perspectives, desires, or objectives come into direct opposition. 

Conflict is not inherently negative; it can serve as a catalyst for growth, change, and resolution when managed constructively. However, if left unaddressed or mismanaged, conflicts can escalate, leading to negative consequences and strained relationships.

Miscommunication: Communication breakdowns, misunderstandings, or misinterpretations can create fertile ground for conflict. Differences in verbal and nonverbal cues, language barriers, or ineffective listening can exacerbate conflicts.

Competition: Competition for limited resources, such as money, power, or recognition, often gives rise to conflicts. When individuals or groups perceive that their interests are threatened or compromised, it can trigger disputes.

Differences in Values and Beliefs: Diverse backgrounds, cultures, and belief systems can lead to conflicting perspectives and opinions. Disagreements on moral, ethical, or ideological grounds can ignite intense conflicts.

Scarce Resources: When resources like land, water, or job opportunities are scarce, conflicts may arise as individuals or groups vie for a share. Unequal distribution or perceived inequities in resource allocation can breed tension.

Power Struggles: Hierarchies and power imbalances can contribute to conflicts. When one party seeks to dominate, control, or exert authority over another, it can lead to opposition and resistance.

Teaching critical thinking skills for kids equips them with the ability to analyze situations, understand different perspectives, and find logical solutions, which can contribute to resolving conflicts effectively.

Sibling Rivalry: Sibling relationships are fertile ground for conflicts. Siblings may compete for attention, affection, or parental resources. Differences in personalities, ages, or interests can exacerbate these conflicts. Parental guidance and mediation are crucial in helping children develop healthy sibling relationships.

Playground Disputes: Children often experience conflicts on the playground. Disagreements over sharing toys, taking turns, or interpreting rules can lead to disputes. Teaching conflict resolution skills for kids and promoting empathy can empower children to resolve conflicts amicably.

Friendship Conflicts: Children may encounter conflicts with their friends, often stemming from misunderstandings, jealousy, or differences in interests. Learning effective communication and negotiation skills can help children maintain and repair friendships.

Classroom Conflicts: Differences in opinions, competition for attention, or perceived favoritism from teachers can trigger conflicts in the classroom. Encouraging a supportive and inclusive learning environment can reduce such conflicts and foster cooperation.

Family Conflicts: Within the family unit, conflicts can arise due to diverse needs, values, and expectations. Disputes over chores, rules, or personal boundaries are common. Encouraging open communication, active listening, and empathy can help resolve family conflicts.

Parenting is a lifelong journey filled with joy, challenges, and responsibilities. One of the crucial roles parents play in guiding their children in acquiring important life skills. Among these skills, conflict resolution stands out as a vital ability that equips children with the tools to navigate interpersonal challenges in a healthy and productive manner. 

In this blog post, we will explore the significant role parents have in teaching conflict resolution to their children, and how their influence can shape their child’s future relationships and overall well-being.

Lead by Example

Children are highly observant and tend to emulate the behavior of their parents. Consequently, parents become powerful role models when it comes to conflict resolution.

By demonstrating effective communication, active listening, and respectful problem-solving, parents can establish a positive foundation for their children to learn from. Engaging in healthy discussions and modeling empathy and compromise helps children develop crucial skills to manage conflicts constructively.

Encouraging Open Communication

Effective conflict resolution starts with open and honest communication. Parents can create an environment that fosters open dialogue by encouraging their children to express their thoughts and emotions. By actively listening to their children without judgment, parents create a safe space where conflicts can be addressed and resolved.

This practice enables children to develop strong communication skills and empowers them to express themselves clearly and assertively when faced with conflicts outside of the family unit.

Teaching Problem-Solving Strategies

Conflict resolution often requires problem-solving skills to reach mutually beneficial solutions. Parents can teach their children various problem-solving strategies that promote understanding and compromise. For example, they can guide their children through brainstorming sessions, where everyone contributes ideas and alternative solutions.

By involving children in decision-making processes and encouraging them to consider multiple perspectives, parents nurture their child’s ability to think critically and find creative solutions to conflicts.

Emphasizing Empathy and Understanding

Empathy is a fundamental aspect of conflict resolution. Parents can instill empathy in their children by encouraging them to understand and acknowledge the feelings and perspectives of others.

By teaching their children to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, parents foster compassion and understanding, which are essential for resolving conflicts peacefully. Practicing empathy helps children develop stronger emotional intelligence, fostering healthier relationships and interpersonal connections throughout their lives.

Setting Boundaries and Teaching Respect

In conflict resolution, setting boundaries and teaching respect are essential components. Parents play a vital role in teaching their children the importance of respecting others’ boundaries and expressing their own needs in a respectful manner.

By modeling respectful behavior and addressing conflicts assertively yet respectfully, parents provide their children with a valuable lesson in maintaining healthy boundaries and cultivating respectful relationships.

Providing Guidance and Support

Conflict resolution can be challenging, particularly for children who are still developing their emotional and social skills. Parents can offer guidance and support by being present and available when conflicts arise.

Offering a listening ear, providing guidance on conflict resolution strategies, and helping children reflect on their own role in conflicts all contribute to their growth and development in this area. By being supportive, parents instill confidence in their children and encourage them to actively engage in resolving conflicts rather than avoiding or escalating them.

Conflict is an inevitable part of human interaction, and children are no exception. As they navigate the complexities of growing up, learning how to resolve conflicts in a constructive manner becomes crucial for their emotional and social development. 

By equipping children with essential conflict resolution skills for kids, we empower them to build healthy relationships, enhance their communication abilities, and foster a harmonious environment. In this blog, we will explore four fundamental conflict resolution skills for kids that can profoundly impact children’s lives: active listening, effective communication, problem-solving, and emotional regulation.

Active Listening: Teaching children to listen attentively and empathetically:

Active listening lays the foundation for effective conflict resolution. Encouraging children to practice active listening helps them develop empathy, understanding, and respect for others’ perspectives. Teach children to focus on the speaker, maintain eye contact, and provide verbal and non-verbal cues to demonstrate their engagement.

Encourage them to ask questions and paraphrase to ensure they comprehend the speaker’s message accurately. By fostering active listening skills, children learn to value open communication and establish a solid groundwork for resolving conflicts amicably.

Effective Communication: Helping children express their feelings and needs clearly:

Effective communication is essential for expressing one’s thoughts, feelings, and needs without resorting to aggression or hostility. Children need guidance in articulating their emotions in a constructive manner.

Encourage them to use “I” statements to express their feelings, such as “I feel upset when…” or “I need help with…” This approach fosters assertiveness while avoiding blaming or accusing others. By empowering children with effective communication skills, they can confidently express themselves, fostering understanding and reducing potential conflicts.

Effective communication is a fundamental aspect of developing leadership skills for kids . By teaching them to express themselves clearly, actively listen to others, and convey their ideas with confidence, children can become influential leaders who inspire and collaborate with their peers effectively.

Problem-solving: Introducing strategies for finding mutually beneficial solutions:

Conflict resolution often requires finding mutually beneficial solutions that address the needs of all parties involved. Teaching children problem-solving skills equips them with the ability to collaborate, brainstorm solutions, and negotiate compromises.

Encourage children to identify the underlying issues, break them down into manageable parts, and brainstorm potential solutions together. Emphasize the importance of considering others’ perspectives and finding win-win outcomes. By nurturing problem-solving skills, children gain confidence in their ability to navigate conflicts effectively and create positive resolutions.

Emotional Regulation: Techniques to manage and control emotions during conflicts:

Conflicts can evoke strong emotions, making it challenging for children to respond calmly and rationally. Emotional regulation skills enable children to manage their emotions, preventing conflicts from escalating into destructive situations. Teach children relaxation techniques like deep breathing, counting to ten, or taking a short break to regain composure.

Encourage them to express their emotions appropriately by using words or engaging in activities like drawing or journaling. By helping children develop emotional regulation skills, they can handle conflicts in a calm and composed manner, fostering healthier relationships and better conflict outcomes. learn about budgeting for kids also.

Teaching Conflict Resolution at Different Ages

Preschoolers are at a stage of rapid cognitive and emotional development. They are learning to express their needs and emotions, but they often lack the language and self-regulation skills necessary for resolving conflicts independently. Here are some age-appropriate techniques for teaching conflict resolution to preschoolers:

Teach emotional literacy: Help preschoolers identify and label their emotions. Encourage them to use simple feeling words to express how they feel during conflicts, such as “I’m mad” or “I’m sad.”

Model problem-solving: Demonstrate how conflicts can be resolved peacefully by using puppets, dolls, or role-play scenarios. Show them how to take turns, share, and find win-win solutions.

Encourage empathy: Help preschoolers understand others’ perspectives by asking questions like “How do you think your friend feels?” Encourage them to imagine how their actions might impact others.

Teach basic negotiation skills: Teach preschoolers how to use words instead of physical aggression. Encourage them to take turns and share toys, fostering a sense of fairness and cooperation.

Elementary-aged children are more capable of understanding and engaging in complex conflict resolution processes. They are developing their communication skills and problem-solving abilities. Here are some techniques to teach conflict resolution to this age group:

Active listening: Teach children to listen attentively to others during conflicts. Encourage them to paraphrase and repeat what the other person said to ensure understanding.

“I” statements: Help children express their feelings and needs using “I” statements, such as “I feel frustrated when…” or “I need help with…”. This approach promotes assertiveness and avoids blaming others.

Brainstorming solutions: Teach children how to generate multiple solutions to a conflict. Encourage them to evaluate the pros and cons of each option and work towards a mutually acceptable solution.

Mediation and compromise: Introduce the concept of mediation, where a neutral person helps facilitate the resolution process. Teach children the importance of compromise and finding a middle ground.

Teenagers face unique challenges in conflict resolution as they deal with changing identities, peer pressure, and increased independence. Here are some techniques to teach conflict resolution to teenagers:

Teach emotional regulation: Help teenagers understand their emotional triggers and develop strategies to manage anger, frustration, and stress. Encourage them to take a break when conflicts escalate.

Active communication: Emphasize the importance of clear and respectful communication. Encourage teenagers to listen actively, express their thoughts and feelings honestly, and use nonviolent language.

Problem-solving and negotiation: Teach teenagers structured problem-solving techniques, such as identifying the issue, brainstorming solutions, evaluating alternatives, and selecting the best option. Encourage them to negotiate and find win-win solutions.

Encourage empathy and perspective-taking: Help teenagers develop empathy by encouraging them to consider others’ experiences and emotions. Encourage them to put themselves in others’ shoes to foster understanding and compassion.

Strategies for Practicing Conflict Resolution

Role-playing is a powerful tool for simulating conflicts and resolutions in a controlled environment. By assigning participants different roles and scenarios, they can step into the shoes of those involved in the conflict, gaining empathy and perspective. Here’s how to incorporate role-playing into conflict-resolution training:

a) Create realistic scenarios: Develop a range of scenarios based on common conflict situations that participants may encounter in their personal or professional lives. These scenarios should involve varying degrees of intensity, allowing participants to practice conflict resolution skills for kids at different levels.

b) Assign roles and objectives: Divide participants into pairs or small groups, assigning each person a specific role within the conflict scenario. Ensure that each role has clear objectives, representing different perspectives and interests involved in the conflict.

c) Facilitate discussions and feedback: After the role-play, encourage participants to discuss their experiences, challenges, and strategies employed. Facilitate a debriefing session to explore alternative approaches and solutions, fostering a collaborative environment for learning and growth.

d) Reflect on emotions and communication styles: Pay attention to participants’ emotional reactions during role-playing and discuss how those emotions influenced their communication. Encourage self-reflection on their own communication styles and the impact they have on conflict resolution.

Team-building activities and games provide a lighthearted and enjoyable way to enhance cooperation and conflict-resolution skills. These activities help build trust, improve communication, and foster a sense of unity among participants. Consider the following strategies when incorporating team-building activities:

a) Problem-solving challenges: Engage participants in problem-solving activities that require collaboration and effective communication. For example, puzzles, escape rooms, or building projects can encourage teams to work together, find common ground, and overcome challenges collectively.

b) Trust-building exercises: Trust is essential for successful conflict resolution. Encourage activities that promote trust-building, such as blindfolded trust walks or trust falls. These exercises help individuals develop faith in their teammates and enhance their ability to resolve conflicts together.

c) Communication games: Games that emphasize effective communication can improve conflict resolution skills for kids. For instance, the “Telephone” game can demonstrate how messages can be misinterpreted, highlighting the importance of clear and concise communication.

d) Reflective discussions: After each team-building activity or game, facilitate reflective discussions. Encourage participants to share their observations, challenges faced, and strategies used to resolve conflicts during the activity. This reflection allows participants to apply the lessons learned to real-life situations.

Addressing Common Challenges

Cultivate Emotional Awareness: Both parties involved in a power struggle or conflict may experience strong emotions. It’s crucial to encourage emotional awareness, helping children recognize and express their feelings in a healthy way. Teach them to use “I” statements to express their needs and concerns, fostering effective communication and empathy.

Model Healthy Conflict Resolution: Children learn by observing their caregivers. As adults, it is essential to model healthy conflict resolution by remaining calm, respectful, and assertive. Show them how conflicts can be resolved through active listening, compromise, and finding win-win solutions.

Foster Empathy and Perspective-Taking: Encourage children to put themselves in others’ shoes to understand their feelings and viewpoints. Empathy helps in defusing power struggles and developing a deeper understanding of one another. Teach them to actively listen and validate each other’s emotions.

Teaching stress management for kids involves establishing non-negotiable rules for self-care and relaxation, empowering them to recognize their boundaries, prioritize their well-being, and effectively cope with stressors, leading to improved emotional resilience and overall mental health.

Teach Problem-Solving Skills: Empower children by teaching them problem-solving skills. Encourage them to brainstorm and generate multiple solutions to conflicts. This process helps them understand that conflicts can be resolved through collaboration and compromise.

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Set Clear Expectations and Rules: Establish clear expectations and rules regarding behavior and conflict resolution within the family. Ensure that everyone understands these guidelines and the consequences of breaking them. Consistency is key to creating a fair and harmonious environment.

Promote Individuality and Fairness: Recognize and appreciate each child’s unique qualities and talents. Encourage siblings to support and celebrate each other’s successes. Promote fairness by allocating responsibilities and privileges equitably, avoiding favoritism.

Encourage Open Communication: Create an open and safe space for siblings to express their feelings and concerns. Encourage them to use “I” statements and actively listen to each other. Establish regular family meetings or check-ins to address any ongoing issues or conflicts.

Foster Cooperation and Collaboration: Encourage activities that require siblings to work together towards a common goal. This can include projects, games, or household chores. Collaboration helps build teamwork skills and strengthens sibling bonds.

Teach Conflict Resolution Skills: Provide siblings with tools for resolving conflicts effectively. Teach them negotiation skills, compromise, and the importance of finding mutually beneficial solutions. Mediation can be helpful in facilitating discussions and promoting understanding.

Teaching Empathy and Perspective-Taking

In a world that often feels divided and disconnected, cultivating empathy and perspective-taking has become more crucial than ever. Empathy allows us to understand and share the feelings of others, while perspective-taking enables us to step outside our own experiences and view the world through different lenses. 

These skills are not innate; they must be taught and nurtured. By actively promoting empathy development, we can foster a more compassionate and understanding society. In this blog post, we will explore the importance of teaching empathy and perspective-taking and provide practical activities and exercises to support this process.

Empathy is the foundation of human connection. It allows us to form meaningful relationships, enhance communication, and build bridges between diverse groups. By understanding and acknowledging the emotions and perspectives of others, we can foster inclusivity, reduce conflict, and promote cooperation.

Furthermore, perspective-taking expands our worldview and challenges our biases. It enables us to appreciate the complexity of human experiences, encouraging us to approach situations with open-mindedness and compassion. Incorporating perspective-taking into anger management activities for kids allows them to see situations from different viewpoints, promoting empathy and understanding. By encouraging them to consider others’ feelings and perspectives, children can develop better emotional control and communication skills, leading to more constructive ways of expressing and managing their anger. By teaching empathy and perspective-taking, we equip individuals with the tools to navigate interpersonal relationships, engage in respectful dialogue, and contribute positively to their communities.

Storytelling and Role-Playing: Encourage individuals to share personal stories or create fictional narratives that explore different perspectives. This activity allows participants to step into someone else’s shoes and gain a deeper understanding of their emotions and experiences.

Empathy Circles: Create a safe and inclusive space where individuals can openly share their feelings and thoughts. This activity promotes active listening and empathetic responses, fostering a sense of compassion and support within the group.

Human Library: Organize an event where individuals with diverse backgrounds and experiences become “books.” Participants can “check out” these “books” and engage in one-on-one conversations, fostering empathy through direct interaction and learning from real-life stories.

Cross-Cultural Immersion: Encourage individuals to explore different cultures through immersive experiences, such as attending cultural festivals, visiting museums, or engaging in language exchange programs. Experiencing different customs and traditions firsthand can broaden perspectives and enhance empathy.

Perspective-Sharing Discussions: Facilitate group discussions where participants explore controversial topics from multiple perspectives. Encourage respectful dialogue, active listening, and the ability to consider alternative viewpoints without judgment.

Media Analysis: Analyze books, movies, or news articles that present diverse perspectives or address social issues. Encourage participants to critically examine the experiences and emotions depicted, fostering empathy through media literacy.

Random Acts of Kindness: Encourage individuals to perform small acts of kindness for strangers or members of their community. This activity promotes empathy by allowing individuals to actively consider the needs and feelings of others.

Volunteer and Community Service: Engage individuals in volunteer activities that expose them to different communities and social issues. Working directly with marginalized groups or contributing to initiatives addressing societal challenges can deepen empathy and inspire action.

Creating a Conflict-Positive Home

To create a conflict-positive home, it is crucial to establish clear family values and rules that guide how conflicts are handled and resolved. Here are some steps to help you lay the foundation:

a) Identify and articulate family values: Begin by identifying and discussing the core values that are important to your family. These values can serve as a guiding compass during conflicts, ensuring that all family members are on the same page regarding what is deemed acceptable behavior.

b) Foster respect and empathy: Emphasize the importance of respect and empathy in resolving conflicts. Teach family members to listen actively, acknowledge each other’s perspectives, and avoid personal attacks. Encourage the use of “I” statements to express feelings and avoid blaming others.

c) Establish non-negotiable rules : Create a set of non-negotiable rules that promote healthy conflict resolution. For example, no physical aggression, no shouting or yelling, and no name-calling. These rules will help maintain a safe and respectful environment for everyone involved.

Also, Teaching stress management for kids involves establishing non-negotiable rules for self-care and relaxation, empowering them to recognize their boundaries, prioritize their well-being, and effectively cope with stressors, leading to improved emotional resilience and overall mental health.

d) Set consequences and rewards: Clearly define the consequences for breaking the established rules and ensure that they are consistently enforced. Additionally, reward positive behavior and effective conflict resolution skills for kids to reinforce the importance of peaceful resolution.

Once the foundation of family values and conflict resolution rules is established, the next step is to encourage open communication and active problem-solving. Here are some strategies to promote these practices:

a) Create a safe space for expression: Ensure that all family members feel safe and comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions. Encourage active listening and make it clear that everyone’s opinions and perspectives are valued.

b) Practice regular family meetings: Schedule regular family meetings to discuss any issues or concerns openly. These meetings can provide a platform for family members to voice their thoughts, brainstorm solutions, and work together on war resolution.

c) Teach negotiation and compromise skills: Conflict resolution often involves finding a middle ground through negotiation and compromise. Help family members develop these skills by providing examples, role-playing scenarios, and guiding them in brainstorming solutions that satisfy everyone’s needs.

d) Focus on problem-solving, not blaming: Encourage a problem-solving mindset by shifting the focus from blaming each other to finding solutions. Teach family members to approach conflicts as shared challenges that can be overcome through collaboration and mutual understanding.

Recognizing Progress and Celebrating Success

As parents, caregivers, and educators, it is essential to recognize and celebrate the progress and successes of children. By acknowledging their efforts and achievements, we not only boost their confidence but also create an environment that fosters continuous growth and development.

In this blog, we will explore the importance of recognizing progress and celebrating success, particularly in two areas: positive conflict resolution and children’s milestones and abilities.

Conflict is a natural part of life, and children, like adults, encounter disagreements and challenges in their daily interactions. Teaching children how to handle conflicts in a constructive manner is crucial for their emotional and social development. When children make efforts to resolve conflicts peacefully and respectfully, it is important to acknowledge and reinforce their positive behavior.

Promoting positive thinking for kids reinforces their efforts in conflict resolution by encouraging them to focus on finding constructive solutions, fostering empathy, and maintaining an optimistic outlook, ultimately leading to healthier and more harmonious relationships with others.

Here’s why:

Encourages empathy and understanding: Recognizing a child’s efforts to resolve conflicts reinforces the value of empathy and understanding. By acknowledging their attempts to see different perspectives and find common ground, we teach them the importance of considering others’ feelings and needs.

Builds self-confidence: When children receive praise and validation for their conflict resolution skills for kids, it boosts their self-confidence. They become more willing to approach conflicts with a positive mindset and the belief that they have the ability to find solutions.

Reinforces positive behavior: Celebrating successful conflict resolution efforts reinforces the idea that peaceful negotiation and compromise are the preferred methods of resolving conflicts. This encourages children to adopt these strategies in future conflicts, creating a more harmonious and cooperative environment.

Verbal praise and encouragement: Recognize and acknowledge the child’s efforts with specific feedback on their approach, communication skills, and willingness to find solutions.

Certificates or awards: Consider creating a “Conflict Resolution Champion” certificate or award that highlights their achievements in this area.

Sharing success stories: Share success stories of conflict resolution with other children or parents, creating a positive influence and inspiration for others.

Children grow and develop at their own pace, achieving significant milestones and acquiring new skills along the way. Celebrating these achievements not only acknowledges their progress but also motivates them to continue learning and exploring. Here’s why celebrating milestones and growth is crucial:

Boosts self-esteem: Celebrating milestones and growth in children’s abilities enhances their self-esteem and sense of accomplishment. It shows them that their efforts are recognized and valued, encouraging them to set higher goals and work towards achieving them.

Encourages a growth mindset: When children are celebrated for their achievements, they develop a growth mindset, understanding that their abilities can improve with effort and dedication. This mindset fosters resilience, determination, and a willingness to take on new challenges.

Strengthens the parent-child or teacher-student bond: Celebrating milestones and growth is an opportunity to strengthen the bond between children and their caregivers or educators. By actively participating in their celebrations, we convey our support, pride, and commitment to their development.

Family or classroom celebrations: Organize small gatherings where parents, siblings, or peers can join in celebrating the child’s accomplishments.

Creative displays: Create visual displays showcasing the child’s achievements, such as a growth chart or a wall of accomplishments, to serve as a reminder of their progress.

Special treats or rewards: Offer small rewards or treats as a way of celebrating and reinforcing the child’s efforts.

In conclusion, it is crucial for parents to continue supporting their children’s development in various areas. One area that deserves particular attention is nurturing their child’s talents and interests. By providing encouragement and support, parents can play a significant role in helping their children reach their full potential.

Children possess unique talents and passions that should be acknowledged and nurtured. Parents should actively listen to their children, observe their interests, and engage in open conversations to understand their aspirations better. By doing so, parents can identify areas in which their children show potential and offer the necessary guidance and resources to support their development.

In conclusion, parents have a crucial role in supporting their children’s development in areas that align with their talents and interests. By providing encouragement, guidance, and a nurturing environment, parents can empower their children to explore their passions, develop their skills, and reach their full potential. The ongoing support and belief in their children’s abilities will undoubtedly contribute to their growth and success in the long run. Learn about money management for kids also.

Exploring the diverse educational offerings on BrightChamps opens up exciting opportunities for children to learn and thrive in a supportive and dynamic online environment.

To explore future career development opportunities, visit BrightChamps blog page and learn more about various industry trends and insightful tips for personal growth.

A1. Teaching conflict resolution skills to children benefits them by promoting peaceful relationships, fostering empathy, improving communication, and enhancing problem-solving abilities.

A2. Parents can start teaching conflict resolution skills to their kids as early as preschool age, around 3 to 4 years old.

A3. Effective strategies for teaching conflict resolution skills to kids include modeling positive behavior, teaching active listening, encouraging problem-solving discussions, and promoting compromise and negotiation.

A4. Parents can help children differentiate between healthy and unhealthy conflict by teaching them to recognize respectful communication, cooperation, and resolution while identifying signs of aggression or manipulation.

A5. Active listening plays a crucial role in teaching conflict resolution skills to kids as it helps them understand others’ perspectives, promotes empathy, and encourages effective communication.

A6. Parents can encourage empathy and understanding in their children during conflicts by teaching them to see things from others’ viewpoints, promoting open dialogue, and fostering a culture of respect and kindness.

A7. Common mistakes parents make when teaching conflict resolution skills to kids include not addressing conflicts promptly, not modeling positive behavior, and imposing solutions rather than guiding children to find their own resolutions.

A8. Parents can help their children handle conflicts with peers by teaching them assertiveness, providing guidance on problem-solving, and encouraging open communication with teachers or mediators when necessary.

A9. There are several recommended resources for parents to learn more about teaching conflict resolution skills for kids, such as books like “The Conflict Resolution Toolbox for Educators” by Gary S. Marx and “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

A10. Practical activities and games that reinforce conflict resolution skills at home include role-playing scenarios, using problem-solving worksheets, engaging in collaborative art projects, and playing cooperative board games.

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