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Writing an Effective Leadership Essay: Tips and Examples

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Whether you’ve led a horse to water or led your team to a victorious championship, you’re probably more of a leader than you give yourself credit for. It turns out, college admissions officers want to hear about that horse and/or championship in your application essay. The leadership essay is one of the hallmarks of college essays, but what’s the right way to do it?

What Is a Leadership Essay?

A leadership essay is a subset of college application essays that help college admissions officers understand your previous experiences as a leader. While that might seem extremely specific, it comes with the understanding that leadership looks and feels different based on the person and situation.

To give you a real world example: The president is ostensibly the leader of the United States. However, the president has a whole cabinet of other leaders for every other aspect of running a country. You might not be a leader of foreign policy, but you might be a leader on the football field or within your community volunteer group.

Leadership Essay Ideas and Topics

While you might see a few variations, almost all leadership essays go back to two main forms:

• What is your leadership style?
• Describe a moment when you showed leadership.

There’s inherently a bit of overlap with both of these. You’ll likely give an example of a leadership moment when talking about your leadership style, and you’ll probably talk about your leadership style when talking about a leadership moment.

In either case, the school will want you to use anecdotal evidence that demonstrates the idea. Go with what feels right, whether that’s leading a club or team in school or leading some ducklings across a busy highway. Even if your experience sounds cliché, it’s unique because it involves you.

How To Write a Leadership Essay

Probably the biggest trap that people fall into is “Well, I’ve never been a leader.” Even if you’ve never held some sort of leadership position at school or had an official title, chances are pretty high that you have exhibited some form of leadership at some point in your life. Beyond that, the actual writing of the leadership essay is fairly straightforward.

Formatting Your Leadership Essay

Your leadership essay will include an introduction paragraph, one or more body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Depending on the word or page limits, you can almost treat this like a five-paragraph essay .

• Introduction - Capture the reader’s interest, define good leadership in relation to you, and directly address the given prompt
• Body paragraphs - Give some background information using anecdotes to describe your leadership style or moment
• Conclusion - End with a compelling statement about your leadership qualities and how you hope to apply them to your education, career, and the world in general

How Long Should a Leadership Essay Be?

The length of the leadership essay depends on what the college or application system says. Thankfully, this is the one part of the essay that you don’t need to question. Nearly every school will provide a word limit, typically ranging from 250 words (for supplemental essays) potentially all the way up to 1,000 words.

In the rare event that you don’t see an obvious word limit, stick to a maximum of about 500 to 600 words.

Tips for Writing a Leadership Essay

Unfortunately, we don’t know your personal life, and we certainly don’t know moments where you exhibited leadership. So we can’t write your essay for you, but we can give you some tips to at least guide your writing process.

Define Good Leadership Before You Start

Before you begin writing your essay, think about what qualities make someone a good leader, at least in your opinion. What great leadership qualities do you have? What makes a “good leader”? Make a list before you begin writing your essay. 

Leadership qualities can include:

• The ability to motivate others
• Personal integrity
• Placing a value on relationships with team members
• Prioritizing the larger good over any individual

Review your list and choose the qualities you want to highlight. Write your own definition of what makes someone a great leader as it relates to the quality you chose. It should be one or two sentences long. Use that definition as the backbone of your essay.

Tell a Story About Your Leadership

It’s time to turn that list of potential leadership qualities into something meaningful and interesting. The best way to do that is with an engaging narrative.

You should obviously state good leadership qualities, but that shouldn’t be your entire essay. Tell a story about your leadership.

• Did you face a specific challenge?
• How did you overcome that challenge?
• How has your leadership style changed over the years?
• Was there a specific moment or experience that caused that change?

Really ask yourself questions and dig into the concept of leadership as a real thing that has had real effects on your life.

Write With Your Own Voice and Style

Although you shouldn’t be super informal in college application essays, they are also designed to help you display your own voice and personality. College admissions officers want to learn about you, and your writing style is inherently a big part of that, whether that means using humor or puns, maintaining a unique level of sincerity throughout the essay, or being invitingly verbose.

Don’t Be Down On Yourself

Whether it’s your personal statement , a supplemental essay, or this leadership essay, avoid being too down on yourself. Admissions officers want to hear about all your successes, trophies, and kittens saved from trees. They really don’t want to read a whole essay about you saying you’re a bad leader.

Humility is definitely an important leadership trait, but there’s a fine line between being humble and being hurtful to yourself. Even if you’re normally prone to some self-deprecation, try to keep it at a minimum for this essay.

Leadership Essay Example

If you’re not sure where to start, take some time to brainstorm ideas. Even the weirdest idea can blossom into something neat. If you need inspiration, one of the best things is to look at other examples of leadership. That could be from your favorite show, a good nonfiction book about sailors, or the essay below.

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Leadership Essay Introduction Example

The introduction should pull the reader in while directly answering the prompt. When in doubt, try to start with something concrete over something abstract. Or as writers and writing teachers like to say: Show, don’t tell.

The room was filled with the gentle hum of microphones and video cameras, cut only by the occasional cough or cleared throat. It was easy to feel out of place in this room full of wood furniture, leather seats, and powerful men capable of changing not just my life, but an entire sector of television programming as we knew it. I had never thought of myself as a leader, but I also knew that this was about something bigger than me, something that I could actually influence.

Leadership Essay Body Example

The body is where you’ll get more into the details of your narrative and connect it to ideas of leadership. Try not to get too hung up on the exact wording of what makes a leader. That can get far too abstract. Let your story speak for you.

I took a deep breath and began to talk. I wasn’t known to have a particularly commanding or powerful voice, but people always seemed to listen, including these men with their name placards and tall seats. They had been ready to cut funding for public broadcasting, which included programming that they had never seen. I was simply someone who lived in a neighborhood and cared about children’s education, beyond just math and reading. All I could do was be honest.

Leadership Essay Conclusion Example

Your conclusion considers the broader effects of your leadership. How might your leadership evolve or change? How can you apply that leadership to your education, job, or community?

To me, leadership is about connection. I know that I have a voice and an immense dedication to emotional intelligence in children. My ability to focus on other people goes hand-in-hand with my ability to speak through a tiger puppet. Both are about closing gaps and bringing people closer to a basic understanding. I hope to use my leadership abilities within the field of psychology to build more connections between people and communities.

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, advice on writing a leadership college essay.

I'm starting to work on my college essays and want to highlight some leadership experiences I've had. How can I effectively write a college essay that focuses on my leadership experiences without just listing what I've done? Any insight would be greatly appreciated!

When writing a leadership-focused college essay, it's important to focus on key aspects that demonstrate your ability to lead, your personal growth, and the impact your leadership had on others or the organization. Here are some tips to help you write an effective leadership essay:

1. Start with an engaging hook: Begin your essay with an interesting anecdote or statement that immediately captures the reader's attention. This could be a challenging situation you encountered as a leader, a unique perspective you gained, or an inspiring quote that resonates with you.

2. Focus on a single leadership experience: Instead of attempting to cover multiple leadership experiences, pick one critical instance that showcases your leadership abilities. This will not only allow you to delve deeper into your leadership experience but also maintain a clear focus throughout your essay.

3. Show, don't tell: Use vivid details and anecdotes to demonstrate your leadership qualities rather than just stating them. Describe how you handled difficult situations, collaborated with team members, or made tough decisions.

4. Reflect on your personal growth: Explain how your leadership experience has contributed to your personal development. What challenges did you face? How did you overcome them? What lessons did you learn, and how will those lessons inform your future leadership efforts?

5. Highlight the impact of your leadership: Describe the positive outcomes that stemmed from your leadership, such as organizational growth, improved team dynamics, or community benefits. This will help demonstrate the value of your leadership skills and how they can contribute to the college community.

6. Be authentic and genuine: Showcase your individuality and unique perspective by bringing your own voice to the essay. Avoid clichés and generic statements about leadership, as they can make your essay sound uninspired.

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Talking about Leadership in Your College Application Essay

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It’s easy to talk about being a leader, but how do you demonstrate that in your college application essay? Here are 5 successful examples from students at UPenn , Stanford , Brown , and Columbia :

To divide all mankind into such a distinctive and witty set of classes can only be the  brainchild of someone as clever as Benjamin Franklin. Still, this classification is one of profound implications. Defining oneself amongst the movers, the movable, or the immovable can reveal one’s true character. It is with this mindset that I consider myself one that ‘moves.’ Of course, as an inherently imperfect human being I cannot deny that I have been lazy or inflexible at times; nor have I not been one to follow and let others take action for me. But I the grander scope, I am definitely one who prefers to lead and be the individual to take action or make decisions. Keep reading.  

Columbia’ 17

I watch my grinning friends troop into the auditorium. Some can sense my nervousness, and call out to me reassuringly. I wonder if our relationship will change, once I become head boy. I will no longer be able to take part in all the pranks that they wanted to pull off in senior year. I just hope they will not do something so reckless that I need to march them to the principal’s office. I realise then that I would if I had to. Read more.

I stand on the peak of a mountain, 4,867 feet above the ground, accompanied by a handful of summer camp friends. From the top of the mountain, I take in the beautiful panoramic view of the Adirondacks, unfettered by pesky clouds. The sun shines directly into my eyes, forcing me to squint. Beads of sweat drip down my forehead. Although I am tired, I feel exhilarated. This particular summit is perhaps the most significant of those I have climbed as a hiker. Continue reading.

Stanford ‘17

I felt a bead of sweat tracing its way down my forehead. My legs began to twitch, as if they knew how badly I wanted to run. I stared, in desperation, back at the nine pairs of eyes that watched my every move. For a second, I imagined my escape- sprinting down the stairs, past the faded murals on the walls, out the gate and into the street. But just for a second. Read more.  

Brownandproud

Stanford ‘15.

I walk off the stage and see my nephew running to me. He says “congratulations,” and as I look around I see my 2 parents, 2 sisters, 15 cousins, 9 aunts and 9 uncles smiling at me and clapping so loud I forget where I am. Twenty five years ago, my parents decided to leave not just Mexico City but their home, family, and culture, in pursuit of a better and brighter future for their families. My father and mother worked endlessly to bring their families over to California. I envy my father’s determination, as he gave up his teaching job in Mexico and worked 60-hour weeks for a decade to provide homes for my relatives. He was the leader, the commander of the ship guiding though the rapid current. It did not matter that we had 18 people living in our home; the most important priority was that we were together. View full profile.

Liked these essay intros? Unlock them all in one go in this leadership package . Brainstorm and think carefully about what you want to write in your personal statement and how you want to share your own, unique story. For more inspiration, AdmitSee has a database of 60,000+ successful  college applications files  waiting for you! 

About The Author

Frances was born in Hong Kong and received her bachelor’s degree from Georgetown University. She loves super sad drama television, cooking, and reading. Her favorite person on Earth isn’t actually a member of the AdmitSee team - it’s her dog Cooper.

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Writing College Essays That Showcase Your Leadership Skills

Whats Inside?

Why leadership skills matter in college essays, identifying your leadership qualities, showcasing leadership in your personal statement, crafting a compelling leadership narrative, overcoming challenges, tips for a strong leadership college essay.

​ A lot of students find it hard to write college essays. It's your chance to say hello, talk about your experiences, and make yourself stand out from the other thousands of candidates. The task gets even harder when you need to write a college essay that shows off your leading skills. This piece will talk about how important leadership skills are in college essays and show you how to write an essay that really shows off your leadership skills.

College admissions officers are interested in more than just your grades. They also want to know what makes you a good student all around. Leadership skills are very important because they show that you can make a difference on campus and do well in many areas of college life.

Your leadership skills are like a shining beacon in your college essay, guiding admissions officers toward a deeper understanding of your potential. In the middle of this paragraph, consider seeking guidance and support from an online essay writing service at https://papersowl.com/last-minute-essay where help for students, provided by professionals, can elevate your essay to its full potential. These skills demonstrate your ability to not only excel academically but also to make a positive impact on campus life. College admissions teams seek students who can contribute meaningfully to their academic community, and showcasing your leadership qualities can significantly boost your chances of acceptance.

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It's important to know what kind of boss you are before you start writing your essay. Just think about the times in your life when you stepped up, moved others, or did something good. The main idea of your essay will be these events.

Leadership in Extracurricular Activities

Bring attention to the clubs, sports, or groups you belong to. Talk about any leadership jobs you've had, like being the captain of a sports team, the president of a club, or a mentor to younger students.

Academic Leadership

Talk about what you've brought to the academic world . This could mean running study groups, planning educational events, or helping other students.

Leadership in Community Involvement

If you've done volunteer or community service, stress how your guidance made other people's lives better. Tell stories that show how dedicated and important you are.

Pay attention to the following things to write an interesting essay:

Be Authentic

Honesty is valued by admissions officers. Write about real-life events that show how you lead and how you've grown as a person.

Highlight Specific Experiences

Give specific examples of good guidance instead of making general claims. Describe events and problems, as well as your part in solving them.

Explain Your Impact

Show how your leadership made the people around you better. Whether it was your friends, the community, or a group, explain what your deeds meant.

Dealing with Humility

It's important to show that you're a leader, but it's also important to talk about times when you failed and learned from it or asked for help. Admissions officers like people who are humble.

Handling Setbacks

Talk about any setbacks you encountered on your way to becoming a leader and how you kept going. Committees that decide who gets in want to see that you are strong and flexible.

Start Early

Start writing your essay early so you have time to come up with ideas, make drafts, and make changes. Having articles written quickly might not show your best work.

Seek Feedback

Let your teachers, peers, or mentors read your writing. Giving you helpful feedback can help you improve your essay and get rid of any mistakes.

Revise and Edit

Make sure your essay is free of grammar mistakes and runs well by proofreading it several times. A well-edited essay shows that you are a professional.

Your essay is a great way to show how much you care about being a star on your college application. You can write an essay that stands out by focusing on your unique traits, sharing real experiences, and showing how you have made a difference. Always begin early, ask for help, and improve your work. Your chances of getting into the college of your dreams will go up if you write a college essay that shows off your leadership skills.

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12 Great University of California Essay Examples

What’s covered, essay #1: leadership, essay #2: creativity, essay #3: creativity, essay #4: creativity, essay #5: talent, essay #6: talent, essay #7: academic interest, essay #8: academic interest, essay #9: community, essay #10: community, essay #11: community, essay #12: community.

The University of California system is comprised of nine undergraduate universities, and is one of the most prestigious public school systems in the country. The UC schools have their own application system, and students must respond to four of eight personal insight questions in 350 words each. Every UC school you apply to receives the same application and essays, so it’s important that your responses accurately represent your personality and writing abilities. 

In this post, we’ll share some UC essay examples and go over what they did well and where they could improve. We will also point you to free resources you can use to improve your college essays. 

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Read our guide to the UC personal insight questions for more tips on writing strong essays for each of the prompts.

Prompt: Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time. (350 words)

1400 lines of code. 6 weeks. 1 Pizza.

I believe pizza makers are the backbone of society. Without pizza, life as we know it would cease to exist. From a toddler’s birthday party to President Obama’s sporadic campaigning cravings, these 8 slices of pure goodness cleverly seep into every one of our lives; yet, we never talk about it. In a very cheesy way, I find representation in a pizza maker. 

The most perplexing section of physiology is deciphering electrocardiograms. According to our teacher, this was when most students hit their annual trough. We had textbooks and worksheets, but viewing printed rhythms and attempting to recognize them in real-time is about as straining as watching someone eat pizza crust-first. Furthermore, online simulators were vastly over-engineered, featuring complex interfaces foreign to high-school students.

Eventually, I realized the only way to pull myself out of the sauce was by creating my own tools. This was also the first year I took a programming course, so I decided to initiate a little hobbyist experiment by extrapolating knowledge from Computer Science and Physiology to code and share my own Electrocardiogram Simulator. To enhance my program, I went beyond the textbook and classroom by learning directly from Java API – the programmer’s Bible.

The algorithms I wrote not only simulated rhythms in real-time but also actively engaged with the user, allowing my classmates and I to obtain a comprehensive understanding of the curriculum. Little did I know that a small project born out of desperation would eventually become a tool adopted by my teacher to serve hundreds of students in the future.

Like pizza, people will reap the benefits of my app over and over again, and hardly anyone will know its maker. Being a leader doesn’t always mean standing at the front of rallies, giving speeches, and leading organizations. Yes, I have done all three, but this app taught me leaders are also found behind-the-scenes, solving problems in unimaginable ways and fulfilling the hidden, yet crucial niches of the world. 

1400 lines of code, and 6 weeks later, it’s time to order a pizza. 

What the Essay Did Well

This is a great essay because it is both engaging and informative. What exactly does it inform us about? The answer: the personality, work ethic, and achievements of this student (exactly what admissions officers want to hear about).

With regards to personality, the pizza through-line—which notably starts the essay, ends the essay, and carries us through the essay—speaks volumes about this student. They are admittedly “cheesy,” but they appear unabashedly themself. They own their goofiness. That being said, the student’s pizza connections are also fitting and smoothly advance their points—watching someone eat pizza crust-first is straining and pizza is an invention that hardly anyone can identify the maker of. 

While we learn about this student’s fun personality in this essay, we also learn about their work ethic. A student who takes the initiative to solve a problem that no one asked them to solve is the kind of student an admissions officer wants to admit. The phrase “I decided to initiate a little hobbyist experiment” alone tells us that this student is a curious go-getter.

Lastly, this student tells us about their achievements in the last two paragraphs. Not only did they take the initiative to create this program, but it was also successful. On top of that, it’s notable how this student’s accomplishments as a leader defy the traditional expectations people have for leaders. The student’s ability to demonstrate their untraditional leadership path is an achievement in itself that sets the student apart form other applicants.

What Could Be Improved

This is a strong essay as is, but the one way this student could take it above and beyond would be to tell less and show more. To really highlight the student’s writing ability, the essay should  show the reader all the details it’s currently telling us. For example, these sentences primarily tell the reader what happened: “The most perplexing section of physiology is deciphering electrocardiograms. According to our teacher, this was when most students hit their annual trough.” 

Rewriting this sentence to show the reader the student’s impetus for creating their app could look like this: “When my teacher flashed the electrocardiogram on the screen, my once attentive physiology class became a sea of blank stares and furrowed brows.” This sentence still conveys the key details—student’s in the physiology class found electrocardiograms to be the hardest unit of the year—but it does so in a far more descriptive way. Implementing this exercise of rewriting sentences to show what happened throughout the piece would elevate the entire essay.

Prompt: Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side. (350 words)

For the past few years, participating in debate has been one of the foremost expressions of my creativity. Nothing is as electrifying as an Asian parliamentary-style debate. Each team is given only thirty minutes to prepare seven-minute speeches to either support or oppose the assigned motion. Given the immense time pressure, this is where my creativity shines most brightly.

To craft the most impactful and convincing argument, I have to consider the context of the motion, different stakeholders, the goals we want to achieve, the mechanisms to reach those goals, and so much more. I have to frame these arguments effectively and paint a compelling and cohesive world to sway my listeners to my side on both an emotional and logical level. For example, In a debate about the implementation of rice importation in the Philippines, I had to frequently switch between the macro perspective by discussing the broad economic implications of the policy and the micro perspective by painting a picture of the struggles that local rice farmers would experience when forcefully thrust into an increasingly competitive global economy. It’s a tough balancing act.

To add to the challenge, there is an opposing team on the other side of the room hell-bent on disproving everything I say. They generate equally plausible sounding arguments, and my mission is to react on the spot to dispel their viewpoints and build up our team’s case.

When two debate teams, both well-prepared and hungry for victory, face off and try to out-think one another, they clash to form a sixty-minute thunderstorm raining down fierce arguments and rebuttals. They fill up a room with unbelievable energy. After several years of debate, I have developed the capacity to still a room of fury and chaos with nothing but my words and wit.

Debate has been instrumental in shaping me into the person I am today. Because of debate, I have become a quicker and stronger thinker. Lightning quick on my feet, I am ready to thoroughly and passionately defend my beliefs at a moment’s notice.

This prompt is about creativity, though its wording emphasizes how students aren’t required to talk about typically-creative subjects. That said, it might take a bit more work and explanation (even creativity, one could say) to position a logical process as creative. This student’s main strength is the way they convince the reader that debate is creative.

First, they identify how “Asian parliamentary-style debate” differs from other forms of debate, emphasizing how time constraints necessitate the use of creativity. Then, they explain how both the argument’s content (the goals and solutions they outline) and the argument’s composition (the way they frame the argument) must be creatively orchestrated to be convincing. 

To drive home the point that debate is a creative process, this student provides an example of how they structured their argument about rice importation in the Philippines. This essay is successful because, after reading it, an admissions officer has no doubt that this student can combine logic and creativity to think intellectually.

One aspect of this essay that could be improved is the language use. Although there are some creative metaphors like the “sixty-minute thunderstorm raining down fierce arguments”, the essay is lacking the extra oomph and wow-factor that carefully chosen diction provides. In the second paragraph, the student repeats the phrase “I have to” three different times when stronger, more active verbs could have been used.

Essays should always reflect the student’s natural voice and shouldn’t sound like every word came straight out of a thesaurus, but that doesn’t mean they can’t incorporate a bit of colorful language. If this student took the time to go through their essay and ask themself if an overused word could be replaced with a more exciting one, it would make the essay much more interesting to read.

As I open the door to the Makerspace, I am greeted by a sea of cubicle-like machines and I watch eagerly, as one of them completes the final layer of my print.

Much like any scientific experiment, my countless failures in the Makerspace – hours spent designing a print, only to have it disintegrate – were my greatest teachers. I learned, the hard way, what types of shapes and patterns a 3D printer would play nice to. Then, drawing inspiration from the engineering method, I developed a system for myself – start with a solid foundation and add complexity with each iteration – a flourish here, a flying buttress there. 

But it wasn’t until the following summer, vacationing on a beach inundated with plastic, that the “aha” moment struck. In an era where capturing people’s attention in a split-second is everything, what better way to draw awareness to the plastic problem than with quirky 3D-printed products? By the time I had returned home, I had a business case on my hands and a desire to make my impact.

Equipped with vital skills from the advanced math-and-science courses I had taken in sophomore year, I began applying these to my growing business. Using my AP Chemistry analytical laboratory skills, I devised a simple water bath experiment to test the biodegradability claims of 3D-printer filaments from different manufacturers, guaranteeing that my products could serve as both a statement and play their part for our planet. The optimization techniques I had learned in AP Calculus were put to good use, as I determined the most space-efficient packaging for my products, reducing my dependence on unsustainable filler material. Even my designs were tweaked and riffed on to reflect my newfound maturity and keen eye for aesthetics.

My business is still going strong today, raising $1000 to date. I attribute this success to a fateful spark of creative inspiration, which has, and will, continue to inspire me to weave together multiple disciplines to address issues as endemic as the plastic problem. 

This essay begins with a simple, yet highly effective hook. It catches readers’ attention by only giving a hint about the essay’s main topic, and being a standalone paragraph makes it all the more intriguing. 

The next paragraph then begins with a seamless transition that ties back to the Makerspace. The essay goes on to show the writer’s creative side and how it has developed over time. Rather than directly stating “I am most creative when I am working on my business,” the writer tells the story of their creativity while working with 3-D printers and vacationing on the beach. 

It is the “aha” moment that perhaps responds to the prompt best. Here we get to see the writer create a new idea on the spot. The next two paragraphs then show the writer executing on their idea in great detail. Small and specific details, such as applying analytical laboratory skills from AP Chemistry, make the writer’s creativity come to life. 

From start to finish, this essay shows that the key to writing a stellar response to this prompt is to fill your writing with details and vivid imagery. 

The second to last paragraph of this essay focuses a bit too much on how the writer built their business. Though many of these details show the writer’s creativity in action, a few of them could be restated to make the connection to creativity clearer. The last sentences could be rewritten like so: 

Working on my business was where my creativity blossomed. In my workshop, optimization techniques that I learned in AP Calculus became something new — the basis for space-efficient packaging for my products that reduced my dependence on unsustainable filler material…

Profusely sweating after trying on what felt like a thousand different outfits, I collapsed on the floor in exasperation. The heaping pile of clothes on my bed stared me down in disdain; with ten minutes left to spare before the first day of seventh grade, I let go of my screaming thoughts and settled on the very first outfit I tried on: my favorite.

Donning a neon pink dress, that moment marked the first time I chose expression over fear. Being one of the few Asians in my grade, clothing was my source of disguise. I looked to the bold Stacy London of What Not to Wear for daily inspiration, but, in actuality, I dressed to conceal my uniqueness so I wouldn’t be noticed for my race. Wearing jeans and a t-shirt, I envied the popular girls who hiked their shorts up just a few inches higher than dress code allowed and flaunted Uggs decorated with plastic jewels, a statement that Stacy London would have viewed as heinous and my mother impractical. 

However, entering school that day and the days after, each compliment I received walking down the hallways slowly but surely broke down the armored shield. Morphing into an outlet to amplify my voice and creativity, dressing up soon became what I looked forward to each morning. I was awarded best dressed the year after that during my middle school graduation, a recognition most would scoff at. But, to me, that flimsy paper certificate was a warm embrace telling me that I was valued for my originality and expression. I was valued for my differences. 

Confidence was what I found and is now an essential accessory to every outfit I wear. Taking inspiration from vintage, simplistic silhouettes and Asian styles, I adorn my body’s canvas with a variety of fabrics and vibrant colors, no longer depriving it of the freedom to self expression and cultural exploration. I hope that my future will open new doors for me, closet doors included, at the University of California with opportunities to intertwine creativity with my identity even further.

Colorful language and emotion are conveyed powerfully in this essay, which is one of its key strengths. We can see this in the first paragraph, where the writer communicates that they were feeling searing judgment by using a metaphor: “the heaping pile of clothes on my bed stared me down.” The writer weaves other rich phrases into the essay — for example, “my screaming thoughts” — to show readers their emotions. All of these writing choices are much more moving than plainly stating “I was nervous.”

The essay moves on to tell a story that responds to the prompt in a unique way. While typical responses will be about a very direct example of expressing creativity, e.g. oil painting, this essay has a fittingly creative take on the prompt. The story also allows the writer to avoid a common pitfall — talking more about the means of being creative rather than how those means allow you to express yourself. In other words, make sure to avoid talking about the act of oil painting so much that your essay loses focus on what painting means to you.

The last sentence of the essay is one more part to emulate. “I hope that my future will open new doors for me, closet doors included…” is a well-crafted, flawlessly succinct metaphor that looks to the future while connecting the end of the essay to its beginning. The metaphors are then juxtaposed with a summary of the essay’s main topic: “intertwine creativity with my identity.” 

This essay’s main areas for improvement are grammatical. What Not to Wear should be italicized, “self-expression” should be hyphenated, and the last sentence could use the following tweaks to make it less of a run-on: “I hope that my future will open new doors for me, closet doors included, at the University of California. There, I will have opportunities to intertwine creativity with my identity even further.”

Since identity is the main topic of this essay, it would also be fitting for the writer to go into more depth about it. The immediate takeaways from the essay are that the writer is Asian and interested in fashion — however, more descriptions could be added to these parts. For example, the writer could replace Asian with Laotian-American and change a sentence in the second to last paragraph to “dressing up in everything from bell bottom jeans to oversized flannel shirts soon became what I looked forward to each morning.”

Prompt: What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time? (350 words)

Let’s fast-forward time. Strides were made toward racial equality. Healthcare is accessible to all; however, one issue remains. Our aquatic ecosystems are parched with dead coral from ocean acidification. Climate change has prevailed.

Rewind to the present day.

My activism skills are how I express my concerns for the environment. Whether I play on sandy beaches or rest under forest treetops, nature offers me an escape from the haste of the world. When my body is met by trash in the ocean or my nose is met by harmful pollutants, Earth’s pain becomes my own. 

Substituting coffee grinds as fertilizer, using bamboo straws, starting my sustainable garden, my individual actions needed to reach a larger scale. I often found performative activism to be ineffective when communicating climate concerns. My days of reposting awareness graphics on social media never filled the ambition I had left to put my activism skills to greater use. I decided to share my ecocentric worldview with a coalition of environmentalists and host a climate change rally outside my high school.

Meetings were scheduled where I informed students about the unseen impact they have on the oceans and local habitual communities. My fingers were cramped from all the constant typing and investigating of micro causes of the Pacific Waste Patch, creating reusable flyers, displaying steps people could take from home in reducing their carbon footprint. I aided my fellow environmentalists in translating these flyers into other languages, repeating this process hourly, for five days, up until rally day. 

It was 7:00 AM. The faces of 100 students were shouting, “The climate is changing, why can’t we?” I proudly walked on the dewy grass, grabbing the microphone, repeating those same words. The rally not only taught me efficient methods of communication but it echoed my environmental activism to the masses. The City of Corona would be the first of many cities to see my activism, as more rallies were planned for various parts of SoCal. My once unfulfilled ambition was fueled by my tangible activism, understanding that it takes more than one person to make an environmental impact.

One of the largest strengths of this response is its speed. From the very beginning, we are invited to “fast-forward” and “rewind” with the writer. Then, after we focus ourselves in the present, this writer keeps their quick pace with sentences like “Substituting coffee grounds as fertilizer, using bamboo straws, starting my sustainable garden, my individual actions needed to reach a larger scale.” A common essay-writing blunder is using a predictable structure that loses the attention of the reader, but this unique pacing keeps things interesting.

Another positive of this essay is how their passion for environmental activism shines through. The essay begins by describing the student’s connection to nature (“nature offers me an escape from the haste of the world”), moves into discussing the personal actions they have taken (“substituting coffee grounds as fertilizer”), and then explains the rally the student hosted. While the talent the student is writing about is their ability to inspire others to fight against climate change, establishing the personal affinity towards nature and individual steps they took demonstrate the development of their passion. This makes their talent appear much more significant and unique. 

This essay could be improved by being more specific about what this student’s talent is. There is no sentence that directly states what this student considers to be their talent. Although the essay is still successful at displaying the student’s personality, interests, and ambition, by not explicitly mentioning their talent, they leave it up to the reader’s interpretation.

Depending on how quickly they read the essay or how focused they are, there’s a possibility the reader will miss the key talent the student wanted to convey. Making sure to avoid spoon-feeding the answer to their audience, the student should include a short sentence that lays out what they view as their main talent.

At six, Mama reads me a story for the first time. I listen right up until Peter Pan talks about the stars in the night sky. “What’s the point of stars if they can’t be part of something?” Mama looks at me strangely before closing the book. “Sometimes, looking on is more helpful than actively taking part. Besides, stars listen- like you. You’re a good listener, aren’t you?” I nod. At eleven, my sister confides in me for the first time. She’s always been different, in a way even those ‘mind doctors’ could never understand. I don’t understand either, but I do know that I like my sister. She’s mean to me, but not like people are to her. She tells me how she sees the world, and chokes over her words in a struggle to speak. She trusts me, and that makes me happy. So, I listen. I don’t speak; this isn’t a story where I speak. At sixteen, I find myself involved with an organization that provides education to rural children. Dakshata is the first person I’ve tutored in Hindi. She’s also my favorite. So, when she interrupts me mid-lesson one evening, lips trembling and eyes filling with tears, I decide to put my pen down and listen. I don’t speak; I don’t take part in this story. Later, as I hug the girl, I tell her about the stars and how her mother is among their kind- unable to speak yet forever willing to listen. Dakshata now loves the stars as much as I do. At seventeen, I realize that the first thing that comes to my mind when someone asks me about a skill I possess is my ability to listen. Many don’t see it as a skill, and I wouldn’t ask them to either, but it’s important. When you listen, you see, you need not necessarily understand, but you do comprehend. You empathize on a near-cosmic level with the people around you and learn so much more than you ever thought possible. Everything is a part of something- even the stars with their ears.

The essay as a whole is an excellent example of narrative-based writing. The narrative begins with a captivating hook. The first sentence catches the reader by surprise, since it does not directly respond to the prompt by naming the writer’s greatest talent or skill. Instead, it tells a childhood story which does not seem to be related to a skill at first. This creates intrigue, and the second sentence adds to it by introducing a conflict. It causes readers to wonder why Peter Pan’s stargazing would make a six year old stop listening — hooked into the story, they continue reading.

The writer continues to create a moving narrative by using dialogue. Dialogue allows the writer to show rather than tell , which is a highly effective way to make an essay convey emotion and keep readers’ attention. The writer also shows their story by using language such as “mind doctors” instead of “psychologists” — this immerses readers in the author’s perspective as an 11 year old at the time. 

Two motifs, or recurring themes, tie the essay together: listening and looking at the stars. The last paragraph powerfully concludes the essay by explaining these themes and circling back to the introduction.

Crafting transitions is one area where this essay could be improved. The paragraph after “I nod” begins abruptly, and without any sentence to connect the writer’s dialogue at age six with her experiences at age 11. One way to make the transition smoother would be to begin the paragraph after “I nod” with “I try to be a good listener again at eleven, when my sister confides in me for the first time.”

This essay would also be more impactful if the writer explained what they aspire to do with their ability to listen in the future. While it is most important for your essay to explain how your past experiences have made you who you are in the present, looking towards the future allows admissions readers to imagine the impact you might make after graduation. The writer could do this in the last paragraph of their essay by writing the following: “Many don’t see it as a skill, and I wouldn’t ask them to either, but I find it important — especially as an aspiring social worker.”

Prompt: Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom. (350 words)

I distinctly remember the smile on Perela’s face when she found out her mother would be nursed back to health. I first met Perela and her mother at the Lestonnac Free Clinic in San Bernardino where I volunteered as a Spanish translator. I was in awe of the deep understanding of biology that the medical team employed to discover solutions. Despite having no medical qualifications of my own, I realized that by exercising my abilities to communicate and empathize, I could serve as a source of comfort and encouragement for Perela and her mother. The opportunity to combine my scientific curiosity and passion for caring for people cultivated my interest in a career as a physician.

To further explore this interest, I attended a summer medical program at Georgetown University. I participated in lectures on circulation through the heart, practiced stitches on a chicken leg, and assisted in giving CPR to a dummy in the patient simulation laboratory. Every fact about the human body I learned brought with it ten new questions for me to research. I consistently stayed after each lecture to gain insight about how cells, tissues, and organs all work together to carry out immensely complicated functions. The next year, in my AP Biology class, I was further amazed with the interconnected biological systems as I learned about the relationships between the human body and ecosystems. I discussed with my teacher how environmental changes will impact human health and how we must broaden our perspectives to use medicine to tackle these issues.

By integrating environmental and medical science, we can develop effective solutions to reduce the adverse effects of environmental degradation that Perela’s mother may have faced unintentionally. I want to go into the medical field so I can employ a long-term approach to combat biology’s hidden anomalies with a holistic viewpoint. I look forward to utilizing my undergraduate classes and extracurriculars to prepare for medical school so I can fight for both health care and environmental protection.

This student primarily answers the prompt in their middle paragraph as they describe their experience at a summer medical program as well as their science coursework in high school. This content shows their academic curiosity and rigor, yet the best part of the essay isn’t the student’s response to the prompt. The best part of this essay is the way the student positions their interest in medicine as authentic and unique.

The student appears authentic when they admit that they haven’t always been interested in medical school. Many applicants have wanted to be doctors their whole life, but this student is different. They were just in a medical office to translate and help, then got hooked on the profession and took that interest to the next level by signing up for a summer program.

Additionally, this student positions themself as unique as they describe the specifics of their interest in medicine, emphasizing their concern with the ways medicine and the environment interact. This is also refreshing!

Of course, you should always answer the prompt, but it’s important to remember that you can make room within most prompts to say what you want and show off unique aspects of yourself—just as this student did.

One thing this student should be careful of is namedropping Georgetown for the sake of it. There is no problem in discussing a summer program they attended that furthered their interest in medicine, but there is a problem when the experience is used to build prestige. Admissions officers already know that this student attended a summer program at Georgetown because it’s on their application. The purpose of the essay is to show  why attending the program was a formative moment in their interest.

The essay gets at the  why a bit when it discusses staying after class to learn more about specific topics, but the student could have gone further in depth. Rather than explaining the things the student did during the program, like stitching chicken legs and practicing CPR, they should have continued the emotional reflection from the first paragraph by describing what they thought and felt when they got hands-on medical experience during the program. 

Save describing prestigious accomplishments for your extracurriculars and resume; your essay is meant to demonstrate what made you you.

I love spreadsheets.

It’s weird, I know. But there’s something endlessly fascinating about taking a bunch of raw numbers, whipping and whacking them into different shapes and forms with formulas and equations to reveal hidden truths about the universe. The way I like to think about it is that the universe has an innate burning desire to tell us its stories. The only issue is its inability to talk with us directly. Most human stories are written in simple words and letters, but the tales of the universe are encrypted in numbers and relationships, which require greater effort to decode to even achieve basic comprehension. After all, it took Newton countless experimentation to discover the love story between mass and gravitation.

In middle school, whenever I opened a spreadsheet, I felt like I was part of this big journey towards understanding the universe. It took me a couple of years, but I eventually found out that my interest had a name: Data Science. With this knowledge, I began to read extensively about the field and took online courses in my spare time. I found out that the spreadsheets I had been using was just the tip of the iceberg. As I gained more experience, I started using more powerful tools like R (a statistical programming language) which allowed me to use sophisticated methods like linear regressions and decision trees. It opened my eyes to new ways to understand reality and changed the way I approached the world.

The thing I love most about data science is its versatility. It doesn’t matter if the data at hand is about the airflow on an owl’s wing or the living conditions of communities most crippled by poverty. I am able to utilize data science to dissect and analyze issues in any field. Each new method of analysis yields different stories, with distinct actors, settings, and plots. I’m an avid reader of the stories of the universe, and one day I will help the world by letting the universe write its own narrative.

This is an essay that draws the reader in. The student’s candid nature and openness truly allows us to understand why they are fascinated with spreadsheets themself, which in turn makes the reader appreciate the meaning of this interest in the student’s life. 

First, the student engages readers with their conversational tone, beginning “I love spreadsheets. It’s weird, I know,” followed shortly after by the phrase “whipping and whacking.” Then, they introduce their idea to us, explaining how the universe is trying to tell us something through numbers and saying that Newton discovered “the love story between mass and gravitation,” and we find ourselves clearly following along. They put us right there with them, on their team, also trying to discover the secrets of the universe. It is this bond between the student and the reader that makes the essay so engaging and worth reading.

Because the essay is focused on the big picture, the reader gets a sense of the wide-eyed wonderment this student experiences when they handle and analyze data. The student takes us on the “big journey towards understanding the universe” through the lens of Data Science. Explaining both the tools the student has used, like R and statistical regression, and the ideas the student has explored, like owl’s wings and poverty, demonstrates how this student fits into the micro and macro levels of Data Science. The reader gets a complete picture of how this student could change the world through this essay—something admissions officers always want to see.

The biggest thing that would improve this essay is an anecdote. As it’s written, the essay looks at Data Science from a more theoretical or aspirational perspective. The student explains all that Data Science can enable, but besides for explaining that they started coding with spreadsheets and R, they provide very little personal experience working with Data Science. This is where an anecdote would elevate the essay.

Adding a story about the first data set they examined or an independent project they undertook as a hobby would have elicited more emotion and allowed for the student to showcase their accomplishments and way of thinking. For example, they could delve into the feeling of enlightenment that came from first discovering a pattern in the universe. Or maybe they could describe how analyzing data was the catalyst that led them to reach out to local businesses to help them improve their revenue. 

If you have an impactful and enduring interest, such as this student does, you will have at least one anecdote you could include in your essay. You’ll find that essays with anecdotes are able to work in more emotional reflection that make the essay more memorable and the student more likable.

Prompt: What have you done to make your community a better place? (350 words)

Blinking sweat from my eyes, I raised my chin up to the pullup bar one last time before dropping down, my muscles trembling. But despite my physical exhaustion at the end of the workout, mentally, I felt reinvigorated and stronger than ever.

Minutes later, I sat at my computer, chatting with my friends about our first week in quarantine. After listening to numerous stories concerning boredom and loneliness, it struck me that I could use my passion for fitness to help my friends—I jumped at the chance to do so. 

After scouring the internet for the most effective exercises and fitness techniques, I began hosting Zoom workouts, leading friends, family, and anyone else who wanted to join in several fun exercises each week. I hoped these meetings would uplift anyone struggling during quarantine, whether from loneliness, uncertainty, or loss of routine. I created weekly workout plans, integrating cardio, strength, and flexibility exercises into each. Using what I learned from skating, I incorporated off-ice training exercises into the plans and added stretching routines to each session. 

Although many members were worried that they wouldn’t be able to complete exercises as well as others and hesitated to turn their cameras on, I encouraged them to show themselves on screen, knowing we’d only support one another. After all, the “face-to-face” interactions we had while exercising were what distinguished our workouts from others online; and I hoped that they would lead us to grow closer as a community. 

As we progressed, I saw a new-found eagerness in members to show themselves on camera, enjoying the support of others. Seeing how far we had all come was immensely inspiring: I watched people who couldn’t make it through one circuit finish a whole workout and ask for more; instead of staying silent during meetings, they continually asked for tips and corrections.

Despite the limitations placed on our interactions by computer screens, we found comfort in our collective efforts, the camaraderie between us growing with every workout. For me, it confirmed the strength we find in community and the importance of helping one another through tough times.

This essay accomplishes three main goals: it tells a story of how this student took initiative, it explores the student’s values, and it demonstrates their emotional maturity. We really get a sense of how this student improved their community while also gaining a large amount of insight into what type of person this student is.

With regards to initiative, this student writes about a need they saw in their community and the steps they took to satisfy that need. They describe the extensive thought that went into their decisions as they outline the planning of their classes and their unique decision to incorporate skating techniques in at-home workouts.

Additionally, they explore their values, including human connection. The importance of connection to this student is obvious throughout the essay as they write about their desire “to grow closer as a community.” It is particularly apparent with their final summarizing sentence: “For me, it confirmed the strength we find in community and the importance of helping one another through tough times.”

Lastly, this student positions themself as thoughtful when they recognize the way that embarrassment can get in the way of forming community. They do this through the specific example of feeling embarrassment when turning on one’s camera during a video call—a commonly-felt feeling. This ability to recognize fear of embarrassment as an obstacle to camaraderie shows maturity on the part of this applicant. 

This essay already has really descriptive content, a strong story, and a complete answer to the prompt, however there is room for every essay to improve. In this case, the student could have worked more descriptive word choice and figurative language into their essay to make it more engaging and impressive. You want your college essay to showcase your writing abilities as best as possible, while still sounding like you.

One literary device that would have been useful in this essay is a conceit or an extended metaphor . Essays that utilize conceits tend to begin with a metaphor, allude to the metaphor during the body of the paragraph, and end by circling back to the original metaphor. All together, it makes for a cohesive essay that is easy to follow and gives the reader a satisfying opening and conclusion to the essay.

The idea at the heart of this essay—working out to strengthen a community—would make for a great conceit. By changing the anecdote at the beginning to maybe reflect the lack of strength the student felt when working out alone and sprinkling in words and phrases that allude to strength and exercise during the essay, the last sentence (“For me, it confirmed the strength we find in community and the importance of helping one another through tough times”) would feel like a fulfilling end to the conceit rather than just a clever metaphor thrown in. 

Prompt: What have you done to make your school or your community a better place? (350 words)

The scent of eucalyptus caressed my nose in a gentle breeze. Spring had arrived. Senior class activities were here. As a sophomore, I noticed a difference between athletic and academic seniors at my high school; one received recognition while the other received silence. I wanted to create an event celebrating students academically-committed to four-years, community colleges, trades schools, and military programs. This event was Academic Signing Day.

The leadership label, “Events Coordinator,” felt heavy on my introverted mind. I usually was setting up for rallies and spirit weeks, being overlooked around the exuberant nature of my peers. 

I knew a change of mind was needed; I designed flyers, painted posters, presented powerpoints, created student-led committees, and practiced countless hours for my introductory speech. Each committee would play a vital role on event day: one dedicated to refreshments, another to technology, and one for decorations. The fourth-month planning was a laborious joy, but I was still fearful of being in the spotlight. Being acknowledged by hundreds of people was new to me. 

The day was here. Parents filled the stands of the multi-purpose room. The atmosphere was tense; I could feel the angst building in my throat, worried about the impression I would leave. Applause followed each of the 400 students as they walked to their college table, indicating my time to speak. 

I walked up to the stand, hands clammy, expression tranquil, my words echoing to the audience. I thought my speech would be met by the sounds of crickets; instead, smiles lit up the stands, realizing my voice shone through my actions. I was finally coming out of my shell. The floor was met by confetti as I was met by the sincerity of staff, students, and parents, solidifying the event for years to come. 

Academic students were no longer overshadowed. Their accomplishments were equally recognized to their athletic counterparts. The school culture of athletics over academics was no longer imbalanced. Now, everytime I smell eucalyptus, it is a friendly reminder that on Academic Signing Day, not only were academic students in the spotlight but so was my voice.

This is a good essay because it describes the contribution the student made to their community and the impact that experience had on shaping their personality. Admissions officers get to see what this student is capable of and how they have grown, which is important to demonstrate in your essays. Throughout the essay there is a nice balance between focusing on planning the event and the emotions it elicited from this student, which is summed up in the last sentence: “not only were academic students in the spotlight but so was my voice.”

With prompts like this one (which is essentially a Community Service Essay ) students sometimes take very small contributions to their community and stretch them—oftentimes in a very obvious way. Here, the reader can see the importance of Academic Signing Day to the community and the student, making it feel like a genuine and enjoyable experience for all involved. Including details like the four months of planning the student oversaw, the specific committees they delegated tasks to, and the hundreds of students and parents that attended highlights the skills this student possesses to plan and execute such a large event.

Another positive aspect of this essay is how the student’s emotions are intertwined throughout the essay. We see this student go from being a shy figure in the background to the confident architect of a celebrated community event, all due to their motivation to create Academic Signing Day. The student consistently shows throughout the essay, instead of telling us what happened. One example is when they convey their trepidation to public speaking in this sentence: “I walked up to the stand, hands clammy, expression tranquil, my words echoing to the audience. I thought my speech would be met by the sounds of crickets.”

Employing detailed descriptions of feelings, emotions, fears, and body language all contribute to an essay that reveals so much in subtle ways. Without having to be explicitly told, the reader learns the student is ambitious, organized, a leader, and someone who deeply values academic recognition when they read this essay.

While this essay has many positives, there are a couple of things the student could work on. The first is to pay more attention to grammar. There was one obvious typo where the student wrote “the fourth-month planning was a laborious joy”, but there were also many sentences that felt clunky and disjointed. Each and every essay you submit should put your best foot forward and impress admissions officers with your writing ability, but typos immediately diminish your credibility as a writer and sincerity as an applicant.

It’s important to read through your essay multiple times and consider your specific word choice—does each word serve a purpose, could a sentence be rewritten to be less wordy, etc? However, it’s also important you have at least one other person edit your essay. Had this student given their essay to a fresh set of eyes they might have caught the typo and other areas in need of improvement.

Additionally, this student began and ended the essay with the smell of eucalyptus. Although this makes for an intriguing hook, it has absolutely nothing to do with the actual point of the essay. It’s great to start your essay with an evocative anecdote or figurative language, but it needs to relate to your topic. Rather than wasting words on eucalyptus, a much stronger hook could have been the student nervously walking up to the stage with clammy hands and a lump in their throat. Beginning the essay with a descriptive sentence that puts us directly into the story with the student would draw the reader in and get them excited about the topic at hand.

Prompt: What have you done to make your school or community a better place? (350 words) 

“I wish my parents understood.” Sitting at the lunch table, I listened as my friends aired out every detail of their life that they were too afraid to share with their parents. Sexuality, relationships, dreams; the options were limitless. While I enjoyed playing therapist every 7th period, a nagging sensation that perhaps their parents should understand manifested in me. Yet, my proposal was always met with rolling eyes; “I wish they understood” began every conversation, but nothing was being done beyond wishing on both sides. 

I wanted to help not just my friends but the countless other stories I was told of severed relationships and hidden secrets. Ultimately, my quest for change led me to BFB, a local nonprofit. Participating in their Youth Leadership program, I devised and implemented a plan for opening up the conversation between students and parents with the team I led. We successfully hosted relationship seminars with guest speakers specializing on a range of topics, from inclusive education to parental pressure, and were invited to speak for BFB at various external events with local government by the end of my junior year. Collaborating with mental health organizations and receiving over $1,000 in funding from international companies facilitated our message to spread throughout the community and eventually awarded us with an opportunity to tackle a research project studying mental health among teens during the pandemic with professors from the University at Buffalo and UC Los Angeles. 

While these endeavors collectively facilitated my team to win the competition, the most rewarding part of it all was receiving positive feedback from my community and close friends. “I wish my parents understood” morphed into “I’m glad they tried to understand”. I now lead a separate program under BFB inspired by my previous endeavors, advancing its message even further and leaving a legacy of change and initiative for future high schoolers in the program. As I leave for college, I hope to continue this work at the University of California and foster a diverse community that embraces understanding and growth across cultures and generations.

The essay begins with a strong, human-centered story that paints a picture of what the writer’s community looks like. The first sentence acts as a hook by leaving readers with questions — whose parents are being discussed, and what don’t they understand? With their curiosity now piqued, readers become intrigued enough to move on to the next sentences. The last sentence of the first paragraph and beginning of the second relate to the same topic of stories from friends, making for a highly effective transition.

The writer then does a great job of describing their community impact in specific detail, which is crucial for this prompt. Rather than using vague and overly generalized language, the writer highlights their role in BFB with strong action verbs like “devised” and “implemented.” They also communicate the full scope of their impact with quantifiable metrics like “$1,000 in funding,” all while maintaining a flowing narrative style.

The essay ends by circling back to the reason why the writer got involved in improving their community through BFB, which makes the essay more cohesive and moving. The last sentences connect their current experiences improving community with their future aspirations to do so, both in the wider world and at a UC school. This forward-looking part allows admissions officers to get a sense of what the writer might accomplish as a UC alum/alumna, and is certainly something to emulate.

This essay’s biggest weakness is its organization. Since the second paragraph contains lots of dense information about the writer’s role in BFB, it would benefit from a few sentences that tie it back to the narrative in the first paragraph. For instance, the third sentence of the paragraph could be changed like so: “Participating in their Youth Leadership program, I led my team through devising and implementing a plan to foster student-parent conversations — the ones that my 7th period friends were in need of.”

The last paragraph also has the potential to be reorganized. The sentence with the “I wish my parents understood” quote would be more powerful at the end of the paragraph rather than in the middle. With a short transition added to the beginning, the new conclusion would look like so: “ Through it all, I hope to help ‘I wish my parents understood’ morph into ‘I’m glad they tried to understand’ for my 7th period friends and many more.” 

I drop my toothbrush in the sink as I hear a scream. Rushing outside, I find my mom’s hand painfully wedged in the gap between our outward-opening veranda doors. I quickly open it, freeing her hand as she gasps in relief. 

As she ices her hand, I regard the door like I would a trivia question or math problem – getting to know the facts before I start working on a solution. I find that, surprisingly, there is not a single protrusion to open the door from the outside! 

Perhaps it was the fact that my mom couldn’t drive or that my dad worked long hours, but the crafts store was off-limits; I’ve always ended up having to get resourceful and creative with whatever materials happened to be on hand in order to complete my impromptu STEM projects or garage builds. Used plastic bottles of various shapes and sizes became buildings for a model of a futuristic city. Cylindrical capacitors from an old computer, a few inches in height, became scale-size storage tanks. 

Inspired by these inventive work-arounds and spurred on by my mom’s plight, I procure a Command Strip, a roll of tennis racket grip, and, of course, duct tape. I fashion a rudimentary but effective solution: a pull handle, ensuring she would never find herself stuck again.

A desire to instill others in my community with this same sense of resourcefulness led me to co-found “Repair Workshops” at my school – sessions where we teach students to fix broken objects rather than disposing of them. My hope is that participants will walk away with a renewed sense of purpose to identify problems faced by members of their community (whether that’s their neighbor next door or the planet as a whole) and apply their newfound engineering skills towards solutions.

As I look towards a degree and career in engineering and business, these connections will serve as my grounding point: my reminder that in disciplines growing increasingly quantitative, sometimes the best startup ideas or engineering solutions originate from a desire to to better the lives of people around me.

This essay is a good example of telling a story with an authentic voice. With its down-to-earth tone and short, punchy paragraphs, it stands out as a piece of writing that only the author could have written. That is an effective way for you to write any of your college essays as well.

After readers are hooked by the mention of screaming in the first sentence, the writer immerses the readers in their thinking. This makes the essay flow very naturally — rather than a first paragraph of narrative followed by an unrelated description of STEM projects, the whole essay is a cohesive story that shows how the writer came to improve their community. 

Their take on community also makes the essay stand out. While many responses to this prompt will focus on an amorphous, big-picture concept of community, such as school or humanity, this essay is about a community that the writer has a close connection to — their family. Family is also not the large group of people that most applicants would first attach to the word “community,” but writing about it here is a creative take on the prompt. Though explaining community impact is most important, choosing the most unique community you are a part of is a great way to make your essay stand out.

This essay’s main weakness is that the paragraph about Repair Workshops does not go into enough detail about community impact. The writer should highlight more specific examples of leadership here, since it would allow them to demonstrate how they hope to impact many more communities besides their family. 

After the sentence ending with “fix broken objects rather than disposing of them,” a new part could be added that shows how the writer taught students. For example, the writer could tell the story of how “tin cans became compost bins” as they explained the importance of making the world a better place. 

Then, at the end of the paragraph, the writer could more concretely explain the visions they have to expand the impact of Repair Workshops. A good concluding sentence could start with “I too hope to use engineering skills and resourcefulness to…” Adding this extra context would also make the paragraph transition better to the final paragraph of the essay, which somewhat abruptly begins by mentioning the writer’s previously unmentioned career interests in engineering and business.

Where to Get Feedback on Your UC Essays

Want feedback like this on your University of California essays before you submit? We offer expert essay review by advisors who have helped students get into their dream schools. You can book a review with an expert to receive notes on your topic, grammar, and essay structure to make your essay stand out to admissions officers. In fact, Alexander Oddo , an essay expert on CollegeVine, provided commentary on several of the essays in this post.

Haven’t started writing your essay yet? Advisors on CollegeVine also offer expert college counseling packages . You can purchase a package to get one-on-one guidance on any aspect of the college application process, including brainstorming and writing essays.

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

Leadership Short Answer Example Essays

That's me, third from the left.

Update: Check out these UT Fall 2020 Leadership Short Answer Examples!

I wasn't what you would call a typical leader in high school. We were notorious high school sports hooligans.

If we had to write this prompt when I was applying to UT, I probably would have talked about covering our bodies in house paint and spray painting letters in support of our school's Men's Basketball Regional Semi-Finals in Waco. Our parents weren't too pleased.

UT wants you to discuss in 250-300 words your Leadership experiences and how you see yourself as a leader on campus.

>How do you show leadership in your life? How do you see yourself being a leader at UT Austin?

I provide tips and strategies in this previous post , and here I reproduce seven submissions students and I worked on. 

Leadership Short Answer: Working with the Visually Challenged

“You can do it. I will help you!” Those words cemented a special bond with Jeeva, a visually impaired young man. We accidentally collided one day in a crowded library. Overcome with guilt, I treated him to ice cream at a nearby kiosk. Jeeva was worried stiff about an upcoming diploma exam, so I offered to help. Our spontaneous encounter was the best part of my summer break! I cherish those next ten days that we spent studying.

Tutoring others is my favorite way to learn because it solidifies my knowledge while allowing me to see how others solve problems using different methods. I read aloud to him, summarized key ideas, and we discussed concepts. I realized that Jeeva listens much better than me. At times it seemed like he could anticipate and even read my thoughts just by the tone of my voice. He worked hard, and we both felt more confident about the material. Encouraged by his commitment, I recorded mp3 lessons that he could listen to and review.

I felt a sense of purpose working with Jeeva. The joy in lending my eyes through reading, the challenge in describing objects and material things I took for granted, the satisfaction of transcribing his notes led me to a volunteering organization. I have since spent over 50 hours helping other visually-challenged children and young adults like Jeeva. I also encouraged and facilitated my cousins to volunteer their time helping the visually-challenged. Jeeva is now a teaching assistant at a school.

At UT-Austin, I wish to volunteer my time with the Texas Technology Access Program to design devices for the visually challenged. I believe I can create devices that can anticipate the challenges faced by people with disabilities and that can facilitate simple yet effective steps to prevent injuries.

There are two basic ways to approach this prompt - discussing one or a few experiences. This essay is an excellent example how focusing on one experience can provide more depth to your profile and add context to your resume.

Focusing on one topic allows you to tell a story and illustrate your leadership qualities rather than dividing your essay between two or three examples. Telling their story with Jeeva personalizes their essay in a way that many "service/volunteering" essays fail to do.

The prompt requires that you suggest how you see yourself as a leader on campus. They do an excellent job identifying a niche organization that directly relates to their previous experiences and career ambitions in electrical/computer engineering.

Interested in writing your best essays? Complete my questionnaire for a free admissions consultation.

Leadership Short Answer: Rocketry Group Projects

I have demonstrated leadership through my technical activities. My resume and extracurricular activities are well-rounded, but I focus on engineering-oriented activities. I enjoy solving technical challenges, and we always compete in groups. I often take the lead in helping direct the overall vision of our efforts. I enjoy coordinating group members to capitalize on everyone’s strengths and minimizing our overall weaknesses. My experience as a co-captain and captain for the TARC Rocketry Challenge Club suggests that I have a track record for accomplishing our goals. I also like taking complex topics and distilling down the most important parts to explain to new members crucial concepts in simple ways.

I have also completed three internships in different engineering fields. My experiences expose me to different professionals, and I take small lessons from each environment and employ them in my life. I see that engineering in the real world also depends on groups, so I recognize the importance of being an effective team plater. I also created an after-school engineering club for like-minded students to discuss current events and the latest technological developments. I see myself continuing my efforts when I enroll at UT. I want to contribute to classroom discussions and join relevant organizations so I can continue exploring my interests and connecting with interesting people.

This essay takes the second approach, discussing more than one activity. They spend the first half of the essay sharing their favorite activity and organization. It directly relates to their first choice major, Aerospace Engineering.

The first half is a great combination of highlighting teamwork and problem solving abilities while suggesting that they have the interests and curiosities required to succeed in college.

The second paragraph references a few different leadership experiences including internships and founding their own organization. It's okay that they don't develop their ideas too thoroughly because it signals to their reviewer to pay close attention to their expanded resume where they elaborate on their commitments.

Leadership Short Answer: HOSA and Public Speaking

I remember hesitating outside the health science classroom before my first HOSA meeting freshman year. I felt unsure if my time and efforts would be worth committing myself to such a large club. I took a breath and entered.

Before my freshman year, public speaking terrified me. Confronting my fears rather than avoiding them, I registered for HOSA’s “Researched Persuasive Writing and Speaking” competition. I felt foolish competing in an event that showcases my weakest skills. Months before the first round of competition, I began drafting my speech. I practiced for weeks, refining my text, recording my voice, and presenting to the bathroom mirror.

I timidly arrived at the competition, and some senior competitors exacerbated my already stretched nerves by picking on me. When my turn came, I executed my speech exactly as I had dozens of times alone. I felt comfortable with my performance; finishing without embarrassing myself was good enough for me. I listened passively to the award ceremony, and felt shocked when they announced “Second place, Ram Visha!”

I ambled up to the stage, my heart trying to escape from my chest, in a mixed state of wonder and pride in my accomplishment. Aside from my newfound interest in public speaking, I have learned that if you put yourself out there and give your best efforts, trusting in the process will help you grow.

To me, leadership means the courage to overcome your fears, learn from failure, and inspire others to do the same. Serving as an Officer for my school’s HOSA Chapter, National Honor Society Chapter, and Band, I do everything I can to ensure the success of the organization I lead and its members. I will continue these positive habits as I transition to a leader on UT’s campus.

This is another effective example how focusing on your most memorable activity or experience allow you to illustrate a story that indirectly demonstrates your leadership qualities. Anytime you can share a story rather than simply telling your reviewer how you're a leader is preferable.

They use their Leadership short answer as an opportunity to show how they overcame adversity and converted a weakness into a strength. Discussing HOSA also relates to their first choice major of Biology with a pre-med interest.

They round their essay out well identifying specific opportunities on UT's campus that appeals to them.

Pick up your copy of the definitive guide to UT-Austin admissions Your Ticket to the Forty Acres

Leadership Short Answer: Family, Community, Founder

I am the oldest of three siblings, and I strive to set a positive example for my younger brother and sister. Early in my mother’s battle with Leukemia, I did chores without asking, and they began emulating my behavior. We tried our best to relieve some of the stress in our family. I am proud of starting a local “Lick Leukemia” walk in support of my mother and another family friend who both have leukemia. It is a community effort, and we project to raise $10,000 this year.

At school, I founded our Investment Club. I have grown this into our school’s most popular student ran and funded the organization. I also co-founded our school’s Model U.N., which was the only first-year group at the state competition to win an award. My classmates elected me as Treasurer of our student body where I am responsible for keeping monetary records and handling funds.

On the field, I won the starting quarterback job during my sophomore year after having not played since fifth grade. I led our team to the second round of the playoffs, our first trip in five years.

I will continue serving as a leader in college. You only get one shot at college, and I want to have meaningful experiences helping others. I am excited to work alongside like-minded, driven, service-oriented Longhorns. I want to join the Texas Blazers service organization and Capital Community. I hope to start a business-specific organization. During my visit to Austin, I attended a service at First English Lutheran Church and met a UT student involved with University Campus Ministry. I look forward to reconnecting with him and learning ways to continue my ministry work.

This essay is a great example how you can discuss more than one activity or experience. Instead of simply stating that their mother fought cancer, they take it a step further how they advocated and raised money to help other families. It's also a good example how you can be a leader at home or in your family and not just in formal extracurricular activities.

They eventually gained admission to McCombs Business, so highlighting their founding of an Investment Club relates to their first choice major. Reviewers look for Leadership experience and students who are well-rounded, so touching on a few other Leadership roles is an effective way to make this argument.

Sharing a visit to campus is a great way to answer Why UT is a great fit for you. They paint a full portrait of how they see themselves as a leader on campus and no doubt their reviewer had a favorable impression after reading this and their other essays.

Leadership Short Answer: Winless JV Lacrosse Season

Zero wins and twelve losses. Our coach referred to our Junior Varsity lacrosse team as “quite possibly the most unathletic group he’s ever coached.” As team captain, classmates questioned, and teammates held me accountable for our historically-poor performance. We were mostly sophomores and juniors, and I agree with our coach’s bleak assessment. We didn’t have the size, strength, speed, or experience to compete. I could have answered people’s condescension with negativity, but I instead responded with the opposite. I told them about everything that went right.

We went into every game believing that we could win, and with each successive, sometimes last-second loss, our confidence collapsed, and our morale dropped. Rather than letting each loss carry over to next week’s practice, I took the initiative to challenge my teammates and encourage them to keep working hard. Surprisingly, we didn’t argue much, and I can confidently say that we walked into every game with a winning mentality. It can be easy to become negative, but I think my optimism helped our team come close in many games. In some ways, we outperformed expectations even if that didn’t show up on the scoreboard.

I pride myself on keeping my head held high no matter how tough the situation. It’s easy to be a leader on winning teams. It’s much more difficult to lead perennial losers. I lead through kindness, motivation, and conscientiousness. At UT Austin, I plan to lead a student organization that focuses on fortifying the morale of struggling students. Mental health issues are a big concern on college campuses. I want to be an advocate for struggling students to help alleviate these anxieties and pressures. I trust that my ability to lift people up from pessimistic positions will be a crucial measure of my years at UT.

This is one of my favorite short answer submissions from any that I worked with. It's kind of an opposite-leadership response. It's easy to say you're a leader in a state championship band or a nationally competitive robotics team. It's another thing entirely to maintain a positive attitude, continue going to practice, and giving your best effort when you're on a team clearly lacking talent.

They take a nuanced perspective to winning, losing, and competition. Implicitly, they demonstrate characteristics like maturity, patience, and resilience. I particularly like their Why UT statement connecting their own struggles with wanting to volunteer with UT Mental Health Services.

It's an outstanding example how, at first glance, an experience that may have few redeeming qualities for admissions reviewers can be reframed into a very powerful statement about your personality and ability to handle setbacks. 

Interested in building your best application? Complete my questionnaire for a free admissions consultation.

Leadership: Sports and DECA

I am most proud of my athletic leadership. Unlike research, communication, and the social sciences, sports don’t come as naturally. I played on Anderson’s junior varsity football team, and I took to heart the coach’s emphasis on leading by example. Our football team wasn’t very good and, with morale low, I made it a point to take the lead on sprints and drills. I wasn’t always the most athletic, but I was one of the coach’s favorites because I tried my hardest. I had to compensate against other naturally talented and experienced players.

My fondest memory from high school was when I recovered a fumble during our spring game. The whole defense came off the sideline and started celebrating like I had won the game! Despite my fleeting moment of glory, I realized football isn’t for me. I played golf during my sophomore and junior year. I always stayed after practice to hit by myself no matter how many blisters had broken open. Soon, my teammates looked to me for advice often alongside my lighthearted teasing.

At Anderson, I competed in DECA business finance events. I was elected officer but couldn’t serve since we moved to Singapore, but as a member, I created study guides and tip sheets to help chapter members prepare for competitions. Currently, I am an officer in my international school’s Business Club. I teach members about investing while organizing guest speakers and business projects in collaboration with school faculty.

At UT Austin, I want to join the Computational Finance club and the Undergraduate Investment Team, where I can learn more about quantitative analysis and apply my financial theory knowledge to manage portfolios. I can continue my service past high school by joining UT’s Alpha Phi Omega chapter and give back to Austin.

What's interesting about this submission is what this student chose not to share. Their resume was outstanding and undoubtedly one of the strongest in the applicant pool even for Business Honors where they eventually gained admission. At first, I was unsure about their choice to discuss sports, but after working through a few drafts, I saw their point of view and reasoning for discussing football.

Playing JV football and recovering a fumble in the spring game was probably at the bottom of their resume and would otherwise be unremarkable. They committed their other essays to a few more prominent activities. By focusing on their area of most improvement - athletics - they provide a different dimension to their application than if they had discussed their more obvious leadership activities.

They balance out their prompt citing a few examples to demonstrate their interests and competencies in Business and illustrate effectively how they see themselves as a leader in UT's Finance community.

Leadership: Hosting a Film Festival

During Spring 2017, I was chosen to be the Director of the Second-Annual Pegasus Film Festival. Over a hundred DFW-area high school students entered their short films in a jury-judged competition. The top twenty-two films were screened at the Studio Movie Grill in Richardson to an audience of over 300 industry professionals, friends, and family. A Q&A with the filmmakers concluded the evening.

My film teacher recognized my ability to visualize the desired outcome, plan a timeline, and complete a large project in a timely fashion. She trusted that I could complete a large task with many moving parts and execute the event smoothly. Given the complexity and magnitude of the festival, I had to engage, encourage, and communicate with my team, the student filmmakers, the community, sponsors, our venue, and industry professionals to make our vision a reality.

Booker T is a community of artists, creative revolutionaries really, but artists tend to get bogged down in the details and fail to finish projects. People who can complete projects are a precious commodity. Managing artists can be like herding cats, temperamental, scratching cats. I hosted many meetings with festival volunteers to build our vision and coordinate roles and responsibilities. I strived to communicate effectively with my peers. Everyone has their own ideas and opinions on the best way to do things. With some advice from my friends and trusted faculty, I incorporated their suggestions to create an agreeable style. Conceding changes and allowing volunteers to “make it their own” really improved morale and performance.

I learned that leadership is a fluid exercise, always changing, and accommodating others to elicit their best ideas and efforts. I intend to continue my efforts in artistic and technology organizations at UT-Austin and the annual South by SouthWest exposition.

I like this essay because it focus on a specific event that showcases their leadership abilities. It's rich in detail showing their specific roles, responsibilities, and challenges for hosting a successful film festival. They do an effective job of quantifying how many people attended, how many films they screened, and how many people they coordinated to host the event.

Their essay focuses less on how they see themselves as a leader at UT, but by telling their story, they implicitly answer the question. It's preferable to provide specific, concrete examples to support their points rather than simply asserting that they're an effective communicator or team player.

I would love to discuss your application and future goals. Complete my questionnaire for a free admissions consultation.  

NPR editor Uri Berliner resigns after essay accusing outlet of liberal bias

A senior business editor at National Public Radio has resigned after writing an essay for an online news site published last week accusing the outlet of a liberal bias in its coverage.

In a Wednesday post on X , Uri Berliner included a statement in what he said was his resignation letter to NPR President and CEO Katherine Maher.

"I am resigning from NPR, a great American institution where I have worked for 25 years," Berliner wrote in the post. "I don't support calls to defund NPR. I respect the integrity of my colleagues and wish for NPR to thrive and do important journalism. But I cannot work in a newsroom where I am disparaged by a new CEO whose divisive views confirm the very problems at NPR I cite in my Free Press essay."

On Friday, Berliner was suspended for five days without pay, NPR confirmed Tuesday , a week after his essay in the Free Press, an online news publication, where he argued the network had "lost America's trust" and allowed a "liberal bent" to influence its coverage, causing the outlet to steadily lose credibility with audiences.

Berliner's essay also angered many of his colleagues and exposed Maher, who started as NPR's CEO in March, to a string of attacks from conservatives over her past social media posts.

Dig deeper: NPR suspends senior editor Uri Berliner after essay accusing outlet of liberal bias

NPR reported that the essay reignited the criticism that many prominent conservatives have long leveled against NPR and prompted newsroom leadership to implement monthly internal reviews of the network's coverage.

Neither NPR nor Maher have not yet publicly responded to Berliner's resignation, but Maher refuted his claims in a statement Monday to NPR.

"In America everyone is entitled to free speech as a private citizen," Maher said. "What matters is NPR's work and my commitment as its CEO: public service, editorial independence, and the mission to serve all of the American public. NPR is independent, beholden to no party, and without commercial interests."

Contributing: Eric Lagatta, USA TODAY.