the family that plays together stays together essay

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The Family that Prays Together Stays Together

SUSIE LLOYD

It was the same for me. Nobody ever sat me down to teach me my prayers. Nobody ever handed me a card with the Our Father on it and said, “Memorize this.” We just said the prayers so often that I learned them. I remember kneeling with my family in the living room and struggling to keep up until one day, I just knew all the words.

Jesus said, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20). Think about that. “There am I …” Jesus actually comes to you, into your midst. He is there. And if you’ve got Jesus with you, nothing can destroy you.

A young Dominican sister I once interviewed shows just how close a family can be when it prays together. While she was growing up, her parents and four siblings pledged themselves to Our Lord and Our Lady daily. To this day they continue to pray “together.”

No matter where they are in the world, each one of them stops at a certain time of day to say their family prayer “together.” They don’t stop everything to hit a volleyball, though they did share a love of sports. Only prayer keeps them united, even across the miles. One look at the prayer they use, and it’s no secret why they are still so close­knit.

Dear Sacred Heart of Jesus, we renew our pledge of love and loyalty to You. Keep us always close to Your loving Heart and to the most pure Heart of Your Mother.

May we love one another more and more each day, forgiving each other’s faults as You forgive us our sins. Teach us to see You in the members of our family and those we meet outside our home, and to love them as You love them, especially the poor and the oppressed, that we may be instrumental in bringing about justice and peace.

Please help us to carry our cross daily out of love for You, and to strengthen this love by frequent Mass and Communion. 

Thank You, dear Jesus, King and Friend of our family, for all the blessings of this day. Protect us and all families during this night. Help us so to live that we may all get to Heaven.

If you want to have a happy family, make praying together a daily event. Ask God to bless your family, bring you closer together, and make you a blessing to everyone you meet.

Susie Lloyd has won three Catholic Press Awards for her writing. Find her books, articles, and speaking schedule at SusieLloyd.com .

This article was originally published in Catechist magazine, March 2018.

Photo credit: shutterstock 123837895

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The Family That Prays Together Stays Together

John Phalen, C.S.C.

Celebrating the 100th anniversary of Fr. Patrick Peyton's birth

He grew up in a poor rural area of Ireland but with great zeal he brought literally millions of people closer to the Lord Jesus Christ by way of the family Rosary. This is the most important reason for the 100th year anniversary celebration taking place throughout 2009 in 17 countries around the world, commemorating the birth and mission of the Servant of God Fr. Patrick Peyton, C.S.C..

Born on 9 January 1909, in Caracastle, County Mayo, Ireland, Patrick was the sixth of nine children in a family where often there were more people than potatoes to feed them. But every night without fail his father would lead the family in praying the Holy Rosary. This kept them spiritually nourished and united in difficult times.

The young Patrick did not do well in his early school years. More than the two-room schoolhouse which he attended, he appreciated the home and the example of his parents as "the best school, library, hospital and even church" he could ever attend. He grew close to his parish priest in Attymass at St. Joseph's parish and often served two early morning Masses a day, having walked about three miles to get to the parish. Patrick applied to two religious communities in Ireland but was refused because the family could not afford to pay for his education. He became upset and made up his mind not to be a priest after all.

One moving encounter with his father was later recounted by Fr. Peyton when speaking to huge gatherings. In Ireland there was what was known as an "American Wake", when a member of the family set out for America to find work. Pat and his brother Tom found themselves in this situation in 1928. The last words his father shared with him on this occasion were: "Be faithful to Our Lord in America". Pat would strive to do just that. He and Tom were never to see their parents again and he shed some tears on board as he watched his mother waving from the shore as he and his brother left their native land.

The brothers arrived in Scranton, Pennsylvania, where some of their sisters already lived. Tom worked in the coal mines while Pat accepted a job with the cathedral parish as a "sexton" or janitor. This gave him time to pray before the Eucharist, which revived his feeling of being called to the priesthood.

Pat and Tom presented themselves to the Holy Cross priests who came to preach a mission in the parish. Each proclaimed that he had a vocation to the priesthood. They entered the seminary at the University of Notre Dame, where Pat was delighted to study much harder at an institution named for Our Lady.

Pat turned out to be an excellent theology student, once he received the remedial help he needed completing high school. They were studying at Catholic University in Washington, D.C., when disaster struck.

Pat became deathly ill with tuberculosis. He was throwing up blood and getting weaker daily. He was transferred back to the Notre Dame infirmary. The illness had developed for nearly a year when doctors told Pat: "You had better try prayer. All that we have tried is not working!".

Pat was at his worst when a fellow Irishman, Fr. Cornelius Haggerty, C.S.C, came to give him a real challenge. "Mary is alive right here and now, Pat", he said. "She is a 100 'per-center', if you only believe it! You know how dedicated the Irish are to the Rosary. Well, pray it yourself, believing that Mary is alive and able to give you 100 percent of what you ask".

Pat prayed his Rosary more fervently than ever. And the impossible happened. After a novena of Rosaries, Pat declared himself cured! It was 8 December, 1939, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. The doctors needed persuading to give him the tests that would prove him right: there was no trace of tuberculosis! Pat was thrilled as he returned to his studies, determined that if he was ordained a priest, he would dedicate his priesthood to the work of the one who saved his life: Mary.

The blessed day came 14 June 1940 when he was ordained with his class. His illness had set him back, so after a final year of theology study, and because of his delicate health, Fr. Peyton was assigned as chaplain to the Brothers of Holy Cross who taught at Vincentian Institute High School in Albany, New York. While praying, it came to Fr. Peyton how he would repay Our Lady for this miraculous healing. He would promote the Family Rosary all around the U.S.A.

Fr. Peyton saw much to do as "Mary's donkey", as he referred to himself. He was persuasive and focused. His energy was boundless. Many volunteered to help him from among the Brothers and a secretarial class at the high school and another at the College of St. Rose. He wrote to Bishops and anyone he could think of to help him promote the "family Rosary", which he founded in 1942.

People responded to his intensity. He gave "triduums" at parishes on weekends, always speaking with great affection of Mary's intercessory power and giving the story of his own healing as an example.

Fr. Peyton started leading the Rosary on radio, which was just coming into vogue. Though it was a small station in Albany, he saw it as an opportunity to multiply his voice and reach many more people. "If only I could reach 5 million people in the U.S.A.!", he thought.

With more and more success in Albany, Fr. Peyton was emboldened to seek a program on national radio. In New York City, he persuaded a non-Christian woman in charge of programming at the Mutual Broadcasting System, to give him time on the largest network in the U.S.A. She agreed on the condition that Fr. Peyton get a big Hollywood star. Trusting that Mary would guide him, he accepted the time and the condition.

He picked up the phone in Albany and asked the operator to get him Bing Crosby in Hollywood. He actually reached Crosby who agreed to be on his program. So Fr. Peyton picked up the phone again and asked the operator to get him the family of the five Sullivan brothers who were killed when their ship went down in the war, and the parents and sister agreed to lead the Rosary on the air. The program was broadcast on 13 May 1945, Mother's Day and also a National Day of Thanksgiving for VE (Victory in Europe) Day on 8 May. I seems the whole country was listening — 311 stations aired the program — when Bing Crosby spoke of the importance of family prayer. Cardinal Spellman of New York and even President Truman spoke. And that was the first time the nation heard the impassioned voice of the "Rosary priest" encouraging them to strengthen their family life by praying the Rosary together.

The success of that program led Mutual to offer Fr. Peyton a weekly time slot if he could deliver a dramatic program with the top stars and writers of Hollywood. More volunteers, including Hollywood celebrities and Holy Cross priests and brothers, joined Fr Peyton. He opened Family Theater Productions in Hollywood in 1947 to produce the Family Theater of the air radio series on Mutual.

He had gotten to know Loretta Young who said of him, "I never met a man so in love with a woman as Fr. Peyton was in love with the Blessed Mother". She starred in the first show on 13 February 1947, "Flight from Home", hosted by Jimmy Stewart. Though the shows were morality plays, the host could promote family prayer, and the famous slogan, "The family that prays together stays together", was written in 1947 for the program. It was heard weekly and became Fr Peyton's slogan and a household phrase. Family Theater of the air became one of the longest weekly radio dramas in history, lasting 22 years. Fr. Peyton had reached his 5 million listeners and more!

He did not stop there. In 1948 he began to organize huge Rosary rallies, called Family Rosary Crusades. He received invitations from Bishops around the world. In 1961 in San Francisco, 500,000 people attended his rally, judged by the Archdiocesan archivist in 2003 as the number one event in the Archdiocese's 150-year history. In Latin America a huge campaign reached millions: in 1962, 1 million in Colombia; 1.5 million in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil in 1962; and 2 million in Sao Paulo, Brazil in 1064. He also drew 2 million to his 1985 rally in the Philippines.

As if radio and the crusades were not enough, in the 1950s Fr. Peyton took on a massive film project, producing three feature-length epic dramas in Spain on the life of Christ, divided into the Joyful, Sorrowful and Glorious Mysteries of the Rosary. These films were seen around the world and were the first films many in Latin America ever saw. He continued to produce TV specials — dramas, documentaries and interview and variety programs — again featuring many of Hollywood's biggest stars.

Popes praised him. Bishops sought him out. Fr. Peyton became well-known for enlisting famous celebrities to witness to the power of faith and prayer. Before he died on 3 June 1992, Fr. Peyton had circled the globe and spoken to over 28 million people in person in crusades. He had reached countless millions more on over 600 radio and television shows and in film. His daring came from his gratitude to Our Lady for preserving his very life and priesthood. He spoke of nothing but the Blessed Mother, her Rosary, and the work of the Family Rosary and Family Theater Productions.

Today the work continues under the title Holy Cross Family Ministries. Family Rosary retreats and missions are preached, and materials (books, pamphlets, DVDs, award-winning radio and TV programs in various languages) are produced and distributed. A national billboard campaign encourages family prayer. Contests on themes related to the Family Rosary gain interest from the young, and school presentations instruct teachers and students on how to evangelize using the Rosary. More than 1.2 million Rosaries are distributed yearly from 17 international centers. The organization's website, www.hcfm.org, informs people of upcoming Rosary events and programs and allows those who use the internet to ask a world-wide audience to pray for their particular intentions.

The international Angelus Student Film Festival receives approximately 500 entries a year from new young filmmakers. Awards are given for films which portray the dignity of the human condition. The entertainment community finds in Family Theater Productions an outreach and a warm welcome in its "Prayer and Pasta" program, its R.C.I.A. and "Theology of the Body" offerings. The staff of Family Theater Productions carries on the mission of Fr. Peyton reaching out to the stars who wish to live their faith more deeply in Hollywood.

This 100th anniversary year began with a special novena of family Rosaries prayed around the world and continues with a premiere of a new DVD entitled "Rosary Stars: Praying the Gospel". Fr. Peyton would be delighted that sports figures and Hollywood stars continue to witness to the faith and lead a revival of interest in the Rosary through this DVD.

Rallies have been held as well. Holy Cross Family Ministries assisted in a Eucharistic Rosary Crusade in Dallas, Texas in 2005, which drew 25,000 people, and it sponsored a "Rosary Bowl" in the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California, in May 2007, which drew tens of thousands. On 6 June 2009, an anniversary rally will be held at the football stadium at Stonehill College in North Easton, Massachusetts, and another rally is planned in 2010 in the Diocese of Peoria, Illinois.

Further anniversary events include a Family Retreat 7-9, August, at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana; a pilgrimage to Fr. Peyton's homeland of Ireland 5-13 October 2009; a 26 April Mass by the Cardinal Archbishop of Armagh at Attymass, Ireland where a new statue of the Servant of God Fr. Patrick Peyton will be unveiled and blessed; and talks and rallies in all17 countries where Holy Cross Family Ministries operate. Also, Marian music concerts in Peru, special prayer groups in Haiti, missions in Chile and Mexico, radio programs in East and West Africa, and television programs and assemblies of Family Rosary Crusade units in the Philippines are all a part of the anniversary celebration.

The cause for beatification of Fr. Peyton was declared in 2001 by the then Bishop of Fall River, Massachusetts, Sean O'Malley, O.F.M. Cap., (now the Cardinal Archbishop of Boston), who knew Fr. Peyton personally. No wonder that chapters of the Fr. Peyton Guild promoting his cause have sprung up around the world. It takes 30 Holy Cross priests, brothers and sisters and numerous lay people today to carry on the mission begun by this media pioneer.

This zealous priest has left the world a beautiful heritage. No doubt Mary continues to intercede for this mission as does Fr. Peyton himself. 2009 is the year to "Honor his memory and continue his mission". The year's 100th anniversary observance of his birth and the dynamic ministry of Holy Cross Family Ministries encourage more families to realize that "The family that prays together stays together". We need to imitate Fr. Peyton's zeal, a man who may one day be declared a Saint for families.  

Taken from: L'Osservatore Romano Weekly Edition in English 18 February 2009, page 10

L'Osservatore Romano is the newspaper of the Holy See. The Weekly Edition in English is published for the US by:

The Cathedral Foundation L'Osservatore Romano English Edition 320 Cathedral St. Baltimore, MD 21201 Subscriptions: (410) 547-5315 Fax: (410) 332-1069 [email protected]

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The family that plays together, stays together

An important part of your family’s health and happiness is making time to have fun together. Families who make time to have fun together report feeling closer, more satisfied, and more mentally healthy. Families who engage in many types of quality time (as opposed to just one) are closer and more adaptable too. Even if the time you have together is limited—as is often the case for military families—the excitement leading up to and including family events can make memories that last a lifetime. Family time also builds connections that help withstand separation during deployment or other duty assignments.

Make family time fun

Family fun time comes in many forms, including ordinary “core” activities and get-togethers, such as family dinners and game nights; and special occasions, such as vacations and birthday parties. Although patterns of family time shift as children get older and develop their own social lives, making time for one another is always important .

Core family activities are generally low-cost, accessible, regularly occurring, and often home-based. These types of activities help create stability and structure, and they facilitate bonding and closeness. Core activities are particularly important for the home-front parent to focus on while the other parent is deployed because they create a sense of consistency. See how many of the following activities are already on your family’s list of things you do together—and add in others to boost the fun factor:

• Play cards or board games.
• Spend time outside —in the yard, gardening, or walking around the neighborhood .
• Eat dinner as a family regularly —have a family pizza or taco night, or go out to eat together.
• Head to a nearby park or your local pool.
• Try an art or crafts project together.
• Hold regular family meetings to plan your next adventures, discuss problems, and keep the lines of communication open.
• Just talk! Play “would you rather?” or ask about favorite (and least favorite) moments of the day or week. For teens, you might find group texts or chats work well too.

Special family activities are new or different experiences for you and your children that teach new skills, encourage trying new things, and present opportunities for family problem solving. Special family time is important for encouraging family flexibility and adaptability. Many parents find these types of activities create long-lasting memories and even help prepare their kids with life skills for the future.

• Take a family vacation, even if you just visit a nearby city or town.
• Try camping, fishing, or hiking.
• Celebrate events such as birthdays, homecomings, and holidays.
• Go to a theme park, concert, or sporting event.
• Find an opportunity to volunteer together and give back to your local community.

If a member of your family is deployed , you should still schedule family fun time. It’s a good way for home-front spouses and their kids to cope with the absence of their deployed family member. There are even family activities a out-of-town Warfighter can take part in despite the physical separation. Choose a book or movie for everyone to read or watch, then talk about it together over the phone or video chat . Family time also might be spent making things to send to your deployed Service Member. You can document your fun time with photos or videos you can send too.

Published on : April 1, 2019

Ashbourne, L. M., & Daly, K. J. (2012). Changing patterns of family time in adolescence: Parents’ and teens’ reflections. Time & Society, 21 (3), 308–329. doi:10.1177/0961463x10387689

Ginsburg, K. R. (2007). The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds. Pediatrics, 119 (1), 182–191. doi:10.1542/peds.2006-2697

Haddock, S. A., Zimmerman, T. S., Ziemba, S. J., & Curent, L. R. (2001). Ten adaptive strategies for family and work balance: Advice from successful families. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 27 (4), 445–458. doi:10.1111/j.1752-0606.2001.tb00339.x

Werner, T. L., & Shannon, C. S. (2013). Doing more with less: Women's leisure during their partners’ military deployment. Leisure Sciences, 35 (1), 63–80. doi:10.1080/01490400.2013.739897

Zabriskie, R. B., & McCormick, B. P. (2017). Parent and child perspectives of family leisure involvement and satisfaction with family life. Journal of Leisure Research, 35 (2), 163–189. doi:10.1080/00222216.2003.11949989

‘The family that prays together stays together’ is more than a saying, BYU research finds

By Marianne Holman Prescott

A decade ago, Joe Chelladurai and his father were standing on the coast near his hometown of Chennai, India. The two talked as they watched the rising rays of the early morning sun and listened to the rolling waves.

Chelladurai, then in his late teens, was feeling overwhelmed. Besides struggling in school, he had other things on his mind.

His father prayed with his son.

“I remember him expressing love and concern in his prayer,” said Chelladurai.

Chelladurai was used to praying with his family, but the words of his father’s special prayer left him feeling strengthened. It was a pivotal moment moving forward.

Just a few years later in 2016, after serving a mission and completing his undergraduate and master’s degrees at a college in India, Chelladurai was in his first semester of his PhD program at Brigham Young University when he was invited to his roommate’s family dinner over the Thanksgiving holiday.

Before the meal, the family gathered together for a prayer.

“I observed a family coming together naturally,” he said. “It was special for them, they spoke of things they were grateful for and were getting emotional.”

That experience, coupled with those of his own growing up, sparked his interest in studying more about how prayer impacts families.

Rather than wondering if prayer made a difference in families, Chelladurai wanted to know how it made a difference.

“We wanted to get into the specifics,” he said.

In a recently published study in the Journal of Family Psychology, BYU researchers looked at Chelladurai’s question — how family prayer influences family relationships. What Chelladurai and his colleagues found is that the familiar phrase, “The family that prays together stays together” is more than just a saying.

And now there’s research to back it up.

“There hasn’t been much research that actually looks carefully at what does happen with families that pray together,” said David C. Dollahite, professor at Brigham Young University and one of the authors of the paper. “If it is true that ‘the family that prays together stays together’ — why? And what is it about prayer that affects relationships that helps families be closer and have greater unity?”

Researchers studied 476 participants from 198 religious families — Christian, Jewish and Muslim — living in 17 different states across the country and asked questions like:

• “Which faith practices hold special meaning to you as a family?”
• “How do you share your faith with your children?”
• “How does your family overcome stresses and problems?”

The questions didn’t specifically ask about prayer, but many participants reported that prayer was important and meaningful to them and “occupied a special place in family life.”

In fact, 96 percent of the families referred to prayer in their responses.

Whether praying before a meal, at bedtime, in stressful situations or on holidays or special occasions, researchers found prayer has many positive benefits. Among the positive outcomes were reduced relational tensions and feelings of closeness and unity.

The study authors — Chelladurai, Dollahite and Loren D. Marks, all from the School of Family Life at BYU — identified seven themes from their research:

Theme 1: Family prayer as a time of family togetherness and interaction

Participants indicated that family prayer was a time of worship, as well as a time of interaction. As they removed distractions and set aside time to disconnect from the rest of the world, they were able to connect with God and each other.

“These intentional efforts to prioritize and be available reportedly makes this a special time of family togetherness that stands out from the rest of the day,” according to the publication.

Yameen, a Muslim father quoted in the study reported, “We (pray) as a family. Especially after prayer … the whole house settle(s) down. There is no TV, there is no Internet … there is pureness of communication there, and it comes straight from the heart. You know, you just cannot get that any other way and especially close with the children.”

Gabriella, a Jewish mother said, “It is a chance to breath, to relax. … We’ve had a busy week and here’s our time to be together, and we always take a deep breath before we do this and let all the thoughts, craziness, and worries, and everything slip away, and we say the blessing.”

Theme 2: Family prayer as a space for social support

Researchers reported that families in the study identify prayer as a place for them to “go to God” to “draw strength” and “comfort and encourage each other.” Prayer can also be a time for families to share and process personal challenges. It is a powerful arena for providing and receiving social support.

One Asian Christian mother, Mei-Fen, said of her experience praying with her son: “There were several times this year, he said he felt bad when he came back home from school. He wanted me to pray with him hand in hand in his room, and then he felt better and went to sleep. Prayer has become his practice. … It seems that he found answer(s) through prayer.”

Theme 3: Family prayer as a means for intergenerational transmission of religion

Family prayer is one way to develop a “sense of ritual” as parents teach their children about religion and faith. As children learn to pray through their parents’ example, a flow of religious direction and communication occurs.

“Family prayer, as a practice, was also a means to transmit faith,” according to the study.

Khadija, an 18-year-old Muslim, said of her younger sister: “Even the youngest one, she likes to pray. She’s one and a half. She’ll come and she’ll try new positions with us. She doesn’t understand exactly what we’re doing, but she sees us doing it every day. And that’s part of her everyday life, so she’ll come and she’ll join us, and she’ll look at us, see if she’s doing it right. And from an early age it becomes part of your life, so when you’re older and you have to do it, then it becomes just easy for you, and it’s not a burden.”

Theme 4: Family prayer involves issues and concerns of individuals and the family

Not only is prayer an opportunity to speak to God, it is also a time for families to disclose details of their day. Whether it is addressing a concern or an opportunity to pray on behalf of others, prayer becomes a “time and space” to share feelings and thoughts.

Theme 5: Family prayer helps reduce relational tensions

Researchers found that for participants praying together as a family brought a “balancing” effect to their relationships.

“Family members reported that during times of relational tensions and stress, prayer was a way to reduce or even alleviate tensions, as well as to help maintain harmonious relationships,” according to the study.

Theme 6: Family prayer provides feelings of connectedness, unity and bonding

Another benefits of family prayer is a sense of connection within a family unit. The physical and spiritual aspects of family prayer — holding hands and coming together as a family “praying as one” — bring a spiritual connection, unity and bonding.

“Families that seemed to have (prayer) naturally … (part) of their day, those who were intentional, seemed to have seamless connections that helped in many aspects of family life,” said Dollahite. “It is a time for them to connect with God and each other.”

Theme 7: Families struggle to pray together when there is disunity

Just as there are many positive experiences that come from family prayer, there are some challenges and struggles associated with praying as a family. When one or more family members are “non-believers” or practice a different faith, prayer can be a divide, bring dissatisfaction and conflict.

Even families practicing the same religion with similar core beliefs can see conflict when one of the family members feels there should be more or less prayer in their home.

For those families who struggle to pray together, Chelladurai said to start with the daily rituals of praying before a meal or before children go to bed.

“Family prayer doesn’t have to take too long,” he said. “As families do this frequently, prayer can be a place for families to focus on the opportunity to be together, to express love and support and a place people can turn for strength.”

Dollahite added, “We need to be thoughtful, intentional and mindful how we do prayer in the fabric of our life.”

The article can be found online or accessed through most libraries.

The Family That Prays Together Stays Together … But Why?

The phrase, “The Family That Prays Together, Stays Together” was coined by Venerable Father Patrick Peyton.* And it seems to have been received as a relatively uncontroversial assertion. But I want to ask why this works. Why does the family that prays together stay together? It’s not a magic spell we cast with our formulas. The prayers are a meditation on the life of Christ, and through them, we receive the grace to become more virtuous – better at being a family. Yet, lofty aspirations for virtue aside, there’s a simple reason this works.

In a word: togetherness .

My family started praying the rosary each night during the first year of COVID-19. Even when I was hospitalized, my husband set up a video chat for our rosary. We aren’t always hyper-focused or reverent, but we do cling to the habit like a lifebuoy. As much as anything else, being together during those 30 minutes every day is what changes all our familial interactions. Here are a few reasons why the “family that prays together stays together”:

Many times, I start a rosary angry with someone in my family. I want to stomp up to my room and pray alone, but before the first decade, I’m not able to be angry anymore. I may even start my rosary by telling Jesus that I’m fuming and I have a right to be, but if I choose to go on with the prayer, it’s just lifted from my heart.

Listing those who need our intercession before praying has prompted great conversations, giving my children perspective and gratitude for their health and comforts. We pray for cancer patients, a Minecraft YouTube star struggling with faith, a paraplegic, the elderly, pregnant moms, the President, the pope, the dying and the oft forgotten.

I’ve heard that children are more open to discussing important things in the car or at bedtime. With us, it’s during the rosary. It’s one of the only times we sit and rest without distraction, so our rosary often starts with the children rapidly telling us what’s on their minds or asking questions about all manner of things. We must cut them off in order to start praying, they are so hungry to talk! We have addressed some important issues during this time.

Being together without any distractions has also given us a chance to dote on each other. Once he stops rolling around and finds his calm, my son reaches for my hand or lays his head in my lap. My daughter always asks for a head rub, as does my husband. Many members in my family equate physical touch with love, which has been difficult for me. How can I refuse love during the rosary? It is a war with myself to reach out and give affection when it’s the first time I’ve taken a seat all day, but with the rosary I win that war.

Praying together was the most healing thing we ever did for each other during that difficult time after we lost our baby Sloane at 27 weeks’ gestation. At first, I cried during each rosary. Whatever I had held in all day broke free halfway through. When I cried during the rosary, my husband always knew. My son could tell by my voice. Someone would hug me. My daughter sometimes cried with me, which helped her process her emotions. One night, right after I came home from the hospital, my husband told our children to give me a hug during the rosary. My son started rubbing my back, in the awkward way a six-year-old rubs a back. My daughter massaged my legs. Their care was so healing. Another time, after weeks of not crying about Sloane, I had some flashbacks of the trauma of her birth during our rosary. My husband noticed, sent my son over and, in the silent candlelight, Antony said, “It’s okay mom. You still have me…and Sloane is in heaven.” Then, he curled up in my lap, and I smiled through the tears.

The love and unity that have poured into my family through the rosary is incredible. Give the daily rosary a try or pick it up again if you’ve fallen off. It’s intimidating, but once the habit is formed and the whole family expects it, this devotion will change your home. Beyond grace and spiritual formation, it is simply unifying.

*Venerable Father Patrick Peyton is called “the Rosary Priest” because he dedicated his life to promoting family prayer. He hosted a highly popular radio show, and his guests lead the audience in praying the rosary. He even hosted President Truman and Bing Crosby. Learn more here .

Theoni is the author of The Woman in the Trees (TAN Books), a novel based on a decade of her research on America’s first approved Marian apparition. She has an MA in International Journalism, and before having a family, she travelled to 10 countries, reporting on religion and culture. She homeschools and writes from Houston where she lives with her husband and three children (four in heaven). Theoni is currently finishing a picture book on baby loss for grieving families. Donate to her work here .

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Pope Francis to families: “The family that prays together stays together”

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Pope Francis gives an address to families assembled in Croke Park, Dublin.

On Saturday evening Pope Francis attended the “Festival of Families,” a concert-like event that was held as part of the World Meeting of Families in Dublin, Ireland. The Holy Father watched performances by Riverdance, and Andrea Bocelli, and also listened to testimonies of families from around the world.

Pope Francis then addressed the crowd, speaking to them about various aspects of family life. In particular he highlighted infant baptism, saying, “I keep encouraging parents to baptize their children as soon as possible, so that they can become part of this great family of God.” He further emphasized this by putting aside his prepared remarks to say a few extra words on the topic, explaining that, “if the child is baptized, the Holy Spirit enters his heart” and is stronger than a child who is not baptized.

The Holy Father also encouraged families to say often, “please, thank you and I am sorry.” He specifically pointed out married couples and said to them, “When you quarrel at home, be sure that before going to bed you apologize and say you are sorry.”

Later on in his talk Pope Francis quoted Irish-American priest, Fr. Patrick Peyton, by saying, “The family that prays together stays together.”

Within his address Pope Francis offered his comments on the various families who gave their powerful testimonies and held them up as inspirations to all families around the world.

He concluded his talk by saying, “Good night and rest well! See you tomorrow!”

Below is the full text of the address of Pope Francis:

Dear Brothers and Sisters, good evening!

I am grateful to all of you for your warm welcome. It is good to be here! It is good to celebrate, for celebration makes us more human and more Christian. It also helps us to share the joy of knowing that Jesus loves us, he accompanies us on our journey of life, and each day he draws us closer to himself.

In any family celebration, everyone’s presence is felt: fathers, mothers, grandparents, grandchildren, uncles and aunts, cousins, those who cannot come and those who live too far away. Today in Dublin we are gathered for a family celebration of thanksgiving to God for who we are: one family in Christ, spread throughout the world. The Church is the family of God’s children. A family in which we rejoice with those who are rejoicing, and weep with those who grieve or feel knocked down by life. A family in which we care for everyone, for God our Father has made all of us his children in Baptism. That is one reason why I keep encouraging parents to baptize their children as soon as possible, so that they can become part of this great family of God. We need to invite everyone to the party!

You, dear families, are the vast majority of the People of God. What would the Church look like without you? It was to help us recognize the beauty and importance of family, with its lights and shadows that I wrote my Exhortation Amoris Laetitia on the joy of love, and wanted the theme of this World Meeting of Families to be “The Gospel of the Family, Joy for the World”. God wants every family to be a beacon of the joy of his love in our world. What does this mean? It means that we, who have encountered God’s saving love, try, with or without words, to express it in little acts of kindness in our daily routine and in the most hidden moments of our day.

That is what holiness is all about. I like to speak of the saints “next door”, all those ordinary people who reflect God’s presence in the life and history of our world (cf. Gaudete et Exsultate, 6- 7). The vocation to love and to holiness is not something reserved for a privileged few. Even now, if we have eyes to see, we can see it being lived out all around us. It is silently present in the heart of all those families that offer love, forgiveness and mercy when they see the need, and do so quietly, without great fanfare. The Gospel of the family is truly joy for the world, since there, in our families, Jesus can always be found, dwelling in simplicity and poverty as he did in the home of the Holy Family of Nazareth.

Christian marriage and family life are only seen in all their beauty and attractiveness if they are anchored in the love of God, who created us in his own image, so that we might give him glory as icons of his love and holiness in the world. Fathers and mothers, grandfathers and grandmothers, children and grandchildren: all of us are called to find, in the family, our fulfilment in love. God’s grace helps us daily to live as one in mind and heart. Even daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law! No one said this would be easy. It is like making tea: it is easy to bring the water to a boil, but a good cup of tea takes time and patience; it needs to brew! So it is that each day Jesus warms us with his love and lets it penetrate our whole being. From the treasury of his Sacred Heart, he offers us the grace we need to heal our infirmities and to open our minds and hearts to hear, understand and forgive one another.

We just heard the testimonies of Felicité, Isaac and Ghislain, who are from Burkina Faso. They told us a moving story of forgiveness in the family. The poet says that “to err is human, to forgive divine”. And that is true: forgiveness is a special gift from God that heals our brokenness and draws us closer to one another and to him. Small and simple acts of forgiveness, renewed each day, are the foundation upon which a solid Christian family life is built. They force us to overcome our pride, aloofness and embarrassment, and to make peace. It is true that I like to say that in our families we need to learn three words: “sorry”, “please” and “thank you”. When you quarrel at home, be sure that before going to bed you apologize and say you are sorry. Even if the argument tempts you to sleep in another room, alone and apart, just knock on the door and say: “Please, can I come in?” All it takes is a look, a kiss, a soft word… and everything is back to the way it was! I say this because when families do this, they survive. There is no such thing as a perfect family; without the practice of forgiveness, families can grow sick and gradually collapse.

To “forgive” means to “give” something of yourself. Jesus always forgives us. By the power of his forgiveness, we too can forgive others, if we really want to. Isn’t that what we pray for, when we say the Our Father? Children learn to forgive when they see their parents forgiving one another. If we understand this, we can appreciate the grandeur of Jesus’ teaching about fidelity in marriage. Far from a cold legal obligation, it is above all a powerful promise of God’s own fidelity to his word and his unfailing grace. Christ died for us so that we, in turn, might forgive and be reconciled with one another. In this way, as individuals and as families, we can know the truth of Saint Paul’s words that, when all else passes away, “love never ends”” (1 Cor 13:8).

Thank you Nisha and Ted, for your testimony from India, where you are teaching your children how to be a true family. You have helped us to understand that social media are not necessarily a problem for families, but can also serve to build a “web” of friendships, solidarity and mutual support. Families can connect through the internet and draw nourishment from it. Social media can be beneficial if used with moderation and prudence. For example, all of you gathered for this World Meeting of Families have formed a spiritual network, a web of friendship; social media can help you to maintain this connection and expand it to even more families throughout the world. It is important, though, that these media never become a threat to the real web of flesh and blood relationships by imprisoning us in a virtual reality and isolating us from the very relationships that challenge us to grow to our full potential in communion with others. Perhaps Ted and Nisha’s story will help all families to question whether they need to cut down on the time they spend with technology, and to spend more quality time with one another and with God.

We have heard from Enass and Sarmaad how a family’s love and faith can be a source of strength and peace even amid the violence and destruction caused by war and persecution. Their story reminds us of the tragic situations endured daily by so many families forced to flee their homes in search of security and peace. But they also show us how, starting from the family, and thanks to the solidarity shown by so many other families, lives can be rebuilt and hope born anew. We saw this support in the video of Rammy and his brother Meelad, where Rammy expressed his deep gratitude for the encouragement and help their family received from so many other Christian families worldwide, who made it possible for them to return to their village. In every society, families generate peace, because they teach the virtues of love, acceptance and forgiveness that are the best antidote to the hatred, prejudice and vengeance that can poison the life of individuals and communities.

As a good Irish priest taught us, “the family that prays together, stays together” and radiates peace. In a special way, such a family can be a support for other families that do not live in peace. Following the death of Father Ganni, Enass, Sarmaad and their family chose forgiveness and reconciliation over hatred and resentment. They saw, in the light of the cross, that evil can only be fought by good, and hatred overcome only by forgiveness. Almost incredibly, they were able to find peace in the love of Christ, a love that makes all things new. Tonight they share that peace with us.

The love of Christ that renews all things is what makes possible marriage and a conjugal love marked by fidelity, indissolubility, unity and openness to life. It is what I wanted to celebrate in the fourth chapter of Amoris Laetitia. We see this love in Mary and Damian and their family of ten children. Thank you for your testimony and for your witness of love and faith! You experienced the power of God’s love to change your lives completely and to bless you with the joy of a beautiful family. You told us that the key to your family life is truthfulness. From your story, we see how important it is to keep going back to the source of the truth and the love that can change our lives: Jesus, who began his public ministry at a wedding feast. There, in Cana, he changed water into a new and sweet wine that kept the joyful celebration going strong. So it is with conjugal love. The new wine begins to ferment during the time of engagement, which is necessary but fleeting, and matures throughout marriage in a mutual self-giving that enables spouses to become, from two, “one flesh”. And to open their hearts, in turn, to all those in need of love, especially the lonely, the abandoned, the weak and vulnerable so often discarded by our throw-away culture.

Families everywhere are challenged to keep growing, to keep moving forward, even amid difficulties and limitations, just as past generations did. All of us are part of a great chain of families stretching back to the beginning of time. Our families are a treasury of living memory, as children become parents and grandparents in turn. From them we receive our identity, our values and our faith. We see this in Aldo and Marissa, who have been married for over fifty years. Their marriage is a monument to love and fidelity! Their grandchildren keep them young; their house is filled with laughter, happiness and dancing. Their love for one another is a gift from God, and it is a gift that they are joyfully passing on to their children and grandchildren.

A society that does not value grandparents is a society that has no future. A Church that is not mindful of the covenant between generations will end up lacking the thing that really matters, which is love. Our grandparents teach us the meaning of conjugal and parental love. They themselves grew up in a family and experienced the love of sons and daughters, brothers and sisters. So they are a treasury of experience and wisdom for the new generation. It is a big mistake not to ask the elderly about their experience, or to think that talking to them is a waste of time. Here I would like to thank Missy for her words of witness. She told us that, among travellers, the family has always been a source of strength and solidarity. Her witness reminds us that, in God’s house, there is a place at table for everyone. No one is to be excluded; our love and care must extend to all.

I know it is late and you are tired! But let me say one last thing to all of you. As families, you are the hope of the Church and of the world! God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, created mankind in his image to share in his love, to be a family of families, and to enjoy the peace that he alone can give. By your witness to the Gospel, you can help God’s dream to come true. You can help to draw all God’s children closer together, so that they can grow in unity and learn what it is for the entire world to live in peace as one great family. For this reason, I wanted to give each of you a copy of Amoris Laetitia, which I wrote as a kind of roadmap for living joyfully the Gospel of the family. May Mary our Mother, Queen of the Family and Queen of Peace, sustain all of you in your journey of life, love and happiness! And now, at the conclusion of our evening together, we will recite the prayer for this World Meeting of Families.

Good night and rest well! See you tomorrow!

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Families That Play Together, Stay Together

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This may sound like an oversimplification, but the family that isn’t “working” is the family that isn’t playing together. Playing together is an essential trait of happy, healthy families. Certainly our children need to do their chores, and of course they need discipline with consistency, but what they also need desperately from their parents is a rousing game of hide-and-seek or a monthly Ping-Pong tournament.

A great thing happens to families when they play together: They begin to talk and laugh and lighten up. Family memories are built, inside jokes are shared, and serious moments of intimacy are communicated. Families need special times together to build lifelong memories and to play together.

As most experts will tell you, a family that plays together stays together. But I would add that a family that plays together will also be much more happy and healthy. For many families, play is the missing ingredient that glues the family together. Play can even open closed spirits and heal broken marriages.

We know instinctively that play produces family togetherness and support. We know that when we play together, we have a deeper sense of belonging and community in the family. Parents must proactively work at making a sense of belonging and community one of their key goals for family togetherness.

Playing together as a family may open up the communication lines better than anything else you try, so now is the time to be proactive and create those family fun days and events that provide the catalyst for more effective communication. Do whatever it takes to keep the lines open, even if it means picking up a basketball or going to the park on a regular basis. Playing together and having a good time just may be the safety net you need to make a difference in your child’s life.

Todd Dean is one of my heroes. I’ve known him much of my adult life. He is a talented person with an M.B.A. from Stanford University. At the university, Todd was a gymnast. When I first met him, he was teaching students from my youth group to do a standing backflip. All I could do was think about liability, and yet the kids loved watching him do his incredible flips. He invited me to try a backflip. I made a fool of myself, but he still encouraged me.

Todd married Charlotte. They had two beautiful children, and he had a very high-paying job. Todd’s career was going through the roof. Then tragedy struck: Charlotte died of a brain tumor. Before Charlotte died, Todd had told me he wanted to coach his children’s little league and soccer teams. Because Todd’s career would soon include travel, he had to make some difficult decisions about his career. Todd was making good money, but it wasn’t as important as playing catch with his son or rollerblading with his daughter.

Todd made the decision to quit his high-paying job and become a professor, so he could play more with his kids and coach those teams. His annual salary was cut to what was once his annual expense account. His lifestyle had to change. He doesn’t live in as large a house as he once did, and his car isn’t the same model as some of his Stanford M.B.A. friends; but he is happily coaching his children’s teams. He is now married to a lovely woman named Becky who suffered a similar loss. They have four happy, content, and well-adjusted children who play and interact daily with their dad and mom–who have sacrificed financially to help their family thrive. The benefits of playing together are far more valuable than a big paycheck.

These days, we all live with stresses of a fast-paced life. Playing together is one area of our busy lives that we can pretty easily choose to cut out – in order to make the other areas of our lives easier to manage. Yet, I challenge you: Don’t cut back on playing together. This is one simple area of life that can yield incredible benefits for you and your family.

Printed by permission of HomeWord.  For additional information on HomeWord, visit www.homeword.com .

About The Author

Jim Burns is president of HomeWord and has written books for parents, youth workers, and students. Jim and his wife, Cathy, and their daughters Christy, Rebecca, and Heidi, live in Southern California. Visit www.homeword.com for more. More

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Strengthening the bond: A family that prays together, stays together

“The most important of the Lord’s work that you will ever do will be the work you do within the walls of your own home.”

– President Harold B. Lee

It is true that raising family is no easy task, especially given the limitations and unpredictability of this ‘new normal’.

It is also true that what may have worked for families many years ago, may not stand firm today.

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With these realities in mind, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints saw it fit to share ways in which others can strengthen and protect their family against what they referred to as the bad influences of the world.

One such way, according to the church, is to teach good values.

“Proverbs 22:6 says, ‘Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.’ It’s your responsibility as parents to teach your children good values and principles. Teach them about God and how much He loves them. Teach them that honesty is the best policy. Teach them the Golden Rule, to treat others as they want to be treated.

Clearly defined values help direct a person’s choices. As your children get older, they will face tough challenges. Teach them to hold true to God’s standards regarding sex, drugs, finances, education, etc. You won’t be able to cover every situation they may encounter. What you can do is teach them right and wrong. Explain that every choice, good or bad, has a consequence. Throughout your children’s lives, make sure they know you will love them no matter what and that you will listen carefully when they have questions,” the institution shared in a blog post.

Recommending family nights as a means to strengthen familial bonds, the church shared that on these evenings, families may spend time together, learn the gospel, eat treats, and have fun.

TAILORED TO CHILDREN

These events, according to them, can be tailored to children regardless of age.

Praying, going to church and reading God’s Words completed the list of suggestions presented by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a nontrinitarian, Christian restorationist church.

“As the old saying goes, a family that prays together stays together. God blesses families who pray together, giving them increased peace, love, and harmony in the home. Family prayer is also a great way to help younger children develop the habit of praying on their own. Sometimes busy schedules can make it difficult to pray as a family. But it’s worth the effort. Try choosing a time when you are normally together, such as mealtime or right before bed.

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the family that prays together stays together

English [ edit ]

Proverb [ edit ].

• 2007 , Clyde A. Bonar, Amen, I Say to You : Remember, the family that prays together stays together . Start with routine prayer, like saying a blessing at each meal.
• 2010 , Julie Hanlon Rubio, Family Ethics: Practices for Christians , page 214 : One does not have to read far into any Christian text on prayer to find the affirmation, “ The family that prays together stays together .” Stanley Hauerwas questions the appropriateness of this aphorism, pointing out how an overemphasis on family stability can displace the fundamental role of the church and misconstrue the point of prayer.
• 2011 , Calvin Miller, Letters to a Young Pastor : They will get misty eyed and tell you that they believe families should worship together; after all, “ the family that prays together stays together .”
• 2014 , Melanie E. Brewster, Atheists in America , page 137 : Captured by the adage “ the family that prays together stays together ”— individuals in the United States feel that shared religious beliefs are a glue that strengthen familial bonds and deepen love between relatives.

• English lemmas
• English proverbs
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Idioms Meaning

The family that plays together, stays together

This idiom is used to express the idea that when families spend quality time engaging in activities together, such as playing games, they create strong and lasting bonds.

Examples_sentences

We always have family game night to ensure that the family that plays together, stays together.

My parents always reminded us that the family that plays together, stays together.

The origin of this idiom is unknown, however it has been around for many years.

What does the idiom ‘The family that plays together, stays together’ mean?

What are some examples of activities families can do together?

Some activities families can do together include playing board games, going on hikes, going to the beach, playing sports, and more.

The Secret Power of Sharing Meals Together

• American Families of Faith
• March 15, 2023

When people throughout the world experienced the COVID-19 pandemic and its associated shutdowns, the well-known expression “a family that eats together, stays together” was flipped for many families. T he family that stayed together, ate together was a common occurrence as people experienced various levels of stay-in-place mandates. Most individuals and families were no longer rushing from one activity to the next, grabbing a quick fast-food meal on the way, or even working long shifts outside the home. With less intense schedules, many families were sharing an increased number of meals at home together. Multiple studies conducted over the past twenty years, including several by leading family meals scholar Barbara Fiese , have found that families who eat meals together several times a week are positively impacted physically, emotionally, relationally, and mentally. In particular, a long list of benefits is attributed to children and teens: including better academic performance, higher self-esteem, a greater sense of resilience, lower risk of substance abuse, lower risk of depression, and lower rates of obesity (e.g., Armstrong-Carter & Telzer, 2020 ; Fiese et al., 2012 ). The positive influences of regular family dinners are diverse and significant. Did the previously known benefits of family meals apply to families living through the stress and negative aspects of the Covid-19 pandemic?

Drawing from a journal article recently published in Marriage & Family Review , the present article briefly highlights the reported influences of family dinners on family relationships during the early stages of the COVID-19 pandemic . Due to the extensive data demonstrating the positive influence of family dinners, the BYU-based research team hypothesized that “engaging in regular family dinners will protect against the harmful effects of the COVID-19 pandemic on family relationships.” Many of the 731 adult participants across the United States reported engaging in family meals during the pandemic and described considerably greater levels of emotional closeness. Three central or “core” themes were identified after analyzing the participants’ open-ended reports: (1) Covid-19 Influenced Family Meals, (2) Family Dinners were Valued Time Together, and (3) Family Dinner plus Prayer was a Sacred Time of Grace. 

Theme 1: COVID Influenced Our Family Meals

Although the questions asked of participants never specifically mentioned family dinners, many responses described meals together as a significant outcome of the Covid-19 pandemic. One participant explained, 

We enjoyed having dinner together every night. Normally, we would be rushing to make it to practices or getting home late from practice and/or games, so dinner was rushed, and/or we got to spend very little time together. Since COVID-19 [closures], we have had more quality time spen[t] together.

Another parent reported,

[After COVID hit], we regularly spent time together … cooking and having family dinners regularly. … This allowed us time to sit back and realize the busyness of our lives and appreciate the time we have together.

Others noted that it wasn’t just family dinners that changed, but also breakfast and lunch. One parent said, “We have not eaten out since March 13 th [three-four months]. All meals have been made here at home. We already ate together at every dinner, but now we also share breakfast and lunch.” 

The increased frequency of family meals together was seen by many as an opportunity to strengthen family relationships, enjoy each other’s company, and focus on quality time together. Below are a few excerpts reporting positive changes related to Covid-19:

“We [have] focused on building family relationships with sit-down dinners together.” “[In some ways, COVID] has been very positive for our family time. We eat together and enjoy each other’s company. We are eating more healthy and cooking more.” “[I think that] lots of meal preparation and cooking was good across the board.  This led to lots of quality family time together, including meals together as a practice instead of an exception, as [it was] before [COVID].”

Theme 2: Family Dinner means “Together Time”

The Covid-19 pandemic reportedly reminded many families of the value and importance of time spent together. For many, enjoying family meals together was a chosen activity for “together time.” One participant said, “We just embraced the extra time together. … We cooked better meals, watched movies, and spent more time together .”

Multiple participants described how the pandemic restrictions enabled their family to focus on “ together time ” at home, including this parent: 

During the pandemic, we tried to increase family meal time (both preparing and eating together). We usually try to participate in a family meal at home once a week, or we use going out to eat as a way to get family-together time . Because of the pandemic and restrictions, going out to eat was replaced with eating in and cooking together. The family togetherness … reduced the stress . … We inserted some together time with watching movies together while eating home-cooked meals we prepared together. A positive outcome has been displayed with our oldest son taking a lead role in planning and preparing a family meal. This has reduced parental stress, not only in the planning and prep duties but with a general better outlook on an older … child taking more responsibility towards the family (emphasis added).

One husband explained that shared meals with his wife were an important factor in reducing stress. He said,

[The COVID shutdown] really gave my wife and I much more time to spend together . We were home alone together and … we had time to eat [and] talk … together . … Just being together … reduced our stress.

Theme 3: Family Dinner Plus Prayer – A Sacred Time of Grace

In the predominantly religious (but diverse) sample of participants, a couple of open-ended questions were asked about changes to religious practices. Many of the participants reported that family prayers were an integral part of family meals. In response to a question related to family coping, some participants shared:

“[To cope], we … spend more time together [and] eat together and pray together .” “ We normalize praying together , eating … and having exercise [together], and this really helped us. … [A]lso praying helped us with our mental and emotional health we get to free our minds and share bothering things.” “[To help us get through], we … eat dinner as a family and pray [together]. I think having dinner together strengthen[s] our relationship.”

Other responses that combined family meals with family prayer came from participants who described changes in family practices that were influenced by COVID:

“[Since COVID], we started praying together at meals more consistently. Each of us has our own thoughts about religion and religious practices, but this is a practice that has given us comfort and peace during these unpredictable times. I believe that we will continue to pray together more often as we move forward.”   “A lasting positive way [we have changed from COVID] is more regular prayer with each other. [We now pray] at meal times, in the morning, and also before bed. … [A]nd that will be a lasting positive effect.”

Others described the importance of focusing on both family meals and religious rituals during difficult times. One Jewish parent explained,

“[T]his year, [with COVID difficulties] we made a point of participating in a Passover Seder via Zoom with the extended family—and it felt right and important to do this at this questionable time of human existence.” 

One Catholic parent shared that “grace before meals” was an important factor contributing to familial and religious unity during uncertain times. They said,

The lasting positive effects of the COVID-19 shutdown [are] that my children see that [we] continue to practice our religious practices such as hearing mass on Sundays as well as saying the rosary and Graces before meals. … The COVID-19 shutdown made our family closer since we are together more often. It has reinforced the practice of turning to God and to religion when there is fear and uncertainty, especially when there are things that we cannot solve by ourselves.

The COVID-19 pandemic provided profound challenges but also a potential opportunity for families to focus on shared family meals, quality time together, and associated religious practices. A few years before COVID emerged, John Gottman, renowned psychologist and marriage researcher, noted, “It is a sad fact that less than a third of U.S. families eat dinner together regularly, and more than half of those that do have the television on. This effectively ends conversation during dinner” ( Gottman & Silver, 2015, p. 263 ). As demonstrated by this study’s participant responses, the power of family meals often lies in the relationships and communication that accompany those meals. 

Many valuable lessons were learned as families focused on each other during the stay-in-place mandates that accompanied the pandemic. As we move forward, those remembered lessons—including the vital importance of shared family meals—can continue to enhance relational well-being and the quality of family relationships.

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Loren Marks

David Dollahite

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The Family that Eats Together, Stays Together

“There is the purely simple refreshment of eating good food. There is the nourishment that comes from the communion of the table, the airing of ideas and the fostering of friendships. And there is the poetry of the senses.” [Ruth Reichl, author,   Why Food Matters ]  

Food matters; but, so does the actual dining experience. It is more important for our general sustenance than we can imagine! Dining together helps to satisfy the desires of every heart. [to be heard, to be affirmed, to be loved, to be included, to be chosen, to be safe; and to be touched]. And for these reasons, our most important dinner guests ought to be the family members we live with — from the tiniest to the oldest and everyone in between. While inviting neighbors, or friends, or the parish priest feels much more important, it isn’t. Dinner time matters because of the food we eat. It matters because of the nourishment it provides when being in communion with each other at the table. It matters for the airing of ideas that takes place. It really matters for the feeding of the seven desires of every heart! It matters because of the familial friendships that are forming. But neither should we forget that a poetry of the senses is playing out before us - smell, sight, touch and hearing - and that also matters!  

Unfortunately, too many individual family members eat their meals on the fly! What was once a sacred past-time is altogether becoming forgotten, dismissed or overlooked. We are forgetting what home-cooked meals taste like! Many people already prefer the tasty fast foods; so they keep coming back for more. Who doesn’t love fresh French Fries that are loaded with salts, oils, and flavoring that we just can’t seem to get right when cooking our own at home? Fast foods deliver more punch than made-from-scratch meals; because, the latter are true but more subtle in nature [according to Reichl].  

Eating together matters for so many reasons. Children learn to develop the same eating habits and manners of their parents. If parents have good eating habits; children generally form good eating habits. If parents have terrible eating habits; children imitate their habits. Habits take time to develop; but, once established, they are difficult to change.  

Today, millions of children eat the first meal of the day at school or day care rather than at home. Then, they eat lunch at school or day care. Some even eat dinner at their after school programs. By the end of the day, many children will have had breakfast, lunch and dinner with people who were not their parents or siblings! Hopefully that changed during Covid lockdowns. [Was Covid a slim silver lining in this cloudy eating trend?]  

Parents naturally have less influence over what their children eat and their eating habits if/when they don’t eat regularly with them. Also, parents won’t know how much food their children consume; the quality of their diet; or their children’s food preferences. Finally, they miss out on the emotional connections that are reinforced when communing as a family. The consequences of that will be discussed shortly.  

A decade’s old study compared the effects on adolescents who shared regular mealtimes with their parents and siblings vs. adolescents who did not. I think the percentages would be even lower today if the same study was repeated! The results were as follows. At least seventy-five percent of adolescents younger than fourteen shared at least 5 meals/week with their families; twenty-five percent of this same age group had less than five meals per week with the family. Sixty-one percent of the adolescents between the ages of 15 - 16 years old shared at least 5 meals/week with the family; thirty-nine percent of this age group had less than five meals per week with their family. Forty-two percent of adolescents between the ages of 17 - 19 regularly shared at least 5 meals/week with the family; forty-eight percent of this age group had less than five meals per week with the family. Note the significant decrease in sharing meal times as adolescents mature.  

The study results raised alarm bells; but, didn’t change the separate eating trends. Do you eat regularly as a family?  

The statement of Ruth Reichl [posted at the start of this essay] can help explain why adolescents tend to have more personal problems when they did not eat regular meals with their families. And for these reasons.  

Eating together provides family members the time and opportunity to talk about a wide variety of things. Eating together increases children’s sociability! It allows individuals to throw out their thoughts and ideas; ask questions; share personal stories; argue about things; learn how to settle disagreements amicably; and learn new things. We feel better when we are able to share important details and facts about what’s going on in our lives with people we love. Parents can also use meal times to introduce new foods to their children. Children love having close interactions with all family members! Eating together seems to stop time   — at least for a short while. It allows face to face communication — something that young people need to experience very often — especially today. We feel together when we eat together!  

What else can we learn from eating together? Sharing meals provide parents with the opportunity to teach good table manners to children — especially the younger ones. Some families feed their young children first; so that the adult-meal-time goes smoother. Including these young children, teaching them manners, seems to be a better way, in my opinion. The more often that children are excluded, the more their sociability suffers. Not one of us likes to eat with bad mannered children; but, this changes when parents attend to the problems.  

Children learn about gratitude when eating together. Meals should start and end with giving thanks and praise to God for the food He has blessed us with. Secondly, diners should give thanks to God for their family. Thirdly, family members need to learn to give special thanks to the person[s] who prepared the meal! Fourthly, mealtimes give children the opportunity to learn how to set the table; chop vegetables; serve the food; clear the table; and help wash/load the dishes. These hum-drum chores develop virtue! Truly, the family that learns to eat and pray together, stays stronger together!

Eating together gives parents the opportunity to observe and/or address negative eating habits — including over eating , under eating or picky eating. This matters in an age of eating disorders. When individuals refuse to try new foods; or aren’t given opportunities to try new foods; or just eat the same meal over and over again, foster picky eating habits. Nutritionists teach that every person needs to try a food that he/she dislikes at least twenty different times before ruling it out for good! And, so children can learn to like ‘disgusting’ foods with enough time and opportunity. Years ago, the National Academy of Sciences conducted a study involving parents and children who were selective eaters . The parents were encouraged to invent positive, interesting, or humorous stories about certain foods they [the adults] had hated or despised when they were young. The study concluded that inventing stories about food experiences can change young children’s negative opinions about certain foods. “People swallowed a lie that changed their tastes.” [Is there a False Food Memory Diet? WebMD Medical News, August 2005] Is it time to invent funny stories for your picky eaters? For sure, it's time to kick start the sacredness of sharing meals together.  

Questions to think about:  

• How many meals does your family together each week?  
• Is this your ideal goal? Why/why not?  
• What can you do to change this trend?
• What good eating habits does your family have?  
• What negative eating habits does your family have?  

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Linda Kracht lives in St Paul MN with her husband, Dave. Linda is the founder of Fortifying Families of Faith whose mission is to support, fortify and advocate for parents as they ‘parent against the tide.’

Fortifying Families of Faith fully acknowledges that society comes from families and will only be as strong as the average family. Therefore, it is crucial that society recognizes the importance of the autonomous family. Linda advocates for parent-directed formation of children specifically in three areas: Faith, Morality & Sex Education no matter where they are enrolled academically.

Linda is the author of multiple publications including her current best seller:  Journaling with Sunday Scriptures: A Book for All Seasons. Other publications include; Daughters and Sons Forever. Mothers Forever, Fathers Forever;  Black and White; Surviving College;  and the Art of Breastfeeding. Linda has also written many articles on a wide variety of topics for parents to support them in their role as lay priest prophet and king of their christian families. Linda’s  experience with parenting her own seven children forged her dedication to writing and teaching about matters that pertain to marriage and family life. For more information about Linda, Fortifying Families of Faith, her articles, online materials, and parent programs please visit www.fortifyingfamiliesoffaith.com.